Chapter 10 Part 4
When I woke up, it was still dark outside, meaning that it was probably before dawn. I threw off my blanket and stepped out of my tent. Outside, everything was deathly quiet, the dark ashes remaining on the ground from the fire from the night before. My skin turned all goosebumpy in the cold night air, and my brain was telling me to turn back and stay in my warm tent. Of course, I didn't listen and walked away from the camp, out into the open field.
I looked up into the night sky, and my breath was taken. Up above me shone millions of tiny stars, like some vast sparkly puzzle. It was so beautiful; a light among enveloping darkness. Could I be like that? I wanted to be that one star that shone in Gaara, the one that would take away his darkness, and make him learn to love and be loved?
I continued walking, my eyes tracing the sky as I walked. A slight smile pulled at my lips, and I started to hum a little tune under my breath. A slight breeze swept through the field, but I kept walking.
Finally, after a few minutes of walking, my feet went from cold to numb under the chillingly cold earth.
I sat down in the field, looking around at the vast emptiness of the nature around me. Everything was covered in an eerie blanket of darkness, like a stage sent for a nightmare. I sat, shivering, my breath coming out in little puffs now. I was used to the warm weather of the sand village, where there was never a day even close to freezing.
"Well.." I said through chattering teeth. "This is what I get for getting out of bed in the night."
I laid my head against the cold ground, getting a better view of the star filled sky. I started to hum again, closing my eyes and trying to keep warm. After a while I forgot about being cold, and I just sat there quietly, breathing in a pattern that went along with the flow of the wind. It reminded me of this time in high school when our teacher asked us to meditate while we sat outside on a warm spring day.
Soon, I was starting to lose consciousness as the numbness spread from my feet up my body. Even my boobs were starting to go numb. I just sat there with my eyes closed, my breathing going shallower as the darkness was starting to fill my head. Crap, what would happen to me if I slept out here in the cold? I might die if it was cold enough. I tried to push myself off the ground, but my arms weren't obeying my brain.
Something was heard rustling in the grass to my left. Whatever it was, it was coming at a pretty slow rate. Maybe it hadn't seen me yet. Hopefully, if it it did see me, it wouldn't be a wild animal looking for some food. If I wasn't lucky, then I would be animal kibbles for sure. The rate of whatever was in the field increased, and it was making its way toward me at a quick rate.
I was kibbles for sure now. I couldn't move, so there's no way I could escape. What will they do when they find my bloody bits scattered across the pretty green field? Would they cry? Gaara wouldn't. He'd probably say good riddance. That girl was an eyesore for all of us. Would Temari and Kankuro agree? Were they all just being nice to me because they knew Kankuro liked me? Do all people ramble before they die?
"Esther." Gaara called from beside me, putting his hand on my forehead. "Damn it. She's so cold."
I tried to speak, but I couldn't move my mouth. I felt him pick me up and hold me close to his body. He was so warm, like a blanket set before a small fire. He just held me like that for a moment, then put me down. He put his hand on my forehead again and growled.
"She needs to warm up quick. There's no way I'll let her die so stupidly. What idiot freezes to death in a field when they have a tent a few yards away? Only her." He thought aloud, his hand leaving my head.
Soon, I was up and in his arms, and I felt him running silently back to the camp. His body warmth was spreading to me and the numbness was slowly fading. I could hear him breathing, and I was imagining the little puffs of air that were coming out against the cold night air. Suddenly, he stopped and I felt him crouching down, and I was laid down on something warm. A blanket soon covered me, and I heard him leave the tent.
I heard the crackling of wood, and I knew he had started a small fire. There was the small pop a metal pan made as it was placed above a fire, and everything was silent again except for the quiet popping of the wood. A moment later, he was back in the tent, and something exceedingly warm was placed on my forehead. The warmth spread down through my chest, and I let out a little shiver.
"Esther? Can you hear me?" Gaara called from beside me.
"Cold..." I managed to get out.
"Idiot." He said coldly. "What were you doing out there?"
"Stars..singing.. animal kibble." I mumbled.
"Animal kibble?" He said, a hint of laughter behind his usually cold words. "You truly are the biggest idiot I know."
I opened my eyes and saw him there, staring at me. He had a frown clearly placed in his pale face, his eyes cold and blank like usual .I soon saw something that caught my eye; a bright red flowing down his right hand. I tried to sit up, put he pushed me back down into the blankets.
"Lay down. Where are you going to in such a hurry?"
"Bandage.. you're bleeding."
He looked down at his hand, then back at me. "It's been bleeding for a little while now. It should stop soon, so no bandages needed. I'm not a baby like you."
"Shut up." I managed, letting out a shiver.
He took the cloth off my head and placed it in the metal pan beside him, and put it back on my head. The shivers subsided and I just sat there motionless, staring blankly at him. He just looked at me, then at the floor of the tent.
"What were you singing about?"
"Stars..hope..love.." I murmured, closing my eyes.
"Pointless things like usual." He said coldly.
"They're not pointless!" I hissed in a whisper. "If you had them, you wouldn't think they were pointless."
