Chapter 9

It was the evening Victoria had dreaded ever since she was informed about the plans for tonight. Diego would propose to Maria at the big party in her tavern. She'd never have thought it would mean so much to her. Just imagining Diego kissing Maria was more than she could bear, but there was nothing she could do. What chances did she have against the daughter of a rich caballero with her fine clothes and excellent manners? She matched so much better to Diego than a mere tavern owner. And hadn't Diego ignored her completely recently?

Biting her lips and hiding her jealousy, she tried to occupy her thoughts with the work and the preparations for the party. She needed the business and couldn't afford to stay away from the party. Working and trying not to think had to get her through this.

The tavern was closed for all except those who had been invited to the dinner party, where Don Diego was planning to announce his engagement to Señorita Maria Gonzalez. Don Alejandro and Don Diego had invited most of the caballeros from Los Angeles, including the alcalde and some personal friends.

It was the big moment everybody had been waiting for. Alejandro had asked the musicians to stop playing and everyone to be quiet.

"I think my son, Diego, has an announcement to make," he looked expectantly in the direction where his son and Maria Gonzalez were standing side by side.

"Maria," Diego started, "I want to ask you if you would accept this ring..," he fumbled in his pocket where he had put the ring he wanted to propose with.

Diego reached inside to get the ring and something small came out together with it and fell to the ground. He was about to bend down, but Victoria, who had been standing close by, had quickly picked it up and handed him what seemed to be a small wooden figure of a man fitting into the palm of a hand. "Diego, this fell out of your pocket."

Diego stared at it and when he recognized it for what it was, Victoria had never seen him turn so white. "Oh no, he has red boots on," Diego said into the silence of the room. With an absolute horror on his face he looked around him, searching for his father and Felipe, finally resting his eyes on Victoria. Reaching out with his hand he put two fingers under her chin, the unexpected touch tickling a little, and turned her head to the side with a light movement. With scrutinizing eyes he checked her face, noticing for the first time how thin she had become and the make-up she had started to use to color her pale cheeks after too many sleepless nights.

"It has already begun and I haven't seen it," he whispered, staring at her in shock after he released her face again. "I'm sorry, Victoria. I didn't realize what I was doing," he said, leaving everyone in the dark as to whether he had apologized for the way he had touched her or for something else. He dropped the figure in his hand and vanished behind the curtain that separated the main room from the kitchen.

In the general confusion that was sparked by Diego's strange behavior, Victoria was able to grab the small wooden figure before someone else did. It had the size of a toy soldier but it was a balding old man with white hair in a white and blue satin suit, a light blue tie, a fitting sash in the same light blue and boots whose red color did not fit at all to the suit.

In the meantime, Alejandro had returned from the kitchen where he had angrily followed his son. "Diego is not in the kitchen and I haven't seen him outside either. He will surely answer to me about what has gotten into him." Alejandro rambled on for some time, but Victoria didn't listen anymore.

Through the kitchen, she went outside to the backyard, calling for Diego as his father had done before her, but she got no response either. She was about to return again when she saw the light of the half opened kitchen door reflected by something white at the far end of the backyard. Moving closer she identified it as a white ruffled shirt worn by the man she was looking for.

Diego was crouched on a small wooden bench by the wall, hardly visible in the shadows if not for light from the door. With his head in his hands, he looked as if he was crying.

"Diego, what is wrong?" Victoria sat down on the bench beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Why did you run away and why has this wooden figure terrified you so much?" Under her touch he looked up at her and took the small figure from her outstretched hand. When he didn't answer and only turned it around in his hand, she continued asking. "Why is it so important that the puppet is wearing red boots? Diego, please, I want to help you!"

Someone closed the kitchen door, suddenly shutting off the light that had illuminated them a little, leaving them total darkness without any light from the moon that was temporarily hidden behind a cloud. Instinctively, Victoria grabbed with her other hand for Diego's arm, looking for support and orientation. Surprised, she felt his hard muscles under his cotton sleeve.

Diego put his hand protectively on hers that lay on the arm. "It is alright, Victoria, it takes some time to get accustomed to the darkness." Her action seemed to have broken him out of his shock a little. Slowly, she could make out his shape as the moon came out again.

