Chapter 2

I'm wasn't too sure how long I stayed in that ditch. Nor was I aware of how I got into it in the first place. All I really knew was that I couldn't muster up the will to leave it. How could I? I couldn't exactly ignore what had happened. What I had done.

A small part of my mind tried to rationalize it, tried to say that it wasn't my fault, to say that it was out of my control. Another part tried to tell me that I wasn't sure whether the kid was even dead at all, and that I couldn't jump to conclusions, since I didn't fully understand the situation. In a way, both parts were right... I didn't know what had happened, nor was I sure that I had caused it to happen.

But at the same time, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was simply trying to delude myself. Those parts in my mind were drowned out by a larger voice, more overbearing as it rose from that sinking pit in my gut. After all, regardless of how or why it happened, nothing could change the fact that it still happened. No amount of rationalization could tear my mind away, and nothing in my mind would dare allow me to forget: The child was gone, and only I remained. I couldn't help the child, and instead stole his place in the world.

... And the worst part of all this? I don't even know his name. Here I was, suddenly hijacking a child who had wanted to help someone, spiriting away his body and life, and I didn't even have the common decency to learn his name.

His home, his family, his friends... I knew none of that. Who he was, what he wanted, who he wanted to be; all forever lost, just because of something that I still didn't understand.. What he liked, disliked, what he thought was important or unimportant. Favourite foods, least favourite song... The list goes on and on. Little pieces of information that made a life a life, little goals and aspirations that made a person a person.

All gone.

... It was raining now. A single cold droplet hit my-... my cheek. The sun from earlier had waned, and dark clouds now filled the sky. A heavy wind blew, kicking up dirt and debris, knocking pieces of junk into the ditch where I lay. My eyes followed one such piece, as a piece of wood-broken off from who knows where-fell in. The dull pain as it hit my finger barely registered in my mind, and my eyes stared hazily at the piece as it came to a rest in my dirt-stained palm.

Dirt-stained?

My eyes drifted down to my arm, only to find it caked in mud and more dirt, the wet ground soaking into the sleeve of my jacket as a cold sensation bled through the fabric. And as I noticed that cold sensation, the rest of my nerves came back to life, a chill running up my spine as I felt my body, half-buried in the sopping earth.

But, despite the uncomfortable sensation of wet dirt, chilling rain, and rolling winds, I simply didn't want to get up. It was a struggle just to move my arm, and the more I stared at the stained sleeve, the more I was reminded of that fact that neither these clothes nor my body were actually mine. And because of that, the one thing that was mine had had absolutely no desire to rise up from the ground. For a few short moments, I contemplated closing my eyes, embracing the water that was slowly filling that ditch.

But I couldn't.

I wasn't sure what it was, but a small feeling sparked inside me, subtly pushing at the corner of my mind each time I contemplated the thought. It wasn't even a proper feeling, the sensation something closer to a vague haze of... doubt, I guess? Not the same doubt that sprung up whenever I questioned myself, but the kind you get when you're sure that there's something you forgot to do. With that said, I knew exactly what I forgot to do.

I forgot to save the damned kid, didn't I? The whole reason I had acted in the first place was to help that child. I even had that hallucination with the dead priest, just to save the child. And now I was... well, okay, now I was just repeating the same oppressive thought over and over and over.

Was that why that feeling lingered? Because I kept focusing on that one thing? If so, then what else was I supposed to consider? The only other thing that happened from that horrible situation was that I somehow ended up with the kid's body. That, and the fact that I had spent the past however-long wallowing in a ditch in self-pity over it.

A part of my chest rose as that thought flashed into my mind.

Yeah. That was all I was doing now, wasn't it? Not only did I somehow hijack that kid's body, I was now wasting it away here in a ditch, doing nothing about it. What the hell was I doing with my life? Though... I guess that it's with his life now, or at least what was left of it.

