The Heroes Parody Project
Season 5
Chapter 13
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. Reader Discretion is advised.
It was a simpler time. In the old Western Days of yore. Professional village doofus and father of two, Matthew Parkman, has to take his family out west to the grand ol' land of Oregon. They must venture on the Oregon Trail….to get to Oregon…so they can do Oregony things.
Matt: Yup! To the land of Oregon! We'll strike it rich there and our family will finally have a reason to like each other. Right, Wife?
Niki (arms cross, fuming): WHY ARE WE MARRIED?! WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?
Matt: And what about you two kids?
Peter and Claire look up from their books.
Peter and Claire: Yes, Pa!
Matt: What are you reading there, kids?
Claire: I'm reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting The Entire Town To Think You're A Witch.". By Danielle Steele.
Peter: And I'm reading "Your Sister's A Witch!" By Roald Dahl.
Matt: Wonderful! Well, time to go kids. Ma! You ready?
Niki takes her head out of the oven.
Niki: Fine! Let's go.
Matt is packing up his things on the wagon. Grandma Angela walks up.
Matt: Okay, Granny! Your seat is in the rocking chair I had tied to the top of the wagon. Beverly Hillbillies Style! Hop on!
Angela: Have you lost your mind!? I'll get myself killed up there!
Matt: Relax! You won't fall off or anything! I fastened the chair with this new invention called Gum! It's surprisingly sticky.
Angela: I'm talking about the vultures! They prey on old grandmas like myself. See! That vulture over there is giving me the eye.
Matt and Angela see a vulture point to it's eyes, then to Angela's, followed by a throat slice gesture.
Angela: Did you see that?!
Matt: Oh my god! That bird can do tricks! We HAVE to take him with us to the big city! We'll be rich!
Angela: What?!
Matt runs away then returns with the bird.
Matt: I'm going to name you Squawks!
Angela (on her rocking chair): Just keep that thing away from me!
Matt: Great! If you hold on to him, we'll have more room in the wagon. Here you go!
Matt throws the bird into Angela's face.
Angela: AAAAHHHH!
Matt: Okay, family! We're ready to hit the trail. Does everybody have their things?
Peter and Claire: Yes, Pa.
Niki (on her cell phone): What do you mean they don't have any openings on NCIS?!...They solved ALL of the Naval Related Murders?...REALLY!?...Even the ones that haven't happened yet? Okay, now I know you're full of crap!
Matt: You okay up there Granny?
Matt looks up to see the Vulture, sporting an extended belly and an old lady wig.
Vulture: SQUAWK!
Matt: Okay, Grandma's ready. LET'S GO! HYA!
Matt takes the reins aaaaand….
Matt: Crap! I didn't get any horses.
Mohinder runs up to his side of the wagon.
Mohinder: I think I can help you with that sir. If you agree to take me with you to the land of Oregon. I will supply you with horses. I'm the town Vet.
Matt: You….just have horses on the ready? Don't they belong to other people?
Mohinder: Who cares about them!?
Matt: Hmm, I never thought about it like that. Okay! You're hired!
Matt (in the wagon): Kids, this is your new Uncle. Uncle Doctor Mohinder Holliday….or Doc Holliday for short.
Matt turns to Niki.
Matt: Doc Holliday was a Doctor, right?
Niki: He was a Dentist.
Matt: Great! Okay, let's go with our new horses!
Both of the horses vomit and fall over.
Matt: Well, THIS won't do. These horses are sick!
Mohinder: Well, yeah, I said that like 5 times.
Matt: Now what?
Noah walks up to Niki's side of the wagon.
Noah: Greetings folks, you in need of some horses?
Matt: Yes! Please tell me you're a Dentist!
Noah: Nope! I'm the town Sheriff. If you let me come with you to the grand ol' land of Oregon. I have some healthy horses I can lend ya.
Noah spits a wad of Tobacco in Niki's lap.
Niki: EWWW! GROSS! What is wrong with you!?
Matt: Okay, sounds good!
Later.
Matt: FINALLY! Now that I have some freaking healthy horses, Grandma's SUPER dead, two strangers are on board, and Ma has a giant wad of Wacky Tobacky in her lap sizzling in the hot Southern Sun, which is sooo unladylike like of her...
Niki: GRR!
Elle (running up): Make that THREE strangers on board!
