This was totally meant to only be three parts, but whoops, I've got one more.
Enjoy this one, though! Last one might even be up later tonight if I'm up for it.
Five years later, I ended up telling him the truth. First, I have to say this.
Hunting with my dad and uncle was incredible. They knew and had access to information I never even imagine existed. My dad always made fun of me for how much I genuinely enjoyed researching some of the hunts we embarked on. Said I was just like my nerd uncle. Sam and I ended up getting pretty close. He seemed relieved to have me around.
"It gets lonely sitting around at a library looking up mythological lore all by yourself." was how he so eloquently put it one evening.
I also learned the tell tale signs Castiel was around. My father gave his presence away. Whenever the angel was with us, Dean was lighter, didn't snap at us as much, and cracked jokes more than usual. Sure enough, usually a day after this, I'd see the angel, myself. I was jealous. So was Sam. My uncle and I always gave each other this exasperated, slightly annoyed look whenever the two of them were together. But we were happy for them. Well, mostly for Dean. In this life, it had to have been nice to have someone to come home to at the end of a hunt.
I never found anyone, myself. No one that lasted longer than a night, but it was all right because I had my family, my real family, backing me up in everything I did, which brings me back to telling my father the truth.
Yet another meant-to-be-simple-hunt-gone-wrong incident had come along. A ghost in the middle of Nebraska. We burned the bones, thought it was over until she slammed me against the wall.
She was a strange one. Nothing seemed to make sense about her. Her spectral form was obviously female, yet everything we learned about this hunt happened to a boy named Mark according to all the records. She fit the bill, though. She haunted the warehouse. She had the same scars as Mark would've had. She even had the same facial features as him. It didn't click until that moment.
"You…You used to understand. You know." she asked. At first, I had no idea what she meant. I gasped when I figured it out, the missing link. The reason why the boy was buried but the girl remained. The reason why I apparently "understood," but didn't any longer. I looked up at her, gaze softening.
"I'm so sorry…" I whispered. Her eyes filled with tears, and her grip loosened, causing me to fall to the floor with a loud thud and a groan before coming to my senses and watching her every move again. She hadn't stopped crying though, hadn't gone anywhere else except right in front of me. My family didn't move either. They looked curious, and utterly baffled. No salt rounds were being fired. They wanted to listen just as much as I did.
"I never told anyone. Never got the chance. My whole life was a fucking lie." She explained, sobs wracking her body. Slowly, ever so slowly, I moved towards her, caressed her face and lifted it up, so she would look at me.
"We know now. You can rest knowing someone knows…right?" To be honest, I had no idea if this would work, and all I could do was hope to that stupid God that didn't care I was right. Proving the whole "He doesn't care" point, it didn't work. She slammed me against the wall again, along with my dad and uncle.
"No!" she screamed, even added a spectral punch to the stomach along with it. "I'll never rest! Not like this. Not ever!" she wailed. She was crushing our bones. Crushing us into dust.
This was also the first time I'd acknowledged Castiel as a second father. Not knowing what else to do, I called out for him.
"Cas…Dad!" The last thing I saw before I presumably blacked out was my angel father beaming down at me. Then the whole place lit up like a damn nuclear bomb.
When I woke up, my human dad was sitting at the edge of my bed, dabbing a wash cloth over the extra blood on my face and neck. He had this look on his face that I'd seen before in films and TV shows, but never once directed towards me. It was as if I was his entire world, as if I was the only thing in the entire universe that mattered to him. None of the monsters mattered. None of the angels. None of the demons. Just me. I had to laugh uneasily at the intensity. He raised a brow at me. I shrugged.
"Not used to someone…treating me like this." Weak. I was still very weak. Castiel had healed all my bones, sure, but that didn't mean breaking them in the first place hadn't happened, leaving basically my entire body sore and achy in ways I didn't even know possible. Dean pulled the wash cloth off me and sighed.
"Really? Your mom never…" I shook my head. God, then he gave me the kicked puppy expression again, which I never grew to be able to handle. He grabbed my hand and held it tightly.
