The Heroes Parody Project
Season 5
Chapter 12
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. Reader Discretion is advised.
The big city! Bright lights! Bright people! Bright places! Bright things! Bright schools where one can learn different adjectives other than BRIGHT!
A bus pulls up as Niki makes her way out.
A place where dreams come true! Especially for one former Internet Stripper with a heart of gold!
Niki: HEY! I've done other things! Jerk…
She starts walking. She suddenly appears holding many shopping bags.
Niki: I've got shopping to do!
Woman: HEY! THAT WOMAN JUST STOLE MY BAGS!
Niki grabs a knife and fork, ready to cut into her steak at a fine restaurant.
Niki: I've got fine wining and dining to do!
Niki is having trouble cutting into the steak.
Niki: What is this? Rubber?!
Niki grabs the steak with both hands and chomps down, pulling as hard as she can.
Niki: GRRRRRRR!
RRRIIIIPPP!
Niki exits her Dentist Appoint….with BRAND NEW TEETH!
Niki: I've got new pearly whites to show off!
The sun starts to set.
Niki: …..Oh crap! I haven't found a place to live yet!
Niki runs over to a random home and lets herself in.
Niki: I've got HOMES to break into!
The next day, Niki starts looking for a new place to live. She goes to a new house to meet her specialists, The Property Brothers!...Peter and Nathan Petrelli.
Niki: Oh my god! WHY, LIFE!? WHY!?
Peter: Niki! You've chosen the right brothers….hey…Get it? Right Brothers? As in "Wright Brothers"….you know…the ones that did….planes stuff.
Nathan: Not following you, Pete.
Peter: Great! Anyway, you won't be disappointed. We will find you a wonderful home and fix it right up for you.
Niki: What do you mean "fix it right up"!? I want to move into an already ready already house! If you need money, I can get you money. I didn't steal all those bags of clothes with my good looks, you know.
Nathan: Well, it's kinda what we do. And there are no realtors free this weekend.
Niki: ...no free realtors? Every Realtor in the universe is busy today?!
Peter: Yup! It's house hunting season! But fortunately for you, you got US on your side.
Niki (sarcastic): Yay?….
Peter and Nathan walk Niki over to a giant tree garnished with many rolls of toilet paper.
Peter: Our first house is made of lovely Oak, and has a beautiful view of….that fence….right over there.
Niki: This tree has been teepee'd to death with toilet paper…..and where is the house?
Peter: Uh….
Peter points to the tree as if Niki is a crazy person.
Peter (to Nathan): I literally just explained the house to her.
Niki: You expect me to live in a tree!? What's wrong with you?! I'm not a Keebler Elf!
Peter: You're not?! Hmm. That's probably something one would put on their application before hiring The Property Brothers. Let's mark off this house then….and this one, this one, this one, this one….this one…..(flips a page)….this one….this one, this one
Niki: GRR!
Nathan: Our next house is this extravagant house boat on the lake, overlooking the nice cherry tree that SOMEONE is too good to move into.
Peter: Preach!
Niki: I'm not really a boat person…though this is kinda nice.
Niki walks into the next room and sees a giant pool.
Niki: Whoa! A pool that's INSIDE a house boat?! A little unnecessary since we're surrounded by water but it's VERY fancy. I like it!
Peter: Oh, that's not a pool…that's the lake.
Niki: What?
Niki notices water rising past her ankles.
Niki: OH MY GOD! THIS SHIP IS SINKING!
Peter: Of course its sinking! But, what's great about this place is that the lease is only for another hour until the boat completely submerges underwater. Great for non-committal types. We do have an extended lease option if you want to continue living in the boat, but we don't really recommend that unless you're a fish. Are you a fish?
Niki (gritting teeth): ….no.
Peter: Okay! So…sign here!
Niki: I'm not living in a sinking house boat!
Nathan: That's okay, we still have our third and final house.
Niki: May I remind you, that you have YET to show me an actual house! I am here, in the BIG CITY, trying to further my career of being a former Internet Stripper, and I DEMAND AN AWESOME PLACE TO LIVE! And furthermore….-blub- -blub- -blub- -blub- -blub-….
The boat completely submerges underwater.
Peter and Nathan bring Niki to a house.
Niki: WOW! This is probably the most beautiful house I've ever seen! AHH! I WANT TO SEE INSIDE!
Niki runs toward the house as fast as she can. She quickly discovers that the house is just painted on a giant wall that sits right off the highway. Niki slams into it before falling to the ground.
SMACK!
Peter and Nathan: OOOOOHHH! (They look away)
Peter: She's going to feel that tomorrow.
Niki (on the ground): AHHH! I ran into it teeth first! I need a dentist!
Later, Niki storms out of the Dentist office and wraps her hands around Peter's neck.
Peter: GRRK!
Niki: Get me a house…now!...or DIE!
