. . . . .
"Alice, do you still see me? I mean, see me like… you?"
I'd been trying to muscle up the courage to ask her that question for days. Settled in on the couch with her, I knew I had to ask now or I'd lose the nerve again.
Her eyes snapped up to mine, and she looked frightened, like a child caught with something they weren't supposed to have.
"Bella, you know Edward said I can't talk to you about that." Her words were careful.
I rolled my eyes and tried again.
"I know, Alice. But I have to know the answer. Do you still see me like you? Changed?"
She watched me for a minute, then looked stealthily toward the living room where Emmett and Edward were playing chess. I didn't know why she bothered—Edward's super-hearing and mind-reading abilities could get past her attempts to be quiet if he really wanted to hear what she was telling me. Her hands stretched across the table toward mine, and she leaned in closely.
"Bella—sometimes I can, and it's just like it's always been. I see us all together, happy. Forever. But sometimes, I can't. Sometimes I can't see you at all." Her eyes fell. "That's been happening more and more lately."
I nodded slowly. I knew exactly why.
. . . . .
"We'll see you tonight!" Emmett clapped me a little too hard on the back as he ran out of the cafeteria after Rosalie.
"Tonight?" I looked at Edward. "I wasn't supposed to come over, was I?" I had promised Jake I'd do something with him—had I double-booked myself?
"Oh—you aren't coming, Bella?" Alice looked confused. "I thought we were all going to…"
Edward held up his hand, silencing her.
I glared at Edward, and looked past him to Alice. "Going to what?"
Edward ignored my question. "It doesn't matter, Alice. Bella's busy tonight."
"I kind of already had plans," I repeated hesitantly, struggling to come up with something believable. "But it wasn't anything important. Just—well, Charlie has been bugging me to spend time with other people. He thinks Edward and I spend too much time together." I blushed. "But if you're all doing, it's different."
"It's no problem, Bella. We can get together some other time." Alice's disappointment clouded her face.
"No, it's fine. I'll just—I'll just change my... mind." I shook my head and reached for my phone.
"But maybe you'd rather go with Jacob. I mean, I don't have any permanent claim on you." Edward reached down and touched my cheek, speaking softly. "You can choose differently, Bella. You don't have to choose me."
He wasn't just talking about tonight, that was obvious. My anger flared. This was too much.
"Edward, stop trying to push me away or make my mind up for me. This is my decision."
He looked at me and then down to the table. "Yes. Yes, it is."
His voice sounded hollow.
Jasper jumped up suddenly, knocking his chair over backwards. He stared at Edward for a long minute and then practically stomped out of the cafeteria.
Alice looked after him, then glared at Edward before running after Jasper.
Edward didn't say anything else, and I stared at my half-eaten sandwich until the bell rang.
. . . . .
The guys were going to a movie, and Jake called, begging me to come along when I told him I didn't think I was up for anything after all.
"Everyone has a date but me, Bells. You have to come with me," he pleaded.
I looked at the pile of books and papers on my desk. I had several projects due the next week and I'd planned to hit them hard all weekend so my week wasn't so stressful. I gripped the phone and tried to put up a fight. Jake was hearing none of it.
Twenty minutes later, I heard the Rabbit grumble up the street and I dashed out the door before Jake could even park.
He pushed my car door open without even having to lean over, and he kissed my cheek gently when I climbed in. "You smell amazing, Bells. You always smell amazing."
"Like strawberries?" I elbowed him lightly and buckled my seat belt. "We're gonna be late."
We met Quil, Embry, Sam, Emily, Jared and Paul outside the theater. I looked at Jake and shook my head. "Everyone has a date but you, huh?" He tried to look innocent and shrugged. I snickered as he wrapped his arms around me and dragged me into the building.
. . . . .
I couldn't concentrate on the movie—not when I had my own romantic drama playing out in real life. Why did it always look so easy on the big screen?
I thought about Edward and wondered what the Cullens had planned that I was missing out on. I found it strange that Edward hadn't invited me. Unless he knew I'd want time to do something else. But I realized I didn't feel bad about not being with them, and I wondered what that said about me.
Moments from the last few months spun through my head and I tried to see if there was a clear pattern I could identify. Had I already made up my mind and just didn't know it?
I looked away from the movie screen and down to Jacob's lap where our fingers were intertwined comfortably. White on brown, brown on white. His hand was twice the size of mine and twice as warm. He looked over at me through dark lashes; caught me looking at our hands. He leaned toward me, brushed his nose against my cheek and inhaled deeply. His full lips pressed softly at my jaw line. My stomach flipped and I looked back up at the screen.
I knew I couldn't let this continue. I also knew I wasn't strong enough to break it off. It was too perfect.
We were too perfect.
. . . . .