This is for Lori and Charlie, my only two reviews for the last chapter…LOVE you both :D

Please keep up the reading and reviewing…this fic is coming to an end soon so I would like to know what you are thinking about it all

Reference: "…she's my girlfriend…" (LCD), "…can't wake her(him) up…" (6:02AM EST), "…I'm sorry…" (Marionette)

Chapter 36 – Holding On

There was much in Peter's lifetime that had made him hurt physically, being hit with things, beaten by fists, kicked while he was down, there wasn't much that hadn't happened to him while he was out and about, ripping off businessmen and conning his way into and through people's lives, but at that moment, he hurt! His muscles ached; his head thumped in time with his heartbeat and his throat was raw. He just couldn't understand it, one minute he was looking on in horror as Olivia read aloud the note that was left for her and the next he couldn't breath, he felt as though he was being squeezed around the ribs hard enough to stop the air coming in and out of his lungs.

Rubbing his hand over his face, Peter turned his neck up and to the left, taking in whatever he could see, which turned out to be the bottom half of Charlie, laying face down behind a desk, his legs moving slowly, gently, trying to get up, a groaning sound coming from behind the desk, Peter knew that Charlie was going to be OK and so he called out, "You ok? What happened?" Rubbing his head, Peter glanced down automatically, checking over himself to see for injury. Initially he assumed the weight on his chest was because of the pain he was feeling but when he noticed that it was Olivia laying over him, his mind immediately kicked into gear and he sat up into a sitting position, ignoring the ache in his back and muscles.

"Livia? Livy? Sweetheart, please wake up…come on, hun, I need you to wake up for me…" his hands ran over her face, trying to wake her, through her hair and back to her cheeks, hoping his touch or voice would stir her awake. He was beginning to panic when she didn't move, her face so peaceful and soft, no worry, almost as if she had no life. Feeling a presence next to him, Peter looked up to find Charlie kneeling next to him, worry covering his face as he watched on, as Olivia stayed motionless. "What happened to her?" He leaned down to place his hand on the back of Olivia's head, keeping it still as Peter checked her over, making sure she wasn't in any immediate danger from any injuries she had sustained. "I don't know…she won't wake up…Livy? Come on baby, come back to me…"

Peter's voice became thick with worry, as he looked from Olivia to Charlie, hoping that she might suddenly wake up. "Let's get her down stairs…Broyles sent an ambulance to this location just in case…" He stood and reached for Olivia but Peter's hand pushed him away. Even though he was still struggling with his own breathing and his own painful muscles, he was going to carry Olivia down the stairs to the ambulance; it was his job to look after her. "I got it Charlie." He stood slowly, taking Olivia in his arms gently, walking towards the stairs gingerly. "Be careful Peter…" Charlie guided Peter down the stairs, one by one until they were met with the fresh air of the night, lights and agents rushing around them. "Agent Francis, what happened?"

Broyles had made his way to their side, calling over the paramedics to take Olivia from Peter's arms, watching as Peter pushed them away and placed her down gently in the gurney, brushing her hair away from her face. "I don't know Sir. I just remember having trouble breathing, there isn't much I remember after that…" Charlie turned to Peter who had looked up at the question, his mind reeling on what he remembered. "I don't know what Olivia did to stop the bomb but there was smoke, I could see Olivia, she was standing a fair distance from us, but it was so hard to breath, so hard to move…the last thing I remember is being on my knees, my vision was blurry but I could see Olivia…she was so scared…"

The paramedic's partner came to Peter and Charlie's side, touching their arms and trying to look over them to make sure they were ok, making sure there was nothing wrong with the two of them. Charlie allowed the paramedic to look over him, as long as he didn't take him away from Olivia's and Peter's side but once he turned to Peter and tried to make sure he was ok, Peter stopped him. "I'm fine, just look after her." He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to ignore the paramedic, but he persisted, "Please, sir, we need to make sure you are alright as well, we need to do some tests…" As he reached for Peter's arm again, Peter took a step back, "Look after her…" his voice was harsh and deep and it caused the paramedic to take a step back and sigh, shaking his head the paramedic moved away from the group.

The movements of the other paramedic caught Peter's attention as he moved around Olivia, touching her arm and wrist, placing instruments upon her. There was a moment of pure silence as Peter watched on, Charlie and Broyles by his side, which was rudely interrupted by one of the paramedics calling out to his partner.