And isn't that a sobering thought? To add insult to injury, all I did after stealing his life was waste it away, needlessly casting it into a ditch for no reason but angst. Maybe that's why some part of my mind nagged at me.

Slowly, I began to move.

I hadn't noticed how sore my legs were, but as I gradually stretched out, I felt the numbing cold give way to pained tension. My arms and legs alike shuddered uneasily as I struggled against the mud, gradually forcing my body to rise as I pulled myself onto my feet. After all, I couldn't let his completely go to waste; that would be the worst offense to commit.

The wind seemed to intensify as I climbed out of the ditch, feeling more of the billowing cold as I slowly searched my surroundings. Like I said, I wasn't sure how long I had lingered in that ditch, and now that I've decided to not throw away this life, I needed to follow through. All around me were snapped branches and toppled debris, all uprooted by the violent winds and scattered about in an expansive mess. Broken fences, crumbled tiles... There wasn't too much in the way of useful stuff.

My eyes fell on a large sheet of fabric, half-torn as it was caught against the end of a half-buried plank. I had no clue what was actually useful and what was junk, but cloth could help, right? At the very least, I could use it to block off some of the wind.

I took my first step, then lost balance as my step ended early, my foot stopping against the ground far sooner than I had expected. A quick glance downwards was all it took to remind me that I was now stuck in the body of a... 5 year old? A toddler? Like I said, I knew nothing about the child. At any rate, I made my way over to the fabric, gathering it up into a messy bundle of cloth. I had also intended to grab the plank for good measure, but... Yeah, can't exactly carry it all.

There's a thought. I'm the equivalent of a five-year-old. Even if I've suddenly resolved to live, how exactly do I go about doing it? This was Tales of the Abyss, complete with monsters. Not to mention that I had no idea where I was. I mean, if I was lucky, there there would be some sort of aid or rescue team to help pick up the pieces of whatever happened here. But if I wasn't?

Living is hard. Food, shelter, water... I didn't have the power to get any of those, at least not on my own. And that's not considering the fact that I couldn't defend myself. I mean, it'd be one thing if I knew how to fight, or knew how to use magic, but the closest thing to combat that I knew of was Martial arts... and even my knowledge in that wasn't too great. There was simply no getting around the fact that I was in a child's body, with no one to cling to for help. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought.

But it's not like I had any other choice.

It's night now. And fortunately for me, I had gotten lucky in my search. Maybe I did have help from somewhere.

There was a ruined town or something close to the ditch that I had been laying in, and a few hours of skulking through the collapsed buildings had awarded me with a few supplies. Nothing fancy, really, and nothing that would last more than a day or so, but it was still a stroke of good fortune. Despite the water damage, I had still gathered a small pile of bread and fruit from the abandoned neighborhood. But, perhaps more important than food supplies, I had found makeshift shelter for the night.

The building I was currently holed up in used to be a warehouse or something, and carried a bunch of things that had once been trade goods. Broken pottery, flooded tapestry, ripped paintings... all that and more were haphazardly scattered around the room, amidst broken shelves, shattered crates, and torn sacks. Most of the place was collapsed, however, and it'd take a good few days to search through the rubble. Not that perishable foods would last that long, but it should still serve as a source of... stuff.

Stuff like this loose collection of staves. Tucked near the back, alongside similar boxes in less-than-usable condition, was a box of staves that had barely survived the accident. At least, I think it was an accident, considering how strong the winds and waters still were.

Regardless, the point was, despite the numerous splintered shafts of wood, there were still a few of these decorated sticks that hadn't been completely destroyed. They were impressively made, smooth wooden sticks with sharp, metallic ornaments at the tip. Really, I was just happy with the fact that these sticks had a sharp metal bit to them, since I could probably could use them to cut things, in lieu of a proper knife. Hopefully.

