. . . . .
Edward had invited me over for game night with his family. Which was usually a great time, but tonight everything felt wrong.
Edward seemed distant, Emmett was purposely not beating us by the usual 500 points, Jasper wouldn't make eye contact with either one of us, and Alice was being overly helpful. Even Esme and Carlisle were off.
Most awkwardly of all, Rosalie was actually being friendly.
I was sure Edward had told them that we were on the outs. Did they know something I didn't know? Was he going to break up with me? Or, worse yet, had Alice seen something that gave away my clandestine meetings with Jacob? Had she told Edward—or had he just seen it? My cheeks burned just thinking about any one of the hundreds of moments over the last few weeks that would turn our world upside down if Edward knew about them.
The round ended, and Emmet, Edward, Jasper and Carlisle's team had won. No one seemed to care. We all sat woodenly, staring at the pile of cards and game pieces in front of us. I could feel Jasper staring, and I briefly wondered if he was trying to influence my mood. I could usually tell, but sometimes he was sneaky. I couldn't figure out what he'd emotion be trying to change, since I didn't seem to be any more out-of-sorts than the rest of them, so I let the suspicion slide.
I hadn't wanted to go in the first place, but I had accepted Edward's invitation to keep up appearances. He was still my boyfriend, after all. But now seemed like the perfect time to make my escape.
I faked a yawn and stretched my arms up over my head. "It's getting late, I should go."
Everyone looked relieved, and several of them pushed back their chairs as if they'd been anticipating—hoping for?—my departure.
"Well, Bella, it was nice to see you. We should do this again soon," Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and I involuntarily flinched. He was so kind. I'd die if he knew how I had betrayed his son. How I had betrayed their entire family and all of the goodness and love they'd gifted me with.
I hugged Alice goodbye and bid everyone else goodnight. Edward slipped my jacket over my arms and walked me to my truck. He opened the door for me, but held my sleeve so I couldn't get in. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a tight hug. I felt like I was suffocating, and I wasn't sure if it was love or punishment.
He kissed my head and sighed. "I love you. Have… have a good night." A wistful glance passed over his face like a shadow, and it made me sad to see him so dejected. I knew it was all my fault. I got into the truck and turned up the heat. He stood at the edge of the driveway until I turned the bend and could no longer see him standing there in my rearview mirror.
. . . . .
I turned right instead of left out of the Cullens' driveway. I didn't mean to, but I let the road take me to the reservation. I parked outside of Jacob's house. All of the lights were off except for the one in his bedroom. His shadow darkened the shade for just a moment, and then disappeared.
The front door inched open. He stood on the step, waiting as I cut the engine.
He reached for me as I came up the walk, and enveloped me in his arms without a word. His lips pressed against the top of my head, my forehead, my cheek, my lips. I hungrily kissed him back. He reached down, scooped me up and carried me into his room.
We collapsed on the bed, shedding shoes and jackets, extra layers of clothing that kept us apart, struggling to muffle our kisses and giggles and moans so Billy wouldn't hear.
. . . . .
The next afternoon, Edward and I sat at the kitchen table. I was staring blankly at my English homework. He was staring at me. I could feel his eyes burning into me, trying to hear what I was thinking. I was glad he couldn't, because even I was sick of hearing my thoughts.
I was so torn. The life that I thought I'd wanted, that I'd committed myself to, was sitting right in front of me. A forever future with the man of my dreams. Romantic, passionate, perfect. Edward.
But this new, alternate future was warm, exciting, adrenaline-filled. Jacob-filled. And something about him tugged at my heart in ways that Edward never had.
Now that I'd been doing more than just thinking about him, my connection to Jacob was stronger than ever. Before, it had been just an emotional attachment. Now—after holding hands, kissing, torrid make-out sessions—it was becoming a physical one. That was a bond Edward hadn't allowed me to create with him. I understood the reasons, but being so close to Jacob—skin-on-skin—gave our relationship a depth I couldn't have with Edward. That expression of love was one I needed to feel whole, and I hadn't realized how deprived of physical affection I was. Or how hard it was to fully express my love without being allowed to say it in ways other than just words.
"Bella? Is something bothering you?" Edward asked, but I knew he didn't need to. He could tell. I shut my book with a sigh and scooted my chair backward, scraping the legs along the floor.
"I'm fine. It's the weather or something. It's making me sad. Or something. I don't know."
I sat on the edge of my chair and stared at my shoes. One lace was coming untied. It felt like my whole world was coming untied.
"Do you want to do something else? We could… play a game?" Edward looked as lost as I felt. I didn't want to do anything. Well, I wanted to cry, but that wasn't really an activity for two.
Suddenly his face snapped to the left, but I could see nothing out the window but the neighbor kids chasing their dog around the yard.
"Seriously?" Edward's anger sparked, then he checked himself and his face softened.
I looked at him for a clue, and out of the corner of my eye saw Jacob's Rabbit pull into the driveway. This was not happening. I closed my eyes and hoped it would all go away.
But it was happening, and Jacob wasn't going away. Instead, he got out of his car, walked past Edward's Volvo like he didn't see it, and let himself into the house. He'd never done that before, and it irked me. What was he up to?
Jake was talking before he even rounded the corner into the kitchen. "You forgot your sweater at my house last night… Oh. Hi, Edward." He barely managed to mask his smile.
I stared at him in disbelief. What on earth was he trying to pull?
Edward looked at me, and then at Jacob. His body stiffened and his nostrils flared. I knew he was seeing everything Jacob was thinking. And I didn't need to read Jacob's mind to know what he was thinking about.
Edward stood abruptly, knocking the kitchen chair into the wall with a bang. His hands balled into fists at his side and a hiss escaped his lips. Jacob stepped forward aggressively, his fists ready and jaw set.
Edward finally broke from their shared death stare and glanced at me. I was frozen. Watching the two of them face off like this broke my heart because I knew it was breaking theirs'. Edward backed up a step and stuffed his hands in his pocket , trying to hide his anger.
"I'll see you tomorrow at school, Bella." He didn't look at me again before he left. I stood, rooted to the floor.
When his car was out of sight, I turned on Jacob.
"That wasn't fair, Jacob. You knew he'd be here—you saw he was here. You knew that would hurt him."
"All's fair in love and war, Bella," Jacob growled between his teeth, leaning in closer with every word, his eyes flaming.
"This is my life, Jacob. It isn't a war," I tried to push him away, but his immovability just stoked my anger.
He stared hard at me. "For me it is."
"Just leave." I'd lost the will to fight and slumped down on the floor next to the refrigerator.
The door slammed and I buried my face in my arms and cried.
. . . . .