Hey everyone, StarryHeaven here. I just wanted to welcome you guys to THE VERY LAST CHAPTER of Diary of a Wimpy Newbie! Yay! I couldn't have done it without ALL you guys that reviewed so thank you everyone so much! ~virtual hugs everyone~
I hope everyone liked this story, and if you have any comments or improvements, please, please feel free to message me or leave a review!
Now, on to the last chapter! ^.^
Day 28
So today I got cheated. I was in Lumbridge (again, somehow I end up there every single stinkin' time I die I mean like can't I go somewhere else more interesting after I die like Varrock or Falador, or even the Wilderness? …although the Wilderness is really REALLY dangerous and I'll just get killed again.) But ANYWAY, so what was I saying again, oh yeah, the fact that I CAN'T STAND blue cheese! I mean, it's so smelly and stinky and it's already rotten anyway because I heard from someone else who said they were smarter than me (but they were really dumb and not even half as smart as me cuz I'm the smartest in the world so ha!) that blue cheese is actually already rotten because there are bacteria in the cheese that make it blue! I mean, who would want to eat cheese with bacteria in it already because its dirty and I learned that I can't eat food once it's passed the 1-second rule (which is that you can't eat food once it's been on the ground over 1 second) so I'm smarter than him so ha! I WIN! Besides, I'm SMART so I know that if anything has bacteria on it (like your hands or your face) you can wash it off with soap and water. So why can't the people just wash the cheese with soap and water and then eat it? I don't think drinking soapy water is a problem. I mean, it's just soap. If it makes your hands squeaky clean, then it should make your insides squeaky clean too, right? See how I'm WAY SMARTER than the average person? I'm so awesome! Yay me! So today on Runescape I went to a random village that I found on the map (cause I'm awesome like that just like the awesome face!) and GUESS WHAT I FOUND! YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND! I found CHEESE and TOMATOES! Omg, like I know right? But I remembered the thing about the blue cheese and I was like, "darn, I can't eat this cheese! I'm going to get sick! I have to wash the cheese!" so I went around to try to find a sink so I could wash the cheese but no one would tell me where I could find a sink and finally I found a sink in one of the houses that no one was in and I tried to wash the cheese but there wasn't a "wash cheese" option so I got really frustrated and I wanted to break the computer but I can't because I've already broken like 5 laptops and my mom says that if I break this one she won't buy me a new one (which I think is so mean because she SHOULD be buying me things since she said herself that I have the brain of a 3-year old (which I don't- I'm a certified genius, I even have a t-shirt to prove it) and that I would have to-GASP-go back to school and get an education and-GASP-make money! Which I don't understand since I told her before and I'm trying to convince her that I have a lot of money (10 mil in fact), and it's all in the bank at Lumbridge. Now if only I would go into Lumby and get the money, I'd be stinkin' rich, right?
It's just too bad no one understands that I'm actually a multi-millionaire. No one understands me! No one! Anyway, so I said I found some tomatoes and cheese right? And I wanted to wash the cheese right? (See how good of a memory I have? I can only remember things from about 2 seconds ago!) So I went to the lake where people were fishing and I said, "Yo, let me use some of this water to wash my cheese." And everyone else was really confused (I don't know why though…) and they were asking, "Why? Why do you need to wash your cheese?" And I decided to trick them and all since they were such NOOBS so I said, "Don't you know? I got this piece of cheese from somewhere very special. This cheese has SPECIAL MAGIC PROPERTIES on it that if you eat the cheese, you'll increase 100 lvls at once." And some people were like, "really?" and some people were like, "no way. You're lying." And I said, "But I'm not lying. I'm not lying because my mommy said that lying is not nice and you're not supposed to lie to others, EVER." And some people were like, "he's such a noob," and some other people were like, "yeah, I know right?" and I was like, "You know I can still hear you right? And I'm not a noob anymore, because it's BACKWARDS DAY so all you people are noobs and I'm not a noob. So ha!" And after that no one said anything and I tried to wash my cheese again but it didn't work with the lake either so I didn't know what to do. I MEAN, IF THE CHEESE ISN'T WASHED THEN IT WILL HAVE NO MAGICAL PROPERTIES! AND IF IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY MAGICAL PROPERTIES THEN IT WON'T BE COOL ANYMORE! I decided to go back into town to wash the cheese at the fountain in front of the castle in Lumby because there was no one there to watch me and only the weird guy that walks around asking about gold all the time, and of course the noobs, who walk around asking people for money (I mean, how LAME! I would NEVER ask people for money, even if I was flat broke!)
