A/N: Ugh, I really don't like this chapter. The ending I do like, but not everything before it. It just doesn't feel... right. I don't know if it gets what I want across? I don't really know what I can do since I've re-written this about seven times :/

Chapter Twelve

Early the next morning was quiet at first. Aiko-san had woken first and had been the first down stairs. She didn't comment about Len having changed into his uniform, nor why he smelt clean; she sat down at the table and promptly fell asleep until her mother laid down her breakfast in front of her. Minami-san mentioned Aiko-san was not a morning person and to forgive her for her behaviour. Of course, Len didn't need to be told since Aiko-san spent more time sleeping than eating her breakfast.

Len was on his third cup of tea when everyone else wandered down stairs.

"Nii-san!" Rin screamed as she threw herself into his arms. She sobbed there in his chest for a while before Gakupo spoke up.

"We woke up and you weren't there, so she got scared."

"I'm sorry Rin," Len soothed, petting her hair. After another moment, she looked up at him with woeful eyes.

"Nii-san better?"

"Yeah, I am," Len promised, but he felt anything but.

She was encouraged off his lap and into the seat next to him to eat breakfast. Now that she was distracted, the fourth and final person spoke up. "You scared us back then Len," Shion-senpai said as he sat down beside Aiko in a stiff, pained movement. Gakupo had popped himself at the end of the table and was saying something to Minami-san about staying the night and apologize, in which she retorted that it was fine and he needn't worry about it. He was distracted he didn't hear what was going on between Aiko-san and Shion-senpai.

"…You're an idiot," Aiko-san was saying, following on from a sentence Len hadn't caught. "You scared him shittless with your attitude." Official: Aiko-san was scary in the mornings. Her eyes had narrowed and she looked like she was going to jump from her chair and punch Shion-senpai.

"There was no way I was just going to drop things!" Shion-senpai snapped back.

"It wasn't any of your business!"

"He was muttering under his breath; drained of all colour and looked ready to faint the minute he walked through the change room door. He was in no state to be left alone!"

"You were too pushy! If you're in panic mode, you too would be provoked and faint at the slight of danger. You should have just backed off a little."

"You weren't there!"

"I didn't need to be! Ryu said the same damn thing!"

"Ryu wasn't even there either!"

They continued to argue, but Len didn't feel like he needed to add anything. In fact… he actually felt a little grateful Shion-senpai did… the thought of facing his mother terrified him. Yet, they continued to argue, and for a moment, he swore Gakupo had said something, but he never saw Gakupo's mouth move.

The way Shion-senpai and Aiko-san were carrying on was annoying Len. He didn't want to say anything, but he had to make them stop. Rin was getting upset, and that was really beginning to grind his nerves. Never once had he yelled in front of her, or argued when she was around. She didn't need that. She didn't need to see or hear it!

That was the final straw! Slamming his hands down on the table, he jumped up and roared at them. "Shut the hell up, both of you!" Everyone went silent, and even Len was a little startled at his own display. At least… they'd stopped arguing, but now they had their attention on him. Fine, whatever, he'd work this out. Breathing hard, Len gave himself a moment to calm down before he continued to speak. "What's done is done, can we stop talking about this?!" He sat down, crossed his arms and stared at them with narrowed eyes.

"Aren't you angry about-?"

"Of course I'm freaking angry!" Len roared, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm freaking angry about a whole bunch of things! I'm angry about my mother, about my situation. I'm angry that my feelings were ignored again, and everything got blown out of proportion. I'm angry because people think I can't freaking protect myself, even though I've been protect Rin and I FOR YEARS!" He clenched his hands on the table, and felt tears beginning to well up in his eyes. "I've done every damn thing I could for the both of us yet it's not good enough!"

"No one said-"

"Words aren't the only form of communication!" Len snapped just as Shion-senpai opened his mouth. "Besides, people are saying it. Not with direct words but they're still saying it. Besides, you don't even know the whole story; how long have you been around exactly? A few weeks?!"

"That's because you don't tell people anything!" Shion-senpai countered.

"Why should I? I don't know you! Why should I tell you anything?!"

"Because we're friends?!"

"On whose account?!" Len roared. "Who said anything about being friends? We never even talked to each other until several weeks ago! And remember, you made an ass of yourself then too!"

"I thought that was forgiven and forgotten!"

Well, he had said to Shion-senpai he'd forgiven him, but honestly, he didn't know. "It doesn't change anything! Yeah, it happened, and it's in the past, but sometimes it still hurts! And then you say we're friends?! How can I trust you when you do stupid things?!"

