CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT – AWAKE AND ALIVE
Hey there guys, another update. Kinda late, but still it's an update ;) Anyway, I named this one Awake And Alive because after I finished it, I was thinking about a song by Skillet and I thought it kind of fit. Go listen to it. it's called Awake by Skillet ;)
Enjoy! :D
One Week Later
I groggily opened my eyes to the now familiar clinic room. I groaned as I did every other morning; then came the memories, then came the water-works.
But today, I did not cry. My eyes burned as if they wanted to shed tears, but none came. I steadied myself with a deep breath and looked at the ceiling.
He wasn't gone and wasn't coming back in any way, shape or form. I sighed and closed my eyes for a second then opened them when I sensed a presence on the other side of the door. I didn't say anything and began to hum to myself quietly, still acutely aware that someone was listening. After a few minutes, I got bored.
"If I continue to ignore you, will you stand there forever?"
After a few seconds, the door knob turned and in walked the doctor. "Rose…" she began uncertainly, "I…you are never ready for my examinations this early, you're always…" her voice trailed off and I knew what she meant.
"I'm sorry, do you what you need to do," I said.
Her eyes widened with momentary shock. "Are…are you sure?"
I nodded, slightly irritated, though not because I knew it was all my doing that she was treating me like this. "I'm not that fragile." I muttered. Immediately the Doc went into medical mode, whipping out her clipboard and professional-looking papers.
"Actually, Rose," She began in a scholarly voice. "You are quite fragile, your left wrist is broken a clean break, the bone split perfectly. And this time," she looked up and met my eyes sternly. "You've managed to break all your ribs. You're badly cut and bruised, but you're all bandaged up." She said cheerfully.
"Just my cup of sunshine," I said sarcastically.
"Rose," she chided. "Your condition was very critical when you were brought in here, you should not be taking this so easily."
"That's Rose Hathaway for you," I said smirking at her bemused expression. I tried to pull myself up into a straight sitting position, but Doc tried to hold me back, but I waved her off. I winced a couple of times, but I did it. "So where are all my presents? Doesn't anybody care that the Great Rose Hathaway is temporarily out of commission?" I joked ruefully.
"Oh, people care – everybody cares. You should see the waiting room and one of the spare storage rooms."
That spiked my interest. "Really? Can I see them?" I asked eager to get off my ass and do something.
"You can't even walk, Rose."
"We're going to see about that," When she realized what I was doing, it was too late to push me back on the bed. The Doc caught me just as I fell off the edge. She steadied me and I grinned. "See? I can stand," I said triumphantly.
"Rose!" the Doc exclaimed. "You need to get back into bed; it's not good for you to strain yourself,"
"This is no strain for me," I murmured as we began to hobble out of the room.
"Rose," the Doc groaned.
"Say, Doc, I never got your name," I said to take the focus off me.
"Annabelle," she replied as we entered the waiting room. About the entire Academy was there.
They all gasped when they saw me and I laughed. "I know, I know, I'm rather hideous, not my preferred look, but it's okay." I said gamely as I hobbled over to where Dereck his crew, Alexander and Mikhail were sitting.
Actually, Alexander, Jane, Carter, Tristin, Tommy and Madison were in chair; Laura, Mikhail, Dereck, Kevin, Leo and Julian were on the floor. I went over there and used Alexander's knee to support me as I slowly lowered myself to the ground with the help of the Doc. I sighed as I leaned my head back against Alexander's knees and smirked. "So, Annabelle, when can I leave?"
She was furious then. "You can leave when I say you can! Rose, do you know how badly injured you were?" she all but shouted.
I kept my eyes on her, but I was aware of Alexander's fingers running through my hair. I was aware that Mikhail's hand was resting on my knee and that Dereck had intertwined our fingers. I discreetly scanned the gifts in the room and saw a very, very large box of chocolates. "Oh, yum-yum," I said, breaking through the Doc's speech beginnings. "Can you pass that?" I whispered to no one in particular and about five hands reached for it.
It was set in my lap and I opened it up, sending the top tray around to everyone. I had a little trouble unwrapping the tray and Dereck reached over to help me. I quickly pecked him on the cheek and turned back to the Doc. "No, I don't, but tell me. I want to know," I said quietly.
"Rose," she began in a softer tone. "You were almost gone; you'd lost so much blood." She shivered slightly as I passed Mikhail and Dereck chocolates. Then I pulled out a heart-shaped one and held it over my head for Alexander. I felt his warm lips carefully remove the chocolate heart from my fingers; I smiled to myself and popped a chocolate into my own mouth.
