Chapter 8
Still the Same Spark

~Beatriz~

Frost hasty disappearance allowed me to let out a leisure sigh. I chuckled internally for the rather hilarious spectacle presented to me this morning like a fresh-baked pie. My wings couldn't stop to rub my belly in sheer happiness, and in some occasion, I could saw how my unborn chicks looked like while they called me 'Mama' or 'Mom'.

Mother… I couldn't believe how far I'd gone since the day I was born. I never thought such experience to become the nurturer of nature – my own progenies – had finally commenced. This new experience brought me a questions, preconditions and self-inflicted doubts that their numbers rivaled the grainy sands in Rio; the stars in the hemispheres.

Mom told me once that my instinct as a mother would be my greatest assets to fend my chicks and showered them with the love like I always wanted. I was baffled when Mom revealed her biggest secret; I never really knew the horror she had to endure when she was faced with being a mother for me and my siblings. Being separated since she was a chick, losing her mom, and lastly, fighting for survival that almost killed her heart were the perfect recipe of madness akin to one brewed in the witch's cauldron. She admitted that she wasn't sure if she would be able to show the love she wanted to give to us, but as the time cascaded, Mom understood that her motherly instinct had proven to be the most effective tools despite her lack of experience.

Instincts didn't please me enough to convince me that I wouldn't put my chicks within jeopardy in my later years as a mother, but Mom assured me that the bonding, the chain that forged when I carried them since they are eggs will be the amplifier, the natural mechanism that allowed me to be sure my actions were right, that I was teaching them in the comforting embers of love.

I agreed with Mom, the feelings just too overwhelming to contain. It felt like my insides were twisting uncontrollably and I just wanted to puke from the joy that conquered my soul, in fact, I did.

I could smell the foul stench of my breakfast as I emptied my stomach in a sudden motion. It felt like a torrent of vertigo just appeared out of thin air and inflicted their damage in an instant instead of the usual progressive pain. My breathings became ragged as I flapped my wings to meet my Mom, still experiencing the after-effect of the last surge of sickness within me before they faded away for good.

Calm down, Bia. Calm down. I told myself, shaking my head to clear up the mental fog that messed with my nerves. You can't get sick just yet; your chicks need you to stay healthy.

After gaining a proper airlift, I raced myself at the directions of my parent's hollow. My condition, however, did not improved since the last wave of vertigo hit me, my flight was greatly impaired and my vision was hazy. My parent's hollow was nothing but a chocolate blob as I landed on the entrance, gasping for a bountiful breath.

My heartbeat was irregular and breathing was an effortful task to do. Mom was thankfully appeared on the main room when she saw me collapsed half-way towards her, helping me to calm my nerves and alien sensation within my body to subside.

"Heavens, Bia. What happened to you?" Her voice rich with concern, "Are you okay?"

"I'm… fine… Mom… I'm just…" I gasped and raced myself towards the entrance and emptied my stomach for the second time.

"I will call the healer." Mom cringed after she saw my condition, "Rest now, I'll be right back."

"Mom… wait…" My voice was fragile and weak, "I'm fine… I think this is because I'm carrying eggs."

"Nonsense, birds don't puke… wait… did you say you are carrying eggs?"

I nodded twice in affirmation.

"Are you sure?" Mom inquired once more, disbelief painted her expression.

I put my wings and pressed my belly, still feeling the hard object resided within it. "I feel something hard in my stomach this morning, my body just feels…"

"Stuffed? Lightheaded?"

"Yeah… Those are what I felt since this morning."

Mom's beak rapidly arched upwards. She pressed her wings on my belly softly, inspecting my signs of carrying eggs. To my delight when I saw her pupils dilated in shock and joy. Her smile persistent. "You're carrying eggs!" Mom joyously stated, "I can't believe it, my little girl is now carrying eggs."

I couldn't help but to let my eyes stained with tears of happiness as my Mom confirmed my carrying status, "Oh Bia." She nuzzled my head. "Look at you! Yesterday you were an egg and now you carrying your own."

My speech ability was completely muted. I couldn't find a word to describe the utter bliss that dominated my body and soul. I felt weak and helpless all of the sudden as the waves of my previous vertigo resumed their skirmish.

Swayed by the dizziness, I succumbed myself in the next wave of nausea. My stomach was nearly bare when I found myself emptying my stomach again outside my parent's hollow.

Mom's face was full of worry, "Bia, sweetie, are you feeling okay?"