"I know I do stupid things," Shion-senpai snapped angrily as he slammed his fist on the table. "And I've said dumb things, but I've never once thought ill of you. Hell, I stood up for you! I even let myself get punched in the face because I said stupid things and hurt you." Shion-senpai looked away, lowering his voice. "I've never had bad intentions, I just want to help."

"You can't."

"That's because you won't let me help. You don't give me a chance."

"I DON'T TRUST YOU!" Len yelled. "How can I trust people when everyone I've let in just hurts me?!"

Shion-senpai didn't say anything. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and when he reopened them, Len saw something anew in Shion-senpai eyes. A kind of determination. "It because you've let the wrong people in, Len. But people get hurt. Life wasn't meant to be kind, and there are some people who can't help but hurt others; but the reason why people hurt others, is because they have been hurt too. They only know pain, can only give pain; they don't try to learn how to give and care, so they can't." He looked at everyone else before he continued. "You choose to let these people in, didn't you? You let Kamui-san in, didn't you? You let Aiko-chan in, right? Aik0-chan didn't have it easy, either. Nor did Kamui-san. However, they've learnt from the pain and they made a conscious decision. Haven't done the same? Didn't I change my situation around? People were already marking me as a corpse, as a human who couldn't be help. I was pretty much dead, and technically, a lot of them still don't see me having a chance at survival.

"Things aren't meant to be easy, Len," Shion-senpai continued calmly. "If it was, then what do we strive for? Life wouldn't be worth living. No goals, no achievements, nothing to be successful at. We just have to take everything we get – the good and the bad – and make something out of it. So rather complain or moan or think about how shitty everything is, start focusing on what you can and are doing. Stay on the positives. Ignore the negative. You don't need to listen to the words of people who aren't in your situation. They're irrelevant; always have, always will be."

They stared at each other. Len could see Shion-senpai's eyes burning with strong determination to help. He knew that, could see that… but he wasn't ready to admit that he needed or wanted his help. "Why do you meddle in other people's affairs and trying helping them out?"

"Because everyone needs someone they can rely on when things go sour."

"I don't need-"

"Why lie to yourself?" Shion-senpai counted. "You do need help, but you're so hung up on what everyone else has done that you don't accept the helping hand when people do offer it."

"People are two faced. You too."

"You're right," Shion-senpai nodded. "I'm pretty much an asshole with his head up his ass."

"I didn't-"

"I got told that often."

That surprised Len. He did admit that maybe he was a little bit, but everyone was.

"Describe me," Shion-senpai said gently.

Len sat there, looking him dead in the eye. What did he know about Shion-senpai? "I don't… know… how to describe you."

"Then do you want me to start?"

"With what?"

"Me describing how I see you?"

Gakupo took Rin for a walk around the block, so it was only Len, Shion-senpai and Aiko-san left at the kitchen table. Len hadn't said anything for a while, hadn't answered Shion-senpai, just thought about it; thought about who Shion Kaito-senpai really was. What traits had he over looked or not even given a thought about beforehand? What were things he'd seen but… hadn't seen? He didn't really know Shion-senpai, only that when Len first saw him… he perceived it to be a curious interest, then love. Was he really in love with someone he didn't actually know? Someone who he said he didn't trust?

When Len looked up, Shion-senpai still had that determined look. "How do you see me?"

Shion-senpai smiled, and for the first time, Len noticed something he never did. When Shion-senpai generally smiled, he didn't bare his teeth. A simple, small smile that felt warm. His eyes slightly closed, and only did he cheek bare the smallest hint of dimples. "What I see when I look at you? Where does one start? Maybe with something that stands out?"

"I don't know," Len whispered.

Shion-senpai thought for a moment. "When you smile, it's always a large grin; it kind of reminds me of how a child grins at someone or something. Innocent, warm. You're eyes light up with excitement. You engage, and if it's really something funny, you have a loud, childish giggle that goes along with it. When you're like this, your body is relaxed, open and friendly. But when you smiled at Rin, it suddenly changed. You didn't smile with you whole face, you just smiled. It wasn't a distant kind of smile, it was rather affectionate, but you're face doesn't light up the same way."

He'd never thought of it like that.

"When you're agitated, like before, you have a habit of flexing you fingers and hands. Clenching and unclenching them. They stay clenched when you speak. You're eyes narrow, the affection and kindness you harbour disappears and for a minute, I was convinced I wasn't even talking to you. You become cold, your eyes fill with annoyance or pure hatred. Everything that makes you special just disappears. Yet, under that coldness I always feel insecurity; fear."

Len looked down at his hands. Had he been clenching them? Had he just been so wrapped up in what he was saying that he didn't think of stuff like that; but then again, why should you?

