CHAPTER NINE- I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS
Hey there, like the title? It means a lot to this chapter because Rose starts going through some serious remorse. Anyway…just a little Shakespeare note, some of my favourite plays are: Romeo and Juliet, Midnight Summer Dream, Othello and Much Ado About Nothing. So those are just a few of my favourite plays, I just felt like putting that out there. And I really like some poetry (well, some is an understatement, I like poetry with meaning- which is pretty much all poetry, professional stuff and I really liked the poetry one of my favourite authors friend put up. It was sad, but really good) anyway…here is the story! Enjoy!
I found myself on the outskirts of campus by the trees. I stopped running and sank to the ground. Dimitri couldn't have a brother, Dimitri would have told me. But if Dimitri didn't know, if Dimitri had no knowledge of his brother…but Dimitri knew everyone so he would have found out somehow. No one could keep a secret from him, I was sure. He'd have found out one way or another. It was impossible; he would know, he –
"There you are," an exasperated voice said, I unburied my head from my hands and peered up. It was Dereck- why would he come looking for me?
"'Been looking everywhere for you, I had to lie for you too. Guardian Tanner was confused about why you left, so I told him that you'd said that you would run off somewhere to see how fast I was and if I could find you. I told him that it would help me become more open and get to know more people than just close friends if I don't get assigned to the Moroi I want. He shook his head and said 'only Rose'" Dereck looked at me amusement. "Your usual unpredictable-ness?" When I didn't answer, his amused look faded and his face became serious. "Kevin's name really got to you, huh?"
"Yeah, it did – I didn't know Dimitri had a brother." I muttered, recovering my head with my arms.
"Hey, what's up with his name – oh?" Dereck cut off as he finally registered what I was actually saying. I felt an arm go around my shoulders. "Hey, it's okay," he said soothingly and I looked up to see that he actually looked sympathetic. Maybe he wasn't the jerk I'd taken him for.
"I didn't know, I don't think Dimitri did either. He would have told me," I said quietly, taking comfort in having someone with me. Dereck didn't respond for a bit and I glanced at him and it looked like he was trying to keep his own opinion to himself and I'm pretty sure I didn't want to hear it.
"Are you still going to take me on your guardian stuff?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.
"Um…sure, are you afraid to go off campus?" I asked hesitantly. If he was, I obviously wouldn't take him and go by myself.
"You're actually going to take me off campus?" he asked astonished.
"If you're okay with it, I've already cleared it with Headmistress Modia and your teachers." I added.
"Well, yeah, I'm cool with it." He said nonchalantly, but I could hear his unease and nervousness in his voice.
"Hey, it's okay; I'll protect you." I smiled as I removed myself from his arm. I extended a hand and helped Dereck up and we started walking back to the main part of campus.
"So. You reacted to Kevin's name because his brother is Dimitri Belikov? Your Strigoi lover?"
"Dereck, really; stop talking about Dimitri like that. You know, we're not going to talk about him at all." This subject still made me mad, but now that I knew a bit about Dereck's character, it just made me tired. Dereck sensed the firm note in my voice and didn't say anything more until we were nearly to the gate.
"Are we going hunting?" he asked excitedly. "Oh no. I get it now. You are hunting Dimitri." I stopped walking and turned to him, completely shocked. Dereck saw the look on my face and knew he was right; he looked immensely pleased with himself.
"How do you know that?" I asked coldly.
"It's easy, isn't it?" he said with confidence. "Kevin was brought up here, in Siberia, so was Dimitri, I'm guessing. So you thought you'd start looking for him in Siberia. And you're doing this because you love him and I bet you made a Blood Promise or something." He crossed his arms and gave me a look that said I know I'm right so don't try to deny it.
But something hit home much harder than I would have liked, something that hit harder than his knowledge of my journey.
"Blood Promise," I murmured. It made me feel weird, like I was bound by something and I didn't like the feeling, it was like feeling helpless. So I shook it off and fixed Dereck with a stern stare. "We are not talking about this anymore." And started towards the gate again, this time at a brisker pace. Dereck kept pace easily and still looked proud of himself. The boy's got a brain, I'll give him that much.
When we reached the gate I informed the two guardians there, "We're going off campus,"
"Ah, so you must be Rosemarie Hathaway, then. A brave soul to take on this one." One of them said offering me his hand.