"I don't know Mom… I have this… headache since this morning. I was thinking… that this might because I'm carrying eggs." I gaspingly replied, "I think… it will pass… eventually."

"But carrying eggs is not like having a baby like human." Mom arched his eyebrows, "I don't feel it like that in my experience of carrying."

"You should probably rest, Bia." Mom advised, stroking my forehead. "I will find a healer."

"I don't think that would be necessary, Mom. I'm just… feeling a bit out of the weather." I put my wings on my forehead and wiped the heat away from it, "I got a fever yesterday, but thankfully Frost have given me some kind of medicine from the healer."

"Are you sure? This might affect your eggs." Mom insisted, "I believe that you don't want anything bad happened to them, is it not?"

"Really?" I asked with a sarcastic tone.

Mom seemed to understand my sarcasm, groaned in defeat, "I hate when you use that intelligence to me. That's one of the reason I rarely won an argument with your Father."

I snickered and added, "See? I know you just made that up."

Mom hugged me tightly and said, "I just want the best for you. I know, you are no longer the small chick I used to know… but…"

"I know, Mom. I know." I hugged her back, "I will always be your little girl, no matter what."

Her beak formed a sincere smile as she exhaled in exhilaration. "You also forget to add that I will be a grandma soon!" Mom excitedly remarked, "I can't believe my little girl will soon become a mother."

"Me too, Mom. I'm also nervous to be honest." I gently rubbed my belly.

She issued a ladylike snarl, "I have taught you a lot of things; I'm sure you'll be a good mother, sweetie." She joined in the happiness of the new soon-to-be family member, rubbing my belly, "Oh… did you tell Frost already?"

"Well, no." The imminent regret dominated me, "I was going to… only I just want to be sure yet. You know, false alarm will certainly make the situation awkward."

"Precisely calculated." Mom shook her head in amusement, "I wonder if your chicks will inherit that trait."

"To be honest, I prefer if they look like me… but have Frost's personality."

Of course, as it wasn't so obvious the reason I wished my chicks to acquire Frost's persona. I had seen who he is, enigmatic at the first glance, but when you able to penetrate the cold and dark husk of his outer shell, you'll find a sun with intense radiance. His artistic views on this world inspired a deep awe on me – for a bird who is grounded by facts – and to have the ability to perceive the world as something immensely colorful; a land of rainbow and sunshine was a gift not to miss on.

I do realize this ability he possessed didn't come from his default personality (which you probably know already); the metaphor: The night has beauty of its own for countless stars and moon shine within the shade of the sun. Ironic, I must admit, that something incredibly beautiful was hidden under the veil of the golden ray, blinding its citizen to solely praise the solar flare as the symbol of hope. I came to appreciate the night even more ever since I met Frost and become lovers; countless stars, galaxies, awesome supernovas and swirling nebulas hidden in the distant black skies. Humans spent countless resources to unveil the secret of the universe only to later realize it lies in the cosmos; in the night sky when everyone retreated into slumber.

It didn't come to me just eventually when I began to dwell myself inside this new way to perceive the world, but rather after countless time of pondering and adapting to this new views when I began to realize; It is Frost's unique color, his unique kaleidoscope with how the earth rotates in its axis.

Certainly, who doesn't want their chicks to have this unique and wonderful personality.

I chuckled internally when my conversation with Mom had gone too far from our timeline, chatting about my chicks' life when they are adults and have mates on their own. They hadn't yet born but we already talked like ten years had passed in an instant.

Frost's lovely personality, however, was the thing I wished will be inherited towards my offsprings in later years. With the personality of his sincerity (albeit sometimes clumsy and sarcastic), I will be happy to know that my chicks will shower their progenies and so on; my family will thrive under the comfort of love for eternity.

It's silly, I know. But considering the Arrow of time theory is correct, I could not live in the past and present forever, but to be prepared for the endless tunnel of future awaits me and my later family.

Perhaps, after I reviewed this point of view I possessed, I came to a conclusion that like it or not, Frost's influence had started to alter me; in a good or bad way, I'll leave that alone to other's judgement.

My chat session with Mom was interrupted when the morning nausea returned back to me. The lack of interval of queasiness during our chats made her forgot his initial intention to bring me to the healer. I waved my wings and told her that this one wasn't as strong as in the morning, assuring her that I would be okay.

She didn't seem to believe my words (and I can perfectly understand why) and asked me if I was feeling one-hundred percent okay. Obviously… if you are hit by a nausea the whole day… There's no such things as one-hundred percent.