Peter: I….have….the….perfect….house…grrrrrrk…..
Niki storms off.
Nathan: Pete, we're out of houses.
Peter: It's okay….I have one more ace up my sleeve.
Niki wakes up in her new bed in her new house.
Niki: Ahhh….what a wonderful night's sleep! I think I'm going to like it here.
Angela Petrelli walks in, carrying laundry.
Angela: Wake up, Peter, I made your Micky Mouse Pancakes for y….
She turns to see Niki in the bed.
Niki: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….
Angela: JEZEBEL!
Angela grabs a broom and starts batting Niki with it.
Niki: ACK!
Angela: GET! SCAT! SHOO!
Niki: AHHH!
Niki is on a bus leaving the big city. The world is her oyster. BRIGHT LIGHTS! BRIGHT PEOPLE! BRIGHT….
Niki: Oh, shut up!
The bus drives away, on the side it says:
Previously On Heroes
Edgar (to Claire): This Universe is one of many. A parallel universe. The true universe, called "The Canon Universe" will collide into ours, ripping us apart. You must stop it by completing the final act, the last major moment of the Canon Universe to snap us to a new timeline…it's the only way we can be saved.
Claire makes her way to the Carnival, leaping from the Ferris Wheel. Right before hitting the ground, everything starts being bathed in light. One by one, Daphne and D.L disappear from the Taxi outside the school, Nathan disappears from the sky, and Elle disappears from the driver's seat of the Company Van, sending it into a wreck. Micah, Niki, and Hiro get pulled into a portal where Peter and Matt are on the other side.
Angela (to Bob): I had a strange dream of the future, you're coming with me.
Angela and Bob make their way to a time machine. Micah, Niki, Hiro, Peter and Matt also end up in the future where Angela and Bob are agents of B.I.E.B.E.R, an organization bent on imprisoning people with abilities.
Ben and Chloe (meeting Micah at his school).
Benjamin: You have to find a way to get to the future to save us. Linderman is the leader of the organization.
Angela: The question is…is it the Daniel Linderman we know or someone in his bloodline?
Angela and Bob are shocked to find a young looking Linderman dead at his desk.
Chloe: He's not the one from your time. You need to get out of here now.
Angela and Bob rescue Micah from imprisonment, Chloe gets killed by Daniel Linderman. They meet up with Ben in the parking garage and escape the compound, in pursuit by other agents.
Nathan and Elle wake up in an unknown place.
Elle: The afterlife, huh? Well…we'll need to do something about that.
A mysterious figure in armor stops them.
Gatekeeper: I am the Gatekeeper, you need to go into the beyond, you do not belong here.
Nathan: We have to go back….I'll make a deal with you.
Gatekeeper: I'll accept your terms, but first you must hunt down seven souls that did not make it into the beyond. Then you will be able to return. It is the only way.
Nathan and Elle reach the location of the first soul.
End Previouslies
Elle: AND IT'S GOING GREAT!
Elle and Nathan
The Afterlife
Elle and Nathan are stuck behind their car while their target is firing a nonstop barrage of bullets from his rifle.
Nathan: Seriously, what kind of magic gun is that?! He's been shooting for 15 minutes! How has he not had to reload yet!?
Elle: Well, we need to think of something quick. I have Ice Cream melting in the backseat!
Nathan: When did you get…whatever…stand up and try to reason with him.
Elle: Stand up?...Stand up to the man who is STILL firing bullets at us? Do you WANT me to turn into Swiss Cheese? He'll run out of bullets eventually.
Nathan: Well, we can't stay here forever. Think of something! Can't you…lightning or something?
Elle: Lightning or something?! It has a name!
Nathan: ….is does?
Elle: Of course it does!
Nathan: ….are….you going to tell me what it is?
Elle: I…..I don't think you deserve to know…..I don't even think I know who you are anymore (sniff)…..I think we should see other people.
Nathan: WHAT?!
Elle: Don't worry….there's plenty of fish in the sea….so I'll be okay. I don't know what you're going to do, though.
Nathan: I'm so confused.
Peter Petrelli and Friends
The Year 2244 – On The Road
A B.I.E.B.E.R van flies by and speeds down the road. Several other vans are not too far behind.
Niki pulls her head in from the window.
Niki: We need to do something about that! If they catch us, we're never going home.
Benjamin (driving): Try looking and seeing if there are any weapons under the seat.
Matt: Hiro, can you just teleport us away?
Hiro: No, we still have those power disabling chips implanted in us. I can't time travel but if I had the chip removed I could teleport us somewhere else.
Matt: Then let's get that chip out!
Hiro: UHHH…
Matt stops and turns to Niki.
Matt: Actually, Niki? When you were going all "King Kong" back at the facility…..
Niki: Urge to kill, rising…..Your point?
Matt: Weren't you just using your ability?
