CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR- DEFENDING MY PRIDE ON BOTH SIDES

Hey there, i'm sorry this chapter is pretty short and moves really fast but i wanted to get another one out there as soon as possible for you guys. if there is any confusion, please feel free to tell me about it and i'll be glad to explain.

and to one of my reviewers, tash, i think she calle herself, i'm going to answer your question about what a dark angel was. it was actually an idea from one of my reviewers, '.
i'm thinking that Rose's dark angel meaning to me is sort of like...hmm, a dark guardian, not a dhampir guardian though. i mean like, Rose is protecting the ones she loves, but she's dark because of her troubled life, being shadow kissed, being tied to a strigoi, a brooding attitude but she's also strong. she's got so many responsibilities that she puts onto herself, thinking she can handle it all on her own. she's brave and courageous, ready to take on anything, ready to sacrifice herself to save those who are dear to her. she's ready to give up everything, for a chance at saving everyone else. So i'm thinking that by putting herself out there for everyone else, ready to do anything, she's got a very honourable title as an angel.
And if you think about it some...how many people think of Rose as thier own personal angel?

I stomped off in the opposite direction and off toward the gym.

"Rose!" he called after me and started to follow. "Rose, what are you doing?"

"Showing you a lesson. You cannot make up lies to serve as excuse for your cowardice to my mother," I hissed and kept walking. That kept Alexander silent for the rest of the journey to the gym. As soon as the door closed behind him, I turned on Alexander and threw a strong kick aimed at his head. His expression was shocked as he automatically blocked the blow then went to another look as he began to fight back.

Hard hits were taken and given by both of us and I got a good kick on his ribs that I would have been proud of under any other circumstances, but now was not the time to admire my own fighting skills.

"Rose, you've got to listen to me," Alexander panted after some time, we were both breathing heavily.

"That is obvious, Alexander, she's a guardian, she kills all the time," I snorted but I had an uneasy feeling building in my stomach.

Alexander caught me by surprise as he pounced forward and gripped my shoulders tightly, he put his face close to mine, his eyes held a frantic desire and a deep, heart-felt apology. "No, no, Rose, that's not what I mean. I am talking about; murder, of a person, a dhampir."

I went cold all over my body and the bitter became more pronounced, my hair was in front of my face but I'm sure it didn't hide my eyes which I was sure that he could read just as easily I as I could his. "What, exactly, do you mean, Alexander?" I said slowly and distinctly.

"Rose, listen to me," he moved closer so we were only inches apart. "Your mother, Janine Hathaway…she had killed a dhampir, not by accident or mistake. On purpose, she intentionally drove her stake through his heart."

"W-" I swallowed and steadied myself. Remote and cool, like a guardian, like Dimitri. I straightened my shoulders and said clearly, "Who did she kill and why?"

Alexander seemed surprised at my sudden change but he answered my question. "She killed someone you knew, but you only will remember him vaguely…your uncle?" he said it like a question. "Do you remember your Uncle Peter?"

I sensed that somewhere deep down I should know someone by that name, but I didn't really, I couldn't even pick out picture, just a feeling. I shook my head negatively.

"Your Uncle Peter was a great guardian and your mother had to call him over to watch you, because she wanted to get back to her guardian duties right away, so she had to go check with Lord Szelsky to see if she could get her position back. I was there as well, seeing as your mother and I were good friends, I was going with her. She had dressed in her old guardian clothes; she'd been working out to fit back into them. She had her stake on her and when Peter came, he was standing at the door with a man behind him. That man was your father.

"Janine was furious that Peter would bring Ibrahim to where she was staying. She was going to go for your father but I threw myself in front and deflected her slow attack, though Peter, who probably thought she wouldn't be in enough practice or still have enough strength to drive a stake through a body, just stood there, holding his hands up, starting to offer an explanation when Janine pulled her stake and…she killed him." Alexander's voice broke like a child that was trying to hold back tears. I felt the urge to pull him into my arms and comfort him.

NO, at least not until he's actually crying. I watched silently as he bowed his head and shook it slowly. "I regret not stopping her every single day; I regret not being the one that she didn't kill." He admitted quietly and a single tear ran down his face.

"Oh, Alexander…" my voice trailed off as I watched another tear follow oh so slowly after the other one and drop down onto the training mat. That single drop stood out like a neon sign in a forest. I couldn't help myself so I reached out and pulled Alexander into my arms in a tight hug, he held me just as tightly.

"Rose, I'm so sorry, I should have stopped your mother from doing anything, I'm so, so sorry," he gasped and his whole body shook with sobs, I held him tighter.

