A/N - flashbacks
'inner Sakura'
Normal
Emphasis/ emphasis
…
It hadn't gotten any better. All Sakura wanted to do was throw him through a wall and watch his head crack, and yet she forced herself to tolerate it. The situation wasn't helped at all by her recently founded desire for her Jonin sensei. The only pleasure that she got came from moments thinking about Kakashi, and it only fed her resentment for Torao. She wasn't sure if he did everything she hated or if she hated everything he did, but she supposed it made very little difference. She hated spending time with him; he constantly grated on her nerves and left her feeling bitter. It obviously wasn't the same, but he found herself comparing Torao to him, and was never entirely pleased with the results. She couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something wrong.
It wasn't the same but she couldn't help but feel it was slightly similar, but then anything could be seen as similar. Strictly speaking, her books could be seen as similar; same subject matter. But somehow it was different when it was soft, gentle; and Torao fell into his own category somewhere in between.
His hand came up to maul her breasts, groping one before letting go, his fingers digging in slightly and pressing down before releasing in favour of gripping her waist, holding her in place so that he could fuck her. She had learnt, fairly quickly, that he preferred her to be entirely submissive, staying completely still for him until he tired out a little, and then she was to straddle him, keeping the straight up-down rhythm that he set while he hammered irregularly up into her unnecessarily hard. Nothing else; he guided her hips up and down in such a way that he didn't touch her in any of the places that would bring her relatively unaroused body any pleasure whatsoever. She had tried to force them into a more circular movement, only to have him complain that his dick 'is not meant to bend like that'. Honestly, she hadn't attempted anything to make it more pleasurable, or even more comfortable since, but rather resigned herself to doing things his way. Maybe that was just how sex was meant to be for her. Maybe the pleasured sighs, moans, caresses and kisses from her books and DVDs were only meant for the beautiful, the untainted people who had no such large regrets, who had no guilt over their heads. Not like her.
Torao's hand was palm down on her stomach, pushing her into the mattress roughly as his motions picked up pace, but Sakura barely noticed. Her focus was dimmed as she remembered, she wasn't even sure where it had come from, but something had triggered it to come to front of her memory.
"Sensei, after you lost all of them, how can you still form bonds with others? If you felt it was your fault, how could you trust yourself with another team? Or, for that matter, them with you?" Sakura's young, confused voice spilled her question, even though she knew that she probably shouldn't ask, and that he may be offended by it. Somehow she knew that he would still answer; when it came to the important things, he always did.
He smiled warmly at her, but his eye was still marginally open with a crinkle in the corner, and something akin to friendship and adoration lit it. "Sakura," he began "at some point you have to realise… it is naivety and self destruction that allows people to punish themselves… for pain that they have already suffered." He placed a hand on her head, and instead of ruffling her hair as he normally would he smoothed it down, still smiling at her.
"No matter how familiar that pain is to you, or how impossible you fee it may be, you have to let go."
It was after that that she had fully reached out to Sasuke and Naruto, and she had found out precisely what the silver haired man had meant. There was no point suffering alone when they could be happy together.
That was what ha formed team 7, and when she thought about it, was likely why Old Man Hokage (may he rest in piece) had placed them together. So that they could create some non - destructive bonds.
Sakura jumped slightly as she felt a cool wind rush over her, and blinked back into reality to find a new sense of self worth rush through her, and Torao no longer on top of her. Instead the raven haired man was stood beside the bad and had probably asked her something because he was stroking himself while looking at her as if waiting for a response.
'Oh, dear God…'
His free hand reached out and stroked her face, and he'd obviously gotten bored of waiting for a response, that or he didn't care what it was, because he pulled her head forward and pushed against her, sighing in frustration a couple of seconds later when she didn't open her lips to allow him to thrust in.
"Come on, suck my dick, babe."
The endearment wasn't affectionate, but slightly mocking in a way that definitely stiffened her resolve, and her eyes narrowed at him. She pulled out of his grasp enough that he was no longer touching her.
