Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Star Trek or Harry Potter. They belong to J.J Abrams, Gene Roddenberry and J.K Rowling.

Warnings: Slash (male/male pairings), threesome, AU, violence, language, angst, character deaths, psychological/anxiety disorders, sexual situations, etc.

Pairings: Spock/Harry/Kirk, hints of Sulu/Chekov and Scotty/Uhura

85. Guilt

It was a long three days to get from Planet Q to Argos II and the apprehensive tension in the air didn't help to calm anyone. But Jim remained cool and in control, slipping deep into his captain persona as he took command. Outwardly he seemed unbothered by the fact that a man he hated deeply was being held in the brig of his ship, but those who were close to Jim knew better. The blond was keeping himself together, trying not to fall apart at the seams and show weakness. He had to be strong, unwavering even in times of sorrow because it was his duty as a captain.

It was only after a ceremony was held for the officers who died on the Kodos retrieval mission did he finally break down. It had been the day after they dropped off their prisoners and redirected themselves onto their original course. Jim felt it had been best to wait until the monster was behind bars before they could be allowed to mourn. It was the same simple ceremony performed for any personnel who died in the line of duty, but for Jim this seemed more personal and he couldn't help taking the blame on himself. He should have realized that it had been a trap; something should have set him off to the danger. And because of his carelessness, six men had died when they didn't have to.

"Jim?" a soft voice questioned drawing the blonde's attention away from his thoughts. His eyes met Harry's which conveyed his concern and sparks of understanding. Glancing away, Jim held in the urge to bite his lip as his chest tightened and his eyes began to burn. He couldn't cry, couldn't be weak. He dried up his tears long ago when he realized that crying wouldn't change anything no matter how much he wished it did. He was Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the USS Enterprise, the golden boy of the Federation. It didn't suit him to be weak.

Yet as Harry wrapped his arms around him in silence, Jim squeezed his eyes shut the burning intensifying while the tightness in his chest grew. Familiar fingers soothingly brushed through his hair as Harry held him close, humming a delicate tune of comfort. Tender lips pressed to his forehead and everything seemed to crumble as Jim let out a choked sob, the tears bursting free. He should feel ashamed, feel pathetic for crying but strangely he didn't. Somehow it felt refreshing to be in Harry's arms as he let go of himself, slipped off the cocky mask of captain and allowing Jim the man to breathe.

Harry didn't pity him, wasn't telling him empty words of a better tomorrow and that time heals all wounds. The wizard knew better than anyone that it wasn't completely true, that some things scarred you and stayed with you for the rest of your life. He was offering comfort and empathy as a survivor of his own horrors, giving Jim the safety and security Harry himself never had.

"I love you," Harry whispered raising kisses over his face as he continued to stroke his hair, his touch soothing. Jim cried as he clung to his lover like a small child needing the warmth he exuded. And when the tears ran dry, they continued to hold each other while Harry repeated his love over and over. Their lips met, the kiss chaste and innocent. It wasn't about lust or passion, but reassurance and support.

"Don't leave me behind," Jim murmured vulnerable words of deep seeded fears that haunted him since his youth. He had always been left behind; by his mother, his brother, people had had grown close to. Harry kissed him again, "Never, I'll never leave you behind if I can help it. I promise I'll always be here as long as you need me."

"I love you Harry," Jim sighed, "You, Spock, Teddy, the crew… all of you are my world."

"I know Jim, I know," Harry whispered as he continued to hold him offering a few minutes of peace for his lover. It wasn't much, but it was enough at the moment. By tomorrow Jim would go back to being the confident and brash captain of the Enterprise, but until then he was just a man who needed a moment of weakness to deal with his guilt.

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~Seth