. . . . .
The phone rang and Alice's tinselly voice was on the other end. She was calling to tell me Edward's hunting trip was extended. Of course.
So, with nowhere else to go, I found myself driving toward La Push. I hadn't been there in weeks. Lately, my time had been taken up by Edward, school and more Edward, and I just hadn't found the time to see Jacob. But I suddenly had the strangest urge to see him. I knew he wasn't expecting me, but I was pretty sure I'd find him in his shop tinkering on some sort of vehicle.
I was right.
I'd parked, slammed my truck door and stood at the open shop door watching him. I finally walked up behind him and put my hands on his bare waist before he noticed I was there. My touch startled him, and he jumped up, whacking his head on the hood of the car he was buried under.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" I giggled and bit my lip, reaching for him as he rubbed the back of his head, grinning sheepishly.
"Cold hands there, Swan. Jeez!" He recovered quickly, pulling me into a crushing bear hug before I could catch my breath. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Oh, you know. Stuff…" I fidgeted and kicked at the ground. I had no excuses; I was just a bad friend.
"Ah, 'stuff.' But what kind of 'stuff' could be more important than the 'stuff' you're missing out on with your best friend?" He smiled cockeyed at me, and I was blasted with a wave of guilt. But Jake lightly cuffed my shoulder and handed me a grease-stained rag. "Here. Help me clean off these tools and then we can go do something else."
. . . . .
Jake uncomfortably held the door open for me. "Are you sure you want to hang out here? It's nothing special."
I shook my head at him. "It's fine. Your house is cozy, what are you being weird about?"
"I don't know, it's just not that nice. I wish I had somewhere great to take you."
I flopped down on his small, unmade bed. "This is great. You're here, and that's what I'm here for."
Jake sat on the floor and I lay down on my stomach so we were eye-to-eye.
"So really, what have you been up to?" He settled back, kicking off his big brown boots.
"Nothing. Lots of homework and school stuff, that's about it. I've done nothing exciting in so long."
"That leech still keeping you busy to keep you away from me? He knows he'd be in trouble if I got to spend any quality time with you." Jake winked, but there was an edge of seriousness to his voice.
"He's not keeping me away from you." I rolled my eyes and flailed my arm toward him. "I just thought it would be better to make myself scarce. You know… because… well, you know…"
"Know what?" He leaned forward, confused.
I didn't want to get into it, so I redirected the conversation.
"Oh, I've heard the rumors, Jacob Black. Don't be coy." I leaned toward him, putting on my best disapproving face.
He wrinkled up his face and shook his head, not understanding.
"It's all over town, Jake. You can't keep a secret from me. Everyone's saying you and Leah Clearwater…" I stopped short and shrugged my shoulders suggestively. His face registered the implication.
"Oh, that's it, Swan!" Jake lunged forward with a playful growl, his knees on either side of me, pinning me to the bed, his huge hands tickling my waist. I shrieked and tried to wrestle free, but he was way too big for me to escape. I gasped for breath, tears welling in my eyes. He didn't let up, laughing along with me and finding ticklish spots I didn't know I had. I was lost in a tangle of sheets and blankets. Jake brought down a pillow lightly on my head. I pushed it away, giving him a chance at my exposed stomach when my tee-shirt peeled up a few inches, revealing more ground for him to attack. He didn't waste the opportunity.
"I'm… going to… pee!" I gasped, in between half-screams, kicking and flailing as best I could under his weight.
That stopped him, and he let go, moving backwards. Unbalanced and suddenly free, I slid off of the bed and landed in a pile at his knees. He was still laughing, and his face was red. I huffed under my mop of disheveled hair, pulling my shirt down and trying to catch my breath. He leaned forward, his hand moved a thick lock of hair from in front of my eyes and tucked it behind my right ear. I heard my breath rush out in a ragged sigh.
The air was instantly tense, thick. I blinked up at Jake and tried to ignore the tingling in my spine. He just smiled and settled back onto the floor, crossing his arms over his chest and looking a little too satisfied with himself.
. . . . .
"What did you do while I was gone?" Edward stared across the table at me while I picked through my lunch.