"No. Finish your damn self!" His lips quirked up a little, as if ready to spread into a grin at her very funny 'joke'. Her own pissed expression did not change.
"You cannot be serious!" He exploded incredulously, and inner Sakura was doing a gothic Naruto impression, filing her long, black painted nails while hissing. 'Believe it, buster!'
"Very." She replied, not allowing her serious expression to waver. "And you can go into the bathroom so I don't have to see it."
"What?" His incredulity turned cold. "You're my girlfriend, you-"
"Are you saying that I have to?"
"Yes, I am."
"…Because I'm your girlfriend?"
"Yes."
"Then I don't want to be anymore.
Get the fuck out!"
"Are you-"
"Serious? Hell yes. I clearly can't match your needs, and you don't even care about mine." She exploded, all of her feelings let loose and left her to try in vain to control herself. All she could do was buy time until she hurt him.
She blew out a long breath and repeated. "Now get the fuck out."
She couldn't feel anything other than relief as the door slammed loudly, the glass shattering. She was putting things right.
…
This still didn't cause the anger and malevolence she kept buried to fade. Until it either faded through time or she found somewhere else to channel it (one of the main uses for her training with chakra) it would continue to eat at her, ready to explode. Clenching her jaw, Sakura pulled her tense body down to the kitchen to try and find something to loosen her up a bit. Usually, it didn't really work, but she kept trying.
The idea that there was something that was meant to help was usually enough to restrain her.
Her body moved of its own accord, before she could even contemplate moving with her conscious thought. A sensation close the feel of water pounded inside her eardrums, her head fuzzy and her vision blurred. She felt out of control, as if her whole being was being swept mercilessly around like a doll. She felt as if she were drowning.
But she wasn't dying. He was.
… … …
"What? He didn't even try to fight for you?"
Sakura couldn't stop the smile that twitched her lips upwards, and stirred her drink so that she wouldn't have to look at Ino's outraged face.
"Honestly… I didn't really want him to."
"Ah," Ino nodded wisely "You were giving him an ultimatum. Either he earns it or he doesn't get it."
Sakura looked up and studied Ino's face for a moment. The woman was being serious… and was still showing the remnants of being in Torao's maturity bracket.
"No, Ino. I was genuinely breaking it off." Sakura spoke slowly and watched Ino's face as she waited for the words to sink in. It took a moment, but then Ino's expression cleared and she looked at Sakura sympathetically.
"Oooh, so was he the jealous kind, or just bad in bed?"
"Ino!" Sakura's cheeks heated. "You can't just ask that!"
Ino sniggered at her and shrugged unperturbed as she popped another grape in her mouth. " I tell you about my love life!"
"I don't ask to know about it!"
"I still tell you about it…" She paused to pout and widen her eyes. "… Because you're my best friend…"
"That's a really low blow, pig."
"Wha-aht?" She paused a minute. "Will you be telling Sasuke and Naruto?"
"Why? So you can get them to tell you?" Ino's face lost it's mock hurt, and the blonde laughed, tossing her fringe out of her face.
"You know me so well. Seriously though, do I get an answer?"
"No."
"Whaaa!" Ino screeched, in a manner that could only have been copied from Naruto. "That's honestly so unfair… I'm never telling you anything ever again!"
"MmmHmm…"
"I'll find a new best friend."
"You do that."
"I'll stop pretending not to know about the porn stash under your bed!"
"Ex-excuse me?" Sakura's face coloured completely red, darker than the tomato that lay on her mostly untouched plate. When had Ino gone into her room? She hadn't even been round in months… had she?
As if reading her thoughts (and she probably was) Ino chimed in. " I found it when we went shopping remember? You couldn't have thought I wouldn't notice you slipping off to by stuff in Scandalous… I absolutely had to check!"
"Breaking and entering… that's great Ino."
"Nuh uh!" Ino grinned. "Not at all, its much better than that forehead! I knew that you would notice if I broke in, and want to know why, so I waited until you were asleep and then I mind transferred and got you to go look at it! No chakra remnants, no nothing! Pretty cool, huh?"