"Yeah, I'm Rose; who are you?" I said as politely as I could as he bent his head down and kissed my hand. Umm, is that some Russian custom that I'm unaware of?
I studied his profile as I tried to compose my face: he had a strong build, lots of muscles; dirty blond hair, that fell around his eyes as he bent his head; he was tall, about 5'9; he couldn't be that much older than me, twenty, at the highest; he had the brightest blue eyes that I've ever seen (well, except Christian's eyes), but even Christian's eyes didn't shine like this man's did. I think he saw my eyes widen at the sight of his and he threw me a dazzling smile, with his eyes dancing in excitement, which only made them that much more amazing.
"Mercutio Scot," he announced proudly, after he'd lifted his lips from my hand and my face turned a deep red; a fitting name, one of the characters from the Shakespearian play Romeo and Juliet.The other guardian cleared his throat and Mercutio winked at me before dropping my hand.
"Colin Meradov," the other says shaking my hand firmly a few times and I nod.
"Nice to meet both of you, I need to take care of my new other half now." I joked glancing slyly at Dereck who had kept uncharacteristically quiet this whole time.
"Have fun," Colin said as he started to open the gate.
"Wait, Rosemarie!" Mercutio called after me and I turned. "Do you want me to come with you? You know, for extra back-up, if anything should happen." He added, giving me another dazzling smile. I glanced at Dereck who was too busy glaring at Mercutio to tell me weather he wanted a third or not.
I took his glare as a no and shook my head. "No, I'm sure we'll be okay, thanks, though"
"Are you sure? I mean-"
"I made it here with a Moroi and dhampir and fought off a lot of Strigoi yesterday. Are you saying that you don't think that I can take it?" I challenged coldly. I can take care of myself! How come no one else can see that?
"That's my point, Rosemarie –"
"Rose,"
"Rose, then," he sighed. "I know what you're capable of, I'm not saying you can't handle it, you definitely can, from what I heard from TJ yesterday. But that's my point, Rose," he ran his hand through his blond hair and let out a gusty sigh again. "That was yesterday. Yesterday; and that's what I'm worried about – I don't think you'll be able to handle a lot today, after that. Aren't your ribs broken, too?"
"Your ribs are broken?" squeaked Dereck, finally ripping his hostile glare off Mercutio and fixing me with a concerned look.
"Yes," I answered Dereck, then to both of them, "I am completely capable of taking care of myself and neither of you know what I can or cannot handle. So therefore, I will make my own decisions, and I am deciding that Dereck and I will be fine without your help, Mercutio, thank you!" I huffed before storming away from him and out the gate. I heard Dereck quickly catch up to me, he still looked concerned.
"Are you sure that you want to fight with broken ribs, and your leg looked pretty bad yesterday."
"I. Am. Fine." I ground out, just barely glancing at him. "Here," I said in a more quiet and gentle tone, handing him my extra stake. I wasn't going to give him my stake because…well, simply because it's my stake. This stake and I had some memories; we'd both witnessed the happiest and saddest memories of my time so far. Suddenly, the Muse song that I was listening to this morning came back to my mind:
I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I try to give you up
But I'm addicted
Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of breaking this fixation
You will squeeze the life out of me
That verse described my situation fairly well, I wanted freedom, I always have; but I'm bound by my promise. I haven't tried to give Dimitri up though, but you could say that I'm addicted. And Dimitri would probably never dream of trying to tell me to go away because he'd most likely want me to drink my blood – hence the 'you will squeeze the life out of me' line.
"What are we doing?" Dereck's voice brought me back to reality.
"Getting the bags my friends and I left in the forest on our way here." I led the way into the dark forest and my guard went up. I couldn't sense any Strigoi near, but that didn't mean that they weren't in the forest.
"Mmm…" I heard Dereck grumble and I took that as a sign of acknowledgement. We finally reached the bags: there were strips torn off the sides and top but nothing too bad. I scooped up mine and Blake's bags and tossed Tory's to Dereck. Then I felt the nausea well up inside of me.
I instantly dropped my bags and threw my body in front of Dereck's before the Strigoi could touch him. I staked it quickly and was tensing for the next one – none came. This was weird because I didn't expect "Dimitri's coven" to attack alone. I glanced around and didn't feel any nausea. I waved Dereck forward and saw his shocked expression.
