Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Let's see... thank you for all of your support. You all seriously rock. Also, I apologize for the grammatical errors in this story. I went back to reread some of the first chapters and I flinched (especially when I had "read" instead of "red".) I think I literally banged my head against the desk.

Oh, and make sure to read the A/N at the bottom of the page. :)

Now on with chapter 13 (please have faith).

Chapter 13

"Mark, hi." Kate repeated.

Castle's eyes shifted between the two other people standing on the sidewalk, watching as Mark took a hesitant step forward and Kate shifted from foot to foot seemingly debating what to do next.

"Hey, Kate," Mark replied. His voice was soft but strong as he took another step towards them, his hands shoved in his pockets. "You look beautiful. Is that the same dress you wore for our anniversary?"

Kate ducked her head and nodded as she took a step forward, now standing in between the two men.

"Thank you. What are you doing here? I thought you were staying for the conference?" Kate asked quietly.

Mark shuffled slightly and shrugged. "I was but you weren't returning any of my calls. You're more important than a conference, Kate."

The tone in Mark's voice implied that the revelation should be obvious but Castle internally shook his head.

Kate's arms crossed over her middle. Defensive. Castle shifted a few steps behind her and Mark's attention turned to him. Kate turned her head to follow Mark's line of sight and gave Castle a small smile before turning back to her fiancé.

"Mark, this is Rick Castle," Kate introduced. "Castle this is Mark Alexander, my fiancé."

Castle's eyes rested on her for a minute as he tried to determine how she felt about this, Mark being there, here. For her. Kate ducked her head, avoiding his eyes as she shifted a step closer to Mark. Confusion, joy and guilt were all etched on her features, swirling around like some sort of jumbled melting pot.

Guilt?

He had seen the looks she had been shooting him all night when she thought he hadn't been looking. He had felt how quickly her hand had slipped from his at the curb. Even though, to him, it had been an innocent gesture: helping her out of the car. Had it meant more to her? He wondered if Mark saw it, too: the mix of emotions, the internal battle she was waging. Could the other man read her emotions with a glance? Could they have conversations with only their eyes?

Castle turned to the other man and extended his hand slowly; Mark taking it in a firm grasp.

"It's nice to meet you, Mark," he finally voiced, his next words chosen very carefully. "Thank you for understanding about me stealing Kate for the past few days. She truly is amazing. I have high hopes for my next book."

Kate's eyes flickered over to him and she brought a hand up to tuck an invisible clump of hair behind her ear. Nervous tick number one. Their eyes locked for a moment and he tied to tell her in those couple of seconds that it was never about the book. It had been about her, all about her, from the first moment he had seen her sitting cross-legged in the middle of the aisle of the bookstore like a child, surrounded by a stack of books.

Only her.

Her eyes broke from his and he realized Mark was speaking to him as Kate's attention shifted back to her fiancé. She pulled her lower lip in between her teeth. Nervous tick number two.

"… Well I don't know if it really mattered if I understood or not," Mark was saying. "Katie has a tendency to do whatever she wants anyway, no matter what I think. Besides, we haven't talked over the past few days, so I obviously don't know what's going on."

Mark's eyes shifted between the pair again, his eyes studying their clothes, flickering to the black town car idling at the curb.

Castle cleared his throat, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his neck, "My date for a charity event this evening canceled last minute. I asked Kate earlier today if she would go. I would have taken my daughter but she already had plans with her boyfriend."

The silence was thick, deafening, as cars sped past and chatting couples made their way down the sidewalk. Castle glanced between Mark and Kate, he took in the way Kate was hugging herself with one arm, the other thumb at her lips as she chewed gently on the nail, damaging the pale pink polish that had covered it moments before. Nervous tick number three. He could feel Mark watching him, attempting to analyze the interaction between the writer and his muse.

The muse the other man didn't know existed.

Kate looked up at him, her body shifting so their eyes met. He sucked in a breath when he saw the look reflected there— the closest thing to pleading he had ever, and probably would ever see pouring from her eyes. They flickered from his face to the idling car and back again. She cocked her head slightly and he nodded in response, taking a step back.

"Well, I should probably go," he addressed both of them before leveling his gaze back on her. "Are you still coming by tomorrow?"

Kate shifted as Mark stiffened beside her. Her eyes flickered again and she ran her hand to her ear again before her chin dropped. "I'll call you."

He nodded again, his head felt like it belonged to a bobble head doll, constantly nodding. Up and down, like it would make everything better. Everything would be okay if he could just nod. She shifted again, her attention momentarily turning to her fiancé as Mark reached out and grabbed her hand now hanging loosely at her side. She looked back at him and he could see the apology etched in her features, the shutters coming down on her eyes. It was the same look that had been there when they first met in the bookstore, the look that had slowly melted away over the past eight days. He hadn't realized how much it had dwindled until he saw the wall snap back into place. She lifted her lips into a small smile and he knew. She wasn't going to call. Whatever they had had simmering under the surface; unvoiced, taunting them, that tension of unspoken attraction was over.

He hung his head slightly and took a deep breath as he pulled open the back door of the town car. He leaned on the frame slightly and paused to look back over his shoulder, watching Kate and Mark turn towards the building. If this was really the last time he was going to see her, he didn't want that anxious, panicked look to be the last "Beckett" look he remembered. Not from her; someone who's face was painted with emotion, with life.

"Hey, Beckett," he called, pausing until she turned back to look at him. "Knight Bright."

He watched as the confusion on her face turned into mirth and a wide smile cracked across her features. She let out a startled laugh. His own grin grew, unable to be controlled as he watched her bark out the laugh.

