A/N: Holy moly! An update in THREE days! That's gotta be a one is short too, but, again, had to be done. Also, since I didn't mention it in the last chapter, Room 214 is significant cause 2+1+4 = 7 which is the most powerful magic number. Bah - I know it's lame. (: This chapter was so much fun to write, I hope you like it! Please excuse any errors, I really wanted this up today, so I may have overlooked some.

MSupernatural, DreamHawthorne, Lovewriting12: Thank you!
EveryonesFavoriteVampireBarbie: Haha! Thank you so much! Also, yes is does sound like a game of clue, I just realised! (:
Mrs. Killian Jones Pureblood: Thank you! That means the WORLD to me! If you've read my other stories/drabbles, you'll see that I like to stick in Blackinnon where I can, but maybe not in this one, but we'll see! If you have a blackinnon request/prompt, feel free to send me an ask on tumblr. I'll look forward to it! (; just remember to leave your name/url at the bottom so i know it's you! (link to tumblr on my profile)

Disclaimer: Belongs to JK Rowling, Queen of Life.

James and Lily both froze at Remus' words. Lily didn't let the façade slip though. She laughed at Alice's story and James, too smiled at the anecdote. "I'm sorry, I just need to pop into the house for something? I'll be right back." James left the table quickly, leaving Lily with a pointed look. He weaved through the crowd of neighbours, stopping momentarily to pass greetings. In the house, he quickly moved to the study and opened the door slowly, coming face to face with Severus Snape. James met Snape's hard, cold gaze with one of his own. James angrily shot at him, surprise shooting through his voice. "Hey! What're you doing in here? This is massively inappropriate Severus."

Snape's eyes flashed with anger. "It's Snape to you." He sneered maliciously. "What is this, James? If that is your name at all?" James watched as Snape raised his hand, holding up a blonde wig.

"What do you mean 'if that's my name at all'? Are you daft? Of course my name's James." James lip curled in anger. "And, that, is between me and Lily. It's none of your concern."

Snape advanced on James, wig still in hand. His eyes narrowed suspiciously at James. "How did you know I was in here, Potter?"

"You are here, in my house, invading my privacy, and you dare question me?" James took a step towards Snape, and as if on queue, Lily burst into the room.

"James?" Her eyes darted between him and Snape. "What's going on? I thought you came here for your book. Is everything okay?" Her eyes were wide with concern, and James thought it was a fine piece of acting on her part. He could see Snape's resolve fading. Suddenly, Lily's eyes darted to the wig clasped in Snape's fist and a magnificent blushed spread across her face. Boy, there was no denying it. Lily Evans was selling her part well. She walked forward and snatched the wig from Snape, wringing it in her hands, she backed up against James, averting her eyes from Snape's gaze. "Severus." James noted that the sallow man didn't correct her from calling him Severus. "I'm sure you understand. When you're so infatuated with your lover, you're so keen to try new things, hence, the wig." James smirked over the top of Lily's head, bringing a hand to rest possessively on her hip. Snape glared at his hand, looking positively nauseated. Lily continued, causing Snape's look to worsen. "No one was supposed to know. It's a very private part of our life, you know. Could you excuse us now? I want a moment with James." Snape nodded and left the room rapidly.

Listening until his footsteps faded, Lily turned to face James, grinning. "That was fantastic." He said, looking at her. They were standing so close to each other, that James' breath caused her hair to flutter. Both became suddenly aware of their proximity and moved away from each other, blushing furiously.

"Remus. Just check if he's on to us?"

"Sure thing, Lily." There was a beat of silence, as Lily and James waited for Remus' response. "Nope. You're clear. He joined the Malfoy's and that Skeeter lady. When asked about what he found, he muttered something about sexual fetishes." Remus chortled. "Smooth cover. Nice going, both of you."

Smiling and blushing slightly, James and Lily left the study.

Lily stood at the counter, sipping her coffee, the newspaper spread out in front of her. James lay on the couch, mindlessly flipping TV channels. Suddenly, an overwhelming thump was heard, rattling their front door, followed by a shrill shriek.

James bolted upright, head snapping to look at Lily, alarm flashing in both their eyes. In the second it took them to realize the presence of potential danger, Lily spun around, swiftly grabbing a knife from the rack. James, similarly, had reached under the coffee table, dislodging a spare gun kept there. With a quick nod in Lily's direction, they both began to move towards the door. Lily moved in front of James, keeping the knife hidden by her side, and James had the gun hidden behind Lily.

