Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your support and kind words. I do read and appreciate every review I get. I love hearing what you all think (good or bad). It helps make me a better writer. :)

Now, onto chapter 11! :)

Chapter 11

Kate bent over, chest heaving as the sweat poured down her face and pooled at her collarbones. This time she hadn't jogged; she had full out run for the better part of an hour. She ran through the vivid memories of the dream, she ran through the anger she felt towards Mark, she ran through the flutter of attraction in her belly every time she saw Richard Castle. She dodged business men as she thought about the idiotic things she had done as a child and how she only wanted to curl up on the couch with a book now. She jogged in place on street corners as her youthful desire to travel the world flitted through her mind and she though about how she had given it up for love, school and a career. She ran as she thought about how in love her parents were and how they still spent countless hours apart, both lost in their jobs. She thought about kids and her career. Her want of tenure, her want of the same for her fiancé; security, distinction, a validation of what they had each worked so long and hard for. She thought about the way Mark would whisper how much he loved her in her ear at night when he thought she was asleep. She remembered that bolt of electricity that flew up her arm and shocked her heart when Rick had grabbed her hand. She thought and she ran. She ran and ran, until her legs gave out and it felt like she was walking on jelly.

She set out in a walk as she brought her hands up to rest her arms on top of her head. A passing man let out a wolf whistle and she raised her middle finger at him in response. She was in no mood and, no, it was not flattering.

She had listened to Mark's voice mails the night before, all twelve of them. They all held the same theme, only in different words. I'm sorry. It will be a great opportunity. I did it for you.

She exhaled out through her mouth and dropped her hands to her sides like dead weight.

A month ago you would have jumped at this opportunity. That annoying voice in the back of her mind nagged. You love Moscow. You love Mark. Why is this so difficult? All you have to do is call him, tell him you are sorry for getting upset and go home to pack.

Kate chewed on her bottom lip as the music from her iPod flowed into her ears. It was difficult though. What if… What if it wasn't right? What if it wasn't what she wanted? What if she wanted more?

What if? What if? What if?

Kate shook her head and pulled the white ear buds out of her ears. The weight of her phone was heavy in her hand as she swiped her finger over the screen and scrolled through the list of names. The pad of her finger pressed the phone icon next to the correct moniker and she shook her head again as she brought the object to her ear, listening as it rang. Twice. Three times.

"Hello?"

Kate swallowed and took in a deep breath, pasting a smile onto her face even though the person on the other end couldn't see her.

"Rebecca, hi, it's Kate Beckett. I'm sorry to call you on a weekend but I was wondering if you would be able to meet for lunch? I have a couple of questions for you about the job offer..."

Kate chewed on her thumbnail as she waited on the hall side of the door to Castle's loft Monday morning.

His fingers grazing the fabric covering the bottom of her breast and hers traveling up the plain of his back, fingers teasing the taunt strands of his muscles.

Letting out a deep groan, she shook her head and bit down harder. It had been twenty-four hours of dream-induced torture. The door to the loft finally swung open and Kate forced down the blush that was threatening to cover her cheeks as the object of her late night fantasy came into view.

"Hey," Castle stated with a small wave. His head was tilted down slightly and he rocked back and forth between his feet.

Kate cocked her head. Something was up. Something was…. She smiled softly.

He was nervous.

"Hey," she replied, shoving her hands into her pockets as she continued to wait in the hall "What's up?"

Castel ran a hand through his hair as he took a step back, letting her enter the apartment. He let out a breath of air and Kate could feel her own nervousness melting away. She had something to focus on now. She could focus on whatever was bothering him.

"I, well, here's the… I have a thing tonight."

"A thing?"

"Well, an event."

"An event?"

"A charity event, a banquet."

"A party?"

"Yes, and my date came down with food poisoning."

"Date?"

"Will you stop repeating everything that I say?"

Kate let out a slight laugh. "Are you asking me to be your replacement date for this event tonight?"

Castle shifted feet slightly. "I wouldn't ask but Alexis has a thing with Ashley and the last time I took Mother to something like this she ended up ditching me for a proctologist."

Castle shivered, "I don't even want to think any deeper on that one. No pun intended."

He let out a slight grown at his own unintentional play on words; a hand coming up to rub down his face.

Kate stifled a laugh and waited for him to continue.