Matt: Who are you?
Elle shimmies her dress.
Elle: I'm the town dancer! I've got Moonshine strapped to my thighs!
Matt: You're hired! Hop in!
Niki: OH MY GOD! CAN WE GO NOW!? PLEASE! This stupid wagon is gonna collapse from the weight!
Matt: And we're off!
The wagon leaves the village.
Matt: So, where are you guys from?
Mohinder: Well, I'm...
Matt: No, I'm talking to those two...right there.
Claire and Peter look at each other.
Claire: Us?...Your Kids!?
Matt: Yeah, tell us a little about yourselves.
Peter coughs.
Matt: WHO JUST COUGHED!?
Peter: I did...?
Matt: Oh man, that sounds like Dysentery.
Peter: WHAT?!
Matt: Sorry, Son, we can't have you spreading your Dysentery everywhere. Tell him, Doc.
Mohinder: It's definitely Dysentery. I'm the town Vet.
Peter: Can't you fix it!?
Mohinder: I can try. I've been doing lots of research on this. It may be able to save your life.
Mohinder opens his briefcase, grabs a huge stack of papers...and flings them in Peter's face.
Mohinder: RESEARCH!
Peter: …...I feel better...Thanks.
Mohinder: Just doing my job.
Matt: It's a good thing we have the Doctor on board.
30 minutes later, after pulling over to bury Mohinder.
Matt: It's too bad the Doctor died from Dysentery. He was a good doctor. If only he was a Lawyer...he'd be The Good Wife.
Niki: …...WHAT!?
Matt: Well, I'm starved. It's time to go hunting. Claire, it's up to you!
Claire: I can't hunt for stuff!
Matt: Claire, your brother JUST got over Dysentery! You need to do your part for this family. Now go out and fetch us some food.
Noah: It's okay. As the Town Sheriff. I'm skilled at hunting. I will show you the ways of hunting and survival, little girl.
Claire: Sounds like a plan I guess.
30 minutes later, after Noah gets attacked by a bear, being dragged away.
Noah (being dragged): THIS WASN'T MY INTENTIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOONNN...
Claire: HELP! THE SHERRIFF JUST GOT EATEN BY BEARS!
Claire runs around and trips, she is suddenly sliding down a hill.
Claire: Man this hill is long.
Claire looks down toward her feet to see a Bear dragging her by the ankles.
Claire: Oh, that explains it. I'm not sliding at all, just being dragged to my death! HEEEEEEEELLLLPPPP!
BEAR GO POUNCE!
Claire makes her way back to the wagon, covered in cuts and bruises.
Claire: The damn Sheriff died! And I almost did to, jerks.
Matt: Oh well, we'll get food another way I guess. Everyone back on board.
The wagon takes off. Peter looks over to see Claire healing from her Bear wounds.
Peter: DID YOU JUST HEAL YOUR WOUNDS?!
Claire: Well...yeah. Healing is kinda my thing...strange that we usually never get access to our powers in these ridiculous pre-show skits.
Peter: DAAAAD! CLAIRE'S A WITCH!
Matt: WHAAAAAT?!
Matt slams on the Horse Brakes.
Niki: Horse Brakes?! Nevermind, I don't wanna know.
Later, on a cliff. Matt, Niki, Peter and Elle the town Dancer watch a tied up Claire stand on the edge.
Claire: Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?
Matt: Nope, family rules. So here is how we play the game. We push you off the cliff. If you die...you're not a witch. If you live...you're a witch and we kill you! I think that's how they do it.
Claire: I'm not a witch!
Matt: Prove the family wrong! And off we go!
Matt shoves Claire off the cliff.
Claire: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (SPLAT!)
Matt:: Well, she's not a witch. Hey, Dancer! Want to be our new daughter!?
Elle: I thought you'd never ask!
Matt: Great! Man, this has been one crazy trip. I could use a drink. Dancer! One drink!
Elle: Hmm?
Matt: Drink?
Elle: I don't have any drinks.
Matt: I thought you had Moonshine strapped to your legs or whatever!
Elle: Oh, that's just my catch phrase. Do you know how hard it would be to dance with bottles strapped to my thighs? Ha ha ha...
Elle is tied up, standing over the edge of the cliff.
Elle: WHAT'S GOING ON!?
Matt: Well, you're obviously a witch.