She threw the door open, revealing a sheepish Gwinnie. Immediately, James' face broke out in a greeting smile. Lily pressed the knife lightly into his hand, which he took immediately, slipping the gun discreetly into his back pocket. Gwinnie held out the newsletter she was holding to Lily. "Your copy was accidentally delivered to my house. I tried to throw it over, but it hit some shrieking cat." She grimaced. "Well, I'll be off." With a sly smile, she added suggestively, "I hope I didn't interrupt anything." She winked at them and scurried down the drive.

Lily shut the door and took the knife back from James, as she moved back towards the counter. James resumed his position on the couch, the threat having being dismissed. Lily flipped over the newsletter, written by no other than Rita Skeeter herself. She read the headline, eyes widening with every word. "James?"

James turned at the sound of her hoarse voice. "What?"

"You should come see this."

With trepidation, James walked over to the kitchen counter to where Lily was standing. Over her shoulder, he read the headline of the front page, a flame of indignation igniting in him.

Sex Starved Couple Join The Neighbourhood!

James gritted his teeth. "Holy. Shit."

A week ago, we welcomed James Potter and Lily Evans into our little community. But who exactly are we accepting into our neighbourhood? The truth will surprise you.

To the average person, it would seem that James and Lily are your normal pair of lovebirds. However, after a bit of research on behalf of the neighbourhood, I have uncovered the truth about the couple hailing from Stratford – they are sex addicts, hiding in plain sight.

Lily reached up to cover her face. "I cannot believe this!"

Barely able to keep from undressing each other at the party, the couple is wild in their ways, and not afraid to flaunt it. Nymphomaniac, Lily Evans, has stated that her perfect Saturday would be spent in bed. Well, obviously no sleep will be had between the two of them! How scandalous!

Further along our interview, Mr. Potter heavily suggested that they don't restrict their 'endeavours' to the bed alone. When prompted, James was quoted saying "tables and armchairs" were frequently used during their bouts of passion.

It has been discovered, to little surprise, that the young couple indulges in unconventional methods of doing the 'hippity dippity'. This has been proven by the uncovering of a wig used in their late night escapades. An unnamed source also hinted at 'sexual fetishes' of the two.

According to James Potter, they don't have any pets, as they are "… a very busy couple. We don't really have much time to care for a pet just yet." With the rate their going at, they had better watch out, because soon pets will be the least of their worries. If they can hardly imagine caring for a pet, heaven help their children.

Article by: Rita Skeeter.

James stared at the newsletter, eyebrows knitting in frustration. The woman was relentless. Lily's indignant yell cut through his reverie.

"I am NOT a nymphomaniac! What is this piece of rubbish?" she said, angrily smacking the article.

James leaned over her slightly. "And I did not say that about our armchairs. I'd hardly call it a quote if you take 3 words of what I've said."

Lily groaned. "And couldn't she have just said sex? 'Late night escapades.' What a load of dung.' She stepped towards James.

James stepped towards her, "Hippity dippity!" he yelled. They both broke out laughing.

Lily moved closer. "Endeavours!" They laughed harder, clutching their sides.

James caught Lily's shoulder. "Bouts of passion!" Despite the ridiculous euphemism, they both stopped laughing, suddenly becoming aware of how close they were to each other. If Lily were to stand up on her tip toes, their lips would meet. James lowered his head ever so slightly, and Lily's breath came in fast gasps. Both their hearts were racing and James hand dropped to Lily's waist, closing the distance between them. Her hands fisted in his shirt, pulling him down as her eyes fluttered shut.

At the shrill sound of the ringing phone, they both broke apart. Wide eyed, James rushed to get the phone. "Hello? Oh, Sirius."

"I'm sorry! Did I interrupt you in a bout of passion?" Sirius' laughing voice rang through the phone. "Or were you in the midst of some 'Hippity Dippity'? How are the kids by the way?"

"Black. It's not funny." Though Lily and he had been laughing about it moments earlier, James no longer found the situation humorous. He turned to face Lily. She was standing where he had left her, where they almost had kissed. Her eyes snapped to meet his, and she flushed deeply. Without another word, she rushed up the stairs. Suddenly extremely volatile, James resisted the urge to smash the phone against the table.

A/N: Arrrgghhhhh! Such UST! This chapter was a BLAST to write! It was so much fun! I really hope you guys like it! Please please please review. Everytime I get a notification saying review/follower/favourite, my heart does this big celebration thing!

Cookies to all you lovely readers!