"Oh, you know. Homework." I wasn't sure I wanted to admit to having seen Jake. The way we'd left it had been just a little too awkward and I was afraid I'd blush or give it away if I said anything to Edward. The last thing I needed was an argument or to send him into a fit of the silent treatment.
"Did you see anyone?"
So he knew.
"Uh, yeah." I tried to make my answer nonchalant. "I went over to La Push on Sunday afternoon. I hadn't seen Jake in a while and thought it might be a good chance to do it. You know, since I'd gotten all my homework done early so I could hang out with you on Sunday night." I didn't mean it to sound passive-aggressive, but it had come out that way.
"Oh." Edward looked down at the table and nodded slowly, his bottom jaw jutting out slightly.
"He was working on his car, so we just chatted. I was only over there for a little bit…" I was lost as to what excuse to give. I didn't mention that the car repairs ended soon after I got there and we'd been chatting in his room. Or the tickle-fight incident. My cheeks flushed with the memory and I stuck a big bite of salad into my mouth.
"It's ok. I don't care if you were hanging out with him. I just wish you didn't feel like it was a secret you needed to keep." He looked put out and I didn't want to get into it.
I mumbled something through my mouthful of lettuce and waved my right hand. He redirected the conversation awkwardly and I saw Alice and Jasper come around the corner. Saved. Sort of.
Alice eyed me cautiously before waving hi. She was being standoffish lately, and I didn't know what to make of it. But sometimes Alice was strange—well, stranger than usual—so ignored it. If something was up, she'd tell me. After all, we were friends and we were going to be sisters forever. I waved at Jasper, too, but he wasn't looking in my direction.
I watched them gently shoving each other, pretending to fight over the single remaining chair at our table. I wondered what it would be like to be that happy with one person for the rest of eternity.
"Aren't you going to eat anything else?" Edward's voice interrupted my thoughts. He picked up my yogurt and pushed it toward me gently.
My frustration got the best of me and I shot back. "Please, Edward. Stop it. I feel like you're trying to make every decision for me lately."
Jasper suddenly stopped teasing Alice and stared at the floor, glowering.
"I'm not doing it." He spoke slowly and flatly. "I can't do this."
"Jasper, you know it's what's right." Edward spoke so quietly I could barely hear him.
Jasper's eyes flashed up to meet Edwards and his lips curled into a snarl. "Don't ask me to do it again."
We all turned and watched him stalk out of the cafeteria.
I turned to Edward. "What was that about?"
He looked over at Alice and shook his head, almost imperceptibly.
"Nothing. Jasper's just having a hard time being around you."
"Me?" I looked at Edward, then Alice. "Why me?"
"It's just that he's having a hard time… with control."
"Ok, seriously, Edward. What is going on here? Jasper's been fine around me for a really long time. Are you saying he's going to lose control around me again?"
"He is in control, he just doesn't always like it."
"So he doesn't want to be in control? Like, he wants to hurt me?" I didn't understand what he was saying to me. Alice shot Edward a strained look.
"Guys!" I threw my hands up in frustration.
"No, that's not it. It's—it's complicated, Bella. I can't explain it. He'll be fine. Everything will be just fine."
"I don't want him to be just fine, Edward. I want us all to be good again. I feel like I'm making life really hard for you—all of you—all the time. It's not fair to Jasper for me to just walk into your lives and expect him to deal with all the stress of being close to me. It's not fair to any of you."
"It's not like that, Bella ," Alice interjected, staring at Edward the whole time. "Jasper loves you; he really does . He just is having an extra hard struggle right now. It's nothing you're doing."
She folded her hands to mask the fact that she'd balled them up into tiny fists while she was talking. Then she pushed her chair away from the table and followed Jasper's exit.
I looked to Edward, who was looking absently at his hands, studying their cold, white perfection.
"Edward, really. I don't want to hurt Jasper. It's not fair…" I pleaded.
"Bella, end of discussion. It's not you, it's just the way things are. The way things have to be."
I didn't like his answer, but I let it lie. I knew the conversation was over by the look in his eye.
. . . . .