As I walk up to bed, Remus approaches me.
"Want a drink?" He motions at a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand. I know he wants to talk about today.
"Would love one," I say and follow him to a sitting room. He sits on a dusty old couch and I sit on an adjacent armchair.
The sitting room is the room I would consider closest to cozy in the house. The couch cushions are somewhat squishy and a great big fireplace gapes like an open mouth. Bookshelves line the walls filled with books that would feel at home in the Restricted Section of the Hogwarts library. This was the first room I cleaned out myself. It was reportedly late Uncle Alphard's favorite room in the house and I could see why; it is close to the kitchen, but also rather isolated and off to the side, so a crazy Walburga Black couldn't swoop in on you with out any warning.
We sit in the dark, Remus and I, each clutching a bottle of Firewhisky. I feel the alchohol burn its way through my stomach and feel the false fiery courage warm my heart.
"Would you have ever imagined," I say, "back in our school days, that we would ever find ourselves here?"
Remus looks at me. His hair looks soft and friendly. I resist the urge to run my fingers through it.
Remus looks down at his Firewhisky. "I would have never," he said quietly. "I don't have such a dark imagination." He pauses. "I would have never dreamed of Lily and James dying before old age. Or that Peter Pettigrew would grow to be even more than a coward. Or that you..." Remus looks up at me, almost pityingly.
I shrug.
Remus sighs. "I might have seen something dark in the future for myself. But never for my friends."
I look at him and attempt to memorize the silhouette of his face. His face is lined and his hair is flecked with grey. He looks sad, albeit beautiful. I am sure the years had treated him as harshly as they had treated me. I know it was not easy being a werewolf.
"I'm sorry, Moony," I say.
He looks at me surprised. "For what?"
"For not being there with you for the past 10 years. For being the hotheaded idiot that I am who tried to blow Wormtail up. And for thinking you were the traitor."
He gives me a small smile and my heart thuds painfully in my chest. "You don't need to apologize. You keep apologizing. I'm guilty as well. I thought you were the traitor. I should have known better."
With the Firewhisky burning liquid courage through my veins and Remus smiling his beautiful smile before me, I take a bold step; I move next to him on the couch. I try to put my arm around him, but I find my arm does not move.
After all these years, I am still a coward.
We sit there in companionable silence, listening to the many creatures in the house scuttle sleepily in the dark. My hand is close to his thigh, so close I can feel the heat from his body. I take small sips of my drink and soak in the fact that he is next to me. That I am with the only true friend left alive.
Sometime later, he stands up. "Well, I'm off to bed, old Padfoot." He pats me on my head as if I were a dog and I smile up at him.
He smiles. "Your face has an uncanny doglike resemblance right now." And to prove him right, I turn into Padfoot, tounge lolling, tail waving.
Moony pets my head and I wag my tail accordingly and give him a big lick on the face. He laughs and pushes me away. "Doggy breath," he complains.
I walk with him to his room and sit outside once he has gone in and closed the door.
Only in dog form do I have the courage to kiss him.
Sometimes I'm such a fucking coward, that I hate myself.
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Thanks for reading, I will have another chapter out soon!
Reviews are very welcome :)