"I don't have them, so maybe your point is right." He said. "Like thinking being animal.. kibble is a nice way to die."
"I..never said that." I said, shivering once again.
"You truly are an idiot." He said flatly, placing another blanket onto me.
"Then why did you save me?" I whispered. "You should have let the idiot die."
"I don't know." He said, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe I'll never know. I just know that if I didn't save you, Kankuro and Temari would have killed me and left me to be kibble with you."
"Yeah right." I laughed breathlessly. "They'd never lay a finger on you."
"You're wrong." He said, matter-of-factly. "Kankuro would kill me if you died. You are his sweetheart."
"Well, the same doesn't go for me." I spat, throwing him a look. "He's not my sweetheart."
"Why not?" Gaara asked, staring cooly at me. "He's everything you'd need; protective, funny, and he'll do anything for you."
"That still doesn't mean that I love him." I whispered. "My sweetheart is the one that I love. No one else."
"You're impossible, aren't you?" He spat. "Give up already."
I let out another shiver. "Never."
I saw him clench his fists slowly. He took the cloth away from my head slowly and put it back into the pot and got up slowly from his spot. He passed me by, a frown creasing his face.
"Where are you going?" I asked, staring at him.
"To pour this water out, and to sit alone for a while."
"Don't go." I whispered, staring up at him. "Stay here with me. I just want to stay with you, without arguing."
He didn't say anything as he left the tent. I heard the water splashing outside onto the ground, and I heard the pan clank lightly as it hit the ground as well. There was no movement for a second, then I heard quiet footsteps across the ground, coming back towards the tent. Gaara soon emerged inside the tent again, and he sat down in the spot he sat in before.
"Thank you." I whispered, closing my eyes.
He didn't say anything, but just laid his hand on my forehead again. After a moment, he spoke up. "Are you still cold?"
"Not as bad as for." I said, feeling the heat from his palm on my face.
His hand moved down my face, moving along the curve of my cheek bone. I moved my hands up to touch his, keeping it there against the side of my face. It felt like the first time in along time that I was with Gaara and everything felt right; no worrying or arguing. Just him and me.
"You-" Gaara started, but I cut him off.
"Shh." I said. "No talking."
He actually listened to me. We just sat there like that for a few moments, and I finally pulled my hands away because they were starting to hurt. He too pulled his hand away and started to stroke my head instead.
"Go to sleep." He said, more of a request not a command.
"Okay." I said, closing my eyes. "I love you."
"Yeah. I know." Was the last thing I heard him say as I fell back asleep.
It was a long, silent trip back to the Sand village. While I slept the night before, Gaara had some how slipped me back into my tent. I was oober thankful for him saving me from becoming frozen animal kibble. Still, I was even more confuzzled with our whole situation.
Back at the Sand village, it was dusk, a beautiful pink sunset spilling across the sand. It was one of those things that you could never get used to; something so wonderful and beautiful it could take your breath away every time. Still, it seemed like there was something lurking behind it all, but it was probably just me.
The rest of the day went by at a slow pace. Everyone needed to recharge their batteries after so much traveling. We all ate a quick little dinner and we were off to our beds. I changed into my skimpy pair of jammies since it was still so warm in the house. I said a quick good night to Temari, who was already dosing off. I was out not long after she was.
It was dark, except for the pale light of the moon. There, a small boy with the color of a bright red autumn leaf laid, curled up in a ball. It was Gaara. My Gaara.
The little Gaara looked up, and I could see the small teddy bear clutched in his hands. His face was covered in tears, his eyes looking at me with such a sad intensity that I thought I would cry as well.
"Save me." He cried, reaching out a small hand to me. "I can't see your smiling face anymore. It's so dark here, inside my heart."
"I'm here." I replied, trying to reach my hand out towards him. It fell short.
"It's so real. You.. you haunt me. Please! Set me right!" Gaara cried. "I need peace!"
"For you, I'll do anything." I said barley above a whisper, just as the small Gaara faded into the darkness, away from my embrace again.
I woke up with a sharp breath, shocked from my last dream. What in the world was that all about? By Boggy, were dreams confusing!
"Gaara.." I whispered, remembering the small child from my dream. Was he trying to tell me something? Or was my mind playing a trick on me? There was only one way to find out.
I slipped out of the room on silent feet, and luckily Temari and Kankuro were pretty heavy sleepers. I walked silently across the hallway to Gaara's room. Oh Tammy Dodger, let him be in there. I needed to put my mind at ease. I opened the door, and was welcomed by darkness. His bed was untouched and it gave me an unsettling feeling. Gaara had not touched his room.
Now I was getting worried. Where in the world could he have gone? And why? I had to find him before something terrible happened. I ran up to the main floor and looked around, thinking maybe he was sitting on the couch or at the table just thinking like he did sometimes. Of course, he wasn't there. Now, I was down to one other option before I went crazy with fear. I ran up the small flight of stairs that led to the balcony just above the main floor.