"And well, my ex-wife will be there and no offense but you are gorgeous and it would make her really jealous if I showed up with you."

Kate's jaw fell open and she crossed her arms over her chest as she pinned him with a glare. "So you want to use me as arm candy to piss off your ex-wife?"

Castle shifted again, hesitantly lifting his eyes to meet hers. "Um, yes?"

Kate lifted a hand to her mouth to hide her smirk. It really was fun to watch him squirm.

"There will be free booze and the food is normally pretty good," Castle threw in as she continued to glare at him with narrow eyes, causing him to take a step backwards.

The events of the past week flitted through Kate's mind. She shook her head slightly.

"I will be the perfect gentleman," Castle continued to bargain. "I can even call Mark and ask his permission."

Kate couldn't help but let her laugh sneak out at that one. "That definitely will not be necessary. Fine, Castle, I will be your date but if you try anything…"

"I know, I know," he interrupted. "You will cut off my balls and have them for dinner."

Kate started slightly. "Um, gross, but yes, essentially. Now, where were we?"

Kate glanced around the apartment to find it empty before making her way towards his office, Castle trailing along behind.

"Well, since you left me all alone yesterday," Castle lamented. "I wrote two more chapters. They aren't even close to being polished yet but they are all yours if you want to read them."

Kate bit her lip to suppress her child-like grin, all awkwardness from her own mind's musings and Rick asking her to accompany him to this 'event' melting away at the thought of new chapters. "Really?"

Castle studied her face for a moment before leaning towards her, a playful glint in his eye. "Why Professor Beckett, are you actually excited to be reading some of my tawdry stories with substandard plot lines?"

"No," Kate defended. "I'm just looking forward tearing them apart. It is the highlight of my day, you know."

Castle nodded his head slowly, disbelieving, as he held out the stack of pages for her.

She plopped down on the leather couch, spinning so her head was resting on one arm with her legs bent up so she could rest the proffered pages on them. Lifting her hips slightly, she pulled the red pen out of her pocket as Castle sat down in his desk chair and turned his attention back to his laptop.

"Be gentle with me, now," he warned, teasingly, as his fingers began to fly over the keys. "You know how fragile my ego truly is."

Johanna leaned against the doorframe to her daughter's bedroom as Kate riffled through her suitcase, looking for the black dress she knew was in there somewhere.

"Where are you headed to tonight?"

Kate glanced up as her hand found the right fabric and she yanked the article loose from the twists of cotton and denim. "Castle has a thing he needs a plus one for. I said I would go."

Johanna nodded knowingly as she watched Kate bend over to unwrap the towel from around her head; a second towel securely wrapped around her body.

"Mark called me earlier today," Johanna continued. "He said he was worried about you. He's been calling and leaving messages but you haven't been returning any of them. He wanted to make sure you were all right."

Kate turned to look up at her mother, dress in one hand, undergarments and panty hose in the other. "I've listened to the messages. He doesn't get it, Mom. He keeps on saying he doesn't understand why I'm upset; that this is what we wanted. He lied to me. He went behind my back and decided the next year of my life without me. I'm allowed to be upset and ignore his calls for a few days."

Johanna took in a deep breath and stepped into the room to take a seat on the bed as Kate disappeared into the bathroom to change.

"Have you told him that?" Johanna called through the closed door after a few silent moments.

"Of course I told him that," Kate replied, her voice muffled. "He still doesn't understand."

The door burst back open as Kate stepped back out, dressed in a black sleeveless scoop neck cocktail dress, the skirt flaring out slightly and falling to her knees. She ran the towel through her hair again as she glanced down at her mother.

"I'm not doing anything wrong Mom. Mark and I will work things out. Right now, I am helping out a friend, going out for a night and I am going to have fun."

Johanna looked at her daughter as Kate attempted to fix her hair in the mirror. "Does Mark know about this 'date'?"

Kate let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not a date. Rick is a friend. I am allowed to spend time with my friends."

With a deflating sigh, Johanna shook her head and pushed herself off of her bed. She made her way into the bathroom, steering her daughter over to sit down on the closed toilet seat, bringing a brush down to her hair. "I haven't done this since your senior prom."

Kate's mouth turned up in a half-hearted smile. "Nothing's going on, Mom. I promise. I'm not that person. Neither is he."

"I know, Katie. I just don't want to see anyone hurt."

