Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: I have the best readers. :)

Chapter 7

"You are such a child!" Kate yelled as she filled the doorway to the office, staring out into the living room as Castle scurried across the loft. His laughter floated back to her and she let out another growl of frustration.

Kate had awoken in a bad mood. No not just a bad mood, a phenomenally terrible mood, and Castle's antics had just made it worse.

She had talked to Mark twice since she had spent an hour staring at the Columbia website and going through their course listings. Twice she had failed to mention the job offer. She listened while he talked about a potential internship program for his students at Stanford in global economics being set up in Moscow and Berlin. She nodded and made "uh-huh" noises and small comments as he talked about the conference he was attending and how excited he was to be giving his lecture the next day. She picked at her nails as he talked about the novel he had been reading and was trying to talk to her about.

She smiled when he brought up words like syntax and pointed out small subplots. Her mind drifted to how Castle had started comparing various comic book characters to Shakespeare's works and she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

She hadn't been able to sleep.

At three am she had picked up her phone again to call her fiancé only to, once again, chicken out, and say only that she couldn't sleep and wanted to hear his voice.

She tossed and turned for the next two hours and at five am she got up to go for a run.

Now, standing in the middle of Castle's loft she had no patience left for his childish antics and was forcing herself not to beg him to give her the first chapters he had written of his latest novel. She had seen the chapters on his desk, and had reached for them only to have him snatch them up and proceed to play a game of keep away with her.

"Castle," she growled again as she stalked towards him. "Just give me the damn pages."

"Why? Because you asked so nicely? No, I told you. They aren't finished yet, I don't want you reading them," Castle rationalized as he backed towards the kitchen, the thick stack of papers held securely in one hand.

Kate made a lung for him and he took off to the other side of the counter. Rounding a corner so they were facing off across the island. Castle moved from foot to foot doing a poor facsimile of a boxer's footwork as Kate stood still, jaw clenched, hands braced on the counter top.

"Castle," she ground out one last time.

"Beckett…" he shot back with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Ugh, you are so annoying. I've known you for six days and I already want to punch you in the face, no wonder your marriages didn't last. Just give me the freaking chapters," Kate said one last time, the exasperation and annoyance spilling out of her with every syllable.

The pages flopped onto the counter in front of her and she looked up with a start to see Castle standing with his arms crossed over his chest. She looked back down at the small manuscript and replayed the conversation in her head.

Her eyes grew wide and she looked back up at him.

"Rick, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

If there was one thing that had become very clear to Kate over the course of the last couple of days, it was that Castle's marriages were a sore subject. Especially, since he had admitted the evening before that he had tried to get back together with each of them at least once since they had broken up, only to have it fail as miserably as it had the first time.

"It's fine," Castle replied. "Just read the pages, Kate."

Kate opened her mouth to respond, to make an excuse, to say something to let him know she hadn't meant it, when the front door flew open and a woman's voice floated in through the apartment.

"Richard, dear, are you home?"

Both of them paused as their heads swiveled towards the door.

"Mother, nice of you to finally grace us with your presence. I take it you have had a nice week?" Castle stated wryly.

"Oh, hush, darling. I was here the other night for dinner. That is when you told me about your new main character. Remember?" Martha's voice continued to chatter until she was standing next to her son and she glanced up to see Kate staring at them from the other side of the counter. "Oh, you, dear, must be Katherine. My son has been talking about you for days. Trust me when I say that he was not exaggerating when he said that you were gorgeous. Martha Rogers, dear. It is nice to meet you."

Kate blushed as she walked around the edge of the island, the chapters still gripped in her left hand as she held out her right to shake Martha's hand. She let out a startled laugh as the older woman pulled her into tight hug, the air being squeezed out of her lungs in the process.

"It's nice to meet you Ms. Rogers, please call me Kate," she responded after she had been released from the other woman's grip and had a chance to catch her breath.

"It's Martha, dear. Ms. Rogers makes me feel like I should be married to a chipper man wearing a red sweater. Now if you two will excuse me, I am going to change and take a nap. Then, I am out again. I have a date."

"Mother, you just got back from a weeklong date," Rick called after his mother as she made her way to the stairs.

"Yes, well, someone in this house has to have a little bit of fun. Alexis is practically married to that nice young man she has been seeing- going to art openings and galas. I swear that girl is twenty years older than she appears and you have been moping around this apartment for months. Even though, I have been seeing you smile a lot more the past few days. I like it. Have a good night, dears."