Niki: Well, I was mostly upset about having dirty underwear slung in my face….
Peter: An opportunity anybody would kill for. Just sayin.
Niki: But I guess I was stronger than before. I can't imagine I….
Niki looks at her wrist, the gaping hole where the chip used to be.
Niki: AHHHH! WHEN DID I DO THAT!?
Matt: You probably forgot you ripped out your own power disabling implant in your twilight Jekyll Hyde moment.
Niki: I'm bleeding everywhere! I can't believe I didn't even notice. Somebody find a band-aid or something!
Matt: Great, so if the implant can be easily removed. We just need to rip out Hiro's! Then we can escape!
Hiro: You're doing who what to the WHAT NOW!?
Niki: Still bleeding.
Benjamin: Oh man, we're losing it fast. We're not going to make it.
Niki: Don't worry about me, I'm a tough cookie.
Benjamin: Hm? No, they shot our gas tank and now we're hemorrhaging gas.
Niki: Oh…..well that's equally not good.
= = =HEROES= = =
The B.I.E.B.E.R van drive by a billboard that reads:
Chapter Twelve "Futuretives"
Matt, Peter, Micah, Hiro, Bob and Angela are sitting in the van as Niki makes her way to Benjamin in the driver's seat. She watches the needle of the gas gauge slowly go down.
Niki: We're losing gas! And I'm still losing blood.
Peter: Got you covered.
Peter bandages her arm.
Niki: What is this?
Peter: Matt was nice enough to offer up his underwear to use as a bandage!
Niki: …
Peter: …
Niki: …
Peter: ….uhh…
Niki suddenly explodes into a million pieces. The van's windows shatter as the vehicle veers off the road and into the lake.
Peter: Niki!
Niki (snapping out of her daydream): I'm sorry….what happened?
Peter: I said Matt used his underwear as a bandage!
Niki: …..
Benjamin: We have to lighten us this van! Now!
Matt: Me and Peter will sacrifice ourselves to lighten up the van!
Peter: Right!
Matt and Peter jump to their deaths. Pierce Brosnan makes his way to the front seat.
Pierce: Niki Sanders, what you did back there was incredibly noble. Will you marry me right now?
Niki: Yes! Take me, James Bond!
Pierce: That actually isn't my….
Niki: Don't ruin this for me!
Pierce: Quick, we have to escape!
Pierce holds Niki close to him as they attempt to hang glide out of the moving van.
Niki is relaxing at her luxurious waterfall castle. Peter and Matt are fanning her off with leaves.
Peter: Wait…is this a castle on a waterfall or a castle made entirely of waterfalls? I'm so confused.
Niki: Don't worry about it!
Matt: Didn't we just die like, two seconds ago?
Niki opens a letter she had sitting on the table.
Niki (reading): Dearest Niki, I have been hiding a terrible secret from you. I'm actually a bomb and I'm going to blow myself up so I won't have to hurt you. Please leave and get as far away as possible!? WHAT THE!?
Niki looks for the date.
Niki: This letter was dated three days ago! Why didn't I get this sooner!?
Matt and Peter: Judge Judy Marathon.
The Castle Explodes. Later at the hospital, Matt and Peter were by Niki's bedside.
Doctor: I'm sorry to say that the burns have affected 99% of her body.
Matt: I can't help but feel this is somehow Judge Judy's fault.
Peter: I just don't understand how she got so burned in a castle made entirely of waterfalls!
Doctor: The good news is we can replace all her skin.
He pats Matt on the back.
Doctor: This generous young man has donated ALL of his underwear for us to work with!
Matt: Now I don't have to do laundry! YAY!
Niki screams and leaps out of the front seat of the van, she jumps to Matt and starts strangling him.
Matt: AHHHH! Don't choke me! I just took a bite out of my burrito and it didn't go down yet!
Benjamin: We have to think of something. We won't last much longer, then they'll be able to catch up to us!
Peter looks out the window and sees a car driving ahead of them.
Peter: Get up to that car over there….I have an idea.
Nathan and Elle
The Afterlife
RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
Nathan and Elle are still stuck behind their car as their target continues to fire bullets.
Nathan: I'm officially convinced he has some sort of magic gun with infinite bullets.
Elle: Well, we're not getting anywhere unless we make a move.
Nathan: I offered for you to stand up.
Elle: I'm not going to be your human shield. We just need to lull him into a false sense of security.
Nathan: And how propose we do that?
Elle: We need to make him think we're surrendering. Quick, give me your underwear and I'll make it into a white flag.
Nathan: You can't do that!
Elle: Sure I can! You're wearing white boxers. I can totally work with that.
Nathan: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!
Elle: Oh, stop being dramatic. Here….
Elle pops up and rips off one of the car's windshield wipers.
Elle: Here is our stick! Aaaand….
