(A/N: Going full-on angst for this chapter's lyrics. No judgments. I love 21P. But you'll definitely get a different feel from this song than you have been getting.

Shorter chapter today. This is actually the length I'd like my chapters to be all the time, but I wory it's not long enough for most people. Anyway, things are finally getting exciting! For me, as a writer, anyway. I don't know if it's exciting as a reader. I'm doing this for me, anyway. But I still do hope you like it!)

CHAPTER VIII: DENIAL

I wanted to be a better brother, better son.
Wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done.
I have none to show to the one I love
But deny, deny, denial.

Twenty One Pilots, "Polarize"
Blurryface

"And you recognized him?" Nissa asked, frowning, lying down on the black leather couch. Her straw-blonde hair spilled over the plush arm like a golden waterfall. "You're sure?" she asked.

Sheridan nodded. "I'm positive. I knew his name. It's Silas."

"How?" she asked.

He chewed on the inside of his lower lip. He wasn't prepared to talk about it yet for fear of coming across as insane. Instead, Sheridan said, "I just knew him. I'm not sure."

Nissa righted herself and smoothed down the wrinkles in her shorts, placing her feet on the ground. "Ghost, come sit," she told him, motioning to the empty love seat perpendicular to the sofa. He did. "I'm not upset with you. To be honest with you, I didn't expect you to be successful the first time around. But I did hope the confidence would help you."

"It did," Sheridan assured her.

"To be truly powerful, you have to understand the 'why' of a few things. Why you can summon the portal to the Corridors of Darkness. Why you recognized that boy. Why you woke up with little to no memories in a random town."

She had the answers this whole time? This annoyed Sheridan slightly, but he only nodded.

"When a person loses their heart to the Heartless—these creatures that skulk around in the darkness—they leave their body behind, and it becomes something entirely different. Depending on a few factors, you could be a vaguely humanoid… monster, for lack of a better word, or you could be essentially an entirely different person, devoid of emotions. We call those Nobodies."

Sheridan frowned. "So I'm a Nobody."

She tried to smile, and the corners of her lips turned up, but it still somehow didn't turn into anything resembling happiness. "You catch on quick. Yes, you're a Nobody. I don't know whose Nobody you are, or where your Heartless is. I don't know anything about you, to be honest, except what I've seen in the last two days. But I do know that if you're sure you recognize that Silas person, your Somebody almost surely knew him."

"Huh." Sheridan crossed his arms over his chest. "So he could tell me who my Somebody is?"

"Was," Nissa corrected him. "You're not a Somebody unless you have both a body and a heart. Without your heart, which is likely drowning in darkness by now, you're only a body. In order to become a Somebody again, you have to pull your heart out of the darkness and join it with your body."

"What is the darkness?"

Nissa laughed, grabbing a crimson throw pillow from the edge of the couch and hugging it to her chest, like a child at a sleepover. "That's a really good question, Ghost. People have different theories. Some say, since your heart is your emotions and instincts, that darkness is the evil instincts and negative emotions. But darkness is a thing—it's a pulling force. It's energy. And it's not all negative. In excess, maybe, it's dangerous—but so is light. What happens when you stare at the sun for too long?" she asked.

Sheridan knew the answer to this question, though he wasn't quite sure how he knew. Probably his Somebody once knew. "You go blind," he said.

"Exactly. What happens when all the lights are out and your bedroom is entirely dark?"

He was starting to understand. "You're blind."

The girl nodded, blowing a stray lock of hair out of her face. "Both leave you blind and unsafe. When a room is half-lit, you can see well enough around you, and your eyes are safe. Which is a long, drawn-out metaphor, sure, but you need a balance of the forces of light and darkness in your heart, too. But nobody's ever lost their heart to the light."

Sheridan grinned. "So darkness is more dangerous."

"Maybe in certain ways." Nissa paused a beat. "But if you learn to harness it, it can be a powerful weapon. Being without a heart yourself, you have nothing to fear by using the darkness to the best of your abilities. You don't have a heart to corrupt."

There had to be something positive in this concerning you-don't-have-a-heart nonsense. "Okay," was all he could think to say.

"I'll teach you what I know about the darkness," Nissa promised, "and how to use your Keyblade, and magic. The best I can. I still have a heart, so I need to be careful. But I still need you to defeat Araceli. She's dangerous."

He nodded at his mentor. "Okay. After Araceli is taken care of, can we find my Somebody?"

Nissa tilted her head to the left once, and nodded at him. "Sure, Ghost." she said.

"One more thing." He paused. "I'd like it if you called me Sheridan."

He instantly regretted this request, which he was so sure was harmless. Nissa's eyes widened to perfect circles, and her coral lips hung open. She tried to say something, but no voice came out. Under her breath, Nissa mumbled something about the bathroom, dropped the pillow to the ground, and scurried out of the room.

In the short time he knew her, Sheridan had never seen her so frantic. He spent the next twenty minutes lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, trying to understand what horrible thing he had just done.

xxx

"Well," Silas grumbled, "I guess that answers that."

