CHAPTER FIFTEEN- SHOCKED

Hey there, that last chapter was really boring and I'm sorry, I really hated writing it, which sucks, because I really enjoy writing, but that kind of bummed me out, writing something that I didn't like. But I promise you that my next chapters will be better and they will keep you on edge. I'll leave lots of CLIFF HANGERS!! HA! I really like cliff hangers, they are so fun!

Any way, here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it…

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning, afternoon for humans, and got dressed to go meet Dereck at the gym. If he showed up, it might be a no-show for him, but I would go anyway. And if he wasn't there…well, I'd just go for another run I guess. I grabbed my iPod just in case and went down to the gym.

As it turns out, Dereck was there already, he had the radio on, but not nearly as loud as I liked it.

So I sneaked up behind him, he was beating a dummy, and I plugged in my iPod and blasted a good up-beat a song; Headstrong by Trapt.

Dereck spun around to the change of the song and relaxed when he saw me. He nodded to the radio where my iPod was now blasting. I turned it down so I could hear him.

"Is that what you always do?"

I contemplated this for a moment, wondering what I should tell him. I'd started listening to music really loudly a lot of the time, so it could serve the purpose of drowning out all coherent thought process about things I didn't want to think about. I listened to music so it was the only thing I could think about, so it would allow nothing to enter my head. No, I shouldn't tell him that.

Instead I said, "Music is a good way to get someone into the mood; get them pumped for a fight, get them excited for a party, anything. Music is good for you; listen to it before the field experience and you'll be on the cutting edge the whole time, it'd be sort of like a high,"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "A high on music?"

I nodded and smirked. "Yes, now," I said turning the music back to the radio as I unplugged my iPod. "You're going to…run with me." I decided and he looked surprised then expectant.

"What's the hitch?"

"Well, you only have to keep up with me," I said simply and he snorted. "You will have one headphone and I'll have the other, you need to keep up with me and if the headphone falls out, you will have the prize of twenty push-ups and sit ups for every time it comes out."

Dereck looked at me confused then realization flashed in his eyes. "Is this for what happened yesterday? I said I was sorry," he groaned and ran a hand through his hair. Well, shit; he'd guessed it. But not that I'd tell him that.

"No, Dereck, this is to make you tougher, and if you can't handle this, you can't handle the injuries a sadistic Strigoi would give you while you were being tortured." I said steadily, not breaking my guardian-face.

He snorted again. "What do you know about being tortured by Strigoi?"

In that instant I was transported back to Spokane where the Strigoi had been taunting Christian and Mia and drinking from Eddie, that was torture. The Strigoi taunting me when he grabbed me by the hair, that was torture. Him killing Mason right in front of me, that was torture. The blond Strigoi telling me that he was going to kill Lissa while we were fighting, that was torture. The Strigoi here, in Siberia, the blond one taunting me by saying that Dimitri was a great Strigoi and how proud he was of him, that was torture. How the other two Strigoi had held me, telling me that I'd either become Strigoi or die, then breaking my ribs, that was torture. Dimitri cat calling me while I was fighting for my life, that was torture. Dimitri making the fence convulse right in front of me, to purposely scare me, that was torture.

It may not all be physical torture, but it was torture enough.

"Rose?" Dereck was saying, oblivious to what was going on inside my head.

"I know more than you," I said mysteriously. "Now, come one; we've got to train,"

*****

Dereck could keep up with me at first and when he said, "Come on, Rose, is that all you've got?" I booked it and left Dereck behind me dumbfounded. It was quite comical actually, but I kept a stone face through it. Now we were jogging back to the gym and Dereck looked sullen. I had to bite back a smile.

I held the door open for Dereck and waved him forward, he obeyed quietly.

"Alright, Dereck, you owe me sixty push ups and sit ups," I said strictly. He sighed and got down into push up position. "I will count, so you won't have to worry about that," he sighed again and I lay down on the floor in front of him and looked him in the eyes. "You can begin,"

When we were at forty-six sit ups, other students started to come in, but I wouldn't let Dereck stop. "Come on, Dereck, almost twenty more, it's not so bad, you're doing great, just a few more," I encouraged.

He smiled at me wanly. "Do you forgive me?" he barely managed when he came up for the next one. I was sitting on his feet with my back against his knees and now that I'd turned around, Dereck's face almost brushed mine when he came up.