Elle reaches for Nathan's side near his belt line. She grabs a hold of his underwear and rips.
Nathan: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Elle: Oh, stop being such a baby. I used to rip tablecloths from dinner parties all the time when I was in college. I know what you're thinking, "Super Cute AND Talented?! How DOES she do it?". Well, it does involve a LOT of money.
Nathan: You've had work done?
Elle: That's right. Found the best surgeon in the country who specializes in full head transplants! You see, this isn't my original head! Isn't that amazing!?
Nathan: I find that extremely unsettling. Anyway, weren't you doing something?
Elle: Oh right, the surrender.
Elle puts Nathan's underwear on the windshield wiper and waves it in the air. The gunfire stops.
Elle: HE FELL FOR IT! HE ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT!
Nathan: Yeah, why don't you continue screaming that at the top of your lungs so he'll figure out our plan.
Back on the road, Niki and Peter are looking out the window.
Niki: Sooo…what are you planning here?
Peter: We need gas don't we? I say we siphon that guy's gas.
Niki: From the guy in that car who is ALSO speeding down the road….okay, good luck!
Peter: Since I'm doing the siphoning. Someone needs to distract the driver.
Matt: Leave that to me!
Niki: Uh oh.
Benjamin: So what's the plan?
Peter: Get as close to that car as possible. Matt will distract the driver while I siphon their gas.
Benjamin: Okay.
The Van makes its way over to the car slightly ahead of them. It pulls up to the Driver's side. Matt (in the passenger's seat), rolls down his window and flags the driver. The driver rolls his window down.
Matt: HEY!
Driver: Are you talking to me?
Matt: Yes!
Driver: What do you want?
Matt holds a jar of Dijon mustard out the window.
Matt: Excuse me sir, do you have any Grey Poupon?
Driver: Uh….no….but you do? You're holding the jar in your hand.
Matt: …OH CRAP! I knew I wasn't cut out for this. My parents were right, I'm never going to amount to anything!
Niki throws him aside.
Niki: Move it! I'll get this.
Niki: HI! WE'RE LOST!
Driver: Uh…
While this is going on, Peter starts to slowly open the sliding door on the side of the van. The door slips through his fingers and slams open, unhinging from the van. He watches the door tumble back behind them.
Peter: I'm sure that's an easy fix. Hiro! Hand me that hose will you?
Niki is still talking to the driver to the driver.
Niki: Okay….aaaand…GO!
Driver: Let's see….Z…Y…X…W….AHH! I can't do it! You can't say the Alphabet backwards! It's impossible.
Niki: Come on! Try it! If you succeed I'll let you go on a date with me.
Matt: Niki, bear in mind we're coming up on a bridge. Don't try anything that would risk us losing the guy.
Niki's fist shoots right into Matt's face. WHAP!
Matt: OW! My brain! I'm not supposed to get nose bones in it! Oooofff….
Peter leans out the van and opens the gas tank, sneaking the hose down in it. He tries to suck gas from the tank.
Peter: Hmmm….nothing's coming out.
Niki: What?
Peter: I'm not getting any gas!
Niki turns her attention back on the driver.
Niki: Hi again! How much gas do you have right now?
Driver: I'm dead on empty! Why do you ask?
Niki: DAMMIT! This has just been a huge waste of time. Everyone back in, we need to think of a plan B.
The guy's car starts to slow down.
Driver: What about our date?!
The van drives off.
Niki (riding away): I think we should see oooother peeeoooppleeeee….(gone)
Back in the afterlife. Elle comes back, smiling.
Nathan: What happened?
Elle: I convinced him to leave! Soul Number One has officially moved off into the beyond.
Nathan: Really!? How did you accomplish that?!
Elle: I talked to him and cut him a deal!
Nathan: What kind of deal?
Elle: He really dug your underwear. You know, those white ones I ripped from you. So I gave it to him!
Nathan: EW! You gave him my underwear!?
Elle: Relax, it was a trade! See, I traded it for his! Now put these puppies on and go strut your stuff. GASP! We can have a Dead Guy Fashion Show!
Nathan: DOUBLE EW! I'M NOT WEARING THAT GUY'S USED UNDERWEAR!
Elle: I'm sure we can wash them at an afterlife Laundromat or something. GAWD! You have done nothing but complain this entire trip. Next time I'm leaving you at home.
Nathan: PLEASE DO!
Elle: Okay, our next target is number two.
Nathan: Since you're doing so well at this you can take this one. I'll get the next one.
Elle: RIGHT!
A guy runs up.
Guy: Hey, where did Derrick go!?
Elle: I think he just went into the beyond.
Guy: That guy still owes me money! I'm going after him.
The Number Two Soul goes into the beyond.
Elle: Well, that was easy!
Elle scratches the name off the list.
Elle: Your turn!
Nathan: DAMMIT!
Back in the Van.