"Maybe I should just rest, Mom." I stated as I tried to calm my rebelling belly. "Frost's going home for lunch too so I think I have someone to take care of me."

"Alright, but are you sure you can fly to your hollow on your own?" Mom's face donned a worried expression, "You know what, I'll go with you."

I groaned, "Mom. I'm not a chick anymore… heck, I'm carrying eggs! I'll be fine."

She finally sighed in defeat, "Ugh… fine. You know you can be so stubborn sometimes." Mom lifted her talon to scratch her itchy legs, "I can tell that this is a trait that will be passed all generation."

"It's from you, isn't it?"

Mom rolled her eyes, "Who else? Your father?"

"What about me?" A familiar male voice startled Mom, "Meu Deus! Blu! Don't appear like that out of nowhere!"

Dad's beak was beaming widely; his elderly figure had seen better day due to the stress since he was chosen to lead the tribe by Pop-pop. Lía was perching on Dad's back like she always did with both of my parents – I assumed – while smiling cheekily as she noticed me, "Irmã!"

"So what's that with me earlier?" Dad retraced his previous unanswered query.

"Oh." Mom replied abruptly, smiling towards me before she continued, "We just had some chats between girls, and Blu…"

Mom's eyes twitched, a signal for me to break the good news. "Uh… well alright then."

Dad's face was filled with curiosity, "What is it now? You two knows I hate surprises."

I had to be honest; breaking the news about my carrying status wasn't as easy as breaking a news that Tiago already had a girlfriend. My heartbeat pounded vigorously as it was going to burst anytime soon like a ticking time bomb. My respiration become uneven and my body soon felt incredibly tired. It was an utter weird experience, my brain was super excited, yet my body demanded me to cease all my activities.

Nonetheless, I somehow managed to find all the strength and nerve to tell Dad and my little sister about my status.

I could see Dad's eyes widened in an instant when I'd finished saying 'eggs', his jaw dropped – literally – with my sister confused about my news.

"You… carryin… that…" Dad's clauses were incompressible for the next one before he finally calmed, "Wow… I'm very surprised…"

"Come on now Pop-pop; you should have been happy for this." Mom said, eliciting an enjoyable laugh.

"I am happy!" Dad exclaimed jovially, "This is a very good news! Have you told Frost yet?"

"Well…"

"What is carrying eggs?" Lía suddenly joined the conversation.

Mom and Dad exchanged looks; that looks that couldn't be mistaken for this kind of subject. Mom sighed in defeat after their staring contest ended; a silent conversation that managed to rival telepathy. "That means, Lía, your irmã is going to have chicks."

"How can irmã have chicks?" She asked adorably, eyes sparkling in curiosity, oblivious that both of her parents would be struggling to answer the seemingly simple question. "Uh… well, you see…" Mom stuttered, her eyes gazing hopefully towards Dad. She tapped her talon on the floor twice, one of the sign I had come to understand the meaning of it.

Dad was no better, he averted his gaze while his talon scratched his nape; the gesture that implies his nervousness and also reserved as a diversion when Mom caught him spoiled me and my siblings when we were younger.

I couldn't help but to beam at my parents' tied tongue. They obviously have to come up with something that allowed my little sister's curiosity to be sated. I still remember their answer when I asked the same question when I was a chick – out of curiosity, mind you – which they always said, "We'll tell you when you are older."

Of course, as a crusader of knowledge, such answer did not give me the beneficial satisfaction. Mom and Dad did notice my unconvincing state finally gave up and gave me a reply, which until today, is still utterly humorous, "You come from eggs, Bia. And eggs come from… you know… when your Dad give me enough food, I will then have eggs."

And for the cherry on top, I bought that for four years before Mom and Dad finally taught me about mates and family stuff.

I began to wonder what kind of reaction I should gave to my chicks when this question one day presented to me; either I should explain it in some way, or getting into lies like my parents had done to me.

My rumbling belly eased the thought; my morning meal hadn't yet got a chance to be processed (thanks to the nausea) caused my energy reserve to be incredibly low. Mom and Dad were still figuring something to satiate my little sister's curiosity when I bid the farewell.

"Oh… are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?" Mom asked, remembering my morning sickness.

"I'll be fine, Mom. In fact, I'm starving now."

"What happened?" Dad asked, Mom's concern infected him.

"Not a big deal, Dad. I just got some… vomiting this morning." I said, "But don't worry. I'm fine now."

