Bathroom no Shame

Author's Ramblings: Ahhh, yeah, I have no idea where this came from but I have no difficulty whatsoever in believing it could have happened, at least at some point in life. Happy reading!

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Tony Stark wasn't one to use the method of masturbation.

He hadn't had to. Usually surrounded by beautiful women it didn't seem to matter and for a very long time he had to only smile and at least ten very willing candidates would appear to fulfill the role nature gave him so long ago. Of course the three months in hell changed a lot in the man known as Malibu Playboy. And so here he was, eight months after his kidnap and alone, considering the idea of masturbation.

It sounded so ridiculous; Tony Stark, masturbating? Insane!

But he was. Sadly as it felt Tony wished he could leave his house and pick up a girl, any girl as long as she was beautiful, and release his tensions. He apparently had grown a conscience, because it wouldn't let him. In order to get a girl he would have to go to a bar, and he would have to drink and he promised Pepper he wouldn't drink again. Not Too much anyway. And there was the reactor to explain, and the Iron Man thing, and to bring home a girl now ... Would be lots of fun!

Looking down at himself while standing under the cold shower, Tony groaned.

"What am I suppose to do with you?"

His *ahem* little friend just continued pointing north. Continue pointing to any cardinal point you want, but point!

How long was it that an erection was dangerous for the body? Four hours? Would he suffer brain damage then?

"Would you be happy if I just did it once?"

His friend nodded in happiness.

Tony Stark wasn't one to use the method of masturbation. But there was always a breaking point. And both him and his friend had reach it. But what fantasy to use? The blonde on the back of his hot rod, the same one that would turn to the redhead of his dreams? Maybe the brunette on the side of the pool, that by the time things got interesting would be a pale redhead with blue eyes? Ah! Why not? Let's just go directly to Pepper on bed! called his libido rubbing both hands together (if it had them).

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Pepper Potts knew Tony was upstairs, taking a shower. She had been so engrossed by work that time moved to a faster pace, phone calls, e-mails, news, constant bickering of the board because of Mr. Stark's lack of presence in each mayor meeting... Taking a deep breath she continued typing the e-mail she was currently answering (actually more like and update for Rhodey on Tony's whatever he had asked), and only stopped to drink a bottle of water and a granola bar. So when Jarvis' call came it was a surprise.

"Miss Potts."

"Yes, Jarvis?"

"You might consider on checking on Mister Stark. He had been under the shower for 45 minutes now." Pepper was surprised.

"So long, had he fallen asleep or something?"

"Not quite, ma'am. His pulse rate is accelerated, and he seems to be suffering of sudden burst of adrenaline."

"Probably he could be playing with his Ironman figure."

"In more way than one, ma'am." Added Jarvis making Pepper frown.

And so she got up and walked to up the stairs and towards Tony's room. As she entered the bathroom she spoke. "Alright Mr. Stark, it's time to..."

Pepper knew shame. She really did. Working 8 years for Mister Stark had given her that much, walking strange women out of the bed wearing sometimes nothing, or when he skinny dipped on his pool in hot days, or when she walked into his bathroom and found his masturbating on her behalf... Ok the last one was a new one, but it gave her a whole new meaning to the world shame.

Problem was that Tony Stark did now know shame, up to that day, of course.

"I'm going home." She announced after screaming, and while Tony continued to stare at her, position held, with wide eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Stark."

"Wait, Pepper! It's not what you think!" He hurried out of the shower and grabbed the nearest bathroom, then thought about it and grabbed a robe (half naked while fighting with Pepper wasn't such a good idea). "Of course it's what you think, but not why you... Alright! What are you doing here anyway, I'm taking a shower!"

"For 45 minutes?"

"Has it really been that long?" He asked, considering how long he'd been...waxing the pole. "Damn..." As he thought, Pepper was already downstairs, grabbing the laptop and blackberry. Tony hurried downstairs and found her hurrying towards the door. "Wait, Pep! Don't go, we still have that meeting in two hours to attend!"

"Its one hour and 15 minutes sir, and you can go on your own." Her determination to leave was such that he was forced to lock the entire house down with Jarvis help. "Now let me go."

"Come on, don't be angry. It's not like you haven't caught me doing worse."

"Mr. Stark," She said calmly. "I have caught you in bed with countless women, handcuffed to the ceiling, drunk and upside down at the pool, and God knows what else, but to find you ... self pleasuring yourself while crying out my name isn't quite acceptable in my book."

"You make it sound like sexual harassment."

"It is sexual harassment!"

"Hey, you were the one that entered unannounced!"

"I went to check on you because Jarvis said you were acting weir, and pointed out several bizarre symptoms!" Tony's eyes widened, so Jarvis had set the whole thing up! He would have to unscrew a few bolted down screws to get things even with Jarvis! But back to Potts!

"Let's face it, when was the last time I needed to masturbate? In my teens? Jarvis had never heard of masturbation before! You got lucky I didn't go find a woman and boink her silly." Pepper bit back a comment, concerning his raging hormones, and stared at him. "Besides, it's my house."

"And that is why I'm leaving."

"And I do know what masturbations is, sir." Looking up with a frown Tony did not bulge from his position.

"You quiet, ungrateful thing!"

There was a moment in which they stared at each other, and Tony wondered what kind of underwear she was wearing, although it was highly inappropriate at the moment. Pepper on the other hand tried to stop blushing so madly, wondering if this man... "Aren't you embarrassed?" She asked suddenly, frowning slightly and in such soft voice that Tony looked up at her. Just then Tony realized what had happened and blushed so deep read the he could rival Pepper's blush. He actually lowered his eyes and covered his face with the bathrobe's top.

"Sometimes I wonder how I'm so shameless."

"It's because of your intelligence, right? You think nothing can touch you."

"Yes." He said in a very small voice, but he then looked up at her smiling. "You had to admit its help me a lot all this years."

"But it's not helping you now." He cringed away at her reply, and looked down at his feet.

"I can't help it if I get horny." He whined, under her scrutinizing gaze. Pepper took a deep calming breath and counted to ten in Chinese. Which she didn't know but either way...

Needless to say, Mss. Potts forgave Mr. Stark. Again.

"I'm going to my office,"

"Yeah! I've been forgiven! I'll take you out for dinner, lunch! Whatever!"

"Just promise me you won't cancel any meetings for now!"

"You can count on me!"

And she was surprised when he complied.

For two and a half hours.

Bathroom no Shame: The End