Summary: Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

Warnings: BL aka Boys Love aka Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut.

A/N: So... I was doing some research on personality disorders for an assignment when I read up about a disorder called "Avoidant Personality Disorder". The minute I saw that I was like, OH WOW, that's Len! The short summary wiki gave was: "Hesitant, self-conscious, embarrassed, and anxious. Tense in social situations due to fear of rejection. Plagued by constant performance anxiety. Sees self as inept, inferior, or unappealing. Feels alone and empty." Doesn't that sound exactly like Len in this story? Anyways, it surprised me a little! Also! This chapter isn't a full-blown smut scene, why? Well, read and find out ;)

Chapter Three

It was strange, this whole thing. Len had just left the field to go have his shower when he felt… odd. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he glanced backwards to the group of guys still hanging around, laughing with the girls, and found his eyes connected straight to Shion-senpai's. Blushing, Len turned away and dashed off into the locker room, silently begging his heart to stop pounding. If people had been close by, they probably could have heard it thumping in his chest. He wouldn't think about that now. He had things to do, and he'd have to meet up with Gakupo to tell him how their afternoon went. There were so many things to talk about, particularly what was discussed. Len still couldn't believe Shion-senpai had invited him to his pool party.

HIM!

"Stop thinking about it," Len muttered as he began to strip his clothes off. As he did, he ran his hands slowly down his exposed body. His fingers caressed the smooth skin that was clean of all injuries yet not clean of blemishes. He could count every last freckle, name when they first appeared and how long they'd been there. He wasn't covered in them, but they were there. Hard to see unless one saw his body up close. He wondered if there were any other's he couldn't see, like on his back, or on his buttock. Maybe there were some, but he wouldn't know unless someone told him.

"You're wasting time"! Len snapped at himself as he went to grab his towel from his bag. "They won't be long, so you need to get a move on!" his hands rummaged through his bag, pulling the clean white towel out. It was so nice and soft; almost like a bunch of feathers or cotton balls stuck onto a sheet. It caused shivers on his skin whenever he ran its contents over his flesh, and just thinking about it gave him Goosebumps.

"Hurry up!" he snapped at himself, turning around to move on but came to an immediate halt. He'd not heard the door open, and considering it was bloody heavy and creaked as if its hinges were rusty, he'd not heard a damn thing. Of course, the person standing before him wasn't really looking at him… they were looking.

All of a sudden his vision blurred and the next thing he knew he was plummeting towards the ground. He should have expected a heavy landing, but someone caught him, keeping him from getting hurt. For a long moment, Len stood there, trying to steady himself. His breathing was out of control; clearly hyperventilating! He couldn't see anything, and his throat were screaming in pain. Yet, he kept hearing this quiet voice, calling his name.

Finally, after what felt like forever, his eyes readjusted themselves, his mind slowly focused on the present and realised he was staring up into a very worried Shion-senpai. He was saying something, but nothing seemed to get through to him. This was too much, too painful. He never wanted someone to find out. No like this, never like this. It had happened once before, but it should not have happened again.

"Len!"

"…Yes?" Len whispered, finally about to catch up with Shion's voice.

"Are you ok?"

"…No…" Len admitted in a quiet voice. "I-I… Let go…"

"Do you think you can even stand on those legs?"

He had realised how viciously shocked he was; his legs were vibrating from the rapid shaking they were doing. However, it didn't take him any longer to realise they were shaking from the shock. He felt humiliated. "…Please… let me go…" Len whispered. Never mind the fact that he actually did like being in this embrace, and would have liked it more if the circumstances were different.

"I can't. You're trembling-"

"Please let me go!" Len cried, mustering whatever stretch he had to shove Shion off of him and bolt down into the shower room. He choose a stall out of random and hid inside, but didn't bother to lock it since it was easy enough to reach over the low door and unlock it anyways. Instead, he pressed his back against it, preventing it from being opened. There was a few seconds of silences, where only Len's breathing filled to room, and then the main door creaked open and someone moved into the room. The door shut so silently behind them, that if Len hadn't caught the click of it slide back in, he probably would have assumed it never closed at all.

"Len… come out… it's ok to be embarrassed."

"Embarrassed!" Len cried loudly. "I'm not embarrassed, I'm ashamed of this body. I'm terrified of what people will say, because it's abnormal."

"It's not abnormal," Shion retorted. "No one ever said it was abnormal."

"You clearly don't follow any type of news then," Len muttered as Shion continued.

"Besides, who says anything about a man's body being normal? As far as science goes, they claim a man penis is just an inside out uterus… I think… it's been a while since it was last mentioned. Maybe it wasn't the uterus."

Len realised that he'd laughed. Bitterly, but at least he laughed. "What would you know?"

"Well… obviously nothing about the reproductive system, that's for sure," Shion muttered. "Len, come on. I'm not going to freak out over something like this."

"Other people do… my mother did."

