CHAPTER SIXTEEN- IS THIS THE FUTURE OR PRESENT

I sagged back into Leo in shock and some relief, we'd found evidence of Anna, her real essence. I flipped through some more entries and I gathered that this Anton guy really did become great friends with Anna, and that Anton was the one who kept her sane while she kept Vladimir sane at the same time. Anton was a regular dhampir and he wasn't shadow kissed, but Anna told him everything and he was able to keep her in the right mind…until this entry:

Friday, December 3rd 1989

Today, I am so dearly heart broken to say that Vladimir has past. He was gone yesterday, but I couldn't bring myself to write on it, I was distraught. I am ashamed to admit that I am a monster, I am sure of it now. After what I said to Anton today, I could be no less of the most terrible. I was crying under the tree that was once Vladimir and mine when Anton found me. 'Anna, I am so sorry,' he'd said and came down to sit beside me on the ground. He wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed quite nosily into his shirt, staining it with my tears.

'Anna, dear, you shall get over such a loss, it is nothing more than a bump in the road, eh? You will get over Vladimir soon,' he'd said and I ripped away from his gentle hold and stared at him in disbelief. 'How could one speak such foul words? That is utterly uncompassionate or feeling, Anton!' I shrieked at him. 'What have I done, my lady?' he was so innocent, like he'd said nothing as horrible as he had. 'How could you say such a thing? You of all people should know how much Vladimir meant to me! He was my life, Anton, he saved me and I let him die! He has gone, never to return to me ever again! How could you say that I am to overcome this BUMP IN THE ROAD?' I screamed and he was lost for words and he started to splutter something and I did not want to hear whatever he had to say, so I ran away, leaving him on the ground, under the tree that meant the world to me and someone who meant even more.

I don't ever think that Anton will ever forgive me for behaving so disgracefully and how can I ever make up for such a monstrous act? It was simply the worst thing I could have done to a great friend of mine. Anton was there for me every time I'd taken the evil from Vladimir's mind and he was there when it was too much for me to take and Vladimir suffered because I could handle no more. I went to him for everything I needed and he gave it to me, no matter what I asked for. I am completely lost in mind to have ruined such a wonderful person.

But in any sense, I am sane no more; any mere eye could see that. Nor have I left my chamber, so no eye would be able to see me in such a state. I am totally gone; what meaning would there be without my Vladimir? How could I go on from a catastrophe like this? I have not an idea of what I shall do, but I do predict that I shall not go on long; I will not be able to survive this.

Anna

I quickly flipped past the next few entries, seeing that she'd seen Anton again, but hadn'ttalked to him at all. The last entry in the diary was this:

Wednesday, December 2nd 1990,

I am ashamed to admit that I cannot endure this anymore; I am not as strong as Vladimir had professed. This is the anniversary of his day and it will now be mine. I am so sorry to leave the ones I love and I always shall love them. I am much too part of a coward to confront Anton straight today, so I left a very long letter of apology for everything I have ever done. I wished him a happy and long life, leaving the last lines for my decision to take my life.

I know it is a sin, but this is what must be done for my own good. I am also furious at myself for giving in, but what can I do as an alterative? There is no life for me now, it is all gone and nothing can change that; I will always have Anton, but he isn't enough. It will never be enough without Vladimir. I am giving into the voice as well, the cruel voice inside of my head. There is also another voice that had joined it…Vladimir's voice. His last words that came through the bond to me before he was gone forever echo in my mind every day. They haunt me relentlessly, though it cheers me slightly to hear his voice, it saddens my soul to a heavy weight that I can bear any longer.

My memory holds the last words of Vladimir: Our age would catch up with us, my time has come. I love you, forever and always, take care of yourself Anna. Then his entire being was gone and there was nothing left of him.

My last words are written here, in this journal of my times, I shall love Vladimir forever and now it's my turn to join him. By choice or incident, it does not matter; I need to be with him, dead or alive. I may go to hell and Vladimir may be in heaven, but I at least hope that I will be able to see him, just once, to have one last conversation. That is all I wish for, just to have the man I love back, if the same had happened to any other person would they not want the same? If they do not, they have never truly loved the one they lost and for that, they have a cold heart. But I do not believe in people who act in such a wicked manner, so there is no reason to dwell on it.