"You want to know what's the matter with this figure?" Victoria nodded only, but then she realized that he could hardly see it in the dark and whispered a questioning, "Yes"?

"Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you had made a different decision at one point? If you had married Juan Ortiz?"

"Is that what you are thinking about? If you want to marry Maria? What has it to do with this figure?"

"Some years ago I once made an important decision in my life and two years ago on Christmas I was wondering if it was the right one." He thought of the first time he had put on his black mask and made an appearance as Zorro. "When I didn't know how to go on either..." Victoria heard the despair in his voice, " I received a visit from a man named Don Fernando. To give me the will to continue, he showed me how life would be if I had decided differently. It was the worst nightmare I could imagine where everyone I hold dear, you, my father and Felipe..," he said, unintentionally revealing how much she meant to him, "were either dead or worse, until I begged him to get my old life back." Victoria was stunned at his unconscious confession. "This little puppet looks like Don Fernando and I think I know why it was in my pocket. My father and Felipe were doubting my decision to ask Maria, but I wouldn't listen, I didn't want to think about the consequences it would have on my life and that of those around me. I could ignore their doubts, but I can't ignore this puppet. It's a warning that I may head straight down the road into my nightmare if I propose to Maria tonight. I can see that now."

Victoria was confused. What he told her didn't make much sense to her. "I don't understand how a puppet can give you a warning!"

"And, of what kind of decision are you talking about? The one about proposing to Zafira, about getting married? Did you find out that marrying her would have resulted in a nightmare when you met her again?"

"No, it wasn't about Zafira. It was a nightmare I don't want you to live in." He shuddered in remembrance of it. How he had seen her face covered with too much makeup in the bordello, something that still haunted him in his dreams. Would she go down that path if he married Maria and she finally accepted that she had lost Zorro's love forever? Would he be able to continue as Zorro after his marriage or what would happen to his father, Felipe and the rest of the pueblo if he wasn't?

"What kind of nightmare was it if it still disturbs you so much?" Victoria tried to help him.

"A nightmare that might still come true if I go inside and announce my engagement with Maria."

"I always thought you were looking forward to marrying her. Why is it suddenly so horrible?" She couldn't understand what he was talking about.

Then, her curiosity took over. "What was your nightmare about? Was I dead in it?"

"No, you weren't dead." She felt him shudder again. Unconsciously, he drew her hand from his arm to caress it tenderly.

"What could be worse than being dead?" she asked, uncomprehendingly.

"Oh, you wouldn't want to know, Victoria! And I thought my life was terrible! And now I know it can get even worse. What shall I do, Victoria?" Desperately, he clutched her hand, and when she felt the wetness on it she realized that he was crying.

"Let me help you, Diego," she whispered. "Tell me what has made you so desperate!"

"I only wanted something for myself. I'm so tired of fighting!" What fighting, she wanted to ask, but his next words shocked her deeply. "Maybe a bullet through the heart is easier than this empty life where there is nothing to live and nothing to die for anymore."

"Diego, please, you must never say something like that." Victoria was scared, only now realizing the extent of his despair. "How can you even think about killing yourself?" Victoria was shocked by his statement.

"Oh, I needn't do it myself. Just facing some lancers when they are aiming at Zorro would be enough."

"Diego, please don't say such horrible things."

"Tell me Victoria, what would you do if you could save one of us, either me or Zorro? Who would you chose? Me or your masked legend?"

"Please Diego!" Victoria stared at him in horror.

His hands were trembling from emotion, showing the depth of his feelings.

"There is always hope, Diego!"

"Hope, Victoria? Hope for what? For something I will never have? For an end that will never come? I have built my own trap years ago and now there is no escape anymore. There is no hope for me!"

Diego had released her hand and risen from the bench, turning his back to her, resting his forehead against the wall. The bitterness in his voice pierced her heart. Rising as well, she put her hand on his upper arm, turning him around to face her.

"Please Diego, I'm here for you, tell me what torments you so," she pleaded.

