Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Here is a short one for you to get you through my eleven hour work shift today. Yay. Ahem. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. :)

Chapter 21

She stared at him from across the room, a robe tied tightly around her body, hair hanging in messy waves around her face, cascading down around her shoulders. If the situation were better he would have likened her to a Greek statue, after all her face did look like stone in that moment. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her middle and her eyes looked at a spot on the ground two inches over from his right foot as he faced her, trying to explain.

"Get out," she whispered.

"Kate, wait, please. Let me explain…" he took a step forward and her eyes shot up to meet his, a fire burning in them.

"Explain what? That you've been using me for fodder for your books? That you've been using my mom?" She took a step forward, her breath hitching as she attempted to keep her voice calm. "No, you don't get a chance to explain. You had no right to talk to her about that. You had no right to look into it. Now, get the hell out of my home. I never want to see you again."

"Kate, I wasn't…" he tried again, reaching a hand out to touch her arm.

Her hand shot up, slapping his away. "I said, get out!"

She stared at the wall behind him, her breath heaving in her chest, as he pulled on his pants and shirt, shoving his feet into his shoes and his socks in his pockets. He turned to say something else, try to defend himself one last time. Argue that he wasn't using her or Johanna, but the words died on his tongue as he saw her take in a shaky breath, attempting to swallow the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

He shuffled to the door, running a hand through his hair as she picked up his suit jacket and turned the knob, pausing momentarily to look back over his shoulder. "I really do love you."

The moment the door slammed shut she collapsed in on herself, the tears that she had managed to hold at bay all tumbling down at once as she pressed her face into her knees.

Alexis looked up when she heard the key in the door of the loft. She glanced over at Andrew and took in a deep breath. The textbooks and novels were scattered on the dining room table between them. He had come over again to finish studying, and to back her up during the argument with her father. He glanced back and his hand shot out to grip hers as she held her breath, waiting for the look of disappointment and the inevitable lecture.

Her face fell, confusion covering her features when he came through the door and slumped back against it, a hand running through his hair as he stayed there, staring across the apartment at nothing. He didn't see her. He didn't see anything.

"Dad?" She questioned softly, pushing herself out of her seat to stand in front of him. "What's wrong?"

He turned to look at her, sadness filling his eyes as he pushed himself off of the wall and staggered slightly across the room to his office, not answering her question, not even acknowledging her presence as he wandered, the door to his office slamming behind him.

Alexis turned to look at Andrew, the question reflected back in his eyes. Their heads swung around as the door to the office flew open and a copy of Checkmate came hurling out, slamming into the bookcase across the room before falling to the ground with a thump. The pair jumped and Alexis could feel the anger bubbling up inside of her.

Whatever was going on it was her fault. Kate's fault. Alexis had been able to tell from the beginning that it would end badly and she had actually given in for the past month, allowed herself to think that it would be possible for everything to work out. She shouldn't have been so stupid, so naïve. Her father shouldn't have been either.

Whatever had made her father so upset, it had been Kate Beckett's fault and Alexis was going to let her have it.

Alexis sat in her seat Monday morning, steaming silently as she waited. The lecture hall was filling up fast, students huddled together in groups, mumbling to each other about certain topics, flipping through books to look up specific points. Some were sitting by themselves furiously highlighting in a last ditch effort to learn the material. Cramming.

Andrew sat silently beside her, as she remained straight backed in her chair. She would sit here, take her test and then she would go to Beckett's office and let her have it. Kate had hurt her dad and someone had to tell her, had to make her pay for it. Alexis had to defend her family.

The door swung open and Alexis felt her resolve falter slightly, as Kate came in, a stack of papers in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy bun, her outfit a fitted t-shirt, jeans and low-heeled boots. It was a far cry from the dress slacks and four-inch stilettos she normally was wearing. Alexis leaned forward in her seat slightly. Kate hadn't looked up at the class. Instead, she kept her head bent down. Her eyes darted up briefly, to look at the clock on the wall and Alexis could see the red rims around her eyes, the slight puffiness to her face. She glanced over at Andrew and she could tell that he saw it too.

"The test is thirty questions, multiple choice, short answer and one essay on the back. You have an hour. Raise your hands if you have any questions," Kate stated as she handed stacks of booklets to the students at the ends of the rows.

She turned back around and sat in the chair at the front of the room, her eyes staring out the window a hand pressed against her mouth as pencils started to scratch throughout the room. Alexis stared at her until her test landed on the desk in front of her. She hesitated for a moment longer, her pencil held limply in her hand as she watched Kate's hand dart up to brush over one of her eyes and take in a deep breath, attempting to school her features. Alexis bent her head over her test as Kate pulled out her phone and typed a quick text message. A few minutes later a TA came into the room and Kate rose from her desk. She exchanged a few words with the doctoral student, one that Alexis recognized as a regular in their class, and Kate gathered up her belongings and left the room. The TA took her spot at the front desk and gave a boy a cheerful smile as he came up to ask a question.