Benjamin: Not to cause any alarm, but we only have half a tank left.
Niki: Well, what do we do now?
Matt: Look! A phone!
Matt picks up the van's phone.
Matt: We can call for help! Someone can bring us gas!
Niki: Who do you think you're going to call to help us?
Matt: "You Want It? We'll Deliver It To Your Exact Location No Questions Asked!"
Niki: Uh…what?
Matt: You've never heard of "You Want It? We'll Deliver It To Your Exact Location No Questions Asked!". It's the coolest thing! If you want it, anything, they'll deliver it to your exact location no questions asked!
Niki: That's the name of the business?
Matt: Yup!
Niki: It's a little wordy.
Peter: Hold on, anything I want?
Matt: They'll deliver it!
Hiro: It doesn't matter where we are?
Matt: Your exact location!
Bob: They won't have a problem delivering to us?
Matt: No questions asked!
Angela: What is this called again?
Matt: "You Want It? We'll Deliver It To Your Exact Location No Questions Asked!"
Niki: OKAY! WE GET IT!
A young girl runs up to her mother.
Girl: Mommy! I dropped my dolly in the dirt and it exploded into a million pieces!
Mother: Looks like you'll need a new doll. I need help!
A delivery person runs up and hands the girl a doll.
Delivery Man: Here you go, little girl! A brand new doll!
Girl: AHH! Mommy, this doll's head is spinning! I think its possessed by the forces of darkness!
Mother: Thanks, "You Want It? We'll Deliver It To Your Exact Location No Questions Asked!"
Niki: Has that mother and her child been in this van with us this entire time!?
Micah makes his way to the front seat.
Micah: Hey, so about Chloe…
Benjamin: Really, it's okay. All that matters is getting you guys back home.
Micah: But…what about your future? Before we needed to change it for you guys…but now that the Universe split has happened….
Benjamin: Yeah…it's okay. We'll all be reborn in the new universe.
Micah: And Generation Twelve-Welve…
Benjamin: It's pronounced….ugh, forget it. Yeah, I believe when our time comes around again, we'll be back in action. I can promise you that.
Matt: Got it!
Niki: Got what?
Matt: The Gas! Thanks, "You Want It? We'll Deliver It To Your Exact Location No Questions Asked!"
Niki: How…?
Matt: Since Peter tried last time and failed and I'm much too tired after your James Bond fantasy, I'm leaving this to you.
Niki: Uh huh.
Meanwhile, back in the afterlife. Nathan and Elle are wearing parkas while standing in front of a giant hotel made of ice.
Nathan (flipping through the script): Okay, just making sure I read that right.
Elle: OOOOOH! I've never been to an Ice Hotel! How fun! I'm ready to ditch these bags.
Nathan: How do you have bags already with you? We just got this assignment.
Elle: Bag store. Duh.
Nathan: Of course.
Nathan and Elle make their way in. The Clerk welcomes them.
Clerk: Hi! Welcome to the Luxurious Ice Hotel. Just two?
Elle: Yes, with two beds please. But can you make them face each other. I like to have foot fights before I go to sleep.
Clerk: Consider it done!
Nathan rolls his eyes.
Clerk: Now, we have our restaurant open until 10:30, the bar stays open until 2am. If you can, we have nightly stage performances every night at 8, we would love for you to join us for that. Then, if you make your way to the 43rd floor, we have the most relaxing spa, complete with mud baths, massage, and cold steam rooms.
Nathan: Cold Steam!? That doesn't sound very relaxing.
Elle: Who cares!? I can't wait to get started.
Clerk: Great, here is your room key. And please, enjoy your stay.
Elle: We will!
Elle and Nathan are making their way down the hall to the Ice Elevator.
Elle: Room 64D. That's floor 64! Here we go!
Nathan: 64 floors!? That's a little ridiculous.
Elle and Nathan make their way up to the 64th floor.
Nathan: The top floor, ugh….I'm getting dizzy.
Elle: How do you have heights issues? You fly!
Nathan: Simple, I just don't look at the ground.
Elle: Wait…what? But….how do you know where to land?
Nathan: I close my eyes and just lower my altitude until I'm close to the ground.
Elle: That's so stupid! How do you know how far you're up if you never looked down! You could splat into the ground, or crash into something like a Billboard, or a Silo!
Nathan: A Silo!? I'm pretty sure I'd avoid farms.
Elle: But you're not…forget it. I'm not letting you ruin my trip.
Nathan: This isn't a trip, remember? We're here for work.
Elle: Yeah, yeah….
Elle opens the door to their room.
Elle: It's breathtaking.
Nathan: …Uh….everything is made of ice.
Elle: What was your first clue. It's the ICE! HOTEL!
Nathan: I didn't think they meant the beds too! How are we supposed to sleep on those things!
Elle: Oooh, someone was born rich. When I was a kid we had to sleep on these things!