"Yes, you are here now, Victoria, but I don't need your compassion. How long will you stay, until you run off again to continue dreaming of a masked lover, a legend no real man can ever compete with? How can I ever hope you'd love me? Just Diego? Can you tell me that, Victoria?" he asked her accusingly. Though he felt her tremble from shock, he continued. "Don't answer me, Victoria. There is no need to. I already know the answers. I know I'm the last man you'd ever consider. Who'd want to marry Diego? You should go now!" He shoved her away.

"Oh no, Diego, you heard my remark the other day!" She stared at him, realizing how much she had hurt him. "I never meant that. I never wanted to hurt you. Diego, it's not true that I don't care for you. I..", she started crying now, "I only never knew that you loved me. When you returned from Spain I fell in love with you, but you never seemed to be interested in me or any other woman. Then, there was Zorro and I fell in love with him and it was easy not to think about you any longer. But, after he left and you started to court Maria, I realized that I still loved you. I only said nothing, because I thought I wouldn't stand a chance against someone like Maria. Please forgive me, Diego. If you had talked to me, I would have told you that it was only silly talk."

Questioning, she looked at him. "Is that why you no longer came to the tavern before you went to Monterey? Why I suddenly lost your friendship? I only realized how much you meant to me after you were gone. When Zorro left me, I was so occupied with my thoughts that it took me some time."

Suddenly, she stared at him, all blood leaving her face. She would have fainted if he hadn't caught her with his hands at her shoulders. "Zorro, he left me about the same time as you," she whispered as revelation hit her, "because he was convinced that I'd never love the man behind the mask. I always wondered why he was suddenly so sure about it. Why he left me after all these years he had been courting me. But, I hurt you too much with my remark that day, Diego, didn't I? And with that I lost not only you, but Zorro's love as well! Is that how it was, Diego? Please, tell me the truth!" she cried nearly hysterically, shaking him at his arms. "Is that how it was?"

Diego didn't say a word, but he didn't deny it, either. Holding her at arms length and steadying her with his hands, he looked at her with his head bowed.

"I have to know the truth, Diego. Are you Zorro?" No longer waiting for an answer he wasn't willing to give, she put her arms around his neck and pulled his head down, so she could kiss him. "I love you, Diego, with or without a mask," she whispered before she pressed her lips on his.

Hearing the words he'd been craving for and tasting her salty tears on her lips, he was no longer able to hold back his emotions. He cherished the feeling to have her back in his arms and to kiss her again. Victoria had kissed Zorro often enough to recognize the way he responded to her kiss. She felt the familiar embrace when he drew her tight and his thumb was caressing her cheek. It was the confirmation she wanted. He was Zorro!

"Please Diego, forgive me," she sobbed at his chest, clinging to him and soaking his shirt with her tears, having finally solved the mystery that had haunted her every night since Zorro had left her. "How could you love me at all, after I hurt you so many times when I compared you to Zorro?"

Holding her tight to his body he tried to calm her. "Don't cry, Querida. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. I have always loved you. Forgive me?" he asked her, hopefully.

Surprised, she looked at him. "You're asking me that, when it should be me asking you?"

"Will you make up with me again, Querida?" he tenderly wiped her tears away with his handkerchief.

"Always, Diego," she whispered, then she was silenced by his kisses. It was heaven to have her back in his arms, knowing that she had accepted him as the man and not the legend, and he made it quite clear that he had no intention ever to let her go again. Caressing and kissing each other, it took them a long time to calm the emotional turmoil that was boiling inside them. Several times they heard someone calling in search for them from the kitchen, but Diego only drew her deeper into the shadows where they wouldn't be seen.

Finally coming back to his senses, Diego ran his fingers through his hair. "Now how do I get out of this mess I made of my life?"

"You like your life complicated, don't you, Diego?" she teased him a little. "Not only do you live a double life where you can be killed every day, you also have a secret engagement and another woman who expects your proposal. How much more trouble can you have?"

In their close embrace, she felt his body vibrate with laughter that she soon joined and and some of the tension dissipated. "You couldn't have said it better, Victoria. It can hardly get more complicated."

She realized how much she had missed his laugh and his good humor. "But, you said I have a secret engagement. Does it mean you still want to marry me, Querida?" he asked, hopefully.

