Author's Note: Hey everyone!
First of all, a big thank you to the 8 reviewers- you guys rock! If there's anything that I misspelled, or need to double check my facts on, feel free to tell me in a review. If there's anything you want me to add- any funny stories about newbies, or any funny stories about when you were a newbie, feel free to tell me! Hope you enjoy this next installation of Diary of A Wimpy Newbie!
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Day 19:
Today I am going to go kill myself. I found out that the wilderness is now a free for all kill-fest. So I am going to make a lot of fires and collect all the ashes and put on no armor and have no weapon with me. I'm going to go piss off some guy that thinks he's going to get the biggest freebie he's ever gotten. He's going to get a lot- of JUNK! So I'm going. I'll tell you how I'm doing tomorrow. Actually, I don't even have to wait for tomorrow. I can do it right now. I'm going to go collect ashes first. I'm going over the bridge near the cow place. That's where a lot of people go to make fires, I found out. After they kill the cows, they cook the meat. WOW, I'M SO LUCKY! THERE'S A LOT OF ASHES ALREADY HERE! YES! I MUST BE THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW! OR AT LEAST FOR RIGHT NOW. BUT I STILL THINK I AM THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, pUnKeDuBaD2134! I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT! NO, I'M NOT A NOOB! GOSH, WHAT IS UP WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS? JUST BECAUSE I'M LVL 5, DOESN'T MEAN I AM A NOOB! AND WHAT IS A NOOB ANYWAY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FOUL MOUTHED. I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN'T SWEAR. I MEAN, HOW EASY IS IT TO SAY, "YOU'RE SO CHEAP, YOU'RE ONLY WORTH A QUARTER OF A CENT!" OR "YOU'RE PURPLE, LIKE GRAPES!" OR "YOU'RE SO COLORFUL, YOU LOOK LIKE MUD!"

Honestly.

I mean, how hard is it to just not use big words? I mean, instead of using big technical words that no one can understand, why not use what I just said? Oh, and for your information, there's a dictionary on the internet that doesn't use complicated big words.

IT'S CALLED WIKIPEDIA, PEOPLEZ!

I mean, most people only have a vocabulary of a first grader, like me, right?

Day 20:
Sooooooooooooo... I've been working hard on collecting ashes, and so far I have 112 ashes, enough to fill 4 inventories full. I've filled up my inventory with ashes, and now I'm going to go to the wilderness. Here I go.

I've made it to the wilderness border. The pile of rocks look really scary, and there are a lot of people fighting. Some are shooting red bullets at other people, some others are holding big, scary looking swords and hacking at other people. Now I've jumped over, and I am a little scared, but mostly excited. I take a few steps forward. No one's trying to kill me yet. Phew. There is a skull above most people's heads, and I don't know what that means. I go farther.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! A lvl 20 person just hit me! Now I'm half dead! I can't believe this. I told him he would just get ashes, and guess what he said?

"lol. ****ing noob. ur so retarded"

First of all, I'm not retarted. I'm not a strawberry fruitcake or a tart you know! Besides, if I was a tart, everyone would want to lick me and eat me and I wouldn't be here now because everyone would have taken a bite out of me and that would be a lot of bites OH HEY LOOK, BONES! and then I wouldn't be here because if everyone took a bite out of me I would be dead and or gone OMG THERE ARE A TON OF ARROWS AROUND HERE AND A LOT OF COOL STUFF LIKE GOBLIN ARMOR I WONDER IF I CAN WEAR THAT? although I learned in class that a person is made up of water so if they're biting me then doesn't that mean they're just drinking water?

My mom and my dad and my teachers all say I'm super smart and can figure out things quickly if only I use my brain more but my friend Bob says that I'm one smart cookie. Everyone says I'm some food or the other, but I just wanna be me!

I'm running away, and I'm in a place with a lot of trees. Good thing the evil lvl 20 is gone. He didn't feel like chasing after me probably. I have to go home. But I don't know which way is Lumbridge. I don't want to go back and ask someone, or they might kill me.

OMG, I have 5 hearts left and my heart is flashing this probably means I am about to die!

I'm scared.

I don't wanna die.

I don't wanna face judgment day yet.

I'M SORRY

MOMMY!

Day 21:
I logged off and logged back on and my hearts increased a few so now I'm going to try to get out of here except I don't know which way I should run. Should I turn back and face those mean members making fun of me and trying to kill me? Or should I just wander around and wait it out until I somehow end up home?

What should I do?

What should I do?

What should I do?

What should I do?

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Aha! I just remembered that there is one way I can get home easily- the Lumbridge teleport, which everyone has, and everyone is given one after they get out of Tutorial Island.

I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home, I'm teleporting home!

HEY! NOT COOL! A BUNCH OF SCARY THINGS JUST ATTACKED ME! THERE ARE FOUR GUYS (OR GIRLS) AND THEY'RE ALL IN BLACK ARMOR!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BLACK KNIGHTS!

OH WAIT, THEY'RE PLAYERS! HEY! NOT FUNNY YOU KNOW!

I tried telling them that it was no use killing me and that I didn't have anything they wanted. In fact, I didn't have anything, period. I even tried to reason with them. But all they said was that it was easy to kill me, and I was just wandering around, and that I was a noob. One even called me stupid! The nerve of him! I'm telling mommy when I get off!

Hey, I'm almost dead!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help! help!

Stop, stop, stop, just please stop already!

I need to get out of here. I just need to get out of here. I need to get out. I just need to get. I don't know when the guys will kill me, but I'm guessing it will be soon. I can't do this. I can't run. I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY I'M RUNNING! HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! OH, GOOD, I'M BACK IN THE GREEN GRASS AND DIRT PART OF THE WILDERNESS AGAIN.

HEY! SOMEONE! I NEED HELP! SOME GUYS ARE AFTER ME AND I NEED HELP FIGHTING THEM! ANYONE WANT TO HELP?

And there is a saver. Some guy named Pwn1U2Oh3 says he wants to help me fight the four guys. I'm so thankful. He is going with me back again. I'm getting nervous. I'm so scared. What if the guys appear out of nowhere? I tell Pwn1U2Oh3 this, and he says it's no big deal. He wants to rest. Fine with me, I think I need a break too.

What's this? He's ATTACKING me? What the heck?

SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER! SCAMMER!

Oh no! The guys in black are back! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What?

they just told Pwn1U2Oh3, "thx bro, 4 helping us rid R S of noobs!"

I told them, "Scammer! I am going to REPORT YOU ALL!"

The last thing I saw before I died was Pwn1U2Oh3 saying one word in capital letters.

"NOOB."