"Not a chance, Castle," she called back. "Keep trying. You'll get it eventually."

She turned back towards the building, disappearing through the doors as he hung onto the car door and watched her walk away. Quietly slipping into the car, he pulled the door shut behind him and his smile fell.

You.

One little word and he felt his heart break as he clenched his jaw to bite back the tears threatening his eyes. You'll get it eventually. No "we". There was no "we" anymore. He was left to being alone with the ideas of what a relationship with Kate Beckett could have been like. Alone with Knight and Rook. Jade and Jameson: a glimpse at what might have been.

If only…

If only she had chosen him instead.

But had he really ever expected her to choose him? It had been a week. An amazing week, maybe, but only a week. A platonic week of collaborating with a smart, funny, sexy woman who had him enthralled. She had made it known from the start; she was taken. She was not to be chased. You try anything, Castle, and, I promise you, I know karate. He couldn't help but smile. He had known it from the start and he had fallen anyway.

But she did, too. The voice in his head taunted, whispered in his ear. You could see it in her eyes. She felt it, too.

He sighed. It didn't matter, either way. The car pulled up to his building and he forced out a quiet thank you to the driver before the pushed open the door and trudged through the lobby, into the elevator. He didn't remember getting off on his floor or how he fished his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door, pushing it open. He didn't remember seeing his mother in the kitchen or plopping down on one of the stools until he was already there, head propped in hand.

"Hey, Kiddo!" Martha exclaimed as she turned around from the cup of tea she was making. "How was the dinner? Did you and Kate have fun?"

His eyes swiveled up slightly and Martha paused to look at him, spoon held in hand. "Richard? What's wrong? What happened?"

Castle looked up at his mother as his hand ran back through his hair.

"I fell in love with her," he confessed quietly, continuing as Martha's expression turned from curiosity to knowing compassion and pity. "I fell in love with her and now she's gone."

Kate shifted in bed, her head turning to look at the bright red numbers staring back at her from the alarm clock on the side table. The cotton sheet was cool against her naked skin. She could feel the heat radiating off of Mark's body as he snored gently next to her. His arm was slung over her stomach, pressing a slight weight into her belly. It was a weight that she was used too. It was normal, comforting. She dragged her fingers over the skin of his forearm mindlessly, letting her nails scrape gently across the fine hairs covering his skin. She brought her other hand up and chewed gently on her thumbnail as she stared at the florescent numbers taunting her— reminding her that everyone around her was sleeping while she wasn't.

He had apologized as soon as they had gotten up to the quiet apartment— her parents already asleep in their bedroom at the end of the hall. He had apologized for the jealousy and for deciding on Russia alone. He had come back to New York for her; he had jumped on a plane and the conference to see her, to be with her. He had buried his face in her neck and told her he loved her as he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear. Her arms came up and wrapped around his neck as she buried her face in his shoulder, forcing her tears to stay at bay. She's the one that should be apologizing, begging for his forgiveness.

She had melted into him; the familiar feel of his body pressed against hers, the smell of him. She knew it; she had known it for seven years. She had led him to the bed, slowly undressing him as she made a silent promise to herself to push any thoughts of Richard Castle from her mind. She forced her mind back to the way Mark's weight felt settled on top of her and how he knew the spots that made her moan.

He came back. That meant that they had a chance and, after seven years together, they deserved a chance.

She shifted in bed again, slowly flipping onto her side to face the man next to her, reaching up a finger to gently trace the lines of his face, around the side of his ear and bringing her hand up to run through his hair. She watched as he rubbed his head against the pillow, and bit her lip as he swam back towards consciousness, his face crinkling in a way that used to make her giggle all the time. Her heart panged gently and she let a small smile cross her face. It was no giggle, but it was a start.

"Hey," she whispered as Mark blinked opened his eyes to squint at her in the dark room.

"Sup?" he slurred as his eyes fluttered shut again and he struggled to blink back towards consciousness.

She smiled at him, running her hand down the side of his face, tracing the lines of his neck before rubbing her hand down his arm that was resting on her side. His fingers squeezed her waist gently, his thumb running over the ridge of her hipbone. Mark let out a soft groan and shifted forward as he wrapped his arm further around her and pulled her towards him, his face resting against her shoulder. Her hand came up to play with the short hairs on the back of his neck.

She felt the pang in her gut. She was still hurt, but she had forgiven him, put it in the past.

Kate let out a sigh. No matter what he had done, she had done worse. She was the one that had screwed up. She had found herself falling for someone else, wondering what it would be like to be with someone else while her fiancé was half way around the world. She was the one that he should be mad at. She was the one that had to make things right.

She took in a deep breath and he shifted, bringing his head down to rest in the crook of her elbow, burying his head into her side, tickling her with his hair.

"Hey," she repeated, tapping him on the shoulder until he brought his head back up to look at her. "Let's go to Russia."

** NO, this is not the end**

A/N2:

Want to see how Kate and Mark met? What Castle's time shadowing Ryan and Esposito was like? The game of top-of-the-line laser tag? etc.

In celebration of reaching 200 reviews (I am completely blown away, by the way) I invite you to hit me with your best prompt. If there is a scene (from this) universe that you want to see, send it to me in a review or a PM. I will write two one-shots: one based on the most requested prompt and one based on my favorite idea.

Exceptions: The prompt CANNOT be a future/post fic scene. Sorry! No spoilers! (oh, and no smut. I don't write it) :)

So get to it! and thank you again for all of your kind words! :)