Magic and Mushrooms Ch6
Ranma had been having bouts of nausea frequently, mostly in the presence of Akane's cooking. Unfortunately, Akane was doing a lot of cooking. Fortunately, the moxibustion was working. She could smell the rancid stench creeping up the stairway and under her door this very second. Covering her head with the blankets provided little protection, but it would have to do, she was feeling too tired to get up at the moment. Alas a lay in was not in the cards this morning.
"Nihao Ranma!" Came the chipper voice of Shampoo from the bedroom window. Ranma groaned and pulled the blankets tighter, even though she knew it was futile. "Shampoo is bringing medicine for cold. Ranma feel better soon so can take Shampoo on date." (Shampoo's intentions were innocent and pure, her medicine wasn't tainted. Really. There was absolutely not an extremely strong love potion in there)
The blankets were ripped from Ranma's grip, Shampoo was standing over her holding a bottle and a spoon. "Oh, Shampoo, didn't hear ya there." Shampoo took the greeting as an invitation to attempt to shove the spoon in Ranma's mouth. Ranma rolled out of bed just in time to see her pillow coated in the viscous substance. Ranma was no fool, no way was she drinking that.
As Ranma tried to think up an excuse to get rid of the Amazon girl, another figure entered her room through the window. Does anyone know how use the door around here? (Hint: The answer is no)
"Morning Ranma Honey!" Ukyo exclaimed as she pulled out her portable grill and started piling on ingredients. "I heard you were under the weather and decided to fix you some of my cure-all okonomiyaki."
"Ranma no can eat stupid girl's food. Shampoo bring special medicine, is much better." Another spoonful of the questionable substance was thrust Ranma's way. A throwing spatula knocked the spoon from Shampoo's grasp.
"No, Ranma Honey is going to eat my special okonomiyaki." She flipped it off the grill and it landed on a plate. Ukyo knelt before Ranma and presented him with her most recent creation. (If it happened to have a bit of herb rumoured to enhance romantic feelings, it was purely coincidence. Really. No hidden agenda here...)
"Er..." was all Ranma managed before the room was flooded with black rose petals. Seriously, we have a door!
"Where is my Ranma darling? You awful, awful girl, what have you done with him?" Kodachi stepped accross the room, a teacup in hand. "I made him some herbal tea to ease his cold." (And perhaps help him get some extremely deep sleep, during which Kodachi would most certainly respect his body. Really. She had no plans to violate the unconscious boy whatsoever)
Kodachi, intent on getting the pigtailed girl to confess to hiding her dearest Ranma, didn't notice the grill on the floor. The teacup flew through the air as Kodachi tripped. The hot liquid splashed out of the cup and landed on Ranma, who screamed from the unexpected burn. "It's hot! It's hot! It's hot!"
Ukyo and Shampoo blinked in surprise.
"Ranma, you is..."
"Ranma Honey, you're..."
"Do not call that wretched girl by my beloved's name." Kodachi had tired of this little game, the pigtailed girl had most assuredly hidden her Ranma dearest and she was determined to get him back. To that end, she pulled out her gymnastics ribbon and launched an attack on the red head.
Ranma had been preparing to dodge when a spatula appeared before her face, the end of the ribbon wrapped around it. A metre beyond, a chui had slammed down on the middle of the ribbon, cracking the floor boards. Ranma's three suitors glared at one another. It was on.
Ribbons, gymnastic clubs, spatulas and chuis streaked across the room in a hailstorm of chaos. Ranma's face twisted into a scowl, she just wanted to go back to bed and these three were being way too noisy and annoying first thing in the morning. Her hand balled into a fist, she sped across the room and launched an uppercut into kodachi's chin that sent the girl flying out the window. Ukyo and Shampoo followed like strings on a kite, as they'd both been caught up in kodachi's ribbon.
Ranma heaved a great sigh and flopped back into her futon, minus the sticky pillow. Finally, some peace and quiet.
Seconds later her door opened to reveal Akane holding a tray laden with food... Akane's home cooked food, judging by the smell. Ranma thought she might cry, but first...
The bathroom door slammed shut behind her.