Alexis shook her head as she bent back over her exam, questions racing through her mind as she scribbled furiously on the page. The quicker she got finished in here, the quicker she could get questions answered out there.

"Professor Beckett?" Alexis knocked on the cracked door to the office quietly. Andrew was still at her side, shifting slightly awkwardly from side to side.

"Come in," the voice called from the other side and Alexis poked her head through the crack in the door. Kate was bent over the desk, her focus intent on the stack exams she was grading.

Alexis opened the door quietly and entered the room, dropping into a chair silently as she waited to be acknowledged. Andrew settled into the seat beside her and his fingers brushed over hers, gripping them in support.

Kate glanced up and did a slight double take when she saw the red head sitting there.

"Alexis, hi," she began. "Is everything okay, you look worried?"

Alexis nodded her head slowly as she tried to figure out the words that she wanted to say. She had had a plan when she came to campus that morning. She had come up with a different plan as she sat with a coffee cup after the mid-term, Andrew perched at the small table across from her at the campus coffee shop. She was going to find out what was going on and give Kate a piece of her mind about hurting her father. Now, sitting her, she felt herself be at a loss for words.

"I, um," Alexis stumbled and Kate looked up at her again, her pen pausing over the page and she set it down gently, turning her entire focus to the girl. "My dad, he…"

Alexis's voice trailed off as her gaze darted around the room and Kate's eyes softened slightly.

"What happened between you and my dad?" Alexis finally forced out, her gaze shifting over to lock with Kate's.

Kate shifted slightly in her chair, her hand coming up to rub her forehead. "It, um, that's between your father and myself but don't worry none of it will affect you, I promise."

Alexis shook her head slightly. "I know. I'm not worried about that. What I meant is that my dad hasn't left his office in days other than to eat. I don't think he had even slept and clearly you are miserable also. I don't know what happened and I understand if you don't want to tell me, but you should talk to each other. My dad, he hasn't been this happy in a long time. When he met you something sparked inside of him, something that I'm not sure I ever saw before. Even when you were gone there was a hope in him, a spring in his step that I hadn't seen before. Every time he would get one of the post cards, he wouldn't stop grinning for days. So, I don't know what he did or what you did, but I do know that he loves you and I am pretty sure that you love him too. So, please, just try to work it out."

Kate ducked her head to look at her desk, taking in a shaky breath before lifting her eyes to give the girl a watery smile and a slight nod. Her eyes darted from Alexis's down to the joined hands hanging between the chairs and she lifted an eyebrow as her gaze lifted back to meet the girl's.

A blush covered Alexis's cheeks and Kate smiled at the girl's obvious embarrassment over something that she should not at all be embarrassed about.

"Get out of here," she said quietly with a small smile and a nod at the door. "Enjoy the rest of the day, you deserve it. Don't worry about me and your dad, we'll figure something out. After I make him pay for a little while at least."

Alexis gave her a small smile before pushing herself out of her chair and walking over to give Kate a tight hug. Kate let out a startled laugh and wrapped her arms around the girl in return.

"I should have known he was the one that screwed up," Alexis said lightly as she let go, and took a step back, picking her backpack up off of the floor. "Men can't do anything right."

Kat let out another light laugh as Andrew gave an indignant huff followed by a "hey."

Kate watched as Alexis and Andrew made their way out into the hall and slumped back into her seat as the door clicked shut behind them. She could feel the tears well in her eyes again and took a deep breath to push them back down. She would not do this again. She would not cry anymore. She had been crying all weekend and it was starting to annoy the crap out of her.

Scenarios had been whirling through her brain, each one worse than the other. Rick pumping her mother for information as they sat at lunch together, her mother lying in that alleyway because they had poked around in the case again, Rick lying dead because he read over the case file and saw something that no one else had. If some one asked her pointblank where this irrational fear came from she wouldn't be able to tell them, she couldn't explain it. It was just a feeling deep down inside of her that begged her to stop, to back away. It screamed at her that nothing good could come of this. She had never been one to believe in ghosts, visions, premonitions or anything of that sort but she couldn't deny that she got the proverbial heebie-jeebies whenever she thought about that night in the alley. She hadn't even returned to that part of town in thirteen years.

Did she honestly mean what she said in her apartment two days before; that he had been using her and her mother? No. Johanna would have seen that, she would have seen it. Neither one of them were idiots, they could read people. They knew when people were lying just by the look in their eyes. That's one of the things that had made her mother such a great lawyer. But did she think that this was too dangerous to be poking around in? Yes. Unequivocally. Was she angry with him for doing just that? Hell yes. Was she going to give in and forgive him that easily? Hell no.

He had to understand why it was bad, why he had to do this for her.

Kate had spent too much of her life in a relationship that put her second, she wasn't going to let herself be walked all over again. It didn't matter how much he loved her or how much she loved him. She wasn't going to her herself fall victim to that again.