Araceli wordlessly started up the Gummi Ship, and they rose into the air with the roar of the engine. Like clockwork, Dylan let his eyelids droop closed, but his sleep looked anything but peaceful. In fact, the boy seemed to scrunch up his forehead in his sleep, as if the confusion of his waking life had somehow seeped into his dreams.

"That's not the Sheridan you knew from school, right?" Silas asked.

"Hm? No," Araceli only said, shaking her head. Her forehead was also creased as she focused perhaps too hard on the sky in front of her. It wasn't long before they broke the atmosphere and the universe around them was black and peppered in fairy lights.

"Something's not right about Sheridan," she finally said after ten minutes of flying. It was then that Silas realized he didn't even know where they were headed. "He wasn't a very good fighter. Why did Yen Sid lead us to him?"

Silas shook his head. "Your guess 's as good as mine. Prolly better." He paused. "We should search for him, right?"

"I'm not so sure anymore." Araceli glanced over at the sleeping Dylan and said, "He was going after us. Me, specifically. It's all very possible that Yen Sid's message wasn't a clue, but a warning."

That word brought with it some seriously nasty implications. Silas had no interest in thinking too hard about it, and crossed his arms behind his head, leaning back. "I guess all we can do is wait until we find him again."

"At this point," Araceli agreed with a nod, which made Silas smile. She was so smart, brave, and powerful; he couldn't help but crave her approval, even though he wouldn't quite admit it to himself. Part of him wanted her to validate him, and the other part of him wanted to get to know who she was behind that intelligence and power that he so envied: he wanted to be her friend.

"Tell me about yourself," he said, without thinking. It was Silas's go-to line. He could start a conversation with almost anybody by asking them to talk about themselves. It's not that he thought everyone was narcissistic, it's just that they were. Everyone loves talking about themselves to anyone who will listen. Silas was pretty sure there were people out there who loved hearing about others, too. He couldn't be the only one.

Araceli didn't say anything for a minute, and just looked back at Silas, as if she thought he was playing a trick on her. This made Silas sad; he knew that look of disbelief. That was the look Nico gave all the time. Some people just can't believe in kindness without an ulterior motive. That was the product of years of bullying. He hated thinking of Nico in that way, and he hated the look Araceli gave him.

Still, she spoke. "I grew up in a small-town world called Sublime Valley. Pretty quiet. I mostly focused on school and soccer. My grandpa raised me on his own, but passed away three days before my fourteenth birthday. I found an abandoned Gummi Ship shortly thereafter and left. I traveled to different worlds for a while, saved up money for my staff, and learned magic. Yen Sid helped me fine-tune it for a time. I met Dylan at Twilight Town about a year ago. He didn't have any parents, either, and got around by hitching rides on Gummi Ships. I actually found him on mine."

She paused.

After a moment of silence, Silas realized he wasn't getting anything else out of her. He was, frankly, surprised that she said so much at all. Maybe she wanted him to know her. Maybe he was overthinking things.

"Now, tell me about yourself," she said.

It was truly the mark of a good-hearted person when they turned around and asked the same question back after going over their life's story. In fact, that was Silas's main criteria for friendship. He called it the Question Test. Araceli passed with flying colors.

"My mom and dad got divorced when I was pretty little," he said, "so my dad mostly raised my sister and me. My mom had some visitation, so I saw her, too, but my dad was the real deal. I met Nico—my friend you guys were looking for—pretty young, too. We're best friends. Went to school together for… uh, basically the rest of our lives, as this point. He's like, really fucking smart. Probably as smart as you. No offense."

Araceli smiled.

"Anyway, he'd help me with my homework. But Nico's pretty sheltered, so I helped him by showing him parties and how to have fun. I don't think he wanted me to, but it's really all I could do for him." Silas grinned back at her. "Anyway, that's really it. I play a lot of video games and have a lot of friends, and I'm probably going to be a coach one day. A baseball coach, I think. I haven't really thought about it. And, well… I'm not sure what my world getting sucked up by darkness means for me, anyway."

Araceli said, "Nico sounds like a good friend."

Silas nodded. "He is. He's great. Which is why I have to find him."

"Can I give you some advice?" asked Araceli, half-steering the Gummi Ship and half looking back at him in the back seat.

"Sure."

"Keep him good. Don't let him go down a bad path. Don't encourage destructive behavior, and don't imitate it; you'll create an echo chamber, and that is dangerous. It's nice that you want to show him the other side of life—the fun side, one would say—but never let it get out of hand. Once you lose him to the darkness, you'll never get him back."

There was pain in her voice. For once, Silas didn't know how to deal with what she said. Sure, he showed his friend weed and encouraged him to hold off on his homework and had definitely been violent in front of him before, but was that so bad? Could his own actions really make him lose his friend to the darkness?

He wasn't sure. Silas thought maybe she was projecting, but said instead a graceful, "Thanks," and leaned forward again in his chair. Prying as subtly as possible, he asked, "Do you have a best friend like that?" he asked.