I will join him soon, as I shall jump off the greatest of heights; the Cliff of Claims, it's called. They say the name means that many have jumped from is deathly height and that the cliff has claimed those lives. It shall claim mine today. Forever and always, I will love all that I had, have and shall get, this is the end…

She didn't even sign her name; her last word was 'end'. I was consumed by feelings of worry, fear and a terrible sadness and once again…I was pulled into the World of the Dead.

It was dark, then, I was in a house, someone rich no doubt, most likely a Royal. It looked like it came straight from a catalogue. There was a woman in the room, she was obviously a dhampir and she was standing in a protective stance in front of a Moroi… facing her were five Strigoi.

"Back away," one of the Strigoi snarled at the woman. She seemed familiar, but I couldn't place her anywhere in my person library. The woman didn't respond, she just stood her ground in front of the terrified Moroi.

"Janine!" the Moroi screamed, pointing to the side. I was confused, why would he call her 'Janine'? That was my mother's name.

One of the Strigoi in front had moved forward and the woman matched the advance at the same time. As she moved on the Strigoi, one came at her from the side and onto the woman…he broke her neck.

The woman's body went limp and fell to the ground, facing up. I finally understood why the Moroi had called her Janine. It was my mother, the one and only Janine Hathaway, lying on the floor.

And she was dead.

*****

I was brought back to the present and I looked around panting for breath. Leo was kneeling over me, looking relieved that I was awake.

I became fully aware of my surroundings and as I tried to sit up, I was engulfed into a tight hug. I flinched as Leo squeezed because it felt like my ribs were acting up again. Good God, I sounded like an old lady.

"Hey Leo," I chocked out and he looked at me with wide frightened eyes.

"What happened?"

Then everything came back to me and I was shocked for one second before moving into action. I used Leo for leverage and I took the book off the ground.

"I've got to go and so do you; go to the class you have now. I'll explain everything later, I promise," I added seeing his hurt face.

Then he stood with me. "Alright,"

*****

We thanked the priest and I left Leo in front of his next class and headed to my dorm. The only thought that was going through my head…Was my mother dead?

I slammed into my room like a furious and destructive hurricane. I turned on my laptop and pounded the table while I was waiting. I ignored the other e-mails and typed in:

Mom you need to call me right away. Now. This number: 697-473-7994. Call me right NOW.

I let out shaky breath as I went back to my inbox. I gripped my phone tightly and promised myself I wouldn't let go. Until I got the call from my mother, I wasn't letting go. I didn't leave my room for the rest of the day and didn't answer the door when anyone knocked. I was awake all night, clutching the phone and staring at the laptop screen. In the morning, I had coffee for the second time in my life and kept drinking it, I had three mugs for breakfast.

"Hathaway, I thought you wouldn't touch coffee?" Mikhail said as he sat down across from me.

I hardly looked at him and kept staring at the phone. "Yeah, well, things change," I muttered.

Mikhail finally actually looked at me and his eyes widened. "Rose, what happened to you? You look like you stayed up all night,"

"I did, Mikhail," I answered curtly as I finally looked him full on.

His eyes widened further. "Holy shit, talk about bags! Why were you up?"

"I need a call, I need a fucking call," then I got up and took my coffee mug with me to Dereck's training.

I kept the phone in my hand as I taught Dereck techniques and at one point he acknowledged it.

"Rose, how am I supposed to learn anything when you're not even teaching properly?" he turned from the dummy to me looking annoyed and concerned, which I hated.

"Well, maybe it's just you whose not trying hard enough!" I snapped.

"Well, if you'd put that damn phone down and focused, I might be able to try harder! We've go fifteen minutes left so we could get something done. You're like attached to the thing, put it down so I can actually learn how to do the moves right." He rolled his eyes and I glared down at the phone.

"I'm waiting for a –" at that moment the cell phone in my hand rang and I answered it breathlessly. "Hello?"

"Rose, is that you?" a voice said on the other side of the line and I was so relieved that my knees almost gave.

"Mom?"
"Yes, Rose, now why did you want me to call you? And what number is this?" she shot the questions at me and I walked away from Dereck with a finger in one ear and the phone to the other.

"I needed you to call so I could tell you that you need to get out of where ever the hell you are. Are you at Lord Szelsky's house?" I asked in a low voice.

"Yes, why? What are you talking about Rose?" she demanded. "Say it straight,"

"You're going to die!" I yelled into the receiver. "Do you understand me? Strigoi are going to raid Lord Szelsky's house and they are going to kill you all. They're going to break your neck,"

"How do you know this?" she was all business now and I could just imagine her planning out everything as she paced in her room.