"Maybe," I allowed and he gave such a grin that I couldn't help but smiling back to. I encouraged him more and ignored the novices who were watching.

He finally finished his sixtieth sit up and he fell to the ground with an audible smack.

"Sixty!" I cheered and some of the novices clapped for my pupil. I grinned and pulled him up off the ground.

"Pass me that water," I called to a random novice and they tossed it to me. It was cold, yes, I though as I led Dereck out of the door. When we were just outside, I cracked the bottle open with one hand, the crack seemed really loud to me. I ignored that fact and dumped the freezing water on Dereck.

"Oh!" he exclaimed and suddenly, he wasn't leaning so heavily on me anymore. He'd knocked the bottle out of my hand and into the grass. I was bursting with laughter as he shook out his hair.

I was laughing so hard, I didn't see Dereck retrieve the bottle and come back to me with it; I also thought that the water was gone. It turns out that there was still about half a bottle in there and it ended up on my head.

I gasped, but didn't move, because I hadn't been expecting it. I looked at Dereck and I could just imagine what my face looked like. I burst out laughing and Dereck followed; we stumbled back into the gym and ignored the stares from the novices.

"Tanner, I mean, Guardian Tanner," I called to Mikhail from across the gym; he looked up to the sound of his name. "Dereck Hays is excused from this class," Mikhail nodded at me and jogged over.

"Why the hell are you soaking wet, Rose?"

"Um, well, I dumped some water on me," I said fatly, I didn't want to get Dereck into trouble. "We worked it pretty hard today," I said earnestly and Mikhail looked at me sternly, but I could see the smile in his eyes.

"Don't go too easy on Mr Hays; he's going to need to learn how to deal with things the hard way,"

I swept Mikhail a low bow, with one hand on the small of my back and the other in front of me. "As you wish, Guardian Tanner, you know everything, right?" I lifted my head slightly to wink at him and he winked back.

"Alright, go on then," he had dropped the guardian mood and messed up my hair.

"Did you have to?" I demanded and he chuckled as he walked away.

"Take care of your student, Rose,"

"Take care of yourself, Tanner," I threatened his back and he laughed and grinned over his shoulder at me.

"Well, we'll have to see if you can make good on that won't we? When your ribs are healed?" he added before I could pounce on him. I settled for grabbing a water bottle and taking aim at his ass and not missing. And I whipped it hard; Mikhail jumped about a foot in the air and turned to glare at me. "We can't fight until my ribs are healed, remember?" I said innocently and I grinned as I heard and saw the novices trying not to laugh.

*****

Dereck and I spent that class outside the gym leaning against the wall, just talking. Minutes before the bell rang, Dereck did something very surprising. He pulled me closer to him by my shoulder and kissed my forehead. "I really am sorry for yesterday, Rose," he whispered against my skin. Then he went past me into the gym. I followed him, but didn't say anything. As the door shut behind me, it sounded louder too.

Even though I was standing two feet away from him, I didn't even look Dereck's way. He looked at me when he thought I wasn't looking, but other than those sneaky peaks he didn't look at me either.

Well, seeing as how I wasn't looking at him, how would I know that he was looking at me; okay, I admit, I was slipping sly glances in there too, so I guess I was just as bad as him there.

When his friends were dismissed, I walked beside Leo. "Hey," I said softly. "How're you feeling today?"

"I'm fine, I guess," he shrugged.

"You guess?"

"Well, everything's kind of loud," he shifted like he thought he was uncomfortable and like he felt that he was being stupid and knowing that it sounded like he was losing his mind. Hey don't worry, buddy, I know how you feel, I though. I wondered what everything being louder meant? I didn't really waste my time on that though. Leo asked me a question that I knew I'd have to answer to sooner or later.

"Why do you care, Guardian Hathaway? I mean, yeah it's nice that someone actually it aware of what's going on…but what the fuck? You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do," then I took a deep breath. "Who is your Moroi, the one you want to be assigned to for the rest of your life?"

He hesitated a moment before saying, "Tristin Badica,"

"Then why weren't you with her last night?" I snapped. Tristin Badica was the girl that Riley had been trying to force to use compulsion.

"I…okay, Guardian Hathaway…this is awkward," he shifted and looked at me uncomfortably.