"Then you're mother is a retard," Shion commented. "A mother should love their child no matter what."

"Sometimes, senpai, mothers don't. Sometimes a mother doesn't want their child because there's something wrong with it. Sometimes they abort their child because they were idiots and got pregnant; all because they didn't get their partner to wear a condom."

"Well, condoms don't always work. I mean, hell, if they worked a hundred percent of the time, I wouldn't be here."

Len went silent, just silent. "…You were an accident?"

"Tragically, I was. At least my parents were happy enough to keep me. Though that's an embarrassing story they like to bring up." Len could hear the grin in Shion's voice, and realised he was smiling too. That was pretty silly, but still. The smile dropped, Len went back to moping. "Len?" He heard Shion put his hands on the stall door and knew Shion was looking down at him. "Let me in."

"I…"

He what? What did he want? He felt a hand reach out, brushing the side of his neck, tangling into the hair. "Len…" Shion's voice came in an excited purr. In a spur of panic, he jumped forward; no longer protecting the stall door. Before he could catch up with reality, he was pressed against the shower wall, lips pressing down on his neck while another hand began to caress his skin. Len felt his breath hitch, and went to push away when he was spun around and pinned against the wall. His vision blackened with the impact, but his ears caught the sound of the water turning on. When his eyes began to regain focus, he found himself looking away from Shion's heated eyes. What… what was going on here? This was all too… surreal. This couldn't be happening, right? I-Impossible! "Len, look at me," Shion's voice was hot, making Len's legs tremble.

"I…I…"

Shion laughed in his ear, running his fingers over Len's bare chest. "I guess if you won't look at me, I'll just have to make you, now won't I?" He purred before biting down on Len's ear, making his squeak. It didn't hurt, just surprised him. "Len…" he moaned, pressing his body right up against. "Len… look at me…"

Len swallowed his gasp down, not wanting to give in. Was the water really that hot? He felt as if his body had been lit alight. He moved his arms towards Shion, wanting to pushing him away, but the action brought their bodies closer, and the action caused him to grasp onto Shion's shoulders, holding their bodies together. It was only then did he realise the water was hot… it was freezing cold. "S-Sen…pai…?"

"Yes?"

"I…You need to get off me," Len spoke, feeling his voice losing the battle. No, they needed to separate! "The… other will… will be here soon…" no, he wasn't going to surrender. This was just a game Shion was playing to humiliate Len. Yes, that was it. He wasn't going to be a victim to outside influence again. He refused-

"The other's won't come here. They left ages ago."

Without a shower…? Len felt his breath jump again. Shion's hands now rested on his hips; his fingers massaging them. "S-Senpai… we've gotta stop this," Len finally said, gripping Shion to push him away. "P-Please let go."

Something froze in Shion, and for a moment, they stood there under the cold spray, almost like if they were trying to catch their breath. For a minute, he felt Shion with draw into a hesitate position. He was debating, weighing his options. Len just knew it, and secretly hoped that Shion wouldn't move, despite his own protests.

However, Shion stepped away, letting Len go. Maybe it was shocked that caused Len's legs to give out, or maybe he really didn't have them stable yet. He couldn't be certain. "Sen…pai…" Len whispered, looking up. He almost expected a face filled with dark amusement, but instead he met a serious look. "…sen…"

"Do you want me, Len?"

Len blinked, then blinked again. Was he seriously… asking…? "…I…"

"Tell me now; if you don't, I'll walk away."

"And… if I tell you I do…?" Len asked nervously, breathlessly.

Shion smiled a knowing smile. That was all he needed to do to answer the question.

Taking a shaky breath, Len tried to answer but felt the words clog up. He couldn't speak, just couldn't.

"Len… do you want me?"

With no way to form words, Len nodded then turned his head away.

"Then let me do this."

Len didn't have any time to react. His ears caught the sound of a wet cloth hitting the floor just as Shion reached out, capturing Len's lips in his own. Everything was lost then, and Len couldn't help but reach towards Shion, wanting more. His right arm slipped over Shion's shoulder, settling on his back as his right hand slipped into Shion's hair, pulling closer, deeper into the kiss. He'd never been kissed, yet that didn't seem to matter. Shion pulled Len up against him, pressing their bodies against each other. Their chests together, Len could almost feel Shion's heart pounding against his own chest. Maybe it was his own heart? Maybe it was both? Then, the kiss broke. Len gasped for the air he desperately needed before he felt Shion's lips trace his neck. Unable to help himself, he arched his head back, exposing the virgin skin to the merciless lips that delicately licked and suckled. From his neck, the lips followed along a shoulder, down to the bare breast.

Unlike Shion who was fit, Len didn't show any signs of muscles form. Unlink Shion, he was perfectly flat. Some part of Len did feel slightly jealous, but he knew the reason for it. He knew all too well.

