Chapter 27.

Stephenie Meyer owns it all folks. Really, like everything. Except this ridiculous plot bunny. The plot bunny is mine, all mine.

EPOV

"Holy shit, we got away with it!" Edward went to hug Bella and then thought better of it. They were still inside the court house and the last thing that he wanted was for Judge Laurent to bust in on their happiness parade and shoot it down again.

He looked over at Bella. The poor thing looked slightly dazed, with a strange expression on her face.

He couldn't wait to go out in public with her. His life was coming together. Or falling apart, depending on how you looked at it. Today he was going to tell Aro that he wasn't renewing his contract and then going to the shelter and play with Jake afterwards. Then he was going ask Bella over to his house and order in whatever the hell type of food that she liked.

They were going to have their first real date.

BPOV

Bella watched as Edward walked quietly beside them back to their respective vehicles. The plan for her for the day was to write up her summation for the court and send over to the Judge's rooms the documents he requested.

Then she was going to go to the beauty salon, have a facial and some grooming done, and then invite Edward over for dinner.

And then she was going to shag him senseless.

EPOV

To say that Aro didn't take his resignation very well was the understatement of the century. Did Attila the Hun take defeat lightly? Did Hitler gracefully watch the decline of the 3rd Reich? Aro's reaction was something akin to this.

"This is a 3-year, 12 million dollar deal you're passing up, my friend. This is the most foolish idea you've ever come up with. You're going to be poverty stricken and on the streets. I'm going to have a coronary. So are poor Emmett and Jasper, they'll never work in this town again..."

Edward tuned out his ranting. It was as bad as he had expected and he had managed to counter every argument that had been made.

"Aro, my contract with you ends next weeks ago, I would've signed up with no issues. But I can't bring 110% to the show anymore and you weren't exactly supportive when a fan attacked me. So no Aro, I'm not your meal ticket anymore, you should've planned a back up."

Aro's face reddened. "It's because of that namby-pamby, bloody, do-gooder lawyer isn't it? She screwing you, boy? Do you want Judge Laurent to know that?"

"Actually Aro, Judge Laurent is very aware of the non-existent situation between me and Miss Swan. He's very supportive of me ditching this job, so I would be very careful if I were you, and be aware of what slander means. I appreciate everything you've done for me Aro and I will give the show the sendoff that it needs. Maybe we can do a search for the next DJ EC, hand the balaclava over to the next guy. Like the Stig on Top Gear or something?"

"Fuck the bloody Stig, you moron. I'm gonna go out there and tell the frikkin protesting, carpet-munchers where you live you God damn dickhead. I'm gonna tell them your name, give them your phone number, and let them haunt you till you fucking die, you dipshit motherfucking no talent piece of shit."

Edward breathed in and paused for effect.

"My contract has a no disclosure clause. Miss Swan was very thorough when she was assisting me with how I could deal with this conversation and the likely threats that you would make. You tell anyone outside of the 10 people who know who I am, and you will be financially ruined. I believe it's something to the tune of 27 Million my friend. If you drag Miss Swan, or any of her contemporaries into this, they will sue you for breach of contract and slander. You bring the women's shelter into this, and any of those women are put into danger because some crazed, stalking, nutty woman decides to follow me there and wreak havoc, I will have you arrested. Miss Swan has friends in high places. She's also a vindictive little shit when it comes to her work and she will do anything to protect it. So do me a favor Aro, shove your threats up your ass, be a polite man and realize that our working relationship is over as of next week."

Aro's face dropped, he knew he was left with few options.

"Fine. Show's over next week. The idea of someone else taking over the reins suits me. I guess you've grown up since I discovered you all those years ago. Talent always fucks you over eventually, even I should be aware of that."

"I appreciate that Aro. See you Monday at 3am."

He walked out of Aro's office, the weight having lifted further off his shoulders. Bella had agreed to come over to his house for dinner. She had looked skittish when he had asked, but she had agreed.

He had also beefed up security at his home. He wasn't taking Aro at face value. In addition, Tanya knew where he lived and he was getting all of the locks changed again. The alarm was going to be connected to a security service. Cameras were being put into the garden and around the top of the house, with a few facing the street. He had paid the security firm well to ensure a quick install. He had also arranged for similar security to occur at the shelter. Jake could sleep soundly, safe and secure.

Bella had refused his offer to beef up her security system and he had been alarmed to discover that she had a fairly basic setup at her home. He quietly arranged for a plain closed security detail to sit out the front of her house and keep a watch for the next few days, until he could convince her to take up his offer of an alarm service.

BPOV

A Brazilian was not something she had ever thought of getting, but once Alice found out about her date, she nagged her for 2 hours prior to her beauty salon trip on the benefits of a carpet-less vajayjay.

Even Rose had been quite supportive of Alice for a change, and was saying that she thought it would be nice for Edward if he discovered her "woo woo" had been attended to. Except that with Rose the sentence was spluttered out and the word woo woo was said so quietly that Alice had to ask her 4 times just what she was saying.

"Oh Rosie, please just call it a Beaver, or Vajayjay or bloody anything but a woo woo. For crying out loud woman, just start swearing, lose the bet, be a grown up girl. Use the C-word Rosie, just say it and be free."

"Stuff you Alice. I would rather have bleach poured down my throat than use that vulgar word. Besides, it's Bella's Vajayjay and it hasn't been christened yet. Not only that, but I don't think the C-word is appropriate. Just get the edging trimmed around your rose bud honey."

Rose walked out of the room, shaking her head. Bella didn't think she would ever hear Rose swear. She was a pre-programmed lady.

Unlike Alice who was starting to suggest positions and miming thrusting motions as they waited for the beautician to come in so Bella could be waxed. When she arrived Alice left, silently cheering Bella on in mock slow motion cheerleading.