Elle: Because I don't have drinks! What the hell, man!?
Matt: Family rules.
Elle: WAIT! Here, a bottle of moonshine, just grab it from my hands. Just let me go!
Matt: Where did that come from?
Elle: I can conjure objects because I'm a witch.
Matt: Well, that explains it. Okay, Peter, let her go. Welcome to the family.
Peter unties Elle and they start walking back to the wagon. Niki rolls her eyes.
Later, on the wagon.
Matt: Look! There it is, family.
Niki, Elle and Peter look out the wagon to see the sign
Welcome To
Previously On Heroes
Population: You!
Matt: We're home!
Niki: This isn't Oregon.
Matt: I know...I was going the wrong way.
Niki squints.
Niki: …..by the way I'm a witch.
Matt: No you're not. You're so funny.
Matt turns back to the kids.
Matt: That's why I married her.
Niki: NO YOU DIDN'T! Forget this! I'm outta here!
Niki hops out of the wagon and starts running. Jumping off a nearby cliff.
Matt: Hmm...oh well, time to start our new lives...Previously On Heroes!
Elle (wearing an afro, singing): It's a hard knock afterlife...for us! It's a hard knock afterlife...for us! 'steada treated...Okay. Yeah, that doesn't roll off the tongue like I'd hope it would.
Nathan: Take off that stupid wig! You look like you're wearing a rat's nest!
Elle: Don't be jealous of my 'do, Daddy Warbucks. I like to Orphan in style!
A rat suddenly falls out of her hair.
Elle and Nathan: AHHHHHHHHHH!
CUT!
Elle: Well, it's been fun sending all these souls to the great beyond.
Nathan: One of your hair rats just bit me! I think I contracted something.
Gatekeeper: You have done well, but you must stop.
Elle: Why?
Gatekeeper: Two souls have appeared...you must take care of them. Send them into the beyond. Then your mission will be complete.
Elle: Did you hear that, Nathan! If we send these two VIP souls into the beyond, our mission will be complete!
Nathan: Uh...yeah, I heard that. You didn't need to repeat it.
Elle: Let's see who they are...they're...they're...
Nathan: Hmm?
Elle: My dad and Niki Sanders.
Earlier.
Niki: Quick, into this abandoned building!
Peter: We're out of time. The Universe is starting to disappear and the B.I.E.B.E.R goons are cornering us.
Niki: Hiro, I'm getting that implant out of there and you're getting us out of here! It's now or never.
Hiro: Everyone! Friendship circle!
Niki: Ugh, don't call it that.
Hiro teleports him, Niki, Peter, Matt, Angela, Bob, and Micah out of the Future, and away from the broken timeline. Niki and Bob wake up in the middle of a city.
Niki: What the...where are we?
Later...at the hospital.
Micah: Is my mom going to be okay, doctor?
Niki is in a full body cast.
Doctor: It'll be a long shot, son. Your mother fell a very long way when she leapt from that cliff because...why?
Matt: She was a witch.
Doctor: ….uh huh. So...it'll take a miracle to save her.
Claire: For the record, nobody gave a crap when I was PUSHED off the cliff for the same reason.
Matt: Doctor...I believe...I can be a donor.
Doctor: A...donor for what?...She broke 200 bones in the fall. That's a nice gesture but you kinda need those.
Matt: No...only one thing can save her...we have to swap faces.
Doctor: Excuse me?
Matt: It's the only way. DAMMIT MAN! HURRY! THERE'S NO TIME!
Doctor: …..okay.
Micah: Uh, Matt...I don't think...
Matt: Have faith, Micah. This is the only way we can save her...
Later, after the operation.
Matt (with Niki's face): I...look...AMAZING!
Currently on Heroes.
Niki Sanders and Bob Bishop
The Afterlife
Bob: …...
Niki (with Matt's face): …...What?
Bob: Nothing!...Nothing...at...all...
Niki: Why are you staring at me?!
Bob: Uh...um...I think there...was...um...uh...Nevermind...
Niki: Well, I guess we could walk around a bit. I lost my phone in the alternate future, so maybe we can find someone who can help us. But this place is a ghost town. Let's see if that place is open.
Niki and Bob walk into a restaurant. The place is empty.
Niki: Man...what happened here. Hmm...I'm going to see if I can find a working phone or something.
Bob: Okay.
