Back to Where We Have Never Been
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, any of it's characters or any of the novels that I mention in this chapter. I am not going to list them because it would take too long.
A/N: Thank you all, once again, for your awesome feedback and encouragement. You rock, roll and rule. If you are new to this story and reading it all the way through for the first them, then welcome to my little alternate universe, I hope you like it here. :)
Chapter 6
Castle put down his iPhone and glanced up at her sitting across the table.
"Sorry," he apologized as he picked back up his burger.
They were seated at a small cafe a couple of blocks over from his apartment. It was still early for lunch, so the place was not yet crowded with the normal lunchtime groups of business men and high powered women trying not to get smudges of mustard on their suits and ties.
"So," he asked again after he had chewed his bite of burger and Kate glanced up from where she had been studying her fries, her BLT sitting half eaten on her plate. "What is your take on deficit spending during economic downturn?"
"I take the view that deficit spending is acceptable as long as it is focused on public investments such as education, infrastructure, defense, research… why?"
Castle sighed. "Alexis wants me to have dinner with Ashley's parents again on Saturday night. We did it once before, about a year ago, and it didn't go well. I guess she figures it's been long enough, better have a second go. Ashley's father is some sort of stuffy economics professor. I want to have something to talk to him about. How did you know that anyway?"
Kate just shrugged and picked up another fry. "Engaged to a stuffy economics professor."
"Oh, so Mark is an economist. Interesting combination with a lit. professor. How'd you meet?" Castle prompted.
Kate had been eerily quiet since they had left the loft earlier, letting him chatter on, without so much as a snide comment, as they made their way down the city blocks. Occasionally, she would hum in agreement or nod, but mostly she had just looked around, taking in the surroundings, not really seeing anything at all.
"Through a friend," Kate replied.
Castle nodded as she failed to elaborate. It was time for a different approach. "So, what have you been teaching lately in the vast field of Russian literature?"
Kate looked up at him in response to the question, a small smile forming on her lips. "I actually just finished teaching a course comparing Russian to American lit. It was interesting to say the least."
"Russian and American? No competition," Castle chimed in and smiled as Kate sat a little straighter in her seat, shifting slightly as she picked up her drink. "American wins hands down."
Kate paused the straw halfway to her lips. "You're kidding me, right? There is no way that American wins. American literature, for lack of a better word, sucks."
It was Castle's turn to pause. "Seriously? It does not "suck". Who were you comparing?"
Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "Pasternak's Doctor Zhivago to Faulkner's Light in August."
Castle's jaw hung open and his wrist went limp, his burger falling forgotten to his plate as he leaned forward in his seat. "How can you even compare those two? It's not even close. Historical, romantic fiction to Southern Gothic?"
"Oh, please, there is plenty to compare. I couldn't make it too easy for the students, then they wouldn't learn anything."
"You see, I knew it, you do make your students cry. I bet you like it too, watching them squirm and beg for their mommies during exam week."
Kate let out a startled laugh. "I am not that mean."
Castle raised a single eyebrow. "Yes, you are. You made me go crawling crying to my mommy the other day and I am a grown man."
It was Kate's turn to roll her eyes. "You give yourself too much credit. You are in no way grown."
Castle inclined his head to the side. "I see your point. But, seriously? Faulkner and Pasternak? The themes aren't even the same."
"Yes they are; you have themes of loneliness and individualism, corruption, political overtones. Even the blatant racism in Light in August could be compared to the classism found in Zhivago."
"The writing techniques are different, the settings. It would be easier to contrast the novels than to compare them."
It was Kate's turn to incline her head, giving him a slight nod and a small smile. "You know it took my students four weeks to get brave enough to say that."
Castle's drew in a deep breath to continue his argument when her words finally processed and he snapped his jaw shut. "I'm right?"
Kate smiled at him, bringing her forgotten drink to her lips once more. "You're right. I'm impressed."
Castle shifted in his seat, sitting a little bit taller as he preened. "Faulkner is still a genius. His use of stream of conscious writing is amazing. The way he fills in the story line and backgrounds as he goes."