As much as Ranma had enjoyed her days off from school, the novelty of being 'sick' had worn off. She didn't want a repeat of yesterday morning. Today she'd used the moxa roll before even a whiff of Akane's cooking reached her, with a plan to feign recovery. Her stomach grumbled, days of evading food had left her extremely hungry.
She crept downstairs and a mouth watering aroma greeted her. It seemed as though the extra caution was unnecessary, Kasumi was clearly doing the cooking today. She paid little attention to the other members of household as she dug into the food with gusto. Man, it was good. She finished one bowl and rapidly filled another. She was so involved that she missed the shell shocked expressions of everyone watching. "I'm gonna go get dressed for school." She said as she headed back up to her room.
Soun, Genma, Nabiki and Kasumi tried their food cautiously. They all realised suddenly that they were full and had important things to do elsewhere.
Akane slowly brought her chopsticks up to her mouth. She paled. "Blech!" How did Ranma eat this? Sweetened condensed milk with pickles in rice may not have been her best idea.
"Ah, what beauteous creatures I see before me. My glorious pigtailed goddess and the lovely Akane Tendo. How glorious it must be for you to find yourself basking in my radiance." Enter Tatewaki Kuno, stage left.
Oh great, this idiot... "I don't see any radiance, although I do see somethin' ridiculous, you." Ranma replied. She turned to the girl at her side, "Akane, you go on ahead, I can handle this."
Akane looked hesitant, but class was about to start. "Ok, but don't be too late." She said before heading into the school."
"How eager you are for us to be alone together. I shall oblige you, let us date." Kuno proclaimed loudly.
Ranma reached into her school bag, "Oh, my darling Kuno. In honor of this momentous occasion, allow me to present you with a gift." Fight crazy with crazy...
"Yes, anything you desire, I shall permit!" He held his arms wide as if expecting an embrace to be the gift.
Ranma pulled her secret weapon out of her bag. "Here!" She hurled the chi infused rope at Kuno. It took him completely by surprise and dragged him backwards until he hit the statue of the principal. The two ends of the rope embedded themselves into the stone and held him in place. "See ya later Nutjob!" She shouted as she took off to class.
Ryoga was sure that his home must be nearby. The street and all the buildings looked so familiar. Then again, it was dark.
-splash-
From a window high above, Ryoga heard a voice say, "Be careful throwing dish water out the window, you could hit somebody."
"Don't worry, there's no one out there but a pig." Came the reply.
He groaned inwardly, (outwardly it sounded like a squeal) and dragged his clothes and bag into some bushes to be recovered later.
"There you are."
What's she doing here?
Ranma had managed to keep out of trouble and fights so far. It hadn't been easy, Kuno had been pursuing her relentlessly and she was running out of ideas to fend him off. Shampoo had been trying to drag her to be checked up by Cologne. There had been a mystery challenger at the dojo that she'd had to talk Akane into fighting alone. Then one of the gymnasts hurt herself and Ranma had to help Akane train to replace her, she was still terrible. She'd been having bizarre food cravings. To top it off Nabiki had finally revealed what her favor would be and it was humiliating. All that added up to one hormonal and cranky Ranma.
Akane came home late from gymnastics practice, exceedingly happy. "Look, P-chan is back!" She announced in the living room, Soun and Genma were not impressed and quietly continued their shogi game.
Akane shrugged and headed to her room babbling happily to the little black piglet. "...and that's how Saiyuri tripped and twisted her ankle. Now I get to fill in for her, isn't that exciting P-chan?"
Suddenly Ranma burst into the hallway from Nabiki's room, wearing a very skimpy, very naughty, maid costume.
The piglet in Akane's arms had a sudden attack of nose bleed-itis brought on by a sudden rush of impure thoughts. Akane of course didn't notice.
"Ranma, what are you wearing?" She asked incredulously.
Ranma didn't want to explain the details, so she said, "I owe Nabiki a favor." as if that was enough, and it really was, Akane knew her sister well. Ranma sent Ryoga a glare that looked like it could kill. "Lost are you P-chan? I'm pretty sure this isn't where you want to be." While Ranma had felt a thrill at the reaction she'd just elicited from little pig, she couldn't help being annoyed him for some reason. (It had nothing to do with his visit to Akari. Really. Nope, nothing at all)
"Stop picking on P-Chan" Akane said with an eyeroll as she headed for her room.