"I am too, Alexander, I am too,"

Alexander and I walked back to the guardian dorm in a comfortable silence; we both had a lot to think about. My mother, Janine Hathaway, was a murderer, just because she couldn't control her temper.

"Rose," Alexander was saying. "Rose, I want you to come up to my room,"

It was an awkward question, but I didn't feel the need to point that out. "Why? What do you need me for?" I asked quietly as we stopped just outside the door to the guardian building.

"I want to show you something…if that's okay?" he added just as quietly.

"Yeah," I nodded with a small sad smile. "Yeah, it's okay,"

Alexander led me up to his room and ushered me through the door and closed it quietly behind us. His room, I thought at first, was very plain, but then I noticed that it was just a lot cleaner than my own room. Looking around, I could see that he liked to read Stephen King books; almost every single book in the room was by him. I raised my eyebrows at that but didn't comment because some pretty unexpected things could be found in my own room. He had a desk just off to the side that was covered with some very official looking papers, he had a lamp beside his bed on a nightstand and the bed was made perfectly, his closet doors were closed and there were no clothes lying around so I assumed that all his clothes were neatly tucked away in labelled separate shelves and cubbies like everything else pretty much was.

Alexander was pulling out one of the side drawers in his desk and he quietly dug through it before taking hold of something, looking at it for a bit then coming over to hand it to me. It was a picture, a picture of a handsome man with my mother's same red hair holding a baby.

My throat closed on me. "W-who is this?" I chocked out, I finally ripped my eyes away from the picture and met Alexander's sorrowful eyes. We stood staring at each other before Alexander finally said, "That's you as a baby…and that is Peter, your Uncle Peter."

There was a huge lump in my throat and my eyes were wet. I felt strong and comforting arms go around my waist. I leaned into Alexander and let a few tears escape.

"Thank you," I said brokenly after a few minutes and I tried to steady my voice before continuing. "I-I'm so sorry, I was so…" my voice faded as I struggled to find a word for my despicable behaviour.

"I know, Rose, don't worry. We all have our moments of weakness,"

"But- but I don't want to be weak!"

"Rose, I didn't mean that, you're stronger than anyone I've ever know…but I've been wondering…" his voice trailed off as if he were hesitant to say something. Something that might provoke me.

Look at me, I thought sourly, I'm a wreck, I'm sobbing, I'm weak. No, I'm nothing if I'm weak, what have I always prided myself on? Being strong, being the one to hold it all together. That's what I am, I am Rose Hathaway and I will not break.

I slowly pulled away from Alexander and wiped the last of my tears away. I put down a wall, a solid brick wall. No emotion, no weakness.

"What were you wondering about?" Alexander immediately recognized the change in my voice, my posture and so obviously how closed my eyes were now. They showed no emotion, nothing to be read, nothing to be felt.

"Rose…" he started, then after a deep breath, he continued in a desperate flurry, "you don't have to be strong all the time, you're only human."

"But that's it, isn't it? I'm not human, I'm a dhampir – hell, I'm not even sure if I'm a dhampir anymore. I'm a renegade guardian to everyone back at St Vlad's in Montana, I'm an outcast. I've betrayed the system, I've left the Academy and everyone thinks I'm either a coward or a blood whore, nothing can go wrong from here." I was surprised at my outburst, but I knew it was true, I knew about what others thought about me.

It was like I was trying to convince myself. I saw Alexander's eyes widen.

"You are not a blood whore," he growled fiercely, shaking my roughly. "You are the most dedicated, amazing person I've ever met, Rose. Don't you know that, you are higher than anything else in this world, you can't beat yourself up about leaving your academy, I'm sure you had your reasons."

When I didn't say anything, he shook me again, lighter this time. "Rose, you can't just not –not, I don't know!" one of his hands left my shoulder and ran back through his hair as he sighed loudly.

"Rose, don't do this…you've got to tell someone how you feel, Rose."

I kept silent; the tone in his voice was just too much. He cared, Alexander cared for me, as hard as I didn't want to believe it, it was there. But no one should love me, I was damaged goods, I wasn't good anymore. I shook my head slowly, trying to comprehend the meaning of Alexander's words completely.

"You can't…" I whispered. "You can't…can't care…" I was trying so hard not to cry, I wanted to but I couldn't, they were there, the tears, but I couldn't let them go. I couldn't be weak anymore, I just couldn't.

"Rose."

Just one word and I broke.

But that word was filled with so much…reverence, loyalty, admiration, concern and the worst of all…a brewing love.