"Alright, we've got to talk,". "Who is your Moroi, the one you want to be assigned to for the rest of your life?"

He hesitated a moment before saying, "Tristin Badica,"

"Then why weren't you with her last night?" I snapped. Tristin Badica was the girl that Riley had been trying to force to use compulsion.

"I…okay, Guardian Hathaway…this is awkward," he shifted and looked at me uncomfortably.

"Alright, we've got to talk,"

*****

As soon as I entered the class room, I went straight up to Guardian Cormack. "Guardian Cormack, I'd like to excuse Leo Walker from this class, if that would be alright?" I added and he looked at me suspiciously.

"Why would Mr Walker need to be excused, Guardian Hathaway?"

"There is a matter concerning Tristin Badica that would need be attended to," I said calmly, this guy was just like Stan.

"What matter would be concerning Tristin Badica – oh." He said bluntly then he lowered his voice. "Was it you who'd told Alexander about what the Moroi were doing?"

I nodded curtly. "Yes, I did, may I excuse Leo Walker, Guardian Cormack?" I repeated annoyed.

"Yes, I guess that would be alright, and next time, if you need one of my students, I would prefer that you would use them after classes are finished. It is intolerable, remember that, Guardian Hathaway," he warned and I nodded like I was planning on obeying whatever he ordered me to do. Yeah right, kiss my ass, Cormack.

"Leo, come on," I said quietly as I walked past his desk and out the door. He seemed surprised, but he followed instructions none the less. I led him outside and started walking towards the chapel.

"Where are we going, Guardian Hathaway?"

"The chapel and you can call me Rose," this introductory thing was getting annoying. We walked quietly to the chapel and he didn't ask any questions, which I was somewhat grateful, because honestly? I didn't know what the hell I was going to say; I'd probably start with 'well, you know how I know so much about your headaches or why I ask if you have a special Moroi? Yeah, well, I'm shadow kissed and so are you'. Or something like that, I'm pretty much straight forward and I wouldn't lie to someone…maybe I'd lie if it was a secret I had to keep to protect others and maybe I'd lie if there was something that was really affecting one person and they didn't need anything else to add to their grief, because I sure as hell knew how it felt.

When we got to the chapel, an old Moroi priest greeted us kindly.

"Hello, Father Mathew," Leo said politely.

"Good morning, Mr Walker, who might this pretty little lady that you are cutting class with be? Surely you didn't come here to…" his voice trailed off in disbelieve, it seemed like Leo was on everyone's good list, except Cormack's, and that Dereck was one everyone's bad list.

"Oh on, it's nothing like that, Father, I'm a guardian, I just got admitted here and I was hoping that I could talk to Leo in your chapel? And I was also wondering if you had any books on St Vladimir up in the attic?" I said slowly.

He nodded. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Guardian…?"

"Hathaway."

"Guardian Hathaway, of course you are welcome to talk here and there will be many books up in the attic on St Vladimir, and they are all at your disposal. But you are going to have to retrieve them yourself," he smiled and I laughed good-naturedly.

"That's fine, thank you,"

*****

I was sitting on a box and Leo was sitting on one across from me, looking extremely shocked.

"Start over, from the beginning,"

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. "Okay…well, St Vlad and his guardian Anna, shadow kissed Anna. There is meaning behind the term 'shadow kissed' and that is that it is a person who had died and came back to the world of the living. I am shadow kissed and so are you. Have you had an accident at anytime in your life when you were with Tristin Badica?"

"Yeah…we were at a beach, by ourselves, it was just the beginning of summer and it was really cold, so no one else was there. I was swimming while Tristin was on the beach watching me and telling me that I should go into the Olympics, even though I can't because I'm not human. Then…there was a really big swell that I hadn't been expecting and it pulled me under and I swallowed a lot of water and went under. Then I remember Tristin coming in and dragging me onto the beach. She'd been yelling at me, and then…it was like I'd woken up and I spat up a lot of water. Tristin told me that we had to go to the hospital, so we did and they treated me for hypothermia. I could have died."

"That's my point!" I said bouncing on the box. "You did die and Tristin brought you back to life. Can you read into her mind right now?" I challenged, not willing to give up on this, I'd found someone who was like me and I wasn't passing up the chance.