Kate slumped back in her chair, legs crossed under the table. "Please. It is confusing and jumbled. The story would have been a lot less frustrating if he had just written it with a little more structure. The purpose of literature is to tell a story, to inform and entertain your audience, not to confuse the hell out of them and make them annoyed."
"Ooh, you know what you should do?" Castle continued, ignoring Kate's latest criticism. "You should compare Light in August to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. One stream of consciousness novel to another."
Castle nodded his head rapidly, his eyes wide, as Kate rolled hers and leaned forward towards him. "No way."
"Oh, come on, it would be awesome. Hitchhiker is the ultimate story of racism. The entire universe is against the human race. It's the American south on a galactic scale."
Kate simply rolled her eyes again. "Next thing you're going to say is that I should teach an entire course on your books."
Castle shrugged and took another bite of his burger. "There have been worse ideas you know."
"Oh, no, now I've got it. A comparative look of popular American crime novels. Patterson, Cannell, Castle and Evanovich."
Castle paused. "Evanovich? Really? Why?"
"Because then I could prove that even Stephanie Plum could kick Derek Storm's ass."
Castle continued to slowly chew his last bite of burger as he glared at the woman seated across the table. "That was low and I thought you didn't read popular fiction. How would you know any of this anyway?"
"I don't read it." Kate argued. "My mother does. She likes to keep me informed of the latest plot lines. That reminds me, by the way, she would like me to ask you for an autographed copy of your latest novel."
"Really? Your mom is a fan? I like that. I should meet her. Find out how someone as cynical as you could come from such a loving woman with great taste in reading material."
"Oh, please, you are not meeting my mother."
Kate raised her hand and waved down their waiter, signaling for the check as Castle reached over to snag one of her fries, his plate picked clean.
"Oh, come on. You've met my daughter. I'm sure you'll meet my mother one of these days when she finally does the walk of shame. You've seen mine. I should be able to see yours now, too. What do they do anyway, your parents?"
"They're both lawyers. Civil law."
"Exciting."
"Extremely."
"Why didn't you become a lawyer, too? I could see you in power suit, stalking into a courtroom, making suspects wet their pants."
Kate let out a small chuckle, shrugging her shoulders. "Never really gave it any thought. I was never interested. Too many rules. I like my freedom, always have."
Castle nodded as he stared at the woman across from him, sucking in a small breath as her eyes met up to meet his and they locked for a long moment, her smiling back at him.
"Come on, let's get out of here. There is someplace I want to show you."
They continued to walk down the sidewalk in silence, the sun beating down as heat shimmered up from the concrete.
"I understand about the freedom," Castle began after a minute and Kate turned her head to look over at him as he continued. "That's why I'm thankful for the fame, the money. It gives me the freedom to do what I love and to not worry. It gives me the freedom to travel and spend time with Alexis. I get to live life on my own terms. That's one of the reasons why my marriages failed. They both wanted to change me, to tie me down, make me what they wanted. I didn't want to change, still don't."
Kate nodded silently as she kept pace beside him, her thoughts drifting back to the conversation with Rebecca about Columbia, about Mark and California. She had had her time to fly, though, and she had, high and far. She had even gotten a little too close to the sun a time or two, her wax wings melting as she fell back toward Earth.
One tiny voice in her head explained that it was time to grow up, to settle down and compromise. Marriage was about balance, doing what made both of them happy. The other voice screamed at her to break free and keep flying. Mark would soar after her, she was sure of it. He might not be thrilled but he would be happy for her. He would like New York, too, and it was a great opportunity for her.
"Hey," Castle's voice filtered into her thoughts and she blinked, noticing that they had stopped on the sidewalk. "Where'd you go?"
"Nothing." Kate answered too quickly. "Just thinking. Where are we?"
Castle's face bloomed into a wide smile. "Only the best place in The City, maybe even the Tristate Area."
Castle stepped back and held out his hand with a flourish. "Comicadia."