Nathan: Why did you have to sleep on ice? Surely the floor would have been…wait a minute, you're dad turns things into gold! How were you not rich!?
Elle climbs into the ice bed.
Elle: Ahh…just like old times. I want to order room service.
Elle opens the menu.
Elle: Mmm….so many delicious looking things on here. They're all made out of ice, but they at least look good.
Nathan climbs into his bed.
Nathan: So…how are we going to find this next guy?
Elle: We can ask the clerk. Maybe he saw someone suspicious. I doubt it since this whole world is a ghost town.
Nathan: ….Wait a minute…..
Elle: Oh my gosh….How did I not see it before….
Nathan and Elle both shoot up in their beds.
Nathan: THE CLERK IS THE TARGET!
Elle: LET'S STEAL ALL THEIR CRAP!
Nathan: What?
Elle: Uh…err….what you said…..Let's go to Target….?
Nathan: No, that guy! The clerk! He's the third soul!
Elle: Can I at least order room service first?
Nathan: No! Let's go!
Nathan and Elle hop out of their beds and immediately slip, falling on the ground.
Elle: Oh….precious back fat…why weren't you there for me when I needed you most?
Nathan: Yeah, I can't move.
Nathan and Elle make their way to the elevator.
Elle: The elevator's out! This day can't get any worse. At least I have the Winter Formal to look forward to tonight. Just as long as my boyfriend doesn't stand me up.
Elle's phone rings. Elle turns away to answer it.
Elle: Hi Johnny!...What!? You're dumping me for someone more bubbly and super cute?! You can't! That would make me sad! WHAT?! You're doing it anyway!?
Elle hangs up and turns back to Nathan, mascara is running down her face.
Elle (sobbing): -Sniff- Johnny just dumped me! Waaaah!
Nathan: How do you have mascara running down your face? You weren't wearing any.
Elle (still sobbing): These are my tears!
Nathan: Oh my god! You need to get that checked! Yeeesh!
Back in the van, Niki is tying a rope around her waist.
Niki: You know, I wouldn't have to do this if someone wasn't a sissy and would let me just rip his implant out.
Hiro: No! It'll hurt!
Niki: Well, it's going to happen eventually! We have to get home, you know!
Hiro: Let me think about it.
Niki: Okay, hand me the gas tank.
Peter hands the gas tank to Niki who makes her way out of the opening of the van, the door previously being flung off.
Niki, holding onto a ledge on top of the van, shimmys over to the gas tank. She flings the can on top of the van and uses her free hand to open the van's gas tank, she then reaches up to grab the portable gas tank and starts to fill up the van. A shot rings out as Niki notices a bullet hole in the tank she's holding.
Niki: OH COME ON!
Niki manages to make it back inside.
Micah: Mom, you did it!
Niki: Yes I did. We're saved!
Benjamin: The car is starting to steer funny….I think they just shot out our tires.
Niki: Of course they did!
Matt: I'm on it. Niki, I'll get them to deliver us new tires. It's up to you to change them.
Niki: Are you out of your freaking mind?! I can't change tires on a van while its speeding down the road! I'll get myself killed!
Matt: Well, you will with THAT attitude!
Benjamin: I'm losing control! We're going to crash!
The van barrels off the road into a ditch.
CRASH!
Niki: Ow…dammit….is everyone okay?
Everyone else in the van starts to let out a groan. Niki works her way back to the front seat. She stops dead in her tracks to see Benjamin start to disappear.
Niki: UHHHH…what…what is this?
Benjamin: I don't know…It looks like I'm….fading?
Micah hurries up to the front.
Micah: What's happening?
Benjamin: I think that perhaps this universe is starting to deteriorate.
Niki: De-what-now?!
Micah: I don't understand. We're part of a completely separate timeline. If anything that happened in the present…
Benjamin: Nothing is currently happening in the present because you guys aren't there yet. It's holding the universe back. But even though we're a separate universe we're not attached to a timeline…I think we're starting to erase from existence without a timeline to exist in.
Niki: That sounds bad!
Benjamin: If you guys don't get home….I can't imagine what will happen. You might get erased….are just be in limbo forever. You're current timeline might stay frozen forever!
Niki: That equally sounds bad!
Benjamin: You have to run before Linderman's men catch you! If you don't get out soon, you might never be able to. Micah, I'm glad I was able to meet you. Maybe we'll meet again in the other universe.
Micah: I'm sure of it!
Benjamin: Now hurry! All of you! You have to leave!
Niki and the others start getting out of the van. Matt, being the last one off, falls through the floor of the van as it starts to disappear.
Matt: OOF!
Niki and the others watch as Benjamin and the van completely disappear.
Micah: Wow….it's completely gone.
Niki: We have to move…..It looks like there's a small town up ahead.
Niki looks at Hiro.
