I wake slowly. I feel delightfully warm and my face is squashed into something very soft. I feel relaxed and well rested.

I open my eyes. Remus is curled into my chest. His head is just under my chin and his arms are wrapped around my chest. My legs are entangled with his legs and my hand is loosely draped over his torso; my other squashed under his chest.

I close my eyes and smile. Remus is one gorgeous man.

I open my eyes. What the fuck am I doing in Remus's bed? Is this a dream?

I pinch my self. It hurts.

I close my eyes. It's not a dream.

Remus snorts and shifts his head a little. I freeze. My brain seems to short out. I am in Remus's bed. I am in Remus's bed.

What the hell happened last night?

And then it comes back to me. I vaguely recall me being rather pathetic and snivelly and asking Remus if I could stay with him like a frightened toddler. And Remus, being the wonderfully nice caring person he is, let me sleep with him, in his bed, as Padfoot.

Why the fuck am I in human form then?

I groan. It's bad enough that I embarrassed myself last night being a rather teary eyed git, but now I'm imposing on Remus's trust and his privacy.

I carefully try to detangle myself from his body with out waking him up, so I can turn into Padfoot.

When I do, I look at him, and he is so beautiful that it hurts. His hair is spread out on the pillow. His mouth is open slightly and his pink lips are parted. His long eyelashes hover delicately over his cheeks. His hand is curled up besides him, making him look angelically innocent. I hate that he is so close to me and I cannot touch him or run my hands through his hair or kiss him. My heart pangs. I wish I could lie down and warp my arms back around him.

I shake my head. I really need to stop being such a creepy pervert, oogling my friend when he is unaware. I turn into Padfoot and everything is simpler. With I am Padfoot, I do not feel guilt tearing me in two, I simply feel sad. I do not feel a vast storm cloud of depression, instead I feel the urge to run outside and chase some pigeons. I do not feel the bittersweet feelings of love and sadness when I see Remus, I simply think 'Moony (mate)'.

I stop. Mate? Padfoot agrees. Mate. And I understand that this way is not 'mate' in the way that I called James or Peter mate, but 'mate' in a distinctly intimate way. Like James and Lily were mates. Mate.

My dog brain feels like it is going to explode from complex emotions. Moony (mate) smells good. Sad. Want to chase pigeons. Need to leave room.

I jump from the bed, pad across the room, and open the door with a large paw. I travel up the stairs to my own room, across from Regulus's old room and curl up in my cold bed.

I'm lonely. I think.

I see Remus downstairs for breakfast and feel a bit embarrassed. I can't bring myself to meet his eyes. Luckily, Harry and the loud Weasley clan noisily demand attention from both me and Remus.

I help the Weasleys rid a foul smelling back room of a small bundimun infestation. The Scouring Charm works, well, like a charm on the bundimuns and is also strangely cathartic to blast away the pests. I try not actively avoid Remus, but I definitely try to limit contact. I'm not sure if he knows I had turned back into my human self. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. I can't lose him as a friend, when I've already lost so fucking much.

When night falls, Remus is waiting with two bottles of butterbeer. I breath a sigh of relief. Things are back to normal.

We walk into the little sitting room and I light a fire. The flames flicker and dance over his face, and I study the outline of his nose and the raised white bump of a scar on his neck. He stares into the flames as if waiting for someone to Floo him.

"Were you avoiding me today?" asks Remus. His voice is mellow. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. He usually isn't so blunt.

"No," I lie. "I was just busy. That bundimun infestation really was starting to stink."

He hums in gentle agreement and my heart beats faster. I don't understand how he manages to be so... sexy in soft patched sweaters and brown corduroy pants. If I could figure out his secret, I would be the most sought after man on the earth.

"I thought you might be embarrassed," says Remus still studying the fire thoughtfully.

"Me? Why?" I ask. My face feels hot and I think it is from the fire.

"Because I asked you to stay."

"No, no! Not at all. I thought I asked if I could stay. I sleep better with you. Not as many nightmares." As I say it, I realize it is true. Most nights I wake up just as the dementors' scabby hands have grasped my chin for the last kiss of my life.

"Now that you mention it, my nightmares subsided when you were there as well. I wonder why that is." Remus looks pensive. I notice he is not looking at me; he is looking into the fire.

"You have nightmares?" I ask. "I don't remember you having any when we shared a dorm."

"Yes," he sighs. "My nightmares have gotten worse. I dream about my transition. I dream that Greyback is chasing me and my friends and I can't get away. The worst dream is when I see daylight and I am still the wolf. I am stuck in wolf form forever. Fortunately, I wake up soon after."

"You shouldn't go on more Order missions. I'm sure the missions don't help. When is your next one?"

Remus laughs. "I'm not about to stop going on missions because it might exacerbate my nightmares. And I leave in about a week."

"Oh," I respond. A week? A week seems too soon.

"How are you doing, Sirius? Cooped up in this big ugly house?"

"It's alright. Although I'm getting blindingly pale, I'm doing okay. I try to stretch my legs at least once a day. And I'm doing push ups and sit ups. The normal routine." I try not to sound proud about working out. The other day I swear I spotted a bump of muscle in my still emaciated arms.

"That's good. I still don't think it's right that you're cooped up in here all the time, though."

"Well, what's is there to do?" I try to make my voice lighthearted, but it still sounds bitter. I have been imprisoned now for about half of my life. I want to walk free.

"Well, we could sneak out, you know," says Remus.

"Who are you and what have you done with Remus Lupin?" I ask jokingly, flourishing my wand at him.

He laughs and his eyes crinkle up with amusement. "I was a Marauder, too. You and James weren't the only one breaking the rules."

"When should we do it?" I leap up from the couch in excitement.

"Calm down, Sirius," laughs Remus. "We'll do it when Harry and the Weasley's are gone. When it'll be just us in the house. But we will have to be super careful." Remus frowns with worry. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

I grin at him. "This is the Moony I know. The cautious one. We'll be careful! We'll be extremely careful! I promise I won't do anything stupid. We'll just make really excellent plans." I rub my hands hands together with glee.

Remus smiles at me. "Poor Padfoot. Deprived of excitement and sunlight. But let's plan it another day. I'm a bit knackered tonight." He yawns toothily at me.

"Of course, Remus," I say. "You're still healing. Let's go off to bed, shall we?"

I put out the fire and follow him up the stairs to his room. I can't help apprehensive. After all that talk about how we are each other's own nightmare prevention, where the fuck am I supposed to sleep?

Remus opens the door to his room and trudges inside and I hover uncertainly by the door.

"Coming?" he asks covering another wide yawn with his hand.

I nod and swiftly turn into Padfoot. I follow him into his room and jump on his bed. I turn around three times and give a big sigh as the tension slowly drains out of my body. Now all I have to do is remain Padfoot for the entire night and everything will be just fine.

I'm sorry, I think I messed up the chapter order!