A/N: Chapter's are a bit short, but I promise that they will get a bit more interesting. We're nearly up to midway (chapter 15), where a whole lot of stuff is going to happen.

Chapter Eleven

Wherever he was, he felt warm. As he slowly regained conscious, Len found himself just lying there with his eyes closed, taking in this strange, buzzing feeling in his body. He felt very warm and safe, and somewhere in the distance, he could hear someone humming a soft tune while something cool brushed against his forehead. It kind of contradicted itself, being rugged up in something soft and warm yet have someone constantly brush the sweat from your head. It felt… nice. He'd never had this kind of treatment before. When he got sick, he moved on. Rin was the first and foremost priority and there was never a vacation from it, regardless of his health.

So he laid there, soaking it in before he began to focus on the voice in the room with him. The voice was very gentle, the hum being rhythmic and precise. No beat were missed, but there were times when the voice quietened, and for that brief moment, he could only hear himself breathing. Just when he was convinced he was now on his own, Len would hear the voice again, humming the same tune as before. The harder he listened to it, the more he began to hear the depth of the voice. While the voice was very soft, it had this edge to it that told Len that the person who was humming was probably a young man. The humming was actually more like singing; the harder Len listened, the more he picked up words.

The words were definitely from a song, but Len had never heard it. Whatever it was, it was a simple, nice song. The words seemingly lingered between sorrow and another feeling Len couldn't describe. It made Len feel like he was going to cry the longer he laid there, listening to it. He should open his eyes, he really should. However, opening his eyes meant waking up to reality. He just wasn't ready yet to wake up to reality…

In some distance place, somewhere deep in his mind, he was perfect. He was complete, whole and perfect. In this place he no longer fear to look in the mirror, because when he did, he saw himself as how he wanted to be. Masculine, strong and independent. Every feature on his body represented what the man was; the whole package was there, on his body.

In this distance place, he had many male friends, and wasn't afraid to shower in the change rooms because there was nothing to hide. He could stand there proudly, and didn't feel any shame.

In this distance place, he had a home and a loving family. Rin was a girl, he was a boy, and his parents showered them with love and nurturing, because there wasn't anything "wrong" with them. They were perfect.

In this distance place, he had a lover, and it didn't matter what the gender was of this lover, because it was now acceptable, and no one judge you whether you took a man or woman to your bed. You weren't judged if you choose to have a family even with a same-sexed partner.

This world was perfect. His perfect part of reality.

But dreams were dreams, and nothing more. Reality was cruel.

In reality, Len was not perfect. Instead, he choose to look away from the mirror, ashamed because he was different, that he wasn't "normal". Ashamed because no one loved him for who he was, not what he was.

In reality, Len didn't really have people he could call friends, especially guy friends. Instead, he shut himself and his body away, doing his best to protect himself, because once they knew, they wouldn't see him as… him.

In reality, Len and Rin were transsexual, a boy and a girl trapped inside a body that wasn't supposed to be theirs. Len wasn't a girl, and Rin wasn't a boy, they were the opposite… and Len just wanted it to change. But, they were just that, a boy trapped in a girl's body, and Rin a girl trapped inside a boy's body. Because of their, their parents could show them no love. They were "abnormal".

In reality, he didn't have a lover; and if he did, he'd be shunned for loving another man. Same sex was still a war that hadn't been won, and prejudice people would never accept it. An ongoing war that felt long and drawn out.

In reality, life just suck. No matter how much he dreamed of his perfect paradise… he knew it would never happen. He would have to remain behind closed door, lie and hide away. He had no chance to make friends, and there was no way people would want to be if they knew.

…Dear god, please don't let people know…

He just wanted to be…Kagamine Len…A normal teenaged boy.

…Was that too much to ask for…?

When Len finally opened his eyes, it was dark outside and he was alone. He felt cold and alone despite his body sweating violently. He felt tired and upset as he forced himself to sit; while stubbornly looking around to assess the situation.

He didn't know where he was to start. What he did know that the room was very spacious, but clearly and unused bedroom. The curtains weren't completely drawn close, so Len was able to tell it was night time. It was his own means of telling the time since he could see no visible clock anywhere in the room. He also noticed that the room had an installed wardrobe, its doors being long mirrors that reflected the whole room, and himself. He could only see his shadow in the dark room, but he knew what was looking back at him. He forced his eyes away, and stared down into his lap. His hands were clenched and he slowly tried to unclench them. Even in the dark, he knew his nails had left marks in the skin. He didn't know how long he'd had them clenched, but he knew why.

He was so frustrated and exhausted. He was tired of all the secrecy, tired of being afraid. He shouldn't have reacted like that. Anxiety… and panic attacks. His fear was beginning to swallow him up whole… how long would he last like this? He didn't want to live like this, didn't want to brush it aside as normal. It wasn't… he knew that, but he hadn't gone to get help.

It was his fear of people finding out that prevented him from reaching out.

Speaking of finding out…

Len felt a flash of dread in his stomach and couldn't help but through off the sheets. He was still in his PE clothing… and he smelt bad. He needed a shower, but before he could even think of that, he had to find out where he was. Slipping from the sheets, he crept towards the door and opened it just the slightest. There was something that caught his attention and he found he pulled the door right open. The hallway was littered with bodies all wrapped up in blankets. He couldn't see the faces, but he did recognize two sleeping right across from the door.

Rin and Gakupo.

Beside the door were two other people, but they were so shadowed he couldn't actually see who they were. However, he did notice someone coming up the hallway, someone who could instantly recognize by their body shape.

Aiko-san's mother.

She stopped when she saw him, and maybe because how she was when he met her, Len could guess she was smiling softly.

"How are you feeling?"

"…Dirty…" Len admitted. "I'm still in my gym clothing… I smell pretty bad."

"I thought you'd want a shower when you get up. Come along, I'll show you where it is."

Len hesitated for a moment. Once again, a ball of dread began to build up in his stomach.

Maybe she'd sensed it, because the next words surprised him. "The shower downstairs is available, so you don't have to worry. Aiko told me you were very cautious about your body, so at least the one down stairs is away from everyone else."

"Did she… tell you exactly what the reason behind it is?"

"No, but then again, I don't need to know to understand."

A/N: Like I said, short chapter. I don't like the next chapter very much (I struggled writing it and making it sound... well, good lol.) I hope you all are enjoying so far :)