"I'm surprised you could be that sneaky…"
"Hey! I am a ninja!"
"Not a very good one." Sakura met her eyes for a second. "And you've clearly been spending much too much time around Naruto."
"Forehead, you are not implying-"
"Definitely not. He doesn't swing that way."
"…Are you certain?"
"Yes. Go put your hooves elsewhere."
"… And Sasuke?"
Sakura blushed slightly as she remembered the incident at the hotel. "… You can that one together for yourself, pig."
"NOOOO!"
And that cry was the end of dreams for Naruto and Sasuke fans all over Konoha, Sakura thought as she rolled her eyes. Ino really did have to start hanging around people other than Naruto, even if he was the only one that could keep up with her idea of 'grabbing a pint'. Seriously, she ought too have a little mercy on people's ear drums, especially with how much of a world class bitch she could be when she had a hang over. She was just as bad, though not as destructive, as Tsunade.
Once her screaming had stopped however, her moping and grumbling gave Sakura a couple of minutes of relative quiet to recuperate. Wasn't long enough though, before she perked up.
"…Or maybe… you broke up with him because you had your eye on somebody else!"
"… How likely."
"You so do!"
"What have I said to you that could indicate that in any way shape or form?"
"Umm…" Ino looked stumped for almost 1.5 seconds before her face re - lit. "You didn't need to!"
"I am not following your logic, pig."
"And I know why you dumped Torao, too. It was the sex."
"I never said tha-"
"It's obvious, I mean, you accumulate a large collection of porn right when you finally have a boyfriend for a decent length of time then dump him?" Ino smiled smugly. "He didn't live up to expectations, clearly."
Sakura glared moodily at her iced fruit before confusion crept in, again at her companion's trains of thought.
"What on earth would that have to do with me wanting someone else?"
"Tons. You brought the stuff while the two of you were still together, and as I said you have for once been together an amount of time we could define as a proper relationship, so you dump him now? You don't look cut into pieces, you're not offended by anything because if you were you'd be ranting, and so it is not a recent development." She smiled self-satisfactorily and tapped the spoon for her coffee against the cup. "So someone has made you change your mind."
"Right or wrong, that is very perceptive of you. Rather… analytical too."
"Yeah, well I've been stuck studying psychology." She rolled her eyes. "They wanna put my skills to proper use, and between nursing and psychology, I never do anything fun anymore. It feels like I'm stuck back at the academy."
"Really? They let you do your make up in the middle of lessons?"
"Aha, no." She gave Sakura a withering look. "Have you met Ibiki-Sensei? My techniques are at least painless when I want them to be. Ibiki-Sensei… isn't squeamish."
"I think some people may prefer Ibiki's methods though. Your technique is quite invasive."
"Oh, trust me, Ibiki-sensei can be very invasive when he wants to be."
"Okaaay, and that is all I need to know about that."
Ino laughed, but brought the conversation up to much lighter depths, and Sakura allowed herself to sink in, but she still couldn't shake that thought. And still hadn't by the time she left to go home.
'You broke up with him because you have your eye on somebody else.'
Was it really that obvious to tell when someone had an attraction to someone? Would her fantasies really imply anything other than that to someone so well trained? Couldn't they just be… fantasies? And how could she really link that to her break-up with Torao? Honestly, Ino was strange.
Especially since she hadn't told her about her little… thing for Kakashi. A few months ago she wouldn't have pictured anyone like that without then running a mile to go hyperventilate in peace, and now she was wondering if she may have a crush on one of the least appropriate people on the planet. That was so typically her, and Inner Sakura's sighing and glaring clearly agreed.
Of course, she could blame this sudden slip on reality on her training less. God, she needed to get herself grounded. She really was losing it, there was absolutely no way for her to think through this clearly.
Well, at least she and Kakashi shared some of the same… interests. If porn could be counted as a shared interest.