Besides weapons that I could barely carry, I had uncovered another thing of interest: Sacks of... stuff. I wasn't quite sure what they were, but they were clearly made of rough fibers, and while most of them had been torn or soaked, a fair portion of them still remained relatively pristine. Since I was currently inside a warehouse, I had been quite hopeful that they were sacks of grains or rice or something, and I had spent the past few hours trying to get at them. Well, them, and that rack of dried fish behind them.

Okay, I might've only noticed the fish at first, and spotted the sacks later. Not that it mattered, since they were both locked away.

My entrance into the warehouse had been through a collapsed wall, and that hole had brought me to the place where people kept valuable wares locked away. Unfortunately, since I was inside the apparent vault, that meant that there were very visible metal bars separating the room I was in from the room with those sacks. At first, I had tried to slip through the bars, what with being a child and all, but whoever designed the things had apparently made them child-proof: The bars were barely wide enough for me to fit my arm through, let alone my entire body.

So now, I was searching through the each and every box I could find, in some vain hope that I'd uncover something useful. But, rather than a key or crowbar, all I found were books and jewelry, neither of which helped my immediate situation. I mean, it wasn't like I could understand the language or anything. And what good was a fancy stone going to do for me? I mean, unless it was magic or something... But even if it was magic, I wouldn't know the first step to using it. So yeah, not exactly all that helpful. Time to check the nex-

A howl.

My eyes immediately turned away from the box, shifting to the direction of the sound. In the distance, I saw the silhouette of animals, probably wolves given the howl, and my blood chilled. I wasn't adverse to fighting them, since I was now armed with a pointy stick, and the entrance into the building had a chokepoint I could work around. Still, I wasn't exactly experienced in fighting animals either, and I had less confidence in my five-year-old body than I did in my... my... However old I was body.

No time to think on that, though. Without wasting another moment, I made my way back to the collapsed wall, struggling as best as I could to move some obstacles in the way. I had pushed a few obstacles in the way earlier, but that was more the result of searching through the room. Now, I had to make a concerted effort to build a proper barricade. After all, wolves weren't really known for climbing over half-destroyed desks and chairs, at least not while dodging stabs from an oversized stick.

At least, I hope they weren't.

... This was a terrible idea. Even if I could stab a wolf, what good would it do? I didn't have enough strength to kill it outright, nor did even I know where I was supposed to stab it. And wouldn't hurting it just cause it to struggle harder? I should be working towards deterrence or something... I mean, they're animals, so they should have instincts and stuff, right? Maybe I could ward them off with fire. You know, assuming I knew how to create a fire from nothing.

Oh, and assuming that it wasn't their instincts that led them here in the first place. If they instinctively knew that I was a helpless child ready to be eaten, I doubt they'd be dissuaded by a torch or bonfire. But whatever the case was, I still had no choice but to protect myself. So, armed with a staff-spear and a pile of rubble, I waited.

And waited.

... And waited some more. They should've at least approached by now, right? I mean, I could still hear their howls, but it sounded like they were just as far away now as they had been before. Curiosity took over, and I carefully stepped over to the makeshift barricade I had made, peeking through the shelves and tables as I tried to spot out the wolves.

It didn't take long. They were where I had spotted them before, atop a distant hill. However, there were other shapes in the darkness, moving against the wolves, snarling with their own voices as low growls echoed from the shadows. I guess there were more monsters here besides the wolves, and they didn't enjoy playing nice with each other. As I strained my eyes, I spotted one of the shapes as it charged at another, and while their actual features were completely lost to the dark, there was no mistaking the lunges and tackles between the two silhouettes.

Maybe the howl wasn't meant for me, after all. Or maybe it was, and the wolves had simply attracted the attention of that other monster pack. Either way, their conflict gave me time to fortify my defensive junk wall, and after another few minutes of strenuous activity, I had managed to add a half-bookshelf to the pile. I would've added more, but after moving that last piece of broken furniture, I had found something far more important than any piece of rubble.

Hidden behind that fallen shelf was a rack of weapons. And while the spears, halberds, and longswords all looked impressive in their own right, my eyes fell onto one thing in particular.