Araceli looked over at Dylan, and said, "I don't. Dylan is the closest." She paused. "He's far too aloof to have conversations like these."

"I didn't think you would have a conversation like this, either, to be honest," Silas said with a laugh. "Did you ever have a friend you could talk to like this?"

"I did," said Araceli, and that's all she said.

He'd pushed too far. Silas always knew when he pushed too far, and he knew how to reverse the situation. "Well, that's no problem," he said. "I'll be your best friend. Tell me anything you want."

It worked. She smiled again. "Sure, Silas. I will."

xxx

"I can't believe you actually fucking did it," Silas laughed, tipping Nico's cap over so it got in his eyes. He complained in a grumble beneath his breath as he fixed the graduation hat, but he was grinning from ear to hear. Silas could practically hear the adrenaline swimming through his best friend's veins, but could have guessed just from the way he was flushed pink all over.

"My mom's gonna kill me," he said. Around them, various other classmates were gathering in group and getting their pictures taken by proud-looking, middle-aged, graying men and women. Silas had to admit that, as stupid as he thought an eighth grade graduation was, he did feel pretty accomplished.

"Can't wait until high school graduation," he said.

Nico side-eyed him, still adjusting his cap from Silas's sneak attack. "Really?" he asked. "You?"

"Don't look so surprised. I just want to get out of school for good." He could tell Nico a lot of things, but he wasn't about to tell his friend how much he actually enjoyed this ceremony. It's not that he would hold if over his head, but he might expect Silas to actually get excited about reading and schoolwork, which was just not going to happen.

"What about college?" asked Nico.

"What about it?" Silas asked, scanning the crowd for his dad. He spotted him, still trying to make it down the bleacher steps with his older sister, as they'd chosen to sit all the way at the top. Nico's mom was still chatting with her boyfriend, flipping through the twelve or so pictures they just took of Silas and Nico. He planned to stay by his friend's side until he decided to go home so he didn't have to see Silas taking pictures with other kids in class. He was almost sure Nico would get a picture request from some people after his big graduation speech, or at least from that girl, Kat, who stared at him all the time.

"You're not going?" Nico asked.

"I dunno. Guess it depends how I do in high school, right?"

"Guess so," said Nico.

By the time Silas's family finally made it down the bleachers and met up with him, Nico's mom and her boyfriend carted him away. It wasn't a big deal for Silas; he knew he'd see his friend that night, at the latest. He wanted to keep Nico worrying that his mother would be pissed, so he was in for a pleasant surprise, so he said nothing.

Silas was grabbed left and right by classmates—especially female—for pictures. He made a different goofy face in each and every one of them. There was one girl who asked him for a picture named Maria. He recognized her from school, but had never seen her all done-up like this, with a small, black dress beneath her graduation gown, strappy heels, and heavy smoky eyes. She was cute, he noticed, with her freckles and curly hair.

He told Nico about it that night, as they climbed on top of Silas's roof in order to shoot off a few small fireworks he swiped from his uncle, the pyrotechnic. Clearly uncomfortable with the idea, but still riding off of the adrenaline of graduation, Nico's head was covered in a big, black hood from his hoodie (which was probably for the best; his haircut was a tragedy).

"Maria's out of your league," he'd said in a huff, hugging his knees to his chest. The two of them sat on the cool black roof and stared out into the nighttime sky. This far out into town, the closest house was a mile away, and you could see every star.

"Probably," said Silas, refusing to let Nico's negativity get to him. "Whatever, I have all summer to think about and fantasize over her so I'm sick of her by the time the first day of school comes along." He laid back and rested his head on his arms.

"Gross," Nico said. "But seriously, leave Maria alone."

"Why?"

"She's a nice girl. You'll corrupt her."

"Like I corrupted you?" Silas gave his friend a toothy, if somewhat menacing, grin. Nico shoved his right shoulder so he nearly rolled over on the roof. He wanted to shout at his friend, but could only laugh. "Do you like her?" he asked.

"What? No," his best friend replied. He seemed genuine, but Silas couldn't help but believe Nico was just in denial. Sure, his balls still hadn't dropped, but in all of Silas's years of friendship with the boy, he could never remember him having a crush on anybody. He thought maybe Nico was just keeping it from him. Silas wasn't a great secret-keeper.

"Hey Silas," said Nico after a moment of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Go to college," he said. "I'll help you study. Let's go to the same university."

Silas craned his head and looked up at his friend, still sitting, staring out into the pasture. His grandpa's tractor had been left out there years ago and nobody bothered to come pick it up. The small, red barn in the distance was alight with a lantern where his mother's boyfriend was helping them tend to the cows. The tiny flicker of light reflected in his eyes like two small sparks. He pulled his hood further over his head.

"Okay," Silas said, because he couldn't say anything else.

xxx

Sheridan found himself waking up an hour later after Nissa left him on the couch. He hadn't even realized he fell asleep, but felt anxious. Wherever she had run off to, she was probably there this whole time, because he thought he was on-edge enough to be woken up by even a mouse.

There was no mouse, but there was a girl. It wasn't Nissa.