"Yeah…how'd you –"

"That is called a bond, it's what Vladimir and Anna shared, it's what the Dragomir Princess and I share." I cut him off rudely.

"Yeah, well, if you share a bond with the Dragomir Princess, what's she doing right this instant?" he retorted.

I sighed and let myself fall into Lissa…she was in the library, with Christian, Eddie and Adrian. Lissa and were talking about spirit and…me. They were talking about me. Eddie and Christian joined the conversation too.

"Do you know why she left, Liss?" Christian asked and through Lissa's eyes I saw genuine concern.

Lissa contemplated telling them or not, Adrian knew, of course, he'd figured it out himself, after his visit to Lissa in her room. She decided not to tell them, because she didn't know weather I would want it or not. She shook her head. "No, I really don't, I can't imagine why Rose would want to leave the Academy. She was set on being a guardian."

"But she is a guardian," Adrian pointed out and both Christian and Eddie looked to him shocked. Adrian shrugged and looked at Lissa. It seemed that she hadn't told them anything yet.

"Well…I e-mailed Rose a couple of days ago and she responded."

"What'd she say?" Eddie asked hopefully. Then I felt so guilty, he'd lost Mason and now I'd left him all alone, so it must feel like losing another close friend.

"She didn't tell me why she left or where she was, she just said that she was…at an Academy and that she was a guardian there."

"What?"

Lissa nodded. "I don't know where she is though and I want to see her…I want my Rose back," she murmured quietly. This topic still brought tears to her eyes, but she hid them well as she avoided eye-contact for long and blinking really often, but not so often that no one noticed…no on other than Adrian.

"Well, it's not that hard to track somebody, Liss," Christian said.

"What are you talking about?" she was confused now.

Christian nodded to Adrian. "Get our rich Royal over there to pull some strings or just keep asking around for Rose Hathaway and then he'll eventually find her; nobody can disobey the Queen's favourite nephew." He said dryly.

Lissa looked Adrian pleadingly and he finally shrugged. "I could do that,"

"Thank you!" she exclaimed and she reached across the table to squeeze his hand.

-------------

I was pulled back into my own head by someone calling my name repetitively.

"She's in the library at my old Academy, St Vladimir's in Montana, and she's talking with Christian Ozera, Eddie Castile and Adrian Ivashkov. They are talking about me and how they can find me," I said refocusing on Leo.

He paused before saying, "Adrian Ivashkov?"

"Don't start," I said warningly and he backed off it.

"Alright…so we both have a bond connecting us to different Moroi and we are…what did you say?"

"Shadow kissed,"

"Shadow kissed, right; so we're shadow kissed and that means that we've died once? And that our Moroi have healed us back into the world of the living?"
"Yeah," I nodded cautiously. "That's all right, and so I took you out of class to tell you, and we're going to look for something on Anna up here because I want to learn as much as I can about what the hell I am and am I wrong in making the assumption that you do to?" I peered at him.

"You're right,"

"So let's get to it,"

*****

We didn't really find anything on Anna really; it was all about good old Vladimir. I thought we'd searched ever box in there, but I noticed that there was one more in the far corner of the attic.

"Hey, help me with this, will you?" I called to Leo. My pants were rolled up and so were my sleeves, my hair was pulled up and there was dust all over my face and hands and probably in my hair too.

"Sure," Leo followed me into the corner and we were crowded into the corner, getting our holds on the box and then tugging it out on the same count. We'd got it out and I tripped over the edge of the box and flew at Leo, he tried to catch me, but we ended up on the ground with me on top of him. We looked at each other and we looked away awkwardly and then I got off him and dusted off my pants just for something to do. He got up and we didn't look at each other; our eyes met for a moment and we looked away quickly.

Where's the old Rose Hathaway? The one who wasn't afraid to hook-up with every guy she could get her hands on? I asked myself.

She's gone, you're gone and there's nothing left, you're just a loose body wondering with out a soul or purpose. You should just get yourself done with, the cool voice responded to my thoughts and I shook it off and looked Leo in the eye. "Do you get this nasty voice in your head?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah, I do, it, like, reads my mind and talks to me," he shuddered.

"Me too," I said quietly.