"We are going to jog; if any Strigoi come, leave me to deal with it and run to the school." I whispered and saw that he was about to protest about leaving me behind but I cut him off with a sharp look. Dereck still looked as if he thought leaving me behind would be wrong, but he nodded.
I picked up the two bags and we set off at a cautious jog off toward the school and didn't have any encounters yet, but I was not letting up.
I got this feeling that wasn't a regular Strigoi warning, it was like it was a 'hey someone I know is near by' type of feeling, but a bad one. So that meant that someone I knew that was Strigoi was near by…which meant that only Dimitri could be near by. I glanced around every second, but there was no nausea and no signs of any Strigoi. I started to appreciate the scenery and then mentally slapped myself. I shouldn't be thinking about how pretty the dark forest looked while I was trying to get back to the academy and protect a novice –my novice- at the same time.
Focus. I kept scanning the area, but saw and felt nothing- but the feeling that Dimitri was near and watching was still nagging at the back of my mind. The school was in sight now and I picked up the pace- I didn't want to get Dereck hurt. My nausea suddenly spiked, not fifty yards from the gate.
"Open the gate!" I shrieked. Forty yards. Thirty. Twenty. Yes! We were going to make it!
Wrong.
Ten yards and the gate was open, I shoved Dereck through and chucked my bags in after him and just like I had yesterday, turned to face the Strigoi. Talk about freaking déjà-vu.
"Shit," I cursed and immediately started fighting. I remembered how the blond Strigoi looked grappling with Dimitri when we were retreating from the rescue mission. It made me furious all over again. My vision tinged red with rage and I staked two Strigoi in less than ten seconds. The others were now aware of my power and were tensing for my attack. I staked the one closest to me and was clawed down the front of my right leg again.
"That was for Kyle!" a Strigoi hissed and I spun around to face it. 'It' was a she, and her eyes shone with ire and she glared at me murderously. When my arm stuck out to stake her, she batted my arm away. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!! I saw her hand coming at my face and tried to get out of reach, but I was a little too slow. One of her nails dragged down the side of my face: from the bridge of my nose, down to my bottom jaw. Oh shit! That was going to be one hell of a scar when it healed. And it was on my face! That bitch was going to pay for screwing with my face, not funny at all.
But to the Strigoi, it was hilarious; she was sitting there laughing her ass off while I watched her with blood running down my face and leg. It made me even angrier, and I didn't even think about it before I did it. I launched myself at her not even thinking that she could still grab me while she was laughing.
She grabbed my head and was about to break it, I could tell. I braced myself for the pain and how I was going to introduce myself to God. Then a deep voice cut through my thoughts and I froze.
"Amelia, don't kill her just yet, let me have some fun." All the Strigoi turned to the voice and bowed. 'Amelia' released her hold on me and vanished from behind me- I guessed that she went to bow at the Strigoi's feet. Huh, not so tough now that your boss is here, are you? I thought bitterly. Rubbing my neck, I turned to see who the leader was and I don't know why I didn't click into it earlier. I saw…Dimitri.
And, oh God, was I not ready for this. He was the same Dimitri body, but a different Dimitri inside. He had bright red eyes; both of his whole eyes were red, unlike most new Strigoi whose eyes were only rimmed red. The Strigoi that had been holding me, I now saw, had rushed to Dimitri's side and was getting all up on him.
"Oh, Dimitri, of course, I won't kill her. You can do all you like with this petty little dhampir, it's not like we'll have any use for her in our coven." Her voice was husky, but at the end, where she mentioned me becoming Strigoi, her voice turned hard which gave the unspoken implication that if I was turned, I would be killed. Dimitri wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her up against him. Then I got it. No way!! I thought shell-shocked. They could not be Strigoi lovers. How could something so lifeless feel something as powerful as love?
"No, Amelia, I think Rose would be a great addition to our coven, why don't you?" he asked politely, as if discussing someone's death was as perfectly normal thing to do!
"As if I'd want to turn Strigoi! There is no fucking way I will ever go Strigoi, I'd die before I'd even consider it!" I shouted at Dimitri.