The pair watched as Martha ascended the stairs, only turning to blink at each other when they heard a door slam shut from the second floor.

"So, that was my mother," Castle explained as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

Kate nodded a couple of times. "She seems nice."

"Yep."

"I am going to go read these now."

"Okay."

Kate wandered over to the couch and curled up in the corner, the chapters resting on the arm of the sofa as her legs curled up underneath her.

"Oh, by the way," Castle started as he back towards his office. "I based the main character on you. Let me know what you think."

Kate stared at him, open mouthed, as the door to his office slammed shut and she heard the lock click so she was locked out.

She blinked a couple of times as she looked down at the bold letters that said chapter one. No title, no outline, character sketches or summary. Just, chapter one. Taking a deep breath she flipped the page and started to read, allowing herself to fall briefly into the world of Richard Castle's imagination.

Jade Knight. That was the name of her character; a translator for the U.N. who overheard some sensitive information and found herself caught up in the middle of a terrorist plot.

Kate let a small laugh as she finished reading about her alter ego on the page. It was oddly flattering, being the inspiration for someone, not that she would ever admit it.

"So, what do you think?"

She looked up as Castle's voice floated over to her from where he was standing, leaning against the doorframe of his office. She had been staring at the last page, wishing silently that he had written more. She wanted to read more, to find out what happened to Jade and how this Jameson Rook guy, an international news reporter for the fictional version of CNN would help her. Rook and Knight.

Checkmate.

"Not bad." She shrugged.

"Liar. You liked it. I saw that smile on your face," Castle accused as he pointed a finger at her.

He shifted a little bit. "Are you okay with it? Being my muse?"

Kate couldn't help but smile both at his sudden shyness and the fact that he had used the term muse.

"I can deal with it, I guess. Your characters are a lot more realistic— have more depth. Therefore, being your inspiration is a small price to pay, I suppose. Just never use the word muse again."

Castle let out a small laugh. "Deal. Now, are you hungry? I could eat."

Kate nodded as she unfolded herself from the couch, stretching as she followed him back to the kitchen.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asked as she slid onto one of the barstools, her bare feet curling around the cold metal bar at the bottom.

"Only if I can ask you one in return," Castle negotiated as he dug through the fridge, pulling out various ingredients for a snack.

Kate inclined her head. "Fair enough. Why did you name my character Jade? It's such an unusual name."

Castle paused and turned to look at her, a couple of apples and a jar of peanut butter gripped in his hands. "Well, my first name choice was Nikki Heat, but I figured a U.N. interpreter would need a more sophisticated name. Even though the title options for Heat were endless. Nevertheless, Jade seemed more appropriate."

He paused as he pulled out a cutting board and a knife. "And because of your eyes. Something needed to be said about them."

Once again Kate found herself speechless as she stared at the man standing across from her. That seemed to be happening to her a lot lately. Her open jaw turned into a small smile as a blush crept up her neck.

She rested her head in a hand as she watched him finish preparing and placed her plate in front of her.

"So," he continued as he presented her with a glass of water as well. "What's going on with you today? Last night you were fine and today you are ready to snap my head off."

Kate shrugged as she picked at her napkin, her food seemingly forgotten in front of her. She was silent for a moment as she debated if she should tell him or not.

"I got a job offer."

Castle's head perked up. "That's awesome! Why is that bad?"

Kate sighed and dunked a chunk of apple into the glob of peanut butter on her plate. "It's here, tenure at Columbia."

Castle let out a small laugh. "Still not seeing the problem."

Kate lifted her eyes to look at him. "Mark is up for tenure at Stanford."

"And he said he doesn't want to move," Castle finished.

Kate shook her head. "No, I haven't told him yet."

Castle stared over at her from where he was sitting on the stool next to hers.

"Why not?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged as she placed the apple slice she had been playing with back on her plate. "I don't know. I keep on trying to convince myself that he would do this for me, but at the same time he has worked so hard to get where he is. I can't ask him to give it all up."

Castle sighed as he reached across to grasp her hand in his. "Kate, how much have you given up for him?"

She nodded as she stared at their hands on the counter top, the unspoken answer hanging in the air between them.

"Thanks, Castle."