I opened the small sliding door and stepped outside into the cold night air. The goosebumps rose as I stepped outside and was greeted only by the dim moonlight from a crescent moon. I searched around to to my heart's delight I saw Gaara. He was leaning against the railing of the thick balcony, his head in his hands. A small breeze was moving the strands of his hair back and forth, like a bright autumn leaf is carried by a fall wind.
"Gaara.." I said, the tears rolling down my face. "Thank goodness you're alright."
He suddenly looked up at me, and I froze where I stood. His face was covered in tears but that was not the thing that held me rooted to the spot at which I stood. It was the look in his eyes. It was a half-crazed look, one might expect from a wild animal or a demon. There was so much anger and darkness in that one look that a normal person would have screamed and ran away.
"You.." He growled, staring at me.
I couldn't speak for a moment. Then it hit me like a block. This was what the little Gaara was telling me about. I was the only one who could stop this, but how?
"Gaara." I finally said after a moment. My feet were finally obeying me so I took a step closer. "What's wrong?"
He scoffed. "You saw it didn't you?"
"Saw what?" I asked timidly, taking another step forward. What was he talking about?
"The image you saw that day you and I were alone at the waterfall." He said, his jaw tightening.
It was the image of me sitting on the ground in darkness, the blood pooling around me as I screamed. How could I forget that?
"It was the one of me bleeding and screaming, wasn't it?" I asked, looking up at him. "I only saw a glimpse of it. It seems that there's more to it, am I right?"
"It's you, and you keep screaming my name over and over. I can feel you tremble, the pain that you feel. You haunt me every night, and there's nothing I can do to help. You're scream makes me go cold and when everything is silent it's all i hear. When I look into your face, I see the blood flowing down it. Everywhere, in everything I do, you always haunt me." He whispered, harshly, his body trembling.
I stood, shocked. I was making Gaara go insane. Me, the one who loved him, was putting him through all of this torture. I was the reason for all of our problems. No wonder he wanted to make it stop.
"Oh Gaara.." I cried, reaching to touch his arm.
Suddenly, his arm shot out and pushed me with such a powerful force it seemed inhuman like. I hit the side of the balcony with a loud thud, my head hitting the cold stone in a hard blow. I felt a bone in my left arm crack, and the pain racked itself through my body.
He stepped closer, looking like some demonic being. "You don't understand do you?" He asked in a icy tone. "This is all happening because you fell in love with me. I tried to show you that you couldn't be with me, but you were blind. That's why I kept pushing you away and why I kept trying to make you love Kankuro. You couldn't though, you insolent woman. Now I have only one solution left; one that I wished I never have to use."
"Gaara?" I squeaked, wide eyed, as he stepped closer.
He just picked me up roughly by the front of my night dress and rammed me repeatedly against the back wall of the balcony. I heard my flesh ripping apart as it hit the rough wall and the sound sickened me to the core. It hurt so bad that I couldn't scream, and the blood started to stain the wall after a few moments. Finally, he threw me back down against the floor of the balcony, and everything was reeling around me.
"You could have stopped this fate from happening to you. You don't want to die do you?" He said, as he picked my up by my long, mud brown hair.
Of course I didn't want to die! How could I have seen this coming? Did he think I was doing this to kill myself? He truly was insane. Still, he was my Gaara. I had to save him, no matter what. I had made this promise to myself, and I did not intend to break it.
"You're not Gaara." I spat at him, my breath ragged and shallow.
"What's that suppose to mean? I am Gaara." He said in a angry tone. "I'm the cold hearted monster you blindly fell in love with."
"The Gaara I love isn't a monster!" I cried, trying to stay calm. "My Gaara was quiet, full of wise sayings and helpful advice. He was someone who would always listen to me, and he would be there to help stop the tears. He was the Gaara who had told me he loved me that night as we stood outside the hotel in the moonlight. The Gaara who bandaged up my ankle and sat with me as I shivered in his tent. That is my Gaara; the real Gaara."
It was silent for a moment, then he started to laugh. It started out as a small chuckle that grew into a loud crazy one. It chilled my heart to hear it. He just threw me to the ground and started to kick me in the side. Each kick made me cough, and soon there was blood running from the side of my lips. I knew that he was truly serious about killing me. He reached down and ran his fingernails through my skin slowly, drawing blood and more shuddering coughs from my end.
He picked me up again, this time by the neck. He moved over to the railing, so that my feet were dangling in the air. If he let go, I would fall and die instantly. If he didn't, I would be strangled to death. Either way, death was waiting for me.
"Any last words before I finish you off?" He asked, tightening his grip around my coarse neck.
"I.." I said, losing my supply of air quickly.
There was only one thing that I could think to say. It was the truth, straight from my heart. The world was fading around me, so I had better say it quick before I ended up dying.
"Still love you.." I let out raggedly. "If I can't be with you.. I should die. No matter what you do."
He tightened his grip on me, and my lungs were burning with such an intensity I thought that they would burst into flames at any moment. I wasn't getting enough air, and everything was starting to leave before my eyes. The last thing I saw was the fierce redness of Gaara's hair and of my blood splattered against the wall.