"I'm sorry I left you there…" he said, casting his gaze down to the floor. I bit my lip, unsure of what to say or do to try and quell the horrible regret that I knew pulsed through him. I ended up shrugging again, squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"You couldn't have known she was going to go all psychopath Christian after she had me." Funny. Five years before, I hated the man for leaving me in that, and here I was, making excuses for him in a dingy motel room now.
"Still…You tried you kill yourself. And you still ended up a hunter. Not exactly what I had in mind for my kid's life." I swear, in that moment, I saw his heart being ripped in half simply by the pained expression on his face. I was never good with words. Ever. Never was the one anyone went to for advice or anything like that. It just wasn't something I was talented at, so again, I was left utterly clueless as to what to say to my broken father.
"Yeah, but you didn't know. You just were trying to do what was best for me." He shook his head and gave me a smile. A sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. It was better than the kicked puppy look, and made me a lot less uncomfortable with the situation.
"Why, though? What'd you try that for? Killing yourself, I mean." he asked. I sighed, sitting up a bit on the cheap bed. This was going to be a long explanation. I forced a small smile back at him.
"You remember that ghost said I understood?" Start off simple, I thought. Work your way up to the big confession. He nodded.
"Yeah, I was wondering what she meant by that." I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and another, and a few more quiet ones before opening them and staring directly at my father.
"Well…it's a long story…" I told him everything. I was born Madeline Bartlett, a girl. I was confused as a child, ever since I knew the difference between boys and girls. The whole incident with Lucifer apparently being in me (which actually made him laugh because, well, he was in my uncle at one point). Trying to kill myself because I couldn't be myself. Meg popping in. He flinched at her name. Told him she seemed to know everything about me. She gave me an offer to have a man meat suit. I took it after two years. "And here we are now." I ended.
Dad was silent for the longest time. I was nervous, but thankfully I could tell he was simply taking his time processing all the information. At least, I sincerely hoped so. I could've been reading him wrong. The clock ticked by, seconds taking hours, minutes taking days. Then he nodded, eyes darting over to meet mine, and he smiled.
"So, basically, you sold your soul for a dick."
And then we were laughing hysterically. We were nearly crying, and that's now I knew it was okay. He didn't care. He loved me for me. For the first time, someone in my life loved me for me. All of me, and it was wonderful.
Later on, Castiel showed up. He simply looked confused as he sat down by me. Dean and Sam were sleeping soundly. Dean on the floor, Sam on the bed opposite mine. I turned to the angel and chuckled a bit.
"If you're looking to get it on with my dad, he's out cold. Don't even think your mojo would wake him up." I said with a smirk. He tilted his head to the side in that "I have no idea what you just said" way.
"I'm positive if I wanted to 'get it on' with your father, my powers would be more than enough to wake him." he said. I rolled my eyes and forced that image out of my mind.
"Figure of speech, pops. What's up?" I asked. He sat down next to me.
"That is…actually want I wanted to speak with you about." he replied. I furrowed my brow at him.
"Huh?" He turned to me.
"About how you…call me your father as well as Dean. You cried out for me in that warehouse as your father." Oh god. Another emotional talk. I wasn't sure I could've handled more than one in the span of twenty four hours, but it was a conversation that needed to be had, and I knew, as always, Cas wasn't going to leave without answers.
"What about it?" I asked, refusing to meet his eyes.
"Do you…really see me as a father figure?" Responding to a question with another question. Ace. I snapped my gaze back up to him and nodded without hesitation, even chuckled a little.
"Course I do. You've treated me as your own since you met me. At first I didn't understand why, but now that I know about you and my dad…" He blushed. An Angel of the Lord blushed. Another thing added to the list of shit that shouldn't be possible but apparently was. "I saw you as the annoying step-dad at first, but you're so…you're my angel as much as you are my dad's." I said with a smile. "The way both you and Dean look at me…no one's ever looked at me and treated me with so much devotion and love and just…yeah. It's nice. You're like the parents I should've always had."
He smiled, the most genuine smile I'd ever seen the angel make, and pulled me into his arms. I fell onto him with a surprised "oomph," but then relaxed into his embrace, my arms flinging around him as well, as girly and way over the top emotional as it was.