He shifted his attention from the Strigoi girl, who was now running her hands all over his chest, to me.
"Really, Rose?" his voice was menacing and taunting at the same time, which I guess wouldn't be that hard to do if you were dead. "I am willing to bet that you're lying. I have considered it, going Strigoi. You have and you know it and so do I," he was right. I actually had considered it- only once though. Just once. I had only considered it for a second, when I was having one of my ghost headaches. I'd contemplated what it would be like, to just be with Dimitri forever, with no ghosts to interfere, no difference, undead…together. Forever. I immediately shook off the much too tempting thought and refocused on Dimitri's knowing look.
"No, I really wouldn't," I spat out.
"Well, if you won't even consider it…again," he added mockingly. "Then, they'll just have too kill you, I'll watch this time." He said to the Strigoi as they moved in on me. Assholes. I glowered at Dimitri and he just titled his head and leaned on a tree in the stance that I thought he pulled off amazingly well, even with his height. Now, it did, all the same, look very, very appealing, but also just mean. He was going to stand there and watch the girl he said that he loved and would do anything for, get murdered, by his own hand, basically. I prepared for the first attacker and swung out a very neat roundhouse kick to the side of the Strigoi's head. They were barely fazed, but my ducking down confused him so I had enough time to stake him.
"Nice technique, Rose, but you will need to be faster to kill everyone." Dimitri cat called from his tree. I staked two more and then heard a scream that didn't come from the ones I killed. I turned to see that someone else had joined the fray. It was Dereck. What!!!! I thought as I glanced at the two shocked guardians at the gate. I pain shot up through my leg and I returned my attention to the fight. Staking two more Strigoi, I risked a glance behind to Dereck. He'd staked two Strigoi. There was one left and Dimitri. The last one was his little lover, Amelia. My vision turned red with rage and I pushed myself into a one on one battle with her. Through out it, she kept taunting me, saying things like 'Aw, poor baby, are you upset to see your little crush Awakened' and 'I don't see what Dimitri thought he saw in you, you're just a piece of shit' or 'Too bad you won't be able to see your friends again, because you are going to die and so is your new little boyfriend', which, of course, pissed me off. So I didn't even care if I was too far away to get a fair shot at staking her. I just put all the force that I had into it and thrust my arm out and into her chest. Her eyes widened and she fell to the ground.
A slow clapping began and I turned to see Dimitri, still lounging on the tree, but clapping none the less. He really didn't seem to care that I'd just killed 'his coven' and even more surprising: he didn't seem to care that Amelia was dead- that should go to show how heartless Strigoi are.
He regarded me levelly. "You should probably go take care of your little boyfriend, there; he looks like he's going to cry." Dimitri said dryly, looking pointedly at Dereck who was staring down at the two Strigoi that he'd killed in shock.
I glanced around; there were no more Strigoi. I kept my stake out just in case Dimitri decided to pull a surprise attack on me, and back away towards Dereck. I grabbed his hand and put my body between Dimitri's and Dereck's and kept it that way until we got to the gate.
As I was turning around to go in, I heard Dimitri's voice call after me, "That was not my entire coven, do not think this is the end."
I shuddered and did not turn back to look at him. I felt like I could curl up in a little ball on the ground and bawl my eyes out for hours; I felt like I could curl up and die. It was not a feeling I liked because it made me feel weak, which is almost as bad as being helpless.
I looked at Dereck's face and winced: his eyes were wide and he looked completely frozen. Poor kid; a thought came back to me: did I look like that after I'd had my kills? I was about to say something to him, but was cut off by Mercutio.
"They weren't kidding about you; welcome to the big leagues, Rose." He grinned at me and I gave him a look and obviously titled my head to Dereck and looked back at Mercutio.
"Yes, that was very good…for a new guardian." Colin added, which automatically made me dislike him-very much, I might add. The way he looked at me, like he sized me up, and was bigger and tougher than me.
"Yeah, it wasn't bad for a new guardian? Do you think you could have taken on that many Strigoi by yourself and more the day before and be fighting the next day with two broken ribs and a cut up leg and arm?" I snapped. He looked surprised, probably at the tone of my voice and also what I said probably added to it too. I bet nobody talked to him like that. They were probably all afraid; he was a really big and intimidating guy, well, to other people. He didn't scare me, not one bit. Colin spoke with a thick accent, and had a really large build of muscles on that big buff body of his, but it didn't scare me.