Peter allowed himself to look properly at Olivia and noticed that his once deathly still girlfriend was now shaking and seizing on the bed, his heart dropped as he watched her head roll to the side and her pale skin become clammy and covered with sweat. "Agent Broyles we are going to have to get her out of her…now," one of the paramedics looked up at Broyles as he tried to get an IV into Olivia's arm, he was struggling to keep her still enough to get one in. Broyles just nodded and watched as they abandoned the IV, as her seizing had gotten worse, her hands gripping at the sheets of the bed, her knuckles turning white. Charlie and Peter just watched on, silent and scared, they had no idea what was going on but when the bed was lifted from the ground Peter's mind kicked in. "I'm coming with you…" He reached for the side of the ambulance but was stopped by a hand, "Sorry sir, we can't let you in here…"

Peter stopped, his mind frozen at the works of 'no' before he swallowed and ground his jaw together, "She is my girlfriend and I am coming with you…" he pushed away the paramedic's hand and jumped into the back of the ambulance, sitting in the far seat to the side, giving the paramedic room to move. He watched as Olivia continued to shake and seize, her grip only tightening on the sheets, her face now covered in sweat, he wanted to reach out for her, wanted to hold onto her and make her calm down but he knew his place and he knew that the paramedic was doing his job, "Is she allergic to any medications?" The paramedic didn't even bother looking up at Peter, his focus staying purely on keeping Olivia from hurting herself. "Ah no, nothing as far as I know." He watched on, his eyes full of worry and fear, she was just seizing for too long, much to long if you asked him.

"Is she prone to seizers? Has she had them before?" The paramedic just continued to ask him questions, questions that Peter was more than thankful he knew the answers to, "No, I've never known her to have them. She has never said anything…" his voice trailed off as the monitor that was attached to Olivia's chest started beeping like crazy, the paramedic looking up suddenly at the monitor. "She's crashing! How far off are we?" He called out to his partner, who was driving, as he reached for the defibrillator, the reply came that they had just turned into the emergency bay of Boston General Hospital. "We need to get her stable before moving her!" there was communication between the two paramedics, as the ambulance was stopped and the doors of the back opened up and three new faces looked in on them. Everything happened as a blur, Olivia was taken from the back of the ambulance and into the hospital where Peter tried to follow. He needed to know that she was going to be ok. He tried to follow down a corridor but a hand stopped him, he was really getting tired of people stopping him from doing things.

"Sir we need you stay out here, a doctor will be out to speak to you as soon as they can," she was nice a nurse, small for the sterness in her voice but Peter just wanted to see Olivia and so he tried to push passed her, the nurse stopping him once more. "Please sir, have a seat…" he tired once more to step around the nurse but stopped when he actually look down at her, seeing the understanding on her face but also the strictness, he wasn't getting around her. Residing to that fact, Peter dropped his shoulders and found himself sitting in a seat in the waiting room, surrounded by people who had no doubt been waiting there for a very long time. Dropping his head into his hands, Peter's mind couldn't help but slip back to the last time he had sat in a hospital waiting room because of her.

The last time he had been in the hospital waiting room because of her, she had been attacked by her stepfather, he had bashed her, traumatised her, sexual assaulted her. It still made him sick to know that someone could do that to her but he had to be strong, had to hold himself together for her, although less than 24 hours later she had broken up with him in that very same hospital. He was getting tired of being the one in the waiting room, knowing that he hadn't been able to help her or save her or just stop her from getting so hurt she had ended up in the hospital. Shaking his head at the thought of her screams from that night, the memory of her terrified face up in that building, the thought of losing her. Closing his eyes he tried to remember the last time they were together, the last time she had smiled at him or held him close –

There it was again, that hand. Someone had laid their hand on Peter's shoulder for the third time in less than an hour and if they weren't careful Peter was going to break every finger on that person's hand. He tenses when it wasn't removed but when a voice spoke, "Peter…" his shoulder's relaxed and he looked up to find Charlie standing in front of him. Charlie's hand slipped away from Peter's shoulder as he took a seat next to him, the seats moving with his weight, the silence stretched between them both. "The last time I sat in a hospital waiting room…with you…was after she had broken up with me, after the attack and now I'm here again sitting next to you and she is unconscious because she tried to save everyone's lives…" Peter shook his head, he just couldn't believe it.

Time seemed to still as they sat together on those chairs, Charlie only breaking the silence to call Astrid and inform her about Olivia and then Broyles, both of which were on their way to the hospital but Charlie knew that Peter would not be in any mood to speak to anyone unless it was the doctor. Charlie looked down and sighed, he glanced over Peter who had his back hunched, his elbows resting on his knees and his chin resting on his joined hands. He was staring straight out at the wall in front of them, his eyes never moving or blinking, the only movement he gave was the constant up and down of his back telling him that he was breathing. People moved around them, coming and going and it felt like it had been hours that they had been waiting for a doctor to come and speak to them.