Niki walks into a back room.
Niki: Well, some good news at least. There's a restroom. I've had to go since forever!
Bob: Oh boy...
Bob waits. He takes a seat at a nearby table and taps on the surface for a bit. He picks up a menu that reads:
Chapter Thirteen "Across The Universe"
Bob: I cannot tell you the last time I had French Toast.
Niki (from the bathroom): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Bob: Aaaand there it is.
= = =HEROES= = =
Niki with Matt's face storms out of the restroom and slams her hands on the table Bob is seated at.
Niki: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?
Bob: Um...well...it is my understanding that Matt surgically switched faces with you during a pre-show segment. Not sure why its affecting the current episode's plot. But who am I to question these things?
Niki: I look ridiculous! We need to get back home...NOW! I'm getting my face back if I have to switch them by hand!
Bob: Okie dokie then.
Elle and Nathan
Same place, not too far away.
Elle: My dad and Niki Sanders are here?! How is this possible?
Nathan: If you think about it, it's the same reason why we're here.
Elle: What do you mean?
Nathan: Way back when...Sylar killed you...he killed me...killed your dad...and Niki died as well. It's no coincidence that people who died back in our world ended up here.
Elle: But...we were alive not that long ago. We were on our way to rescue Claire from the Carnival.
Nathan: True...It probably has something to do with some convoluted plot involving alternate universes.
He takes a sip of tea.
Nathan: But that's none of my business.
Elle: Where did you get tea?
Nathan: You've been pulling out stupid crap the entire time we've been in the afterlife and you're now questioning me?!
Elle: Uh, yeah. I want some tea too...selfish.
Nathan: Just drink the rest of this one. It's pretty swill.
Elle: And drink your BACKWASH!? No thanks. I'll get my own.
Hiro Nakamura
Nakamura Industries
Hiro opens his eyes. He is sitting at his desk.
Hiro: Am I...back home?...
He gets up and looks around. He sees a portrait of his sister, Kimiko, at a ribbon cutting ceremony.
Hiro: And it doesn't look like I'm the President. This is good. Very good.
He slowly opens the door to see the cubicles before him.
Hiro: Everything looks to be in order. I think I did it! I actually did it! I got us home from the Alternate Broken Universe! YATTAAAAA-eeehhhh...huh?
He notices people standing around...but there are frozen in time.
Hiro: Is...time frozen?
Hiro walks into another office and finds Ando.
Hiro: ANDO! IT'S YOU! It's been so long, friend! I...uh...
Ando is frozen still.
Hiro: Time is frozen. Well, I'll just have to unfreeze it.
Hiro squints.
ZAAAP!
Hiro: AAACK!
Hiro gets a jolt in his body and falls to the ground.
Hiro: What the?...I can't alter time?! What's going on here...did everyone make it back with me?
Hiro thinks for a minute
-Flashback-
Benjamin: Nothing is currently happening in the present because you guys aren't there yet. It's holding the universe back. But even though we're a separate universe we're not attached to a timeline…I think we're starting to erase from existence without a timeline to exist in.
-End Flashback-
Hiro: OH CRAP! Someone didn't make it back! What am I going to do?
Back in the afterlife. Niki and Bob exit out the back of the restaurant.
Niki: Okay, no electricity. No phones. This place is officially a ghost town. I'm starting to wonder if we even made it back with the others.
Bob: Surely we teleported somewhere. If we stayed in the future we'd be erased from existence.
Niki: Bob! Look! Someone's coming.
A man is running down the street. He stops in his tracks as The Gatekeeper materializes in front of him.
Man: AAACK!
The Gatekeeper: I have found you. You do not belong here. You must go...into the beyond.
Man: NO!
The Gatekeeper picks up the man by his shirt and holds out his hand, the man turns into a soul and flies off into the black vortex.
Niki: UHHHHHHH!
Bob: What in the world?...Where are we?
Gatekeeper: I can answer that.
The Gatekeeper appears behind Niki and Bob.
Niki and Bob: ACK!
The Gatekeeper: You both are dead.
Niki: Dead?!
Bob: I don't...feel dead.
Gatekeeper: You have both perished in your world. And ended up astray in the afterlife. A bridge that connects the living existence...and the vortex. A vortex that goes into the great beyond.
Niki: What...is the great beyond?