Hell, the point she was at now she may start thinking of their shared fondness for spring rolls as a 'shared interest'. That just said that she needed sleep, but unfortunately she was much too awake for that to happen; she hadn't blown off all of the steam that she needed to and now her head was filled with traitorous thoughts about something would probably never be.
…
The training ground was empty when she got there, not that that was surprising.
It was fairly late when she got there, and Team 7 was the only Team that liked to use this training ground anyway. This was their place to make a mess, and once they had destroyed it none of the other ninja wanted to work around the… change of landscaping that they had caused, and there wasn't a great deal of scenery for the civilians to enjoy. The only thing that ever brought anyone to this particular ground was the small memorial stone that sat near the entrance.
This was what brought Kakashi there, around half an hour later, only to find the area being destroyed by what looked like a pink tornado. Sakura moved with immense speed and agility wrecking destruction in her path, and cutting down everything that could create an impact. If not for Yamato, it could take years to rebuild the nature that she took minutes to tear down.
Her movements stayed away from the stone, out of habit and respect, and as focused as she was on her training she blocked out the chakra that signalled his presence. She was in Konoha. There wasn't many people here who could harm her, and even less who would want to. So she just pretended that the presence didn't exist.
Chakra detection was something that she was incredibly good at, and even while blocking it out it eventually registered that the presence belonged to Kakashi, and she stopped to stand close to him. If he was there to visit the stone she didn't want to disturb him.
When her eyes turned to him though, he was looking straight at her, so she raised an arm in a kind of embarrassed greeting.
"Um… Hey Kakashi."
"Training, Sakura?" She nodded mutely, and looked at him questioningly as he shrugged off his vest. "Mind if I join in?"
"Not at all."
They lost track of time as they trained together, focusing mostly on taijutsu before moving onto to strategy. They built up pair strategies, finding that their plans flowed effortlessly as they worked to fill in each other's weak spots. They'd always worked well together improvising, but now, as they talked it all out, the various combinations and factors that could affect a battle, they realised just how well they really did work. Every weak spot was addressed and overcome, and with their abilities combined they had yet to get over anything that they couldn't overcome. It made them feel a lot more secure, their actions becoming softer as they relaxed.
They had finally found out why they could so easily trust each other with their lives, and that helped to strengthen the kind of bonds that had held them together for so long as teammates and as friends. The euphoria from this lingered long after they stopped training, after they went to grab a snack (cause high calibre ninja do have to refuel after all), after they had parted their separate ways to go home in the early hours of the morning.
And Sakura was out like a light the moment her head hit her pillow with a light thud.
Her dreams were restless plagued with evens both recent and not so, and her sheets twisted around her as she tossed and turned for hours without waking. She normally would, but the moment that she reached the height of distress she calmed, over and over again, her subconscious thoughts were plagued by her protector. Even when he wasn't here, even asleep Kakashi fought down the ghosts that haunted her.
…
Nethertheless, she still woke early. They had been given a break for a few days after they finished a reconnaissance mission, and so her alarm was not set. She didn't have nay plans, and she absolutely hated time when she had nothing to do. She liked to feel useful, helpful, productive. Damn difficult when she'd been given a 'rest break'. That phrase was usually shouted by happy ninja looking forward to lounging around doing nothing, but it had always been something that she hated with a vengeance. At least she had finally gathered some interests in a way other than 'Its alright I suppose'. She could read, or watch a movie, or draw. Or maybe run up to Scandalous and pick up some new material. Or just lay here, bored out of her mind.
Twisting the sheets between her hands, her half asleep thoughts switched back to Kakashi. As part of Team 7, he had leave too, so maybe she could go see if he was busy. Or would that be pushy
'Well he's never had a problem with it before.' Inner Sakura interjected. But she still couldn't help but think it through slightly, what he would think of her seeking him out again so soon after they had just spent so much time together, and she felt that it was at least partially Ino's fault. If the stupid blonde hadn't said it out loud she wouldn't be feeling so damn self conscious.