"Rose, you had a stake in your heart, a stake. No, thank you," she added because I was holding out a chocolate to her.
Imagine this: an eighteen year old female guardian with a broken wrist, bandaged and scraped face, legs and arms, sitting on the floor in a hospital gown, surrounded by her friends, eating a huge box of chocolates while receiving a lecture from her doctor.
"How do you explain that, Rose? A stake in your heart and, by the way, why was the handle of the stake sharpened, it looked almost intentional, Rose, please explain that."
I didn't even hesitate; I was going to play her. "Which question or accusation do you want me to explain?"
"What the hell were you thinking, going out there to fight Strigoi?"
"Would you believe me if I said that I went for a walk and was attacked?"
"No,"
"How about sleep-walking?"
"Rose," her voice was stern. "We need to know,"
"If you're worried about Strigoi attacking anyone outside of the wards, you're being dumb; I will bet a thousand dollars that I got every damn one."
"Rose," Annabelle's voice was much softer now. "I know this must be hard for you –"
I quickly put my fingers in my ears and glared. "This is not hard on me and I do not want your sympathy, nor do I need it. So, please, if I beg your pardon, shut up." It was quiet for a few seconds and I was pleased. "Okay, I guess that was a bit rude, but I don't want any sympathy."
"Fine, Rose, but tell me one thing," Annabelle said carefully."
"On thing and then I can go?" I asked hopefully, leaning forward.
"No," my hopes crashed and I slumped back against Alexander's knees. "But I'll give you some freedom, deal?"
"I can make freedom of my own," I muttered under my breath, Dereck and Mikhail had to smoother laughs. "Deal, what do you want to know?" I asked in a louder voice.
"Why was there a stake in your heart?" I looked into her eyes; she thought I'd tried to kill myself.
I laughed. "Surely, you don't need to worry about my state of mind, it was an accident." I laughed again putting another chocolate in my mouth, ignoring the astounded stares form the people around me.
"An accident?" Annabelle shrieked with disbelief and I nodded, still chewing contently as I observed her reaction. "How – how could it have been an accident?"
Alexander's fingers had paused in my hair and everyone was looking at me, awaiting my answer I swallowed and nodded again. "Yeah, it was an accident. Ask Alexander about how he first found me."
Her eyes shifted above me, holding the obvious question; Alexander spoke, "A Strigoi was on top of you," he said slowly. "I lifted him off and three was the stake."
"I know that," she said in exasperation. "But how did the stake get to your heart and why was it sharpened on both ends?"
"To the first question, I'd staked him and since I was weak, shorted and shifted off to the side, the stake was in the correct position to penetrate my own heart as his own as we fell to the ground." I looked away for a quick moment, hoping no one caught the unsteady waver to my own when I said 'my own heart as his own'. "To the second, the Strigoi thought it would be entertaining if they 'upgraded' my stake. So it was intentional just not on my behalf."
Dereck laughed beside me and we turned to look at him; he was looking at me. "As always, your excuses are flawless," he joked and several people laughed, myself included. "But…I'm sure many of us here want you to do something," I was curious so I gestured for him to continue. "You've got to promise that you will not go outside the wards without someone else with you."
"There is no way I can promise that," I shook my head, but seeing the stern and concerned faces of my friends, I caved some. "Alright, alright, as long as I am at this Academy, I promise that I will tell someone that I am going outside of the wards by myself, which will mean that someone will insist on accompanying me, so no worries."
It seemed as if that eased them all up. "Thank you, Rose," Annabelle said and I pursed my lips grudgingly. Being treated like a child, how degrading.
"So, anyway," I said, "How long do ribs take to get better?"
From Annabelle to the Doc now. "Months, you're stuck in that brace until they heal."
"Guardian Hathaway," Tristin said quickly and my eyes skipped over to her. "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure, um, how about my room?" I suggested and she nodded quickly. Immediately, Dereck and Mikhail jumped up to help me stand. I gave them both a kiss on the cheek before Tristin led me away.
When she set me on the bed and closed the door, she turned to me with a very serious expression on her face. "Guardian Hathaway, I want to heal you," she announced.
"W-what? That's great! No!" I caught myself in time. "No, no way – I will not let you!"
There was a soft knock on the door and Annabelle peaked in. "Is there a problem?" she asked, looking at me.
