I want to die!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

I walked around the camp with no direction and with no aim. I was all alone. The only person who could have supported me, hated me. And I don't blame him! As I was contemplating I ran into another member of the camp.

'Sorry,' I said and helped the other person to their feet.

'As you should be spy!' she yelled at me and walked off fast. Spy? What had I done for them to think that I am spy?

I continued my walk through the camp with puzzlement. Did she seriously think that I was a spy for Scanria? I would never do anything of the type! just as I turned around another corner the group who had been talking loudly behind it fell silent.

'Go away, Spy!' they said and walked over whispering sharply. I stood there with confusion and walked past another corner where yet more people called me a spy. I started running to get away from this all, I couldn't deal with the rumors any more, this was getting bad and I knew that I should have told Neal about it but then he might leave me in the infirmary again until he knew for certain. I didn't want that. I had promised my son that I was going to make friends for him. I found a little girl who was playing with a sword and walked over to her.

'Hello,' I said to her and knelt down beside her.

'Mummy said that I wasn't allowed to talk to you,' she replied.

'Why?' I asked her back.

'She said that you are a spy. I don't see how, you are so nice!' the little girl replied.

'Do you want to play with my son, he is even nicer than me!' I said and she held her hand out to be led to him.

'Alanna! No! She is evil!' the woman cried and pulled her daughter away from me. 'Go away spy and don't report to you maggot of a King!' she cried and ran off with her daughter protesting behind her.

I found a hidden nook that used to be mine when I was here as commander and sat down to think about what had just happened.

After a small amount of thought, I decided that I did deserve the treatment that I was receiving, but I didn't understand why even the littlest of the camp had to ignore me or send sharp words my way.

I gave up on this train of thought as it was hurting too much and giving me a headache. I went went back into my rooms. Rooms actually was only int he singular form as the small space I occupied was an attachment on another house. The room was out the back and only had one door; and that lead outside. Once inside I let all my anger and frustration out on the pillow I grabbed.

In a way I was glad that my son wasn't with me as he would have asked what was wrong. It would have reminded me too much of Tobe and that was something I couldn't deal with on top of everything else that was going on.

Slowly I fell into Ganiel's (sp?) cold grasp.

I was sitting against a wall that was cold and hard. My pregnant belly was getting in the way of everything but that wasn't what I was concerned about at the moment, labor pains had started and I had no one to help me. It was times like this that I really appreciated Neal's work, even if he was more than just a bit annoying.

I AM A TIME SKIP

I looked at the little new born boy lying in my arms. What effort! I tried to get in a better position and winced at the pain. I don't know even the first thing about this! I didn't even know if everything was going as it was meant to. I looked down at the area in between my legs.

I winced and looked away. Even if I had just given birth, that didn't mean that I wanted to see the resulting mess. The doors down the hall slammed open, signalling that today was going to be a day the I was going to be beaten. I looked at the little boy in my arms that had caused all this trouble. After not even a seconds thought, I came to the decision that he was worth it.

I gently hid him in a corner, out of anyones sight and out of the light thrown by the candles. I just prayed that he wouldn't start crying whilst I was away. I had certainly fed him as much as my body could provide to him.

The doors to my cell were opened quieter than normal, and for that I was thankful, any louder and he would wake up. The mens voices however, weren't as quiet and my boy stirred.

I watched then as the fought into the room and then fought ou of it dragging me behind. The doors to the torture chamber were just as I had remembered then for my last visit four weeks ago. The only thing missing was snake.

Change that, nothing was missing.

I was put through the "tester" equipment and seemed to pass. Joy! I thought sarcastically. This lesson my mind never went to how much pain I was going through but for my new son. He was a peice of Dom that had manged to stay with me and I was going to try my hardest to make him survive, even if I didn't.

I was thrown back into the room with all my cuts and assorted other injuries and I went straight to my son. He was sleeping peacefully, more peacefully than a normal huma could in these conditions an my heart melted. I leaned over to pck him up and stopped due to pain.

'What I would give to have Neal heal these,' I said and laughed for the first time since I had been kidnapped. 'Your name is Neal,' I imformed my son. I went to sleep curled protectivley around him,wondering how I was going to keep a new born alive when me myself was just in the world of the living...

I just want this finished now... I am getting bored of it and I want to continue another story of mine :) Review and show me how much you love this story please or I will just leave this here and go to my other story :)

3-Tomorrow (no matter what!)

10-2 Tomorrow (same applies)

15-3 Tomorrow and one chapter of another story! (One of mine that you ask...)

(By the way, this was written on 750words via kindle internet so any spelling mistakes that chrome hasn't picked up in the last second or two have been missed)

Aly