"I never imagined I'd have a son." he whispered. I hugged him tighter in response. God dammit, I was being cheesy as all Hell again but I couldn't help it. He was literally my guardian angel. Dad's too. I was allowed to get all emotional over that. Still, after a bit, it was too much, so I pulled away and grinned at him before lying back down again.
"Well, I dunno about you, but I think today's been filled with enough emotion to last me until I go down under." I said. He laughed and rolled his eyes.
"Just like your father." he replied. I was going to respond with some other sarcastic, smart ass remark but before I could, two fingers were touching my forehead and I was out in a deep, dreamless sleep.
And now, five years after that, here we are. Well, here I am. I've been reflecting on my life all day, sat against the wall of our room in...Tampa? Or was it Bradenton? Either way, the day, for me, is going to end the same regardless of which Floridian town I find myself in. I'm going to be a hell hound's chew toy. Yep, today's the day. My trip down under.
I gulp, holding my gun to my chest so tight my knuckles were white. The door opens and I jump, pointing my gun at whatever's coming in. I visibly relax as I see it's only my two dads striding in. They've finished the hunt, and now they want to stay with me, I suppose. I don't bother asking where Sam is. He knows I'm coming back, but he still can't handle being around me today, which I can understand. Must bring back traumatizing memories of seeing his brother as a chew toy as well.
They don't speak; just sit down on either side of me. Immediately, I curl up right beside my human dad, and I hold the angel's hand. It's stupid and pathetic, but it's all I can bring myself to do in this situation. I'm terrified, but I try not to let it show as much as possible. Only letting my physical defenses fall so my emotional ones don't. Familiar love, peace, and warmth spreads through me at the touch of my angel father's hand, though, and I sigh, even twitch my lips up a bit. Before I can stop myself, I'm asking an idiotic question.
"Does it hurt?" I hear Dean sigh, and he grips me a little tighter. At twenty eight years old, I feel more like an eight year old hiding behind his daddy from the big bad monster under his bed.
"Honestly? Hurts like a bitch." I gulp, turn to Castiel.
"Can you make it…not hurt?" I hate being this vulnerable, I really do, but I figure, what have I got to lose at this point by opening up a bit? Showing a tiny teensy little bit of how scared I am. He squeezes my hand.
"I'm afraid I am not allowed to interfere until I pull you out. Bu I will come as soon as possible." he responded. I nodded, stare at the wall, and cling to my dads. A comfortable silence ensues after this for a while. Dean's the one who breaks it.
"You regret it?" he asks. I turn to him, giving him an "are-you-seriously-asking-that" look.
"Dude. These have been the best ten years of my life. Even if I wasn't coming back, I'd never regret a second of it." For that, I get a smack upside the head.
"Don't' talk like that. Not come back. You're a Winchester. Cheating death is what we do." I laugh, lean into him more (because I'm not using the word snuggling…or any other word related). I'm about to reply, but am cut off the sound of the clock hitting midnight. My heart beat is in sync with the chimes until they're done, then it just races to inhuman speeds when the howling is heard.
"They're here…" I whisper, hardly audible. I stand up, trembling all over and turn to Castiel. "You two get out of here. I'm sure you don't wanna see this." A nod from the angel, and a sympathetic gaze from my human father who'd been through this before, and they're gone.
I hear them again. I close my eyes, bite my lip, and wait.
And now I only feel pain. The damn things are ripping me limb from limb. I scream for my dads out of pure instinct, but neither of them come.
As soon as it was over, it begins again. Meat hooks hold me up, spread my suddenly naked body wide for whatever Hell has planned for me. I struggle, try calling for help, but all I hear is laughter. High pitched, insane laughter I know I've heard before. Sure enough, the same demon that made the deal that dragged me here stands in front of me, looking absolutely delighted with herself. As if she'd just given herself a birthday present. Then again, a fresh soul for a demon to cut into is probably just like a birthday present.
"Hey baby, you miss me?" On the outside, I look only angry. She sees right through me, though. I know it. I can't hide here, not anymore. She's fully aware of how terrified I am and plans to use it to her complete advantage if the smirk on her face tells me anything. A small, but undoubtedly sharp knife is being twirled around her fingers. I gulp. She brings the knife down, and the never ending pain begins.