Gatekeeper: Nobody knows. But those who die...they are sent there. It is the natural order of things.
Bob: And...we're supposed to go there?
Gatekeeper: Yes.
Niki: Okay...that's not good. But...what if we...don't...want to die?
Gatekeeper: Not an option. You are already dead.
Niki: Well, worth a shot.
Bob: Are you going to send us into the beyond like you did that gentleman over there.
Gatekeeper: Normally I would. But I have someone assigned to send you two already. They must do it...if they want to pass their test.
Niki: Test for what?
Gatekeeper: That is none of your concern. Enjoy the afterlife. If they do not send you...then I will. I will happen.
The Gatekeeper walks away.
Niki: Okay...we're dead...not good.
Bob: Nope.
Niki: I wonder who he dispatched to send us. We can try to find a way to get back and avoid them for now. But they're probably professionals. We should be careful.
Meanwhile, Elle grabs Nathan's cup.
Elle: I changed my mind, I want a drink...Hey, there's no Tea in here!
Nathan: I drank it while you were being a snob.
Elle: There's not even any Tea residuals...I don't think you had any Tea at all in here, did you!?
Nathan: ….No.
Elle: OH MY GOD! You are such a faker! Fakey McFakerson! Why would you fake that?!
Nathan: Because I'm actually thirsty and I was...(under breath) mmeerrderrnning...
Elle: What?!
Nathan: Pretending! Okay! I was pretending there was Tea in the cup!
Elle: You were using your imagination!?
Nathan: Yes!
Elle: You're like...100! Who pretends to drink Tea when they're 100!?
Nathan: I'm not that old! Maybe...half that...but I'm still young!
Elle catches Nathan popping something into his mouth.
Elle: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST DO THAT! You're eating imaginary Butterscotch Candies now!
Nathan: It was a breath mint!
Elle: Wow...
Nathan: …...
Elle: …...Can I have one?
Nathan: Yes.
Nathan hands over an imaginary breath mint to Elle. She pops it in here mouth. She immediately makes a sour face.
Elle: Ew...I don't like these.
Back in Tokyo, Japan. Hiro teleports out of the building. Time is still frozen.
Hiro: Hmm. I can still teleport. That's good. I have to find someone. Peter! I need to find Peter Petrelli!
Hiro teleports. He ends up at a Hospital in New York City.
Hiro: I have NO idea if Peter Petrelli is here. It's a long shot, but oh well.
Hiro walks into the hospital and starts looking around. He get on an elevator.
Hiro: Oh yeah, the Elevator probably isn't going to work.
Hiro pushes a button and the elevator starts to operate.
Hiro: Oh! Good! Okay...
Hiro notices he is next to a man in the middle of spilling his coffee. Hiro helps him by grabbing the cup, scooping up the coffee in mid air. Then placing it back in his hand.
Hiro: There you go!
Hiro attempts to pat the man on the back, upon placing his hand on his should.
Man: Huh?
Hiro jumps back.
Hiro: AHHH!
The man is frozen in time again. Hiro looks confused. He walks back up and puts his hand on the man's shoulder.
Man: Hey, I totally didn't see you there. Thanks for catching my coffee. THAT would have been bad.
Hiro takes his hand off. The man freezes. Hiro puts his hand back on his shoulder.
Man: …..Um...Why do you keep patting my shoulder.
Hiro: Uh...I'm looking for Peter Petrelli. He wouldn't happen to work here, would he?
Man: Oh, Petrelli. Yeah, just talked to him. He's doing his rounds on floor six.
Hiro: Great! Thanks!
Hiro leaves the man, now frozen, and pushes "6" on the elevator. Upon reaching the sixth floor. Hiro walks out and starts looking for Peter. He pops his head into several rooms and finally catches him looking at some charts down the hall.
Hiro: YES! There he is!
Hiro runs over to Peter and places a hand on his shoulder.
Peter: Huh?...Oh! Hiro! Hey! How's it going?
Hiro: Uh...not good. You remember anything?
Peter: Teleporting from the alternate future timeline. Yeah. I ended up back in the hospital. So I decided to get to work...why is everybody frozen? Did you do this?
Hiro: No! That's the thing. You're frozen too!
Peter: I was?
Hiro: Yes! Something went wrong and not everybody made it back. If we can't get every single person who was with us here...time will stay frozen forever.