And so there was only a slight disappointment when her phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. Maybe there would finally be something to occupy her mind for a little while. Sakura sighed as her muscles stretched out, feeling her workout with Kakashi as she dragged herself out of bed to find her abandoned phone. It lay on her desk, out of her reach.
She immediately recognised the number that flashed on screen.
"Kakashi!"
"Who are you, and what have you done with little Sakura-chan?"
"EEH?"
"You are much too, cheery today Sakura, especially for so early in the morning…"
"Yeah, well so are you."
"Only out of an effort to irritate you."
Sakura rolled her eyes as Kakashi's voice fell into a deeper, less scarily happy tone as she brushed off his comment. There really was no point in fighting the man, especially if it was a battle of words. He would definitely win.
"What do you want then, you aggravating old man?"
"Nice team mates, who don't insult my age."
"And you're asking me?"
His voice became incredibly whiny. "I thought I could rely on you, Sakura-chan!"
"It's quite honestly sad that a man your age can achieve such a childish tone."
"… So I'll take my day off and Special Edition uncut version of Icha Icha elsewhere shall I?"
"… I suppose I can tolerate you if you absolutely cannot find anyone else who will."
"Great, I was getting worried for a minute then. One sec."
"Huh?"
Sakura turned to see Kakashi climbing into her bedroom window, for once in casual training attire rather than Jonin uniform. It clung a lot tighter to his muscles, and he didn't have a massive vest to obscure that, although he was wearing a thick black coat that he had stupidly left unbuttoned. The medic inside her wanted to lecture him, but the strategist said that that was probably what he had been aiming for. So she just glared at him and let it be.
"You were waiting outside my window?"
"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my copious amounts of charm."
Sakura snorted. "Make yourself useful and put on the damn film."
"Here or downstairs?"
"Here's fine."
"How many alcohol bottles do you have in the living room?"
Sakura looked at him sharply. Yes, she had been drinking yesterday, but she hadn't been drunk, and she hadn't had alcohol on her breath or tainting her chakra. She had made sure of that.
"How'd you?"
"I know you Sakura." He smiled kindle at her before winking mischievously. "Though I am a little upset that you didn't want me to wallow with you."
"I'll make sure to invite you next time."
"Now that you know I know d'you wanna go downstairs or is here still fine?"
"I'm still in my pyjamas. Here will do."
"Have you changed the sheets since you broke up with Torao?"
"Yes."
"I suppose its safe then."
Sakura glared at him. "Have you ever had sex on your sofa?"
"Of course I-"
"Then go get a new one, no one wants to sit on that."
"No, they'd rather lie on it."
"Well, Gai does visit you fairly often."
"Don't joke about that."
The silence wasn't awkward as Kakashi slipped the disk into the player and turned on the TV while Sakura made her bed. Her day was automatically better now, even though she hated to have a guest before she had brushed her teeth.
"One sec, I just need to brush my teeth," She called over her shoulder as she walked into the bathroom.
"Yeah, you should. Can't be too careful about personal hygiene."
"MmmHmmm… when was the last time that you changed your underwear?"
"Years, I think…"
"DOn't joke about that!" Sakura screeched around a mouthful of toothpaste.
"I'm not," He said smugly, and she waited for the punch line. "… I prefer not to wear any."
"…"
"…And now you are thinking about it."
"I-I am most definitely not thinking about y-you, naked!"
"I said nothing about naked, you filled that part in."
"Argh!" Sakura spat the toothpaste into the sink furiously, and expression of absolute anger on her face as she came back into the bedroom to glare at the silver haired man who had just gone and spread out right in the centre of her bed. She not-so-subtly pushed him to the side and climbed on next to him. Yes, there would have been room for both of them anyway. Yes, that action did give her a kind of petty satisfaction. "You are so aggravating."
"I try."
Then he pressed the play button.
A/N - Yes, I know I have left that in a rather bizarre place, but I had to split it here or have this chapter about four times the length of all of the others. I will try to update soon so as not to leave this in a stupid place, but I am writing other things, have GCSE's to prepare for, and no one really reads this anyway. Until next time…
R&R