"Of course, I do, Diego. Never doubt that again." Kissing him, she buried her hands in his hair now that there was no more mask to prevent her.

"But, I really have go back inside and put things straight. Are you coming with me and make it official?" He offered his hand that she took, but when he wanted to go inside with her, Victoria used her grip to hold him back.

"Wait, Diego. We can't go in and announce our engagement to the whole pueblo. What if the alcalde draws the right conclusions and arrests you as Zorro? I can't lose you again. And, we must think of Maria, too. She expected you to propose to her. Running out like that was bad, but announcing your engagement to someone else in the same hour is the worst humiliation for a woman. Let's wait at least a few more days after they have returned to Monterey."

Diego drew her close again. "You're right, Victoria. I haven't thought it through. So much has happened tonight that I just can't think straight anymore. All I want to do is to marry you and make you my wife. But, now I have to go inside and apologize to all I have offended tonight. Let's talk tomorrow at the hacienda about our future. Are you sure you can wait a little bit longer?"

"I'd like nothing more than announce our engagement right now, but we can't rush and I'd rather wait than lose you to the hangman."

When they returned to the lighted kitchen, Victoria saw the stains from her makeup in the handkerchief she had used to wipe her tears. "I must look terrible," she exclaimed. "I can't go in there like this."

"Do me a favor, don't paint your face again." Diego asked her in a seemingly light tone, but she noticed how seriously he meant it. "I know enough ways to put some color to your face and I'm always willing to help," he added mischievously.

Thinking of his kisses that had her lips still burning, she started to blush. "See?" he teased her. A little bit annoyed by his bold remark and the easy way he was able to create a reaction in her, she glared at him, making him smile. Diego was about to make a hasty exit to the main room, but then he decided otherwise. "I'll take the main entrance from the plaza and tell everybody that I haven't seen you at all while I was taking a walk. That will save us some awkward questions and keep the alcalde from becoming too suspicious about us."

As soon as he entered the tavern through the main door, all eyes were set upon him.

"Diego, where have you been?" his angry father headed straight for him, "how could you run away like that?"

"Please listen!" With a loud voice, Diego made himself heard and drew the attention towards him. "I must apologize for my earlier behavior, especially to you, Maria." He turned in her direction. In a quieter voice he addressed her, "I'm sorry Maria, but I can't marry you. It would never have worked with the two of us. I know that now."

While the attention of the guests were directed on the drama amidst them, Victoria quietly went up the stairs and slipped into her room, unnoticed by all except Diego who was looking out for her from the corner of his eyes.

"How can you do this to me?" Maria was stunned by the sudden turn of events. "I thought you loved me, Diego!" She started to cry.

"I'm really sorry," Diego said remorsefully.

"This is not finished yet, Don Diego. You'll hear from me," Don Pedro said angrily before he led his crying daughter upstairs to their rooms.

"Have you gotten cold feet, Don Diego?" the alcalde smirked at him. "Are you too afraid of getting married that you walked out before proposing?"

"I must disappoint you, alcalde. I still intend to get married, but I realized that Maria Gonzalez is not the right one for me."

"Has Señorita Escalante any hand in this sudden change of heart? You were both gone for some time," the alcalde asked suspiciously.

"Victoria?" Diego asked, surprised. "Isn't she here? I went outside for a walk to make up my mind and I haven't seen anyone."

"You want me to believe that?" De Soto asked doubtfully. "She ran out behind you, after you left so suddenly. We all assumed she found you when she didn't return."

Diego addressed the guests again. "The party is over now. I'm sorry if this didn't go as you expected, but I thank you all for coming tonight."

The guests were preparing to leave when Victoria came down the stairs and addressed Diego. "What's going on here? I have been in my room, because I didn't feel well and must have fallen asleep." No one doubted that when she couldn't hide the fact that she had been crying, probably pining for her lost love Zorro. "I woke up when I heard the commotion downstairs."

Diego marveled her acting talent and the strength it took her to be so composed again. "I have just announced that I won't marry Maria Gonzalez and that the party is over for tonight."

At her questioning look and that of many others he added rather brusquely. "And no, I don't want to explain it now. All I want to say I got some last minute information that I needed to decide on this matter."