Kate let out a laugh as she clapped a palm over her wide, open mouth smile, "Oh my God. I love this place."
"You? Really? I thought I would have to convince you to go in, have an argument over the literary validity of comic books or something."
Kate shook her head as she stared in through the window. "No, I bought my first comic here when I was fourteen. I loved it."
She blushed slightly as she continued with her confession. "I still sneak into a comic book store by the university sometimes. Pick up some of the new ones. I can't help it."
"Woman after my own heart. Right this way, Professor. Let's feed your bad habit." He nodded his head towards the store as he reached for the door handle.
Kate was lying on her stomach in the middle of her bed as she flipped through one of the comics she had picked up at Comicadia. Her wet hair spilled over her shoulders as her feet kicked and danced in the air. She felt, and looked, like she was fourteen again, except for the braces.
The bed shifted and she looked up to see her mother sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. "Katie."
"Hey, Mom. What's up?"
"You have a good day?"
"Yeah, it was nice, why do you ask?"
Johanna shrugged as she looked down at her daughter, a hand running through the younger woman's damp hair. "You've been smiling a lot more lately, that's all."
Kate's hand, which had been moving to flip a page, paused and she rolled over, shifting until she was sitting up in bed, her back against the headboard. "What are you talking about, Mom?"
Johanna shook her head again, adjusting herself so only one leg was dangling off of the bed, her body angled so she could stare into bright green eyes identical to her own. "Are you happy, Katie?"
Kate's mouth flickered into a confused smile. "Of course I am happy Mom. I'm getting married, Mark is up for tenure, and I have a great job. I will probably be asked back to Moscow next year. We've been talking about starting a family. Why wouldn't I be happy? You even just said that I've been smiling a lot more lately."
Johanna looked down in her lap, her hands playing idly with each other. She took a deep breath and looked back up to meet her daughter's eyes. "That's not what I meant when I said lately. I meant the last few days, the ones that you've spent with Rick Castle. You've been smiling more; you've been more animated. I'm not denying that you were happy before, Katie, but there is something there. A glint in your eyes that I haven't seen in a long time, not since you came home with that motorcycle and you danced around the living room with your acceptance letter to Stanford. For most people the world is a hard place to navigate, they need to work hard just to get by, to understand. Not for you, Katie. You've always been too smart for your own good, seeking challenges and excitement wherever you can. When you aren't challenged you aren't happy."
Kate shifted again, bending her head down to look at the comic lying open in her lap. "I'm fine, Mom. I'm happy, I am. I'm happy with Mark and everything. We're good. I promise."
She forced out a smile before looked back down at her lap. Her mother shot her a stare.
Johanna finally sighed and pushed herself up off the bed, bending over to kiss her daughter on the forehead. "I'm not going to judge you, Katie. I just want you to be happy."
Kate leaned her head back and let out a breath of air, her cheeks puffing out in the process, after the door clicked shut and she heard her mother's steps fading down the hall. Her finger flicked at the corner of the thin glossy pages of the book in her lap and she flipped the comic shut flinging it with a flick of her wrist onto the bed beside her.
After a moment of debate, she pulled the laptop out of the top drawer in the bedside table and opened it, running her finger over the track pad as the machine woke up with a sigh. Idly she flipped through her email accounts, personal and work, without actually paying attention to any of the words she was reading. She ran her finger over the pad once more, making the mouse move in patterns on the screen before she let out another sigh, clicking her tongue against the top of her mouth, and clicked the small icon to bring up a second tab in her browser window.
Her fingers tapped at the keys slowly, using only the pointers on both of her hands to tap the letters and symbols until she was finished. Her right index finger hovered over the enter key for a moment before she finally tapped down on it, waiting impatiently as the homepage for Columbia University blinked onto the screen. Large brick buildings and smiling co-eds filled her vision.
She closed her eyes and leaned back against the headboard once again as she stared at the page.
Tenure at Columbia.
Mark would understand, he would. He would do this for her, because she had to fly.