"Do you remember my problem?" I asked sarcastically. "Well, yeah, there is some serious shit going on with my head and I kind of had some type of vision- about you. You died guarding Lord Szelsky," I said stonily; this was my chance to see if I could detach myself from the problem that was being thrown at me.

"When?" she asked.

"I don't know when or really care, you just need to get the fuck out of there, now." I urged.

"Rose, you said that you know this from kind of having a vision? How am I supposed to believe something like that? Really, Rose," I could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"Believe me, please," I begged. I had to keep her safe; maybe I could manage to not hurt one more person for now. There was quiet on the other side of the line, but I knew she was still there because I could hear her breathing.

"Where do you want us to go? There are four Moroi and two guardians, including me," she asked softly and I whopped silently.

"Um…the Royal Court," I decided.

"Why?"

"Because the wards are very strong and it's a good place to be for the Moroi and you can do whatever you want there. No one can make you leave and you can just get a jet to fly there, it is the best place you can you, totally safe, so you and your Moroi won't be in any danger." I nodded to myself, inwardly thinking that I was very good at persuasion. "I will meet you there tomorrow," I added without thinking then I mentally kicked myself.

"Where are you, Rose?" she asked suspiciously.

"I am at an Academy," I answered curtly.

"And where is this academy?"

"Mom, we don't have time for this, just go to the Court and I'll meet you there tomorrow." I hedged, hoping that I would get the best outcome that I could hope for. The worst thing that could happen is…running into Lissa or someone else I know.

"Will you explain then?"

I paused only briefly before saying, "Yes, I'll explain then,"

"Alright," she sighed. "Okay, bye, Rose,"

"I'll see you tomorrow," I snapped my phone shut and closed my eyes. Had I just saved six lives or made a fool of myself?

"Rose?"

I turned and saw Dereck's shocked and expectant face staring at me. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded.

I sighed. "Well, I've got some serious business to take care of and that means that I'll be leaving for a day or two," I clapped him on the back. "Now I have to go see Alexander," I said aloud. I was surprised and I just shrugged and shouldered my sweater as I headed towards the door. "I'll set something up for your training so you won't have to worry about it," I called over my shoulder to him.

"Rose wait!" he ran up to me and stood in front blocking my way to the door out. "Why are you leaving?"

"That's none of your business, Dereck," I said curtly as I looked up at him. I hated it how he was taller than me! I was supposed to be the authoritative one here.

"Rose, I heard what you said on the phone, I'm no idiot," he said as he looked down his nose at me.

I took a step back so he couldn't do that. "Well, that is debatable considering the completely idiotic way you acted yesterday, and to me, I am your mentor." I ground out, remembering how he'd called me a blood whore.

"I lost it, okay? I do that sometimes when I lose my temper," he ran a hand through his hair and looked away as he let out a big breath.

"No, Dereck it is not okay, what you did was totally inappropriate," I snapped.

"And the punishment you gave me wasn't inappropriate?" he sneered. "That was okay? To make your student do so many push ups and sit ups that they can hardly walk?"

"Oh please," I rolled my eyes. "You could walk just fine and you were well enough to pour water all over me," I glared at him and he glared back. "You know what? I don't have time for this now, I will set up something with one of the other guardians so you will miss none of your training sessions, have a good day, Mr Hays, and this lesson is dismissed." I stormed out past Dereck and out of the gym…I needed to find Alexander.

*****

I had told Alexander that I was needed at the Royal Court tomorrow and he wanted to come with me, I agreed and told him all about the situation on our way to the Academy's private jet. He made me promise that I would explain everything to him on the jet, I agreed to that too. I wasn't looking forward to explaining things to him, but I knew I would have to.

Now I was sitting beside him on the Academy's private jet and I'd just explained that I was shadow kissed to him, I also told him that Leo was too.

"Alright, so you are shadow kissed? Like Anna, Vladimir's guardian?" he asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

I nodded. "Yeah,"

"Okay, we'll need to get into that with more detail another time, but what I want to know is…why are you in Siberia and not with Princess Dragomir?"

I froze and stared at him for a long time, not saying anything.

"Rose, aren't we past the secrets? And didn't you say that you'd want to know as much information about a new guardian under your charge?" he asked softly and I nodded slowly.