*****

We both pulled back the flaps and we both reached in to the box at the same time and jerked away as if we'd burned each other. A book in the middle of the pile caught my eye and I went to grab it. I pulled it out and saw that it was a plain black hard cover book. It had Anna engraved on the front in gold in very delicate calligraphy. I gently ran my hand over the cover. "Hey, Leo, come here," I said without taking my eyes from the book. I opened to the first page the entry was:

Tuesday, June 28th 1987

I have decided that I am to document the happenings in my life from today on in the case that anything should happen to me.

My name is Anna and I am the guardian of St Vladimir, a very wealthy and well known Moroi. Vladimir saved me when I was a child and I've been bonded to him ever since. I can read Vladimir's mind and have since found in the last past year or so that Vladimir wealds the element spirit and that it is an incredibly rare thing to be, a spirit user. We only know of one other than Vladimir and his name is Nikolas and he is very helpful to Vladimir and me.

Vladimir goes on about how there are so many things wrong and that he is very depressed often. I usually can pull the vile darkness from his mind and Vladimir will feel better…but there is a problem with what I do. After I take the evil from Vladimir's mind, it comes into my mind and it makes me mad. But I conceal it well, Vladimir seldom suspects anything amiss with me; and when he does I tell him it is a minor ache in my head, he believes me ever time. The trusting Vladimir, ready to believe my every word; I smile when I think of how wonderful it is to have a friend such as he.

Today I met such a man, he is graceful and mysterious. His name is Anton and he has come to Russia for a change from his home country, Greece. Anton and I are friendly to one and other, he is a dhampir also. He is a great and kind man. His name, Anton, means 'go into action' he told me. I'd asked if it meant anything and he said that his name and its meaning describes him very well.

I have come to the conclusion that we will become friends, acquaintances if nothing else, I have to admit that I am very curious of Anton and his character, he seems very…closed and I've been wondering why that is so, but I have not asked him. It very well may be his deepest secret and if that is true, he certainly would not be willing to share it with someone he's known as short as a time he's known me!

I shall not ponder this matter of the mysterious Anton of Greece, I shall write of the reason that has compelled me to start this project. This inconspicuous voice that haunts my thoughts and whispers cruel things to me. Just today, it seems as though years of events have happened in such a condense amount of time these hours. This voice that taints the sanity of my mind and hisses loathsome things to me. During the daylight hours of today, the voice told me that Vladimir never had cared for me and that he'd saved me by accident. It told me that I was nothing to Vladimir, that I'd never be and that he only kept me for a shield against the despicable powers of Strigoi.

This had gotten me into a fury and I'd confronted Vladimir on such matters. I'd come into his room and went to where he was reading on the bed. 'Vladimir,' I had said and he smiled up at me as I stood over him. 'Yes, Anna?' he was very affectionate, but his manner did not swerve me from my task. 'Why do you keep me here?' I asked. 'Because I love you,' he'd stroked my cheek and the warmth of his hand did not calm me, not even slightly. I had pulled away from him and shook my head. 'Tell me the truth, Vladimir. Is it because you need protection or is it the truth you are speaking to me?' Vladimir looked upset and I'd felt guilty for brining up a matter such as this.

Could I doubt the love and trust that Vladimir had vested in me? No, I could not, and he could not doubt me either, I would protect him with my life and I would do so until my last breath! Vladimir trusts me and he deserves the same back and the same he shall receive.

'I am not in any place to speak so rudely, Vladimir, I am terribly sorry, please forgive me disgusting behaviour.' I said to him and I knelt down on one knee before him. Vladimir lifted my chin with a thin wispy fingers of his and looked upon me with a gentle caring face, a forgiving face. That was always Vladimir, always the kind and generous, even when those were most undeserving or worthy. 'Anna, I shall always forgive my guardian angel, how am I not to, love?' he smiled at me and took my hands, pulling me from the floor. 'I must ready for bed, Vladimir,' I said quietly and I could not meet his eyes after what I had just said only moments before, I was too ashamed. It was a completely hideous way to act and it was simply foolish of Vladimir to forgive me so. I should have endured some punishment for showing such disrespect.

As the morrow grows near, I must at least act as if I had ventured to my sleeping quarters after I'd left Vladimir, instead I'd went to the courtyard and am writing by soft moonlight on the pages of this journal.

I bid away with a quiet good evening to you and I shall make my way back to the castle and play my role as always.

Anna