My eyes did not move from Tristin's. "Of course not, Doc," I answered and she nodded slowly, backing out and closing the door behind her.
"Guardian Hathaway, I owe you my well-being so I can afford to bring you yours." Tristin said in a calm voice, as if she'd thought this out.
"No, you can't afford it," I said frostily. "Do you know how much it will drain you, with my injuries?"
"I don't care, Guardian Hathaway, I want to help you." There were tears in her eyes as she moved towards me. She practically threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my waist in a gentle hug. I hugged her back as she rested her head against my shoulder. "I can't stand to see you like this, Guardian Hathaway," she chocked out.
I patted her hair. "Don't say it like that," I joked trying to ease her tension and erase her despair. "You're making me sound like a crip –" I broke off when I felt the tingle of magic spread through my midsection. "Tristin –" I began but she was already pulling away.
"There," she smiled triumphantly. "Your ribs are healed."
She grinned as I glowered. "You tricked me," I ground out.
She shrugged giddily. "So? You're ribs are better, now all you need to worry about is your arm and cuts and stuff; but I can do those later."
"No, you absolutely will not."
"Yes, I absolutely will." She countered.
"No, you've done too much already," then grudgingly, I had to add, "Thank you."
She squealed joyfully and hugged me again, when she punned back, I grinned impishly and we both laughed. "What are we going to say to the doctor?" Tristin asked, her brow going together.
My careless attitude came back and I laughed easily. "Who cares? I'll make something up," I was already running through the possible stories in my head. I was going to stick with it being a Rose Hathaway Miracle. I seemed to be getting a lot of those lately. "Now, help me out of this thing – I'm pretty sure that there's a little clasp or something on the side."
Tristin moved forward and pulled my gown open, searching for the thing that would release me from this stupid plastic thing. "Ah, there it is," she murmured to herself and less than a second later, the brace loosened and my skin could breathe again. I pulled in a deep breath, loving the way my diaphragm expanded. There was no soreness at all. I looked up at Tristin Badica and gave her my best grin.
We laughed and she pulled me to my feet as we exited the room with our arms around each other – not for support, but a friendly gesture. Everyone looked so shocked to see me walking so easily, after all, I'd walked away, leaning on Tristin for support. I grinned and game a low bow.
The best expression, by far, was the Doc's; her mouth was open, her eyes wide and the clipboard and pen limp in her hands.
"It's a miracle," I smirked at her, patting my tummy as she recovered.
"I'm going to need to examine you," she said, still slightly disbelieving.
"Then come on, Doc," I opened my arms.
"I'll do it right now, if you want to expose yourself to an audience," she nodded to my friends. "Hmm," I pretended to think about it. "Nah, I don't think so, prudency is needed some times." I took her hand and led her behind the large desk.
It was kind of awkward, but what can you do?
"Can't be real," I heard her mumble as she probed my ribcage. I grinned when she found not one crack or fracture. "I don't know how you did it, but I will reward you with my astonishment, Miss Hathaway." She gave me a small, slightly dazed smile. She pulled down the gown again and fixed me with a serious stare. "Rose, you went through surgery, so you'll have some scares," she waited for my reaction.
I shrugged indifferently. "Oh well," I said, but something was bothering me.
I looked down at my destroyed hands as he worked. "This is only the start, isn't it?"
"Of what?"
"Me. Turning into Alberta. Her…and all the other female guardians. They're all leathery and stuff. Fighting and training and always being outdoors – they aren't pretty anymore." I paused. "This…this life. It destroys them. Their looks, I mean."
He hesitated for a moment and looked up from my hands. Those warm brown eyes surveyed me and something tightened in my chest. Damn it. I had to stop feeling this way around him. "It won't happen to you. You're too…" he groped for the right word and I mentally substituted all sorts of possibilities. Goddesslike. Scorchingly sexy. Giving up, he simply said, "It won't happen to you."
Tears filled my eyes as I turned my face away. "I don't care about scars."
"You know, there's something funny about Tasha's scars."
"What's that?" he asked.
"The scars…they mess up her face," I began slowly. I was having trouble putting my thoughts into words. "I mean, it's obvious she used to be really pretty. But even with the scars now…I don't know. She's pretty in a different way. It'd like…they're part of her. They complete her." It sounded silly, but it was true.
Dimitri didn't say anything, but he gave me a sidelong glance. I returned it and our eyes met, I saw the briefest glimpse of the old attraction. It was fleeting and gone too soon, but I'd seen it. Pride and approval replaced it and they were almost as good.