Everything collapsed in on me, my knees buckled, I was falling forward, everything blurred. I distantly heard Alexander say my name again and I knew I was falling but I couldn't do anything about it.

Then, suddenly, there were arms supporting me, holding me tightly, very closely to someone's heart.

"I can care, Rose…and I do."

So much conviction, so much, so, so much…oh, Alexander.

"You can't tell me that I can't care for you, Rose, because it's not true. I do care; I care about every single one of the guardians under my charge. But I care about you too, even if you are only temporary…Rose, I care about much more than I should."

I steadied myself against him and hugged him back, more tears flowing freely. "Y-you shouldn't…I'm not good enough,"

"Don't even say that, Rose, don't say that." He pleaded and I stopped talking. We stood there, me crying and I was sure that Alexander was crying too. He held me and I borrowed his strength, I held on, grateful for something to help me float in the deathly waters of my life, he was my lifesaver right then and I would never forget it.

He stroked my hair and let my tears soak into his shirt; it was all perfect…until Alexander's cell phone rang.

He looked at it for a moment, and was about to decide to leave it when I said, "Pick it up, I should go too, I've got guests. I also need to apologize to Blake and Tory for ditching them,"

He gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry about that," then he looked at me, his arms restraining when I tried to pull away. "Rose, are you sure you're okay?" he asked so quietly.

I nodded. "Yeah, I am now," I looked on the floor and saw that the picture had dropped; I slowly bent to pick it up. "Can I keep this?"

"Of course," he smiled and kissed my cheek before I left him to answer his phone. I was slowly taking the steps down when I heard the voices.

"How could you do this to her?" an angry voice hissed, it was very familiar already- Etienne's voice.

"I had to see her, she's my best friend and she promised me. Her life is mine to take, she's my guardian!" Lissa.

"No, she's not." Etienne growled. "She's not your guardian, she's a guardian at this academy now, and she's definitely not yours."

Then there was silence…then something that utterly shocked me.

"You bastard," from Lissa and that was followed with a very fine smack. She hit him. Lissa hit Etienne. A fierce protectiveness took over and I ran the rest of the way down the stairs. She looked like she was going to hit him again when I put myself in between.

"Stop!" I yelled and everything froze.

Lissa's eyes were wide with shock, Etienne's face was turning red with a very distinguishable hand print on the side of his face, he was shocked too, but getting very, very angry.

"Stop," I said more quietly. Suddenly, things were in motion, Lissa was furious and yelling, Etienne was yelling back and it was like they were screaming through me because I was in the middle.

"You have no right to speak for Rose!"

"Neither do you! Just because you're Royal –"

"You don't know anything –"

"Just because you're the last Dragomir –"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed and everything was silent once again, I fixed Lissa with an ice cold stare. "I think you should go to the guest dorms now."

She looked at me for a second, then at Etienne, then back to me before she finally gave a curt nod and turned on her heel, storming out the doors. I sagged out of my defensive stance and turned to Etienne.

"How much did you hear?" he asked seeming guilty. But instead of answering I threw myself into his arms and held him tightly. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

I laughed into his shoulder before pulling back slightly to look at his face. "For what, Etienne, defending me? I don't –" I stopped myself before I could say, I don't usually appreciate people looking after me but. I gave him a smile instead and messed up his hair. "Thank you," I said just before I heard someone coming down the stairs. I looked over Etienne's shoulder to see Alexander coming down the stairs.

He stopped at the bottom and was staring at me and Etienne with a stricken expression. And that's when it hit me, how would I look, hugging some guy right now, right after that declaration in Alexander's room?

Oh, come fucking on!

I know guys, i'm not very pleased with this chapter, it is horrible and i'm sorry. Have any of you got an answer to my question? I'd love to hear your input on my authors note at the top, what you think of my idea for Rose being a dark angel. tell me what you think rose is a dark angel. i'd love to hear anything from you guys.

ps-for anyone that's seen the new Harry Potter movie, the Half Blood Prince, tell me...who else thinks that Draco Malfoy is very sexy in this movie? ;p

I'm also sure that some of you are confused about the chap title, 'Defending My Pride On Both Sides' well, Rose is trying to defend herself, pride include, by not breaking down, but she's also trying to protect her heart at the same time. she wants to let others in but she knows she cant because she thinks it'll end up hurting worse in the end. and i guess i kinda meant both sides by Etienne protecting her too, i think. shouts to starlinc, because of your review, i put in the fight between Lissa/Etienne, but instead, Lissa hit Etienne, not the other way around. My Etienne Spencer is a gentlemen. ;p

Love ya all, and dont forget to review please!

Alice