Kate nodded slightly as her mother pulled at her hair, twisting and curling it; securing it with pins.

Castle let out a groan of frustration as he struggled to fix his tie. Untying the knot for the third time. He hastily yanked at the fabric until it fell open. A hand reached up to pop open the top button of his dress shirt and he plopped down on the couch, allowing himself to sprawl for a moment in his designer suit. He ran a hand through his hair until it stuck out in every direction.

Colin's words from the dinner two nights before had been echoing in his brain for the last forty-eight hours; distracting him as he wrote, reflecting back at him in Alexis's knowing gaze.

He's doing it for her because he loves her. The voice taunted.

Part of him had wanted to see Mark as a selfish bastard. It gave him some justification for falling in love with the other man's fiancé.

Castle's eyes popped open.

Love?

Where had that come from?

He ran a hand through his hair again and let out a sigh as he heard a knock sound at the front door.

Love?

He blew out a breath. It wasn't love. You couldn't fall in love with someone in a week. It was a passing infatuation with an intriguing woman. Everyone had crushes; that did not mean that it was love.

Castle attempted to straighten his hair as he pushed himself off of the couch and trotted towards the door, silently debating whether faking food poisoning would be possible. His head was still reeling as he twisted the knob and his breath caught in his chest as he came face to face with the object of his musings and she was…

"Gorgeous," he breathed out.

His eyes grew wide as he realized that he had said the word out loud.

A blush crept up Kate's neck, adding more color to her cheeks and turning the tips of her ears bright red. The word adorable wandered across his tongue but he bit down, hard, to keep the thought his own.

"You look beautiful," Castle stuttered out as he continued to stare at her.

The blush deepened slightly as she shifted from one foot to the other, head dipping slightly.

"Thanks," she replied shyly. "It's the only dress I had with me."

Her hair was twisted up at the sides and pulled back to look like something straight out of the forties. Her make up was done lightly but elegantly, an emphasis around her eyes. She had a black clutch in her hands and a pair of black stilettos donning her feet.

"You can never go wrong with a little black dress," Castle offered and Kate smiled again as she took a step towards him.

"You don't look half bad yourself, Castle," she offered back as she set her clutch down on the table and lifted her hands to his tie. "You might want to do something with that hair, though."

Castle brought his hands up to pat down his hair as his eyes drifted down to watch Kate as she deftly tied a neat knot in his tie, patting it with one hand after she finished.

"You're good at that," he mumbled.

She looked up at him, her fingers working to smooth his collar.

"Engaged to an economist, remember? Smart guy but not the best when it comes to formal wear," she murmured in reply, gracing him with another small, slightly wistful smile as she took a step back, letting her hands fall to her sides.

Kate looked around for a moment, her eyes wandering everywhere around the apartment except back toward him. Her hand reached out to grab her clutch and she shifted from foot to foot again.

She was nervous.

Castle watched her for a second before shaking his head and checking his pockets for his phone and keys.

"You ready to go?" He asked suddenly, perhaps too loudly, and she jumped slightly, nodding in reply.

"Ready."

He followed her out into the hall. The silence was palpable as they stood side by side in the elevator and they both nodded to the doorman as they made their way through the lobby and into the waiting town car.

She was staring out the window as the car pulled out into the evening traffic. She was quiet, too quiet. Castle shifted slightly, his fingers dancing on his thigh.

"You okay?" he asked softly, causing Kate to turn to him with a soft questioning hum.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

Castle nodded slightly, looking forward before turning back to look at her again.

Kate let out a soft sigh and her eyes flickered up at him from where she had been studiously staring at her fingers twisting together in her lap.

"I met with Rebecca about the position at Columbia yesterday," she began after a moment.

Castle's eyebrow rose and he shifted slightly in his seat to look at her. She was still considering Columbia? Did that mean that she was thinking about breaking up with Mark?

"And?" he prompted gently.

"And," she continued. "She wasn't happy about it but she said that they could bring in a temporary professor and hold the position for me for a year."

Castle felt his heart plummet in his chest and he had to remind himself to take a breath as his lungs started to burn and Kate turned back to look out the window.

"Is that what you want?" He asked gently as he managed to re-enter the conversation.

She turned back to look at him, head propped in one hand, elbow resting against the window. The conflict was evident in her eyes as she replied softly.

"I don't know what I want."