Niki: And we're getting that damn implant out.
Hiro: EEP!
Back at the Ice Hotel, the Clerk is running down the hallway with perfect traction as the floors are also made of ice. Nathan and Elle slowly slide around the corner.
Nathan: HOW IS HE DOING THAT!?
Elle: Those must be some crazy slip resistant shoes! I would kill for a pair of those.
Nathan: We're never going to catch him at this rate.
Elle: I know! Nathan, I need you to push me!
Nathan: Push you…? What are you talking about?
Elle: Give me a hard push and I'll glide after him.
Nathan: I physically cannot do that while on ice.
Elle: Uh, HELLO!? You can fly for the hundredth time. Do your little floaty thing and push me to the perp!
Nathan: My little floaty thing?!
Elle: Yes, chop, chop!
Nathan levitates in the air.
Nathan: Oh yeah, this is much easier.
Elle: Hi, Ho, Silver! AWAY!
Nathan: Ugh….
Nathan grabs Elle's shoulders and flies/pushes her across the ice.
Elle: WEEEEEEE! THIS ISN'T AS FUN AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!
Back in the alternate future. Niki and the others find an abandoned clinic. They head inside.
Niki: Okay, Linderman's men…Linder…men's men…Linderman's…men….That feels weird saying that….Linderman's….Goons! Yeah, that will work. They're not far behind.
Hiro: So…how is this going to work?
Niki: We'll try to find some pain medicine….meanwhile, I'm going to find something I can use to dig in there and get that implant out.
Hiro: Oh, how pleasant.
Angela and Bob walks up.
Angela: We looked around, we couldn't find any pain killers, but we have a ton of scalpels…
Niki: Wonderful, hand me one.
Hiro: EEEK!
Niki: Relax, Hiro. You're going to feel a small pinch….followed by a HUGE ONE!
Hiro: AHHH! NO! GET BACK!
Niki: Hiro! We need that implant out so you can get us back home or we're done for! You need to suck it up!
Hiro: You can't expect me to use my concentration to perform a mass teleport when I'm writhing in pain!
Niki: Well, crap, I guess he has a point.
Matt: Don't worry, Niki. I got this.
Matt puts his hand on Hiro's shoulder. He squints his eyes.
Niki: Uh…are you attempting to use powers? You know you have an implant to, right?
Matt: Oh, I picked mine out hours ago.
Niki: WHAT!?
Matt: Yeah, I thought it was a scab and popped that puppy right out of there.
Hiro: I feel faint.
Matt: Hiro…..listen to me…..You are going to let Niki take your implant out.
Hiro: Okay…..
Niki: Yes! Okay, here we go. Um….can you…do something about the pain?
Matt: Oh, right…..Hiro, Niki is going to take out your implant…and you will feel no pain at all. Just look at me, focus your concentration. You will feel nothing.
Hiro: I will feel nothing. Go right ahead.
Niki takes the scalpel and starts cutting into Hiro's arm.
Matt: Just focus...keep your concentration…just…OOH! A BUTTERFLY!
Hiro (breaking out of the hypnosis): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Niki: MATT!
Matt: Oh, sorry! Hiro…you do not feel pain. How do you feel?
Hiro: I feel fine.
Matt: Just stay focused on me.
Peter taps Matt on the arm.
Peter: Hey, man, did you catch Game Of Thrones? It was crazy!
Matt: No I didn't, don't spoil it for me!
Hiro: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Niki: DAMMIT MATT!
Matt: Oh, right. Hiro…you are a sprig of water, in a bed of oysters…completely relaxed.
Niki shoots Matt a confused look then immediately continues to dig for it.
Niki: Got it!...What's a sprig of water?
Niki removes the implant and bandages up his arm.
Niki: Okay, let him go.
Matt: Um…what about the whole "pain" thing?
Niki: Oh, right. Just…keep him pain free for a while. We need to get out of here.
Matt: Okay…Hiro, you have your free will…but you need to still be impervious to pain until we get back…then you can just yell your little head off.
Hiro: Telling me to be pain free contradicts my free will. I cannot comply.
Niki: What did you do, turn him into a robot?
Matt: Of course not!
Hiro: Beep! Boop!
Matt: Maybe a little.
Niki: Oh, for the love of….tell him to be pain free and make with the teleporting.
Outside, Linderman's group starts flooding the town. They begin to kick in doors to many of the abandoned buildings.
Niki: They're making their way here! Hurry, Matt!
Matt: Hiro….You will be pain free…and you will teleport us through time and space back to our universe…the one that was just reborn.
Hiro: Everyone form a teleportation circle!
Matt: I think that means hold hands! Let's do this, people!
Niki: You'd think he'd have the power to do this without…whatever.
Everyone joins hands in a circle.
Matt (next to Niki) : I can't wait to get back home and finally wash my hands!
Niki: EW!