When he spoke, it was to echo his earlier thoughts. "You're a fast learner, Roza."
"I don't care about scars," my voice was chocked now. My hand went to my newly bandaged right hand. Something caught my attention. It was newly bandaged. I whipped my head back to the Doc. "Did you see this?" I demanded in a low voice.
She nodded slowly. "Yes and I stitched it so it would heal quickly and easily." Her eyes narrowed slightly as she leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Did you do that to yourself, Rose?"
I shook my head. "No…" my voice was too thick with tears, chocked by emotion. "I didn't do it…Dimitri –" I stopped talking and turned my body away completely.
"That's what you say every morning," she was Annabelle now, not the Doc. "When you cry…you always say 'Dimitri, I'm so sorry, Dimitri'." I felt her eyes on my back and I didn't respond. Shaking my head, slowly I walked to the far side of the desk, opened the gate and walked numbly back to my room.
Ignoring the voices behind me, I closed the door and sat on my bed. Slowly unraveling the thick gauze, I stared down at my hand. I lightly traced the heart as a few tears rolled down my face. "Dimitri," I whispered as one tear fell in the center of the heart. I stared at it. "Forever." I wiped my tears away just as someone knocked at the door. "Come in," I said and the door opened to reveal Alexander. I smiled at him as he stood in front of me.
Oh, how it hurt to see him.
I'd used him as a temporary substitute in my romantic life and I'd come to like him, more than I should have. And then I got broken down when his fiancée came in and told me of their future plans of getting married. I was just a stupid girl, thinking that if I distracted myself enough, I'd forget Dimitri for the time being.
It hurt to see him, because of what he'd done to me and what I'd done to him. He didn't even know that he was being used, he still didn't. But on a level, I wasn't only using, I actually liked him – no where did it say that you had to be in love with someone to be involved. I'd believed that most of my life, why go against it now, right? He'd hurt me too, so we could call it even, right?
Who was I kidding? I was just looking for a way to rid myself of some guilt that was crushing me.
Focus on the now, Rose. Never loose your focus.
I blinked and looked at him, my smile slowly slipping away. He obviously noticed that I'd been crying. Alexander touched my cheek lightly (there was a bandage there). "How are you doing?" he asked quietly. I wordlessly help my arms open and he moved forward, slipping his arms around my waist as he stood in between my legs. I held him tightly, my arms around his neck as he held me just as tightly.
"I thought I'd lost you," he whispered thickly.
I pulled back a little to look at him. "You won't get rid of me that easily, Alexander," I replied and suddenly, his lips were on my own. I didn't kiss him back as I should have, as he deserved, as he was expecting. When he pulled back, I smiled sadly. "We can't, not anymore."
"I know, I…I just hoped, I wanted it so bad, Rose…I'm so sorry."
I closed my eyes and turned my face into his neck. "So am I," I murmured so quietly that there was no way he could hear me.
We pulled away from each other when there was a knock at the door. Dereck presented himself, his crew behind him. He came to me quickly, entirely ignoring Alexander. Throwing his arms around me and burying his face in my hair, he said, "Rose."
"Hey, Dereck," I said softly, hugging him back.
"You will never do that again,"
Translation: You will never do that to me again.
"I won't have to," I replied.
"Good because I'm not going to let you," he informed me.
I pulled back to look at him in amusement. "I'm supposed to be the boss, remember?" I joked.
Dereck was as serious as I'd ever seen him.
"Not this time."
When Annabelle came in, I was listening to my iPod and playing Brick. She had a sad and grave face on when I glanced up, so I decided to play it nonchalantly. "Uh-oh, who died?" looking back down at my game and continuing on with it.
"I think I might," she mumbled and I purposely lost so I could focus on her.
"What did I do now?" I smirked.
"You're depriving me of your company," she said wistfully.
"What are you talking about?" I turned off my iPod, motioning for her to sit beside me.
"You've gotten better, Rose and it's time to let you go," she sighed.
"Are you serious?" I asked disbelievingly. She nodded wordlessly. I felt like screaming like a cheerleader. "Woo-hoo!" I shouted. "Yes! Woo!" I was incredibly happy. I was going to throw my hands in the air, but only one made it. The Doc had handcuffed my right wrist to the bed so I wouldn't try to escape like I did with Dereck before. She wasn't going to at first, but I tried sneaking out and got caught. How was I supposed to know that she had security posted outside my door at night?