"Where are you goin'?" Ranma asked.
"To bed, I have to be up early." She replied.
An angry aura flared around Ranma, reminiscent of the one often exuded by Akane herself when angry with Ranma.
Akane turned in shock. What did I do?
Ryoga was frightened. He'd never seen Ranma so angry before, and from her glare he suspected it was directed entirely at him.
It vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. Looking into P-chan's eyes Ranma said, "Hmph! As if I care who you sleep with anyway." before storming down the hall into her own room, slamming the door behind her.
Akane went into her bedroom and put P-chan down on the bed. "Seriously, what is her problem anyway. I've been trying my best to be supportive of her and this is the thanks I get?."
Ryoga wasn't sure what was going on, but he suspected that he wasn't going to like it.
Ryoga had been stuck as P-Chan for several days now. When Akane was home she wouldn't let him out of her sight and she'd been locking him in her room while she was at school (well, the door wasn't locked, but a locked door and a closed door to a piglet weren't that much different).
He was still bewildered by all the changes around the Tendo home. Ranma seemed to be staying a girl full time and was swinging between moods rather violently. One minute she'd be calm and composed, the next she'd be oozing a depressive aura that could rival his own, and then for very little reason she could fly off the handle in an angry fit only to deflate the very next minute back into unnerving calmness. She definitely did not approve of Akane having him in her bed. She never had, but his gut told him that the reasoning had changed. Ranma was indebted to Nabiki somehow. The most terrifying thing was that Ranma was eating Akane's cooking voluntarily, and seemed be enjoying it.
Akane was being exceptionally kind to Ranma, despite her mood swings. Akane seemed to pity her for some reason that she hadn't fully discussed with her pet pig. Phrases like "poor Ranma", "she needs my support right now", and "with everything she's going through" were his only clues.
If only he could get himself to some hot water he might be able to find some answers to what was going on in the Tendo home.
-click-
"Oh, hello little piggy, don't mind me." Kasumi was collecting the laundry. As soon as her back was turned Ryoga made a break for the door.
Freedom! In the bathroom he found the hot water already prepared. He didn't see anyone though, so he leapt in head first.
"Hey! Water no is for you, pig boy." Shampoo was sitting on the window ledge looking at Ryoga in disapproval.
"What are you doing here Shampoo?" He asked while making sure she couldn't see anything under the water.
"I is bringing Airen one time use Nannichuan powder so that he can take Shampoo on date." She sounded quite proud of her plan.
"Why would Ranma need..." gears in Ryoga's head turned and clicked, "Ranma is stuck as a girl?"
"Yes, is too too tragic." She lamented.
"How? Why?" He asked.
"Shampoo not know. He say happen on training trip." Her eyes narrowed, "Wait, you was on training trip, you know what happen?" Her tone was accusatory.
"What? No! I didn't know until you told me, remember?" An angry Shampoo was a violent Shampoo, he didn't need that.
"Maybe Shampoo make you remember."
Crap...
Her chui appeared in her hands suddenly and she crashed one down into the tub, cracking it. Ryoga hopped away quickly, backing into the bathroom's entryway and grabbing a spare set of clothes he had hidden away there. The cupboard was smashed to bits a second later by an unreasonably angry Shampoo. Ryoga turned and ran, dressing as he went. He nearly killed himself tripping over his pants as he pulled them up.
The two ran through the living room past Soun and Genma, who were as usual playing shogi. Ryoga was ducking and weaving, hesitant to hit a girl. Shampoo was causing wholesale destruction everywhere her chui landed. Ryoga fled the house, jumped the property's wall and took off down the street with Shampoo in pursuit.
Back inside the living room, a broken light fixture hung from the ceiling, family photos were strewn about the floor, their frames broken, glass shattered. The table was cracked down the middle and there were craters and holes in the walls, the floor and even the ceiling.