I took a deep breath. "There was someone…that I was really close to. When we went to go get the people that the Strigoi had taken when they fled…he died. Then I found out that he didn't die, it was something worse. He's Strigoi and I came here looking for him, hoping to kill him; we'd made that promise to each other a long time ago- but it wasn't a verbal promise, we just knew that the other would do it by the way the conversation went. I did find him…he's in Siberia and I'm going to kill him." I said quietly and when I finally built up the courage to look up at Alexander, he looked sad. For me. I was now totally confused. He was sad for me?

"I am so sorry," he said softly and he reached out to squeeze my hand and I let him. I look away with tears in my eyes, not for Dimitri, I've learned to hold my composure for him; the tears were for the compassion Alexander was showing me. Guardians were always so solid, remote and cold like a brick wall; but Alexander – right at that moment…it made me cry. I was miserable and delighted to see some feeling so strong out of someone so hard.

Looking back at him, the tears slipped over, I was unable to hold so many back. I gave him a small smile and close my eyes as I gently lean my head on his shoulder. I so desperately needed some support, some comfort. I needed so much for someone to tell me everything was going to be okay, even though I knew I wouldn't. I needed someone to hold me up; just for a little while; I couldn't keep going like this, no normal person could withstand so much pain.

But you're not normal, Rose, that bitch of a voice sneered in my head. I shoved it aside and let Alexander wrap his arms around me gently. When I turned by face into the crook of his neck and leaned into him, slipping my arms around his waist, Alexander just held me tighter.

"I'm so, so sorry, Rose," he whispered into my hair and I turned my face right into his neck. "I'm so, so sorry that something so" he swore in Russian. "terrible could happen to you,"

I laughed into his skin and he pulled back, just slightly, so he could look down on me. "What's so funny?" he asked confused.

I wiped my eyes, but the tears kept coming; for Dimitri and for what a truly beautiful person Alexander was. I gave him a sad smile. "He – he was Russian and never swore in English, he swore in Russian, so I know what words are swear words, but I don't know what they mean."

Alexander didn't smile, he just looked at me so sadly, which only brought more tears and I sank back into his arms. There was something about the way he was holding me, the way that he was running his hand through my hair, the way he was rubbing my back, it was…almost protective. He was protective of me.

I didn't know what to make of that.

"It's okay, sweetie, we'll get through this," he cooed into my ear.

And we just sat there, me crying silently into his neck and him whispering softly to me.

****

At some point, I didn't have anymore strength to hold myself up at all, so I went limp, letting Alexander hold all my weight.

I guess he had to piss of something because he gently leaned me against my seat and he got up to leave his. "I'll be back," he whispered before he'd left. I kept my eyes closed, but gave a feeble nod.

When he came back, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead softly. "Sleep well, sweetie,"

*****

I woke up to someone gently brushing hair out of my face. I opened my eyes and found myself looking straight into Alexander's tender eyes.

"Hmm…" I sighed and lifted my hand to my face. I noticed that there was something odd about my angle, looking around; I saw that I was horizontal. And across Alexander's lap. What the fuck?

Seeing my confused look, Alexander said, "You move quite a bit when you sleep," he smiled kindly down at me. "Then you fell on my lap and looked very peaceful,"

I blushed and sat up as I ran a hand through my hair, wow - that was the only though I had. I sighed and shook my head, not looking at Alexander. "Well, we've got to go find my mother and…" I paused and looked over my shoulder at him through my vale of dark hair. "And thank you," I said sincerely.

He touched a hand to my cheek very lightly. "Anytime, sweetie,"

The way he said 'sweetie' it wasn't like a boyfriend sweetie, it was more like…a father sweetie, but not. Like a loving and protecting friend who cared for his child. Unlike my father, I thought bitterly. I'd never even known my father; I'd never even seen the bastard.

"Rose?" Alexander said from behind me, putting a hand on my back. "We've got to go,"

I nodded and stood. "Right,"

We were handed our bags when we were off the plane and we both shouldered them and started walking towards the main entrance to the whole Court. We were accompanied by two guardians on our way, one girl and one boy.

They both knew Alexander, so they chatted cheerily and Alexander introduced me to both of them; the girl's name was Natalia and the boy's was Ivan. I smiled and nodded distractedly, now that I was focused on my mom, the worry settled over me—had they gotten her as she was leaving? Was I too late?