I had found a crossbow.

Honestly, I didn't remember there being any crossbows in the game. I mean, there were certainly bows and archery, and it wasn't like the technology level of the setting couldn't support crossbows, but... Yeah, I couldn't remember any actual crossbows. Maybe I just forgot, given how long it had been since I had played the game. Or maybe it was just an item in the background that you never could've interacted with, at least in game.

Whatever the case might've been, what mattered now was that I had one in my possession. And while it was too heavy for a child to use properly, the fact remained that I could still use it. The crossbow itself was pretty heavy, at least for a brat like me, but that didn't mean I couldn't lug it around. It didn't take too long for me to find a fallen table to prop it up against and over the course of the next five minutes, I gathered as many bolts as I could to that spot.

I'd need every advantage I could find, and-

A sound echoed from outside, and my eyes narrowed. Something fell over, or someone knocked, or something. Part of me wanted to check out what it was, but there was a high chance that it had simply been the result of some monster rummaging about. Then again... there was the faint possibility that it wasn't a monster, and it was some other person who had also gotten wrapped up in this accident. I mean, my barricade was very obviously man-made, and there was still a high chance that people were around.

Still, I wasn't going to take any chances. Keeping one eye at the entrance, I quickly cranked my crossbow, loading a bolt into the weapon as I waited for something to happen. Fortunately, nothing came, and after a few moments, my weapon was ready. I still wasn't sure whether it was a person or monster, but the noise hadn't sounded out again, so...

"... Hello?"

Movement, but no response. That narrowed the options down a lot, and I leaned closer to my crossbow, fixing it towards the entrance. "If someone's there, say something."

Again, movement, but no other response. This didn't fill me with any confidence, since I had no idea what to expect. A monster would've charged in after my first few words, whereas a person would've said something. Even if there was a language thing-which I'm not too sure about, since I understood the kid and priest just fine-the person would've still tried to speak.

Yet, nothing but silence came. If that was the case, then there was a chance that this was neither a monster nor a person.

But what did that leave? Not that many options, unfortunately. About the only thing I could think of were... Bandits. And the moment I thought of it, I grew more worried. I was just a kid, and whoever was out there could definitely hear it in my voice. If it was a bandit or someone actively malicious, then... Well, people were far harder to deal with than mindless animals. My only hope would be to trick them or something, but I wasn't confident in my ability to do that.

Then again, I didn't need to trick them much. If they were just bandits, and they thought I was some defenseless kid, then they wouldn't immediately attack me, right? I took a deep breath, a plan already forming in my mind, my hand reflexively clenching around the crossbow stock as I did so. If they weren't expecting me, then I could...

My breathing hitched. A shudder coursed through me. Doubt already began to gnaw at my throat as my eyes fell to that fabric sheet I had brought along. Slowly, with a single shaking hand, I draped it over the crossbow, taking care not to touch the firing trigger even as I hid the weapon from view. There was no way that that thin cloth could've offered any resistance against a crossbow bolt, which meant that I had an advantage.

But at the same time... Could I really...?

"... I-I don't want any trouble." I threw my voice out to the still air. I didn't even need to fake the nervousness in my words as I did so, my eyes nervously darting between the doorway and the murderous item I had tucked away. No matter how much I rationalized it in my mind, the pit in my throat never faded. And yet, despite my warning, another noise erupted from the dark, this one louder than the last.

"P... please... Don't come in here." It was barely a whisper at this point, my eyes glued to the dark. Hearing nothing, I swallowed, raising my voice once more as I stressed the words. "G-go away! Please!"

That's when I noticed the desperation in my voice. My eyes fell, only to find the silhouette of the crossbow clearly visible underneath the fabric, pointed down and away from the doorway. My hands were tense, sweating, and my entire body was numb with cold, almost paralyzed by the sheer prospect of... of...

The air was still.

And no other sound erupted for the rest of the night.