My mother returned to Twelve a week before I was due, to ascertain her presence for the birth of our first child. Peeta and I welcomed our little girl into the world with my Mother and Haymitch by our sides. It was in that exact moment when I knew we were going to be okay. Even Haymitch, who surprisingly was there through it all. He adores her more than anyone. Offering to babysit, attending every Birthday and Holiday. I consider him a father figure, and a Grandfather to my daughter.
We had a hard time deciding on a name because we wanted to honor so many people, but we couldn't figure out how. She was two days old before we finally named her. Pearl Jay Mellark. So bittersweet. Her first name Pearl, after the gift from Peeta while we were in the Quarter Quell arena, which I believed was lost up until my recent discovery of my Mockingjay suit. I thought it would be a perfect way to show Peeta my love and appreciation for him. It's like we turned coal to Pearl, just as Effie had said. This Pearl will have a different fate, very different.
Her middle name Jay for Mockingjay. A bittersweet memory of change, and a reminder of the journey we've made. But also for my sister, and Rue. We both felt it stood for a cause, in which all of these humans gave their lives. Peeta and I are here together, because of these people. We were able to have this child, because of these people. We don't regret the name, thankfully it's more of a healer than wounder. That's what I was afraid of, but it's hard to be afraid of anything with Peeta by my side.
The first couple days in the hospital were a train wreck. Prior to her birth, I had zero experience with a baby. After all, I didn't even want kids. It took 15 years for Peeta to finally convince me. No amount of preparation, knowledge, or advice could have prepared me for what was to come. From the moment I felt that first flutter though, something in me changed. At that moment I realized if I've lived through so much death, I knew I could survive one new life.
A new person came out of me, one I never knew existed once Pearl was born. There is nothing in the world that compares to giving life. I could no longer be selfish and think only of myself, or even Peeta. At the end of the day, I'm very thankful for everything I have. Long gone are the days that I take anything for granted. I know how lucky I am for the people I have in my life.
Watching Pearl grow is something amazing. She reminds me so much of watching Prim grow. So caring, nurturing, and gentle. Being careful not to hurt anyone or anything, living or not. She has my brown hair, Peeta's blue eyes and strong facial structure, and the best qualities of both of us. Raising her becomes easier and comes more natural to me as she gets older, since I have experience in raising a child. She teaches me about life and love just as much as I teach her. But even an infinite amount of love can not stop the nightmares, or keep the memories of the past from resurfacing.