"When you get scared, you pale automatically. You're face drains, and you begin to talk to yourself. The more you become afraid, the louder you talk, the harder you breathe. Sometimes you induce a panic attack, like yesterday, and become so paralysed by the fear living in you that you no longer have control and just collapse. You're eyes always go glassy, as if the thing you're afraid of isn't something happening then and there, it is something you've remembered; a past problem or situation that suddenly comes to mind and reminds you of all the bad things. It's probably borderline Post Traumatic Stress disorder, not that I'm a doctor who can diagnose that."

He didn't know he was talking to himself then… had Rin heard things he'd said subconsciously?

"However, what always grabs my attention is the way you are when you're just thinking; shut off in your own world. Your eyes don't fixate of anything, and you're pretty much blind to the world around you. Sometimes, if it's a good thought, you wear a small smile, but other times, if it's bad your hands clench at the cheeks, since you normally have your chin in both hands. They're never folded under the chin, just planted there. I see this every time I look at you, and though only when I think about it, it really makes sense, yet I wouldn't pick up on these things. I only really notice the feelings in you when you smile, because it's such a bright, warm one. To be honest, I like how you smile. It's charming."

Aiko was taking her time getting ready, so Gakupo walked on ahead with Rin, leaving Shion-senpai and Len waiting for Aiko. It wasn't as if they were going to be late, but Len was beginning to feel impatient. He still didn't know what to feel after what Shion-senpai said. They barely knew each yet… yet he'd noticed a lot of things.

"I like how you smile. It's charming."

He had nothing to say to that. He couldn't even tell Shion-senpai the things he'd noticed. Maybe… him liking Shion-senpai wasn't real? Maybe he was just liked the idea of Shion-senpai, but not the actual person. The first time he saw Shion-senpai was at lunch when he was talking to Aiko-san. It had been the first day at school, no one really knew anyone, and only those who'd moved on with their friends were the only ones really communicating. Shion-senpai was repeating, and all Aiko-san's friends went to a girls school rather than to their co-ed school. He knew Ryunnosuke had gone to his high school, but he'd not seen Ryu that day… and didn't even realise they were in the same class.

Shion-senpai sat in the back corner, by the windows. They'd not been moved to their seat they were in now. That wouldn't happen for a week. They'd sat at opposite ends of the class room, but the first time he noticed Shion-senpai had been then. It hadn't been anything then since he'd flee to see Gakupo, but when they were finally positioned in their current locations, he'd begun to really notice him. He sat pretty much in his line of sight. Gradually, he watched Shion-senpai talk with others, make friends and become this happy-go-lucky person he was.

To be honest… maybe he was more jealous of Shion-senpai, and not in love?

Maybe it was time to give up?

"Is there anything that strikes you about me?"

Shion-senpai spoke up, startling Len from his thoughts. "Pardon?"

"Anything that strikes you. Something you noticed about me?"

They were staring at each other. Anything…

"Anything that comes to mind?"

… "Maybe the way you attract people to you." He looked at Len, his eyes asking if he was serious. Ok, that wasn't quite what he was looking for. He'd rephrase that. "What I mean is that you seem to draw people in. I mean, you're easy on the eyes, but that's not the reason why-"

"So I'm easy on the eyes, eh?"

He slapped him across the arm and continued. "That's not the reason why people are attracted to you. You seem so… happy. Like there isn't anything wrong with your life. That there isn't a reason for you to not be happy. When you smile, others smile back, because it's bright and cheery. I guess… in some ways it makes me a little jealous how you smile so easily."

"You don't need to be jealous," Shion-senpai laughed loudly.

"You also laugh easy too!"

Shion-senpai smiled a sleepy sort of smile. That was how it was for a moment before he reached out, gently placing a hand on Len's face and looking down at him. His eyes were tender, and his next words were soft. "I'm the one jealous, because my smiles are fake… at least yours are genuine."

…Wait. What? What did he mean by fake?

Then, all too quickly Shion-senpai realised how close he was, dropped his hand and looked awkwardly away. Did he just miss something…?

"Senpai?"

"God, Aiko takes forever!" Shion-senpai yelled, kicking the ground. "This is awkward." That was said so quietly Len wasn't sure he heard it.

"Sen-?"

"I'm walking ahead!" and he bolted. Well, he didn't run, just moved really quickly away. Before Len had chance to catch up, Aiko-san jumped out the door, gave Len a questioning look before the before ran after Shion-senpai.

As they slowed down just behind Shion-senpai, Len did notice something. Shion-senpai's ears were red.

A/N: Kaito... are you hiding something ;) Stay tuned!