Maybe out of courtesy, Shion didn't hover there long, instead, he coaxed Len to lie down. Flat on the floor, Shion had an easier vantage to Len's stomach. It didn't take him long to work out there was one spot on the side that was sensitive. He teased the area, hearing Len's breath hick as he did. Then, he moved his lips along, skipping over the crotch and focusing immediately on his left thigh. It was sensitive here, but not as sensitive. By the time he finished his journey, he was delicately running his tongue just under the bone in his ankle.

Then, he stopped, looked up at Len for the first time since his venture. There Len lied, bare and exposed. The stall was just big enough for Len to almost lie down flat, with his legs lean up against the stall door, with his toes just peeking outside. He was shaking, the water pounding on his stomach, trickling down to the ground. It almost blurred his face, and clearly Shion didn't like that. He leaned forward, once against kissing Len's lips. As he did, he reached up, turning the cold water off so it no longer annoyed him. Then, he sat back, and looked.

To be honest, Len felt embarrassed with Shion assessing him. It almost made him want to recover his body, yet for some reason, he just let Shion look at him. Turning away, he just laid there, not sure what to do. It could end bad, or it could-

"Len, can I?"

Len jolted, turning his head back to Shion, back to where his hand hovered. Len wasn't sure what to say. "D-Do what?"

"Can I touch you here?"

Len stared at him, then as his face flushed red, he covered his face with his arm and nodded. He didn't want to watch. Didn't want to see what was going to happen. There was a moment where nothing happened, then Len felt the fingers brush him, then penetrate. It startled him, his body jolted with the connection, but he didn't look up. He kept his arms there and bit his lip. It shouldn't feel weird, he'd touched himself down there before; had massaged and played with it in order to relieve stress or just to satisfy his own needs. But it did feel weird. It felt… weird yet… wonderful. Maybe sensing this, Shion pushed a second finger. That actually hurt more than he thought, but it was dulled away as Shion thrust his fingers in and out, creating a sloppy sounding noise that made Len cringe. The room began to fill with that noise and his own breathing; slowing enticing a strange, pleasing feel and sound.

Almost as if he was sensing all this as well, Shion pushed his third finger. That hurt even more, but with each thrust, the pleasure was fading, the pain burning. He went to reach out to stop Shion, but found his arm just flop beside him, his other hand clenched against his mouth, muffling his cries. The longer it went on, the more the feeling changed. A delicious sensation of pain and pleasure. His body arched up, feeling his stomach hurt; his body was just ready to explode. Each breath was accompanied by a shuddering breath and a moan of some sort. He was getting wetter with each thrust, feeling closer to a climax.

Then the world shattered into a white haze, his own cry distant as his body jolted. The thrusting didn't stop, the orgasm climbing higher and higher, rising him to a point he could no longer get higher, but just remain there. His hands balled up against his side, his body fought the pleasure at the same time to rip at it.

And for the first time in a while, Len heard Shion's voice. "That's it Len. Keep coming."

It was so dirty, yet the words pushed him closer to an edge. Everything focused on his breathing and the feeling of the fingers bringing him over the edge. Still caught up in his last orgasm, he felt his body hit another wave, and unable to hide anything, he let out a pleasure filled scream.

Then… everything stopped. The sensation in between his legs numbed, and the fingers withdrew, despite his own body's protest. Shaking, breathing heavily, Len tried to catch up with the present. Everything was numb and muted, and his eyes just didn't want to move past the white haze. His body was still convulsing; his legs trembled up against Shion. It felt forever before Len's body began to settle, the spasms slowing, though not completely going away. "…en…?"

Len tried to focus on the voice, and as he did, his eyes finally cleared. Shion was close, his hand gently brushing the side of his face. "…sen…pai…?"

Shion smiled softly, his eyes gentle. "Len, did that feel good?"

Len just nodded, trying to settle his breathing.

"Do you want more?" As a suggestion, Shion pressed his hips against Len.

Len tried to focus on Shion, but this time his vision…began…to…go…black…

Gakupo sat there, his face as red as Len's, who'd hidden his face in his hands. "Senpaaiiiiii!"

"I get it!" Gakupo coughed, taking a drink from his juice. "How… bad…?"

"Drenched, completely drenched. It almost looked like I'd wet the bed."

"Well shit, Len. Why didn't you come over this morning. I would have helped you cleaned it up, or taken Rin so she didn't have to witness anything."

"It doesn't change anything, Senpai. I literally orgasmed and messed my bed up. It was so damn real."

Gakupo just coughed. It was probably best he didn't say anything to that.

A/N: Before you all freak out and think I was being lazy and ended it quick, I'll let you know now that I planned on it being a dream. There is NO WAY they would have moved along that fast, otherwise there wouldn't be any more chapters. The idea was that Len was going to have a dream not just to show you guys he's serious, but to have an extra reason why in the next chapter he explodes. Besides, the real stuff isn't gonna happen for a while now xD