"Anytime. Now on to more important topics: I was thinking Unspoken Knight or Long Days Knight maybe Jaded Knight for a title. What do you think?"

Kate smiled as he tried to take her mind off of her current problems and onto a more lighthearted topic.

"Drunken Knight."

"One Knight Stand."

"Dr. Beckett, that is just down right scandalous," Castle replied, aghast, with a hand pressed daintily against this chest.

They were still sitting at the kitchen island an hour later, batting back and forth different title ideas, some more inane than others as they tried to make the other laugh when Alexis made her way down the stairs and over to the refrigerator with a sigh.

"Hey, pumpkin, what's up?"

Alexis closed the fridge door and leaned against it, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at the pair.

"Ashley is upset. That professor he was excited about having a class with, the one teaching global economics, cancelled all of his classes. The dean sent out an email saying that he was taking a sabbatical to teach overseas for a year."

Kate looked up startled, her body ridged, her eyes wide.

No. He wouldn't…

"Alexis," she started slowly. "What is this professor's name?"

Alexis looked over at her questioningly. "Oh, um, Dr. Alexander I think. Ashley said something about him teaching in Russia or something."

"Excuse me for a second," Kate replied softly.

Castle looked between his daughter and Kate, watching as the older of the two slid off of her stool and made her way to the apartment door, phone clutched in her hand, bare feet padding against the wood floor.

"Alexis, what was this Dr. Alexander's first name?"

Alexis shook her head as the door clicked shut, looking between her father and the apartment door. "I don't remember. I think it might have started with a M. Why?"

"Was it Mark?"

"Possibly." She shrugged. "What's going on?"

"I think you just told Kate that her fiancé was moving to Russia for a year."

Alexis's eyes grew wide as they both turned to look at the closed door.

Kate paced the hall waiting while the phone rang in her ear.

"Kate, hi! I am so glad you called, I have some fantastic news."

Kate stilled at her fiancé's enthusiastic greeting.

"Mark."

"Katie, what's wrong?"

"I was just informed by one of your students that you are staying on Moscow for another year. That's what's wrong."

"Katie, I was going to tell you…"

"Tell me? You were going to tell me? We've been together for seven years, Mark. Seven years. You don't tell someone you are planning on living halfway around the globe for a year after you have been in a relationship together for seven years. You talk about it; you decide it together. And to make this situation even worse, you told the university and a bunch of pimply-faced freshmen before you told me. Seriously, Mark?"

Kate listened with half an ear as he tried to fumble his way through his argument, apology, whatever he was saying.

"I was going to surprise you. They have a position open for you here, too. It is only for a year, I will still get tenure when we get back and your position will still be available for you. You love Russia, Katie."

"I was offered tenure at Columbia, Mark."

Kate listened to the pause on the other end of the phone. "That's great, Katie. You could probably talk to them, see if the position would still be available next year."

Kate stilled, the phone held against her ear, her feet planted firmly on the ground. She could feel the anger bubbling up inside of her.

"You know what?" She sighed into the phone after a minute, the fight suddenly draining from her. "Save it. I'll talk to you later."

She stood slumped against the hallway wall, the dim light glowing above her, the whir of the elevator beside her. A week ago she would have jumped at the news. Before she had come back to the U.S., before she had been offered Columbia, before she had started to smile again.

She could feel it in her face, the way her muscles were sore from twisting up so often. When had it stopped in the first place?

She couldn't remember.

Castle and Alexis were both still in the kitchen when she came back into the loft.

"So…" Castle began as soon as the door clicked shut behind her. "I take it this Dr. Alexander is Mark."

Kate's cheeks turned pink as she let out a breath and ran a hand through her hair, leaning back against the door. "Heard that, did you?"

Castle and Alexis both nodded at her, their heads moving in tandem with the same wide-eyed expression covering their faces.

"I think the whole building heard that," Alexis piped up.

Kate let out a small, embarrassed laugh, as she winced at the girl's comment, before covering her face with her hands. "I, um, I should go. I'm sorry about that."

Castle shook his head as he stood, snapping out of his shock. "Oh, no. After that you are definitely staying for dinner. I feel like comfort food is in order. Alexis makes a mean baked mac and cheese."

Kate let out a small smile as she let him usher her back towards her stool. "Mac and cheese sounds good."

She slumped back down on the stool and reached out to grasp her cup of water from earlier, twirling it on the countertop. "You got any vodka?"