"Well, alright then. I suppose you can join us for lunch?" Dad replied, removing Lía from his back.

My conscience soon detected the meaning behind this conversation; the diversion from Lía's question. This revelation brought me a grin, "Frost promised me to bring me lunch; maybe next time Dad."

Mom and Dad soon noticed my big grin couldn't help but to ask in unison, "What?"

My grin finally evolved into a chuckle, "Nada." [Nothing]

Dad only cocked his head while Mom was more perceptive to decipher my chuckle, grinning widely before adding, "Hush."

That was more than enough to trigger a hearty, glorious laughter from me.

The world seemed much brighter all of the sudden; the winds, the atmosphere and the ambience just blissful and much detailed than usual. My highlighted perception was the result of my happiness, the sunbeam felt so much warmer and calmer than many other days in my life.

My mind glued to a single thing: my eggs. I still trapped between the limbo of shock and acceptance (not that I had a single hatred for these eggs) but the shockwave from my sheer joy pushed me closer to the edge of acceptance; a title I that will soon bestowed to me: a mother.

My body, however, couldn't cooperate with the immense happiness that possessed my body. My flight was greatly impaired despite the airflow was perfect for flying, and somehow, I could detect a miniscule sign of my nausea returned back.

Perhaps, it's because the euphoria that I couldn't contain in my body just demanded to burst, but due to the limitation, it sought other ways to liberate itself from my body.

The flight immediately got me weary. I lost focus on my surrounding, merely flapping my wings to stay afloat with no clear clues if I had reached my destination or not.

My endurance was tested as I continuously beating my wings, hoping my hollow will soon materialize in my hazy vision. Exhaustion, unfortunately, began to creep over my consciousness, disorienting my wits to acquire the proper signs of my abode.

Unwanted to strain myself, I landed on a nearby branch, panting heavily. What is wrong with me? Is it because I'm carrying eggs? I asked myself internally in my endeavor to steady myself. I shook my head to clear the mental clouds that dampened my recently highlighted perception; it felt like the crashing effects of withdrawal from some certain drugs.

My condition was utterly pathetic. The greenery around me was alien combined with my disabled pattern recognition, I simply lost in this vast foliage.

My rumbling belly once more reminded me one of the reasons I trapped under this very circumstances. I regretted myself not to accept my parents' offer to take me home, unbeknownst that my morning sickness would lead into a series of chain reactions with me ending up stranded in the middle of nowhere.

Well, not really in the middle of nowhere, but since my senses are non-functional at that time, that leads me to an assumption that I was lost. Perhaps no, what I needed is a time to clear my clouded perception before I could continue my flight, a brief rest sure would restore some of the energy I required to continue my journey.

My eyelids started to droop thanks to the pleasant sunbeam and perfect air; their soft touch singing a lullaby that drifted me slowly into slumbers, though my eyes quickly sprang wide when I heard someone else landed next to me, "Hey."

This voice belonged to a familiar male Spix's macaw, one that I knew Frost wouldn't be so happy to meet. I rotated my head and saw his face smiling warmly. "Oh hey there, Carlos. It's been awhile."

"Indeed it is." He replied, "So… how's everything going?"

His eyes scanned me from top to talon, soon I realized that I was a bit exposed in some certain part due to my rest position. I hastily got back on my talon and replied, "I'm fine, thanks."

"You sure? I mean it's not that I'm judging, but pretty sure it would be better to sleep in your hollow."

"I'm just taking a quick stop; I got exhausted for a little bit." I said, dusting splinters and dirt from my breast.

His beak formed a smug grin, "Are you sure? Because I saw you fly like a crippled bird just now."

"Well… actually… I am not exactly healthy." I admitted, "Not to mention I literally have nothing left in my stomach."

"You're sick?"

"I don't know. I just got these symptoms this morning… either I am indeed sick or it's because my eggs, I am not sure." I brushed my face, wiping away the looks of exhaustion from my face.

Carlos' reaction imitated my Dad, only I saw something else; something that made me uneasy with his presence. "You… are carrying eggs?"

"Yeah." I replied briefly.

His stare… somehow his stare pierced deep into my soul. "And your mate is…"

"Frost. Who else?" Another brief response I gave him with a slightly higher intonation, "I need to get going, Carlos. It's nice to talk with you again." I tried my best to sound friendly, knowing too well the outcome if Frost saw me with him.