His face hardened and it looked like he was going to say something, but I cut him off.
"I've got to go and take care of some things, so nice to see you too." I nodded to a smirking Mercutio and hefted up the three bags, grabbed Dereck's wrist and walked away.
When we were out of sight from the guardians, I turned and led him into the darker tree cover. I was pretty sure that he needed to do some type of breaking down and I was also certain that he wouldn't want anyone to witness it. I led him far into the trees and found a nice green patch of grass. I dropped the three bags and turned to Dereck.
The kid was still in shock, but I could see him processing what had just happened and his eyes dampened visibly. My brow furrowed as I watched the growing look of horror spread across his face and Dereck started to blink rapidly, trying to keep from crying. It didn't work. His tears spilled over and I pulled him into a tight hug, similar to what my mother had done to me on the plane on the way back to the ski lodge. Dereck started sobbing and his whole body shook with them.
"Sssh, it's okay, it's okay," I chanted softly into his ear. Dereck hugged me back fiercely and cried on my shoulder. I was so sorry I'd taken him off campus now, I was sorry I'd even thought of it in the first place. I couldn't believe what I'd done to him. Was I trying to make him relive my past life? I'd killed two Strigoi at his age, it had broken me up (but seeing Mason die had added to my brake down as well). So I guessed Dereck's situation a better than mine had been- but still! It was completely stupid and idiotic of me.
"I-I-I killed them, R-Rose, I k-killed them!" he sobbed into my neck.
"Yes, I know it's hard, I'm so, so sorry, Dereck," I whispered to him and tightened my grip briefly. I patted Dereck's back, and we stood there for a while; him sobbing on my shoulder and me regretting what I'd done. Finally, his tears had decreased noticeably and I pulled back to look at him: his eyes were red and the way he kept sniffing and staring at me with those large, innocent brown eyes, it made him look like a small vulnerable boy. I stared back at him for a bit and he didn't break eye contact.
"Are you okay?" I asked slowly and he nodded in response and wiped his nose. "We're going to have to go back to the main campus soon."
A nod.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I insisted. "Speak,"
He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm fine." Even though he'd tried to make his voice sound normal, it was still thick. I pressed my lips together tightly; I was such an idiot.
Dereck turned away to pick up the bags. "Man, I am so weak," I heard him grumble.
"You are not!" I exclaimed taking both bags from him and picking up the third. "Compared to what I was like after my first kills, this is fucking strong. I was completely torn apart after what happened in Spokane." I admitted, my voice going back to the normal level. Dereck looked surprised at my outburst and reached for one of the bags that I was holding. "No, I've got it," my voice was clipped. "Don't ever think you are weak, you're a million times stronger than I was," I said softly.
"I didn't see my best friend die."
I winced, even though I didn't feel guilty about Mason anymore, it still made me sad to remember what happened and it hurt to remember how I felt when I was dealing with seeing his ghost all on my own. I pushed the memory aside and focused on reassuring Dereck.
What type of mentor would I be if I couldn't even make my student feel better?
"Yeah, well, that was a different situation and speaking of different situations, why did you come back out to fight the Strigoi with me?" I asked as politely as I could, trying not to reveal what I was feeling.
"I couldn't let you fight by yourself," he shrugged nonchalantly.
"So why didn't you let one of the other guardians fight with me instead?"
"Because I wanted to prove myself, I felt like I had to, you know?" I did know. I knew how that felt all too well. But I'd felt like I needed to prove myself to everyone I've ever known.
"And besides, it would be very impolite to let a lady fight for herself. It's just un-gentlemanly," he said primly and I rolled my eyes.
"Go to your room, I'll see you later, I've got to do some other stuff. And remember," I lowered my voice. "You are strong."
So how was THAT chapter?? I know, it's a little long, but I decided to make it long because I crashed my computer –again, for the 5th time this month!—and haven't updated in a while. So, tell me what you think, lurve constructive criticism, so if you have anything to add, that'd be great and I'd lurve to hear it. Review because it will make me feel really good and the button is screaming at you. Loudly. So you had better review now. Ha ha.
~alice~