From the moment the hot wax was first put on Bella was made blatantly aware that she had an incredibly low pain threshold. The beautician was very kind and offered to stop on several occasions just to give Bella a break. Mentally Bella was reciting a lot of swear words. It was just as well that Rose couldn't read minds. She held in every shout that she wanted to scream. She was going to let her pussy fur grow back wild and free. She would never get this done again. How the hell did porn stars get this done every 6 weeks?

Her pale face even had Alice concerned as she walked into the waiting area where her friends were giggling together.

"Holy shit Bells, did they wax inside your ass or something? You look like 're gonna hurl." Alice put her small arm around Bella, obviously trying to ascertain the extent of her injuries.

Bella managed to keep her composure long enough to pay the receptionist for her torture session and the three of them left the store.

The moment they were in fresh air Bella turned on Alice. "That was the worst fucking idea you've ever come up with. My vagina is not going to recover by tonight. I feel like Tyson punched it. And then maybe bit it. Please tell me this is not something you do on a regular basis?"

"Oh baby, your pussy will be fine by tonight, and believe me, it will be one less thing for you to worry about when you finally do the deed. Now that your pussy is all gussied up, let's go buy you some pretty lingerie to show it off in? My treat. Let's go to Victoria's and make you all slutty."

The sad thing was that Alice made a lot of sense. She was already nervous enough about doing the deed, at least she wouldn't have a visually unappealing vagina when she finally got her cherry popped.

Her cotton panties were driving her bonkers, with little remnants of wax attaching themselves to her undies and ripping the already tender skin with every second step that she made. She was almost grateful when Alice offered to run around the store and throw things her way into the dressing room. Less walking was something that appealed to her at this point in time.

She could hear Alice and Rose arguing in the store as Bella made her way to the change room and began to get undressed.

"The idea is for her to look cute and be comfortable, not look all whory, Alice!" Rose was loudly whisper-arguing with Alice.

"Whory isn't even a word, Rose. She needs to have an outfit that says she is a confident woman who is ready to bonk Edward's brains out. Do you want me to go and find a nun's outfit? A burlap sack? Gosh you are stifling my erotic creativity, Rose!"

Bella could hear their little arguments back and forth. Eventually she was presented with two piles of lingerie. One that was Alice's with an eclectic mix of the whory and not so subtle, and then there was Rosie's pile. Amongst the pretty pastels was also a pair of flannelette pajamas.

"PJ's? Seriously, Rose?"Bella called out to her waiting friends who were pacing like expectant father's outside a labor ward.

"Alice thinks she's funny. She chucked them in to be ." Rose responded and she could hear Alice make a little "Ow" noise.

"She's hurting me, Bella. Yes, I chucked in the PJ's; it was only because I couldn't find the chastity belt that Rose wanted to go in the pilefor your consideration."

Bella heard a second "Ow" from Alice.

"Don't make me come out there and separate you two."

"Well, stop us from waiting, put something on already." Alice's voice was becoming frustrated.

Bella poked her head out of the change room.

"I need bigger bra sizes, I've gone up a size."Bella was trying to squeeze her boobs into one of the ridiculously small objet de art that Alice had thrown her way. She rechecked the tags. They were all a B cup. She had always been a B cup. Bloody Victoria's secret, they were tricking everyone into thinking that their boobies had gone up a size.

Ten minutes later, and with an official measuring by the attendant, it was confirmed that Bella had reached a C cup and was threatening to enter into D cup territory.

"How the hell did I not notice my boobs getting bigger? I mean they've been hurting before I get my periods like normal." Bella was standing in the change room wearing a C-cup bra and matching boy pants. Alice and Rose were half in and half out, maintaining her dignity with the curtains pulled around.

"Your boobies are impressive Bella." Rose stated in a matter-of-fact way.

"Rosie said boobies." Alice giggled to herself.

"I give you permission to punch her Rose, but do it where the bruises won't show." Bella stood, looking at her reflection in the mirror, really looking at her body for the first time in a long time.

Her boobs were big, and sore. They had been for weeks. For weeks. And weeks.

"Holy fuck, my period is late." She stood staring at herself. Hands absent mindedly making their way of their own attrition down to her flat stomach.

"But you are like clockwork girl!" Alice's pitch was increasing.

"But you have to have had sex for that to happen Bells, and this isn't biblical times." Rose was providing the voice of reason.

"The gynae said there was no, um penetration, but I kind of neglected to say that I was mostly naked when I woke up with Edward."

"Waist up or waist down naked Bella?" Rose was gently probing.

"Mostly naked, just shirt on, unbuttoned. I can't remember what he was. Pants off I think?"

Bella was feeling like the earth was moving beneath her.

"Ok, let's ditch here. I'm going to go and get a pregnancy test and you can tinkle on it in the restrooms." Rose glared at Alice, nonverbally daring her to mock her use of the word 'tinkle'. Alice had enough savvy to realize that this was not a joking moment.

They helped her out of the changing room, Bella slightly zombie like, the attendant giving them space. She looked like a dead man walking to her execution.

Moments later she was in the brightly colored mall restroom, having managed to pee on two separate pregnancy sticks at Rose's insistence so that they could have more certainty.

She handed them to Rose in the next stall so that she wouldn't have to go through the torture of waiting for the little lines to appear or not appear, in front of her eyes.

A minute later she heard something from Rose that she thought she would never hear.

"Holy Fucking Shit, Bells".

OtA

Dun Dun DUN...

Thanks for reading. I wrote a little drabble on my holidays, check it out. It's complete...except for it's epilogue. It's called "The Undead Next Door."

Thanks for putting up with my irregular updates. This time round the muse left me. Frikkin bitch. I also had to teach my mac to accept the work frikkin and vajayjay. Which made me laugh.