Broyles and Astrid had already come and spoke to Charlie, both looking over at Peter who still hadn't moved from his seat position, not even looking up at Walter when he took a seat next to Peter, his hand coming to rest on Peter's back gently, almost as though he was still very unsure of what Peter would do if he touched him. Charlie glanced at the clock, they had only been there for forty-five minutes, waiting, wondering. The people around him just wanting to know if the person they loved was going to be ok. Slow, measured footsteps from behind him caught Charlie's attention and he looked up to find a doctor coming their way, his eyes never leaving Charlie's and he knew that he was coming to speak to them. Touching Peter's leg with his hand, it was the first time anyone had spoken directly to Peter since they had gotten there, Charlie stood, facing the doctor. "How is she?"

Before Charlie could speak, Peter had already almost pushed his way passed Charlie, everyone thankful that Peter had not fallen into a coma because of his worry for Olivia. He waited with his crossed arms for the doctor to take a step back, everyone having stood and come to stand behind Peter and Charlie. The Doctor readied himself, "We did complete brain scans and found that the extend of her injuries is worse than we thought. The scans showed there is a large amount of bruising on the brain, it's not localised. We were going to place her in an induced coma to help her body heal but as we were preforming the scans, her heart stopped beating…" Astrid and Walter gasped, before reaching for each others hands, Broyles stayed silent, while Peter and Charlie both felt their hearts drop. The doctor continued, "…we were able to revive her though and although her vitals are strong and looking good, she has fallen into a coma on her own. At the moment it's just a matter of time before we can tell if and how she will pull out of this."

Peter's face paled, "her heart stopped beating…" She had died…his mind was reeling with thoughts of their life together, how he couldn't save her, how he wanted to make sure that they were going to stay together for ever. Peter was so caught up in the thought of her heart not beating that he didn't even register that the doctor had said that they had been able to revive her. It wasn't until Charlie asked a strange question, "But I thought you were going to put her in a coma…what makes it different if she has fallen into one on her own?" Peter looked up suddenly then, still not sure if he trusted his own voice to speak or if he opened his mouth would it just open the flood gates that were threatening to fall from his eyes. He was shaking, utterly terrified at the news they had been given, the doctor didn't know how it was happening or why it was happening but he knew that the man standing behind him did. Peter just couldn't bring himself to be angry with Walter, this was not his fault.

"The problem becomes that if she was in an induced coma we could try and coax her out of it, bring her back to us slowly, her body would have to do the work but we would be able to reduce the amount of drugs she would be given to help her wake on her own. Because she has falling into a coma on her own, there is just no way for us to help her out of it. We have no control over when her body does certain things. It's just a waiting game I'm afraid-." There was silence through the group as everything the doctor said sunk in. Peter glanced passed the doctor to the doors that he was stopped from going through earlier that night, "Can I see her?" Peter didn't even wait for the doctor to finish speaking, he just wanted to see Olivia and he probably would have fought his way into see her. The doctor just watched Peter for a few moments, trying to work out who he was to her but when he say the tears sitting in the corner of Peter's eyes he knew that he should let him see her.

"Sure, this way…" The doctor turned from the group's side and walked away, Peter following but not before glancing back at Charlie, who nodded and stood back next to Broyles. The walk to Olivia's room was slow, felt like they were walking the whole world until the doctor just stopped in front of a room and pushed open the door for Peter. Peter stopped just in the doorway, his heart rate increasing and his face paling even more, if that were even possible. Swallowing deeply, Peter took a step into the room, his senses assaulted by the steady, constant beeping of the heart monitors, the sterile smell of the hospital room and the sight of his girlfriend, the love of his life, laying on the bed, still and silent, the tube down her throat keeping the breath working through her system.

"We have kept the tube down her throat just to keep her breathing regulated, we just don't know exactly how the bruising will affect her body, we just want to make sure we cover all the bases." The doctor had moved in behind Peter, looking down at his clipboard but still talking to Peter. "Like I said it's just going to be a waiting game right now. Her vitals are stable and strong so we are pretty confident that she will be ok, we just can't wake her up…" He moved to Peter's side, placing his hand on his arm. "We are waiting for some more tests to come back before we can determine exactly what happened that caused the bruising." Peter nodded silently as the doctor spoke, although Peter was pretty sure they wouldn't find the reason why she was in the coma, he was pretty sure the cortexiphan was to blame. "You can stay as long as you like…"

The doctor moved away from Peter, letting the door close slowly as he exited, leaving Peter alone in the room. Somehow, Peter found the strength to move towards the bed, a chair already sitting in the right place for him. Silence echoed through the room as Peter took a few steps, touching the side of the bed as he made his way to the chair, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fall as he sat down slowly, his whole body shaking. Reaching for her hand, Peter's eyes trailed over Olivia's face, the tears finally winning, cascading down his cheeks.

Gripping her hand tightly in his, Peter brought his lips down to touch them against her knuckles, two words being choked from his mouth before he rested his head on their conjoined hands and cried more than he had in many years, "…I'm sorry…"

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