Peter: Hmm...That IS bad...why is your hand still on my shoulder?
Hiro: It's the only way I can unfreeze you.
Peter: Okay, we better go. But it'll be a little odd having your hand on my shoulder the entire time. Let's just hold hands until we figure out how to fix this!
Hiro: Okay!
Peter and Hiro grab each other by the hand as they teleport out of the hospital.
Back in the Afterlife, at a pawn shop.
Niki: What is with all these stores? If nobody is supposed to be here what is up with this this entire town being here?
Bob: Someone's coming!
Niki: EEK!
Bob and Niki duck behind a counter.
Niki: You know, I have absolutely NO idea how to get back. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'd say let's just give up but...I have to get back to Micah.
Bob: I should get back to Elle as well...I'm sure she should be grounded for something.
Niki: You know what? No! I refuse to go into the vortex. Maybe we can cut a deal with The Gatekeeper.
The Gatekeeper suddenly appears behind them.
Gatekeeper: What kind of deal?
Niki: AAAAHHH! STOP DOING THAT!
Gatekeeper: I'm listening.
Niki: How about...instead of sending us, how about we become senders, and send the two people you sent after us. Kind of a "May the best man win" sort of thing. I want to fight to get back home.
Gatekeeper: Hmm...this could be interesting. Okay, I'll allow it. If you two can send the other two I sent after you first...you may go home.
Niki: Great! So...who are they?
Gatekeeper: See for yourselves. They just entered the shop.
Niki turns to see Elle and Nathan walk in. Her and Bob exchange looks.
Gatekeeper: ...May the best man win.
He exits the shop from the back.
Niki and Bob: …...
Elle and Nathan: …...
Meanwhile, at Mohinder's Palace Of Extraordinary Research And Revolutionary Findings
Hiro: Ugh, I can't believe he actually named it that. Why are we at Mohinder's house?
Peter: Okay, who all did we check to make sure was here?
Hiro: Angela's here...Matt's here...Micah's here...and we're here.
Peter: Which just leaves...Niki and Bob.
Hiro: Oh no...do you think they got caught in Limbo or something? They got erased from the alternate timeline future?
Peter: No...think about it. In this world, what is different?
Hiro: Well, Mohinder renamed his house his "Palace of Extraordinary Research And Revolutionary Things".
Peter: Well, yeah...but something is definitely different. Where is Elle?
Hiro: She...was killed by Sylar.
Peter: And Nathan?
Hiro: ….killed by Sylar.
Peter: Your father?
Hiro: Killed by Adam Monroe.
Peter: Ted?
Hiro: Killed by Sylar...wow, Sylar sure killed a lot of people. Wait, why am I surprised by this?
Peter: Linderman...err...his ghost?
Hiro: Killed by D.L Hawkins….I think. Yeah, the whole Ghost thing still throws me off.
Peter: What do all of these people have in common?
Hiro: They're...dead?
Peter: Right! I mean, we remember these people dying before. But it wasn't that long ago that they were alive...but we remember them dying. Maybe there was once a Universe where these people where dead...and then the Universe split. Split into the Universe we just came from, even though these people were alive we kind of have faint memories of the other universe where they did die. Now that the Universe is being reborn, those people are supposed to be dead again?
Hiro: But...if the only people we're missing from the Universe Jump are supposed to be dead, why is the Universe still frozen?
Peter: Hmm? That I don't know. Let's ask.
Peter grabs Mohinder's hand, unfreezing him.
Mohinder: I'd be happy to explain Alternate Universe Theory to you!
Peter: Nevermind, I already gave Hiro the run down.
Mohinder: YOU DID WHAT!?
Peter: Okay, here's our problem. We're kinda all frozen in time because this brand new Universe is missing some people when we made the jump from the previous alternate future timeline.
Mohinder: You...all came from a different Universe. Extraordinary!
Peter: Yeah, yeah, yeah...So...the only people that we need here to get things running again are Niki Sanders and Bob Bishop, but they're supposed to be dead.
Mohinder: Not necessarily.
Hiro: Huh?
Mohinder: I always thought it was bizarre that Niki was indeed alive when I specifically remember her perishing in an explosion while saving Monica Dawson. Its because this happened in a timeline called "The Canon Universe". Meanwhile, an alternate Universe was created with all of us, along with the people who died in that Universe very much alive. When that Universe ended, it's possible, that if they weren't considered dead when this Universe was created, they may have skipped the death rule. I had all this written down on papers but I might have lost them when I was running around with Edgar and Lydia. I was being a rebel, I was.