Hiro scrunches his face while Niki looks over out the window as buildings begin to disappear. A guard bursts in and holds up a gun. He disappears, as the gun falls to the floor.
Niki: Goodbye, alternate future….you were most unpleasant.
The group teleports away.
Back at the Ice Hotel.
Nathan is sweating as he is beginning to tire pushing Elle.
Nathan: We need to think of something else, I think my face sweat is starting to freeze.
Voice: SOMEONE! HELP! I FELL AND BROKE MY LEG!
Elle: YAY! Nathan, did you hear that!? He's totally incapacitated! We can send him into the beyond and move onto target number four!
Nathan: Yippie.
Elle: We're on our way!
Elle and Nathan reach a stairwell and find the clerk at the bottom.
Clerk: No! Stay back! I don't want you to send me!
Elle: Why would he assume we're trying to do that?
Nathan: Probably because as soon as we entered the lobby you started shouting it from the top of your lungs. Discretion really isn't your specialty isn't it?
Elle: WE'RE GOING TO SEND THE CRAP OUT OF HIM!
Clerk: AHHHH!
Nathan: Ugh….
They make their way downstairs to the clerk.
Elle: Hey, sorry, buddy. But it's the boss' orders. You can't stay here….
Nathan: I don't know why you would. It's really boring with nobody here.
Clerk: I suppose….it is pretty lonely in this hotel without customers. I assume you weren't paying.
Elle: Oh, good heavens, no!
Clerk: Maybe I should go into the beyond….not much I can do with this broken leg anyway.
Elle: That's the spirit!
A doctor rounds the corner.
Doctor: Did I hear someone scream? I'm a Doctor who specializes in leg injuries.
Nathan looks over to see the Clerk has vanished.
Nathan: What happened?
Elle: It turns out that all we have to do is simply touch them to send them into the beyond! Isn't that handy!?
Nathan: ELLE!
Elle: What are you complaining about? We got the target…which mean this guy must be number four….YES! HELP! I BROKE MY LEG!
The doctor makes his way over. Elle reaches her hand out.
Elle: I'm Elle! Nice to meet you.
The Doctor shakes her hand and vanishes.
Nathan: ACK!
Elle: Wow, Nathan, you're really bad at this! I hope I get a prize for sending the most people!
Nathan: You shouldn't be enjoying this!
Elle: I'm not! We need to do this Nathan, the dead cannot linger around here. It is our job to send them into their final resting place. We're doing a public service for these souls.
Nathan: I guess so.
Elle: Because we're SOUL SISTERS!
Nathan: NO WE'RE NOT!
Nathan and Elle are leaving the Ice Hotel, they bump into The Gatekeeper.
Elle: Oh, Hi G.K! We got four of those souls out of here…three more to go!
Gatekeeper: There has been a change in plans. You do not need to worry about the final three of those on your list.
Elle: WOO HOO! We can go home then!?
Gatekeeper: But there are now two that you need to deal with. Then you may leave.
Elle: Well, thanks for getting my hopes up! You could have just said you knocked one off the list, you didn't have to make us think you ditched three.
Gatekeeper: The original final three on your list is indeed no longer your concern. I will deal with those. These final two will be your true test. Do this….and you may go home.
Elle: Sweet! Okay, who are they?
The Gatekeeper hands Elle a list.
Elle: Allright…..
Nathan: Wait….will this affect our deal?
Gatekeeper: No it will not.
The Gatekeeper walks away.
Elle: Soooo…..what deal?
Nathan: When we first tried to plead to go back…I made a deal with him.
Elle: Okay…and that is?
Nathan: I offered to take his place after we sent the last soul.
Elle: WHAT?! Can you even do that!?
Nathan: I guess.
Elle: Why!? You're going to spend eternity alone in the awesome ice hotel!?
Nathan: Us sending these people is just an added on requirement. Remember, he wouldn't let us go in the first place. I had to go to extreme measures to make sure at least one of us gets out of here and rescues Claire. It should be you.
Elle: No way! After we send these last two folks we're finding a way for both of us to get out of here! And that's a Soul Sister Promise.
Nathan: I'm really going to need you to stop calling us that.
Elle: Now…let's see who's the lucky…..
She opens the paper and stops.
Nathan: What is it? Who's on the list?
Elle lowers the list in confusion, then looks at Nathan.
Elle: My dad and Niki Sanders…they're next to be sent to the beyond.
Nathan and Elle continue looking at each other in confusion.
Niki opens her eyes, she finds herself in the middle of the street.
Niki: What the….where am I?...Micah!...Matt!...Peter!?...
She looks over to see Bob not too far from here, also on the ground. They are the only two there.
Niki: Did we….teleport? Where is everyone?
Niki gets to her feet and looks around as she finds herself in the abandoned town.
Niki: Where am I?...
To Be Continued.