"Diego, I want an explanation from you when we get home!" His father addressed him. "Felipe, we should leave as well. The sooner we're at home, the sooner we can have our talk." Alejandro looked pointedly at Diego.

Murmuring among themselves about the unexpected turn of events, the guests were slowly filing out of the tavern. Diego went over to Victoria at the bar after she had convinced everyone that she had spent all the time upstairs in her room instead of the short time she had needed to make herself presentable again. "I'm sorry we're leaving you with this mess."

"Don't worry, Diego. It's my job and I have my helpers. There is worse mess than that." She looked at him knowingly.

Diego smiled. "I know, I'm working on it." He'd have liked to say more or kissed her goodbye, but since they had agreed to keep their relationship secret for the moment, there was nothing more to do.

"I understand, Diego." Victoria put her hand reassuringly on his sleeve, a harmless gesture that wouldn't rise any suspicions, but gave her the chance to touch him.

"See you tomorrow, Victoria?" Diego made a serious face, but she could see the happy twinkle in his eyes. How had he kept his feelings from her all these years? "I'll come as soon as I can, Diego."

"I can't wait," he whispered, inaudible for the remaining guests, and using his normal voice she knew as Zorro's, he added. "You're the one I love and you and you look more beautiful than ever tonight."

Feeling the blood rise into her face again, she hastily grabbed some empty glasses and carried them to the kitchen.

Alejandro eyed them intently, curious what was going on between them. Suddenly, they seemed to be talking with each other again and for the first time in months he had seen his son smile.

On their way home, Diego was riding quite fast, keeping his distance to Alejandro and Felipe, so he could avoid talking to his father. His emotions were still boiling inside him and he was in no mood to talk about it.

Instead of rounding the hacienda for the stables at the back, he led his horse to the front gate, where he dismounted and whistled distinctly, ordering the horse to stay in place and rushed into the hacienda.

"Diego, where are you going?" his father called after him and looked at Felipe. "Do you know what he is up to?" Felipe only shook his head.

A few minutes later, Diego returned and mounted Esperanza. "I have forgotten something in the tavern," he explained. "I have to return there."

"Can't that wait until tomorrow? We need to talk, Diego!"

Without bothering to reply, Diego was already on his way back to the pueblo.

Alejandro shook his head. "I'll never understand that boy. First this rush to get married and then running away before proposing, you'll never know what to expect from him. Oh well," he sighed. "Let's take care of the horses, Felipe, and then we need to be off to bed."

Z Z Z

Victoria was about to close the tavern when he entered the kitchen.

"Diego, what are you doing here again? Have you forgotten something?" Victoria hadn't expected him to return tonight.

"Indeed, I have." Diego smiled at her. "I need to give this back to you. Will you accept it from me?" When he opened his hand, he displayed the ring with the green emerald that he had proposed with as Zorro. Speechless for a moment, she only nodded. Taking her hand, he slipped the ring on her finger.

"Diego, you came back to return the ring to me?" Victoria found her voice again. Overjoyed, she leaped into his arms. "Why didn't you give it to me earlier?" she asked, startled after a moment.

"Because I didn't have it with me." Diego was serious.

"Weren't you going to propose to Maria with a ring?"

"Not with this one. This is the only ring that goes with my heart and that only belongs to you."

Diego caressed her tenderly before he kissed her. Suddenly, she began to cry. "What's wrong, Victoria?" Diego asked confused. "I'm sorry, Diego, I can't help it, but it was so much that happened tonight. These weeks without you, to find out who you are after all these years and now you give me back the ring..."

Diego hugged her tightly, pressing her warm body against him, stroking her back and placing kisses on her hair.

"It's alright, Victoria. I can hardly believe that everything has changed so suddenly. Rest now." After a long goodbye kiss that neither of them wanted to end, Diego was on his way again, this time taking a slow pace.

Victoria closed the tavern doors behind him and went upstairs to her room, still dazed from the events of the evening. Instead of falling asleep, she lay restless in her bed, too excited about all that happened tonight. Again and again, she touched the ring at her finger as a reassurance that she hadn't been dreaming the evening. For the first time in weeks, she fell asleep with a happy smile on her face.