Peter: Uh huh. So...are they dead or not?
Mohinder: This brings me to my afterlife theory. I just read about this in a book I just finished.
Hiro: Oh boy...
Mohinder: There is a theory that when we die, our souls go into the great beyond, a plane of unknown existence. What happens there? Who knows. But, there is another plane of existence that acts as a bridge between the two. It's sort of an "Afterlife".
Peter: How do you know this?
Mohinder: Well, I never did research on it myself. Other less brilliant scientists did. They put themselves in a deadly state long enough to obtain this information, then they get brought back.
Hiro: Soooo...like Flatliners.
Mohinder: Sure, why not? Anyway, I strongly believe that the two people you are looking for might be stuck in the Afterlife. You need to go there, bring them back, and jump start the Universe again. Luckily for you, I have this little doohickey right here.
Mohinder rips off a sheet revealing a large contraption and a table.
Peter: This seems a little extravagant to be referred to as "a little doohickey".
Mohinder: I call it..."The Romeo And Juliet Machine".
Peter: If this is supposed to kill us it's not really an accurate name. Juliet only put herself in a coma that made her look like she was dead. I would know, I did the play in High School...kinda tough playing both parts though.
-Peter in High School...2 weeks ago-
Peter (facing to the right): Juliet! Juliet! Where fore art thou Juliet!? Winter Is Coming...and The Ides Of March are upon us!
Peter turns around, the other side of his body wearing a dress and a long wig.
Peter: Forget it Romeo! You are not worth my time! Breaking up with me in a text message?! You've dishonored both our houses. A Scrub is what you are!
The Romeo and Juliet Dancers join Peter on stage as they start their musical number.
Peter (singing): No, I don't want no Scrubs. A Scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me….
Claire: I can't believe this one Performing Arts class is the one credit Peter needs to get his high school diploma.
Niki: I can't believe I actually got dragged to this crap.
Matt: I can't believe they're not doing Sweeny Todd! I freaking love that musical.
Peter (as Romeo): Please take me back, Juliet. For I baked you a pie.
Peter (as Juliet): But these are the Worst Pies...In Londooooon!
Matt (tearing up): SNIFF! It's just so beautiful! I'm tearing up.
Matt grabs Niki's purse and blows his nose into it.
Niki: OH COME ON!
-End Flashback-
Mohinder: Okay, those are the instructions to use the death machine. Go into the afterlife, get your friends back, and lets get on with our lives. You can let go of my hand now, your hand is very sweaty.
Peter: Oh, sorry!
Peter lets go of Mohinder's hand and he freezes.
Peter (to Hiro): Okay, let's go!
Hiro (climbing on the table): No Peter. You have to stay here.
Peter: With Mohinder!? But he's more boring frozen than he is regularly!
Hiro: You have to be here to bring me back. Once I get Niki and Bob, I'll teleport at the exact time you revive me. The jolt will send us all back to the land of the living.
Peter: …..THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD KNOW THAT!
Hiro: But it's all we got….or we can live out the rest of our lives holding hands in frozen time space.
Peter: Yeah, I guess that would get old. Okay, Godspeed, Hiro!
Hiro: Okay, so we know when to sync, revive me in exactly 6 hours. I'm giving myself this deadline having no prior knowledge of the afterlife.
Peter: Sounds good! Good luck!
Peter flips the switch and Hiro collapses on the table.
Peter: …Hmm…okay, I'm bored.
Peter reaches out and grabs Mohinder's hand.
Mohinder: …and that was why when I was born, my genius made all the other babies in the hospital born that day instantly stupid by default! Now….the story of how I taught Neil deGrasse Tyson everything he knows.
Peter: Oh good lord.
Peter immediately lets go of Mohinder's hand, freezing him. He realizes he's no longer holding Hiro's hand.
Peter: Oh, right! I forgot I absorb abilities. The hand holding thing was unnecessary….but still fun! Anyway…this won't work. Gotta find someone else to talk to.
Peter looks at the clock.
Peter: Eh, I still have 6 hours.
Peter heads out of the house as Hiro lies dead on the table.
To Be Continued