"Why the rush?" He asked me with a monotonous tone, "I just want to congratulate you for this very event." His voice then reverted warmer and friendlier than before. "Now, let me help you."

"Help me what?"

"To your hollow of course. Didn't you see how much effort for you to fly earlier? Not to mention you have eggs to be taken care of."

"That doesn't make me weak, you know." My mood swings were completely uncontrollable, and Carlos was the first poor victim of it. "I can take care of myself thank you."

I already expected him to reply my hostility, but he remained calm and just stood there in silence. I wasted no more time and soared into the sky, only to be greeted with the uneven flight pattern that caused me to crash on the nearby branch… or at least, that was I expected to happen when I realized my freefall. Carlos apparently already predicted the outcome of my effort fighting my fatigue, as he reacted fast enough to sandwich me between his talon before I could reach the branch with a cranium-breaking result. My heart beat like a march of soldiers, conjuring a deep shock within me.

He placed me on the branch softly before stated, "See, I know you are in no condition to fly; let me help you."

"Why are you doing this? I'm not exactly friendly earlier." I confessed shamefully, "I just feel so weird today."

He let out an enjoyable laughter, "I think I can understand very well why you are acting like this. Now come on, you better get to your hollow soon. I bet your… mate is worried about you." His beak gritted a bit in the word 'mate'.

I noticed that, after all this time, he still had some feelings for me. After all, he was the first bird that ever asked me out for a date, though our relationship never got out from the 'friend' zone. I feel sorry for him, to be honest, for pursuing the bird he can never have for himself – to find love like I do.

I only nodded twice, silently praying Frost hadn't yet home or Tiago manage to make him forget the lunch time; heavens know what will happen when both of them meet each other.

Carlos, however, seemed so enthusiastic to help me even after knowing that I belonged to someone else. Perhaps deep within, he still hoped there's a chance, even tiny, that I will turn my tail from Frost and fall to his wings. But I know I don't love him as much as I love Frost.

It just felt different when I look Frost and Carlos, aside from their almost opposing personalities, something just drew me closer to Frost than Carlos since the first time they formed their rivalry ten years ago: the sincerity from Frost.

Carlos had always been an uncle Roberto type of bird. He was a sweet, suave talker that managed to flatter every female in the tribe. I admit, he was also quite handsome and muscular; the image of physical perfection scribbled on his DNA.

Frost on the other hand, was a shy as hell type of bird that just talking with him need an extreme nerve of steel to deflect the awkwardness that happened every so often. He was an enigma outside, but after I knew him within, I knew that he was a born artist; the trait that I fell in love with.

Honestly, I possessed some attraction with him when we first met. His smile and prowess impressed me greatly, his ability to help me from bullies, but not so much after he tried to push our relationship too fast.

He claimed to the whole tribe that I was his girlfriend. I had never accepted him to be my love interest, more less he ever asked me to be his girlfriend either. At first, I found it cute… but the more I spent more time with him, the less I felt for him.

And then come this bird that now is my mate, the one that taught me how love should have been: platonic and romantic at the same time.

I had never been so happy with my choice.

My hollow finally materialized after a couple of minute flight. Frost thankfully hadn't yet home or I would be dealing with his overprotectiveness, not to mention this was Carlos; his lifetime rival.

"Thanks for the help, Carlos." I smiled in gratitude.

"For a beautiful bird like you, it was nothing, Bia." He flattered, causing me to blush a bit. "Now where is this mate of yours? He should have been in he-"

"I'm here, thank you very much." A loud remark resonated to my eardrum, the owner of the said voice sent down a chill to my spine.

Frost landed next to me with his left wings cradled me closer to him, "What is your business here, may I ask?"

Carlos' eyes sparked in flames, his patience waning in an instant, "Helping your mate; I found her exhausted on a branch, so I decided to become a good neighbor and helped her. It seemed that my help is not appreciated."

"Thank you, but I believe she could handle her own." Frost's embrace radiated no warmth, but intense possessiveness.

I could feel the heat radiating from the two males, the same spark rekindled once more. "Just ask her then." Carlos smugly replied, "I believe your mate here-"

I wouldn't blame neither Frost or Carlos for this very arguments to be initiated. Frost's overprotective personality combined with Carlos' alpha personality was the perfect combination to create an everlasting storm.

And the worst of all, I was trapped within it.

A/N: Much sooner than before, and I hope this chapter is not too paced like the previous one either. Sorry for the rather slow update date, life has taken my time very much.

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