Chapter 18

Stephenie Meyer owns the story yadada, I own nothing except a really amazing kids room that I completed while ignoring this story...ooops...

BPOV

The morning started out all right. Rose griped within an inch of her polite little life about the extra early wake up time. Alice was driving them both insane with her comments about one Jasper Hale, to the point where both she and Rose both vetoed her talking about him.

"But he's so gorgeous! That smile, his quick wit and the way his eyes light up… he's completely mesmerizing!"

"Alice, shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Don't make me stick my fingers in my ears and start singing the la-la-la song." Rose was beyond exasperated. Dinner had ended with some fine repartee with Emmett, so she spent the following evening after dinner plotting how she would get him to break the bet. As yet, she had not come up with a plan and Bella knew that her friend was a woman that was rarely without one. Rose was the Princess of the Schemers, always one step ahead of the game.

"Between the pair of you I'm starting to think it was a bad idea to even bring you along to this outside broadcast. You're driving me around the bend, the pair of you. Rose is all bitchy-twitchy and Alice, dear Alice, I can almost smell how eager you are to bonk this guys brains out."

"Oh no, do I smell like old lady's vajayjay ?" Alice looked like she was contemplating having another shower.

"No Alice, you don't smell like your Aunt Fiona. Let's just get your ass out of this room and into the meeting room that they have set up. I'm keeping the pair of you away from the objects of your desire and/or frustration. You two were supposed to be here for me, but it seems that between the three of us we don't have an adult synapse occurring in our little minds."

Bella pushed the girls through the door and into the elevator, pushing the button for the conference room that was located ion one of the upper floors. The broadcast was on the rooftop and anyone who was invited had a strict security protocol to follow. These measures had to be taken since the protestors had become even more frenzied in their attempts to get at DJ EC.

Rose sighed in frustration at the security, bristling at the security guard when she felt he was getting a little too personal with her body space.

"Seriously, they're checking us out before we even get into the conference room? Do these people not know that we're the lawyers?"

Emmett smiled at Rose from the other side of the room, obviously overhearing her comments about the security guard.

"Hey Blondie, getting a bit riled up there are we? Ready to pop, ready to explode, ready to swear those vulgarities that I know exist inside that filthy little mind of yours?"

Bella wasn't sure how Rose was managing to keep herself from telling Emmett to stick something where the sun don't shine, using only four letters or so, but Rose was keeping it together. Bella thought this was going to be her weakest time as Rose was not a morning person and suspected that if Rose was going to lose it, the pre-7am time frame would be impeccable timing for Emmett.

"Morning, Emmett. So, you're a morning person as well I assume. Just great."

"Yes Rose-a-liscious, I am a morning person. Love me some morning time. Brain's sharp as a tack, aware of every filthy word being filtered through my mind and being prevented from being said to you. Yep, not gonna catch me this morning... My money is looking good Princess."

"Emmett honey, or Jerkett as I'm going to call you, I am in full control. Believe you me, if I ever lost control your little penis would explode."

Bella didn't bat for the other team, but Rose was oozing a sexuality that even Bella wasn't aware that she possessed. Maybe this was her tactic; flirt and get him to swear. She had no idea anymore. Emmet was suddenly looking decidedly uncomfortable.

Edward made an entrance and the morning session started, all parties bandying about ideas on how to make the most of the show's two main themes for the day, Virgins and Katy Perry. Two words that probably don't belong in the same sentence.

Katy was due to sing two songs and fourteen virgins had come a long to vie for the v-card challenge. Local news was read and Vegas appropriate jokes were developed. All in all, Bella managed to keep it together. She reminded herself that Alice and Rose would let her walk away from the show if it got too much for her. She felt herself cringing as Edward warmed up and his luscious English accent made way for the voice he would use for the redneck-a-thon that was about to start.

As show time approached, they made their way to the rooftop, watching as the Vegas skyline changed itself from a beautiful, mysterious, world of glitzy lights into an average city in the middle of the desert.

The same security guard greeted them at the doorway, this time giving Rose a cursory glance before allowing her entrance, obviously once bitten twice shy. Alice asked if the security guard wanted to do a body cavity search. He denied her kind offer, his red face betraying his intense embarrassment. Bella didn't think he had a lot of experience because surely a Las Vegas security guard had seen it all before?

The crowd selected for the audience was vetted and slowly allowed up onto the rooftop. An amazing breakfast had been prepared and Aro was schmoozing with the important people within the crowd, ignoring the general public. Bella shook her head at his antics; schmoozing was an art-form that made her feel ill at ease.

She made her way to the producer's table, seating herself next to Jasper, being mindful to keep Alice away from him. In turn, she also had to keep Rose away from the yellow button.

She prayed she wouldn't have to use it.

The show pulled out all the stops.. In between the music, DJ EC was interviewing the would-be candidates for the morning's prize. This was where Bella learned that there was indeed a market for this kind of show. The various "Vegas Virgins", as they had been dubbed, were more than happy to tell half of America why they were still virgins, as well as let DJ EC poke fun of their individual circumstances.

John lived at home with his mother, who was determined that he not have a social life. Considering that the house was his, she was not the best house guest. She would knock on his bedroom door and scream out, "What are you doing in there with my precious little boy, you hussy?"

Another contestant, Adrian, had discovered that his penis was so small that when erect it didn't fit into standard size condoms. While he had nearly gotten to home base on three occasions, the size of his manhood had freaked out many a potential partner.

Meanwhile, Terry suffered from premature ejaculation and couldn't even get his trousers down without coming all over himself.

Bella couldn't believe how nonchalant the contestants were about sharing such personal information about themselves with all of America. She guessed that everyone wanted their 5 minutes of fame, no matter how pathetic it might seem. The guys seemed to be pretty happy to participate and not one of them balked at telling their story. It was morning radio comedy gold.

Edward used some subtle English humor to encourage the guys to be as self-deprecating as possible. The winner was going to be decided after the hour segment with Katy Perry, in which they played a game of "I've never" with her, and she belted out her hit "Fireworks". Katy was quite gracious, walking her way through the crowd, signing autographs and being generally charming. Bella was less impressed when she was generally charming with Edward, who was talking in a way that appeared to be excessively intimate.

Katy was going to wrap up the show with another live song so she headed off stage to set up. This left Edward to complete the segment on the Vegas Virgin and declare the winner.

The eventual winner was James, a slightly creepy looking gentleman who was rocking a pony tail and looked like something out of a gangster movie. If this didn't put you off, the pitch of his voice did. It was extraordinary. It was like his balls had retracted so far up into his abdomen that he was close to coughing them up. He was high pitched and eerily out of tune. Edward described his voice as being akin to fingernails on a chalkboard. No one had even kissed this poor bugger. Two sentences and they were gone. Bella wanted to feel sympathetic, but was worried that James was going to open his mouth and talk again.

Edward declared him the winner on the condition he didn't speak to the lady who was his prize. As Edward held the winner's arm high above his head in a typical winner pose a commotion broke out.

Suddenly, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The only thing that Bella saw was a flash of red hair and then the gleam of a knife, heading towards Edwards chest...

She screamed.

Thank you to the Brissie fic club for the wonderful night out and introduction to about a million fics that I didn't know were fabulous out there. I also outted myself to my husband this last week and let him know that I write fanfic. It was like being gay and coming out of the closet.