I glared at her accusingly. "It's going to take some time before I forgive you for this," I moved my wrist so the cuffs made a metallic bagging sound, making sure she knew what I meant.
She gave me a pleading look as she pulled the key from her doctor's jacket. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't let you get hurt more. You were a danger to yourself – no scratch that, you are a danger to yourself."
"I wouldn't have done anything," I said innocently.
"You would have left," she countered and I didn't respond. "Exactly. Rose, now you're still going to have to be careful with yourself, but there's nothing that time won't heal."
My hand went unconsciously to my neck where Dimitri's ring lay. You're wrong, I thought.
Annabelle studied me and placed a hand on my leg. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I quickly shook my head. "Nope, I want to get out of here." I hopped off the bed and looked around. "Do I get clothes or are you going to make me walk around in this?" I gestured to the flimsy gown.
She laughed, but I saw the concerned look in her eyes. "No, I sent Mikhail to get some clothes from your room. They're over there," she pointed to one of the chairs that was beside the bed and smiled tenderly at me. "I'll give you some privacy." She left me alone with the clothes and a mirror that I could see my bruised and broken appearance.
"Hmm," I muttered with displeasure as I turned my back to it and pulled the pair of sweats from the pile. I yanked them on quickly, not wanting to look too long as the tell-tale marks of what had happened. I pulled on the black long-sleeve, covering my abdominal and arms quickly as well, covering the marks there. Looking into the mirror, I began to smooth my hair over my shoulders; when it looked good enough, I stared at my complexion. I reached up and ripped the bandages off my face, revealing three parallel healing gashed starting about beside my nose and down and under my chin.
Interesting, I thought to myself, it was such a strange scar. I blinked and adjusted the neck of the shirt and gave up, there was no way I would ever conceal this without a scarf or very large turtleneck. That's not going to happen, I thought to myself as I tried to brush my hair forward; which was successful because it could cover half of my face. I suppose some people who say that I was being dark, as in emo and others would say I was being shallow, shying away from my scars and imperfections. Fine, call me shallow, but I don't want to scare people away.
"They complete her…" – "You're a fast learner, Roza."
I ran my hand through my hair and shook it out comfortably. So what about my scars? I didn't care. I strode out of the room that I'd been living in for long enough with my old Rose Hathaway attitude evident in my stride.
"Damn," someone said. "Is that a limp in her walk?"
"No, man," someone else responded. "That's called swagger,"
My eyes found Dereck and Mikhail cracking up as they waited for me. I waved to them joyfully and laughed as Mikhail swept me up into his strong arms, lifting me off the ground. I hugged him back tightly and then moved on to hug Dereck and Alexander who was behind him – there was nothing there anymore. No emotion for Alexander; respect, yeah, of course; but no more romance there. Strictly friendly now – I'd wanted it to work, messed it up and broken it; but it wasn't only me. I wasn't the one with the fucking fiancé.
"Bye, Annabelle!" I yelled as we left the clinic. Mikhail took my hand on one side and Dereck took my other. I swung both my arms, swinging both of theirs. "What are we doing today?" I asked in a cheery tone.
"What ever you want to do," Mikhail responded.
I stopped suddenly, halting the others around me and putting them on edge. "What about the field experience?" I asked.
"That is on hold currently," Alexander said calmly. "Considering the recent…events and how people were affected by it, we decided it best that it be postponed until further notice."
I huffed. "You people really shouldn't care about me so much," I grumbled under my breath, resuming the walk.
"What?" Dereck asked, leaning towards me.
"Nothing," I practically sang. "It's great you guys love me so much, but we really should get this experience going, you wouldn't want them to miss out."
Strangely in sync, the all sighed,"Rose,"
What I was saying about the song, that even though Rose has practically died. No. Scratch that. HAS died, she is still herself and she's not going to let anything bring her down. The most important line in that song, in my opinion, "I'll do what I want because it's my life" and that pretty much describes Rose - cuz she really doesn't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks or tells her to do. :D
I hope you liked this chapter, please review and tell me what you think. In your review please give me a little input on this:
For the next chapter I'm thinking of 1 - decribing some events in the field experience 2 - describing one event in the field experience that would be really dramatic 3 - skipping the entire field experience and then moving on to something i really want to do ;)
I'd like some input on what you guys would like. Help me out here and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH MY STORY!
Love ya,
Alice 3