"Check." Soun said in a calm and level voice.
-Do over- read the sign Genma held up.
It was a fairly normal day after all.
Ranma and Akane were sitting under a tree outside Furinkan High during their lunch break. Akane was being 'thoughtful' again by making Ranma lunch, while she herself ate one made by Kasumi. For once though, Ranma didn't seem to mind. Food cravings were upon her and Akane's food was unintentionally perfect for someone desiring that strange combination of foods enjoyed by pregnant women everywhere.
"Ranma Saotome! I challenge you." An angry voice provided the perfect distraction.
"What did I do to upset you today?" Ranma hadn't even seen the nearly blind boy in months.
"Don't take me for a fool. I know you asked Shampoo out on a date today! Once I defeat you though, she'll be all mine." As Mousse announced this, Ranma peeked at Akane's reaction. Nothing. She was watching with interest, but not a hint of jealousy.
Hmm, maybe she's finally starting to believe I'm not a womanizer. Ranma thought. She should have been more worried about men... her mind commented. "Shut up!" She yelled out loud.
"Afraid are you? Well that's just too bad, Shampoo is mine!" Mousse yelled as he began his attack. Various chains and ropes shot from his sleeves, all of them wrapped around Akane. "I've got you now Ranma!"
"Akane!" Ranma cried as she whipped off her belt. She hardened it with chi and slashed through the chains connecting Akane to Mousse.
Akane jumped aside while shaking off the remains of the ropes. "Put your glasses on you idiot!" She yelled, not at all pleased by the treatment she had just received.
Mousse did as he was instructed. "Ranma you coward, you would have Akane fight in your place?"
"You attacked her, you moron!" That reminded her though, she wasn't supposed to be getting in fights. "Hey, I don't suppose you'd be willing to settle this the day after tomorrow?"
"Not a chance!" He replied as he charged in her direction.
Ranma used the chi blade belt to deflect the blows he was sending her way. I gotta think of a way to stop this fight. Mousse wasn't giving her any openings. Suddenly an idea struck her and she jumped into the tree above. She grabbed as many leaves as she could and hardened them with chi, sending a dozen projectiles in his direction. There were a few rips in his clothing but he'd managed to evade most of them, she expected as much though. Pulling on the chi strings, she reversed the leaves and they crashed into Mousse's back. Damn... Even though they had all hit their target, he had taken no damage.
"Ah yes, my new cloak is enchanted to repel chi attacks! Surprised are you, Saotome?" Mousse laughed at this.
Ranma couldn't risk a direct fight with him yet. It was time then to use the Saotome secret technique, Fast Break. Ranma jumped from the tree ran away until she could think of a new strategy.
"Get back here you coward!" Mousse shouted as he pursued her down the street. Akane wasn't far behind, someone had to make sure Ranma made it back to class on time.
Just as Ranma was about to turn a corner Ryoga ran past. Ranma turned to ask him to help her with this idiot, "Wait, Ryoga gimme a hand-". Three things happened at once, Ryoga turned to look at her, Shampoo ran around the corner and Mousse hit Ranma in the stomach with an iron ball on a chain. "-oomph."
Ranma looked down in shock, a wave of maternal protectiveness crawled up from her very depths. She hadn't cared a lick about the growing baby before, she had planned to be rid of it the very next day, but the instinct to protect was powerful right then, overwhelming even. "You bastard!" The red flames of her battle aura burst forth and she seemed to grow in size before the other shocked teens. The aura was hot, angry and so malevolent that the others were petrified in place.
"I'll kill you!" Her voice was deep and demonic as she spoke. Her eyes were sparking as she stepped towards the frozen Mousse. "Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken." She littered him with punches, the aura was so intense that he couldn't fight back. He fell to his knees but still she rained blows down upon him. He flopped forward onto his face, she raised her foot and was about to bring it down on his head when someone grabbed her from behind.
The aura vanished immediately and Ranma blinked a few times. "Wha-" pain washed over her and she gripped her stomach, collapsing onto her knees.
"Hey, are you ok?" Ryoga's voice asked from beside her.
She shook her head, "hospital" was all she was able to say before consciousness left her.