Day 29:
So today I went on and someone wanted to trade with me! I wasn't even in Lumby yet (because I had run out of energy to run FIVE TIMES during the trip to Lumby and had to stop and find a musician to stop and rest and recharge my running meter, which I think is lame). I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, I THINK IT'S THE LAMEST TING IN THE WORLD BECAUSE LIKE IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT YOU CAN SHOOT ALL THOSE BULLETS WITHOUT RECHARGING SO I THINK ITS STUPID THAT YOU HAVE TO RECHARGE YOURSELF SINCE IM NOT A WEAPON ALTHOUGH I MIGHT BE A WEAPON BECAUSE I ONCE PRETENDED TO BE A SHIP WHEN I WAS VERY LITTLE IN A SCHOOL PLAY AND THEN FOR WEEKS AFTER, I PRETENDED TO BE A SHIP AND I WOULD GO "BOOM! POW! KABAM! WHAM!" AND AFTER A WHILE PEOPLE STARTED TO GET ANNOYED WHEN THEY CAME TO OUR HOUSE AND I WOULD GREET THEM AND PRETEND TO SHOOT THEM WITH CANNONS AND BOMBS AND MAKE ALL THOSE NOISES WHILE THEY AND MOTHER WERE TALKING. OOOOOOOOOOH, OOOOOOOOOOH, ONE TIME, ONE TIME, THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL (PRINCIPAL PEEWEE) AND THE STUPERDENDENT CAME AND TALKED TO MOTHER ABOUT MY "VIOLENT" BEHAVIOR AND MY "UNACCEPTABLE" BEHAVIOR AND THEY WANTED TO TAKE ME OUT OF SCHOOL BUT MOTHER SAID THAT THAT WAS UNACCEPTABLE AND WATNED TO KEEP ME IN SCHOOL BUT I WAS DONE WITH SCHOOL AND WANTED TO QUIT SCHOOL FOREVER AND THE PRINCIPAL ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO CONTINUE WITH SCHOOL AND I SAID NO AND HE SAID WHY NOT AND I SAID THAT SCHOOL WAS STUPID AND BORING AND ALL THE STUFF THAT WE LEARN DON'T HELP ME IN REAL LIFE AND THEN HE ASKED ME WHAT WOULD HELP ME IN REAL LIFE AND I SAID THAT SHOOTING GUNS AND BEING A SHIP WOULD HELP ME IN REAL LIFE AND I ALSO SAID THAT CRAYONS WERE A WASTE OF TIME AND COLORING WAS A WASTE OF TIME BECAUSE CRAYONS WEREN'T EATABLE AND ANYTHING NOT EATABLE WAS NOT FUN AND COOL AND THE PRINCIPAL ASKED ME IF I LIKED TO EAT CRAYONS AND I SAID THAT I LICKED TO AND HE ASKED ME WHY I LIKE TO EAT CRAYONS SO I TOLD HIM A SECRET: THE CRAYONS TASTE LIKE SOMETHING OF THAT COLOR! ISN'T THAT SMART? SO ANYWAY, I SAID THAT MY FAVORITE WAS THE PURPLE CRAYONS AND THE FIRST CRAYON I ATE WAS THE PURPLE ONE AND THE MAN ASKED ME WHY AND I SAID YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID? I SAID THAT THE PURPLE CRAYON WAS MY FAVORITE BECAUSE IT IS THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THE BOOK HAROLD AND THE PURPLE CRAYON AND I WAS BEING ALL SMART AND THE PRINCIPLE WAS IMPRESSED AND I ALSO SAID THAT THE PURPLE CRAYON TASTED LIKE GRAPES WHICH ARE MY FAVORITE AND THE PRINCIPLE ASKED IF GRAPES WERE MY FAVORITE FRUIT AND I SAID NO BECAUSE FRIUTS ARE STUPID AND DISGUSTING AND MY FAVORITE KIND OF GRAPE FLAVORED STUFF WAS GRAPE SODA AND GRAPE CHIPS! AND THEN AND THEN THE TWO PEOPLE LEFT AND MOTHER WAS RELLY MAD AT ME BUT I DUNNO WHY AND SHE LOCKED ME UP IN YM ROOM AND I DIDN'T GET DINNER BUT ITS OK BECAUSE AFTER SHE WENT TO SLEEP I SNEAKED DOWNSTAIRS AND HAD A BIG BOWL FULL OF GRAPE SODA WITH GRAPES CHIPS FLOATING INSIDE IT AND I ALSO ATE A LOT OF CHOCOLATE. SO YEAH.
Day 30:
So I have some bad news. I got hacked today! I can't believe I got hacked I mean all I told the person was my name and password and my real name and address and how much money I have in my bank account (which mother made for me since she thought I wouldn't be able to go back to school and wanted me to have some money so that I would be able to at least eat something) and the guy said that he wouldn't hack my account but he did and im so mad because all my money is gone and all my stuff are gone too and the worst thing is, MY LOGS ARE GONE! I just got to level 20 of woodcutting and I am able to cut oak now and I cut a lot of oak logs because I wanted to sell the logs at the GE because logs are high in demand and I can get a good price for them and I can get stinking rich but my logs are all gone now so I don't have any logs and now im so mad because the guy that hacked me won't give my money back 'cause he said he spent it all on some armor or something that falls apart in 30 minutes, apparently, 'cause he's such a noob (I know, rite?) and now I don't have any money and now im broke so now I have to start over again with all the money and im so pissed because the guy didn't have to steal my money like that and I don't even know why he would want to steal my money in the first place ('cause everyone keeps calling me a noob but I still don't know what that is but im pretty sure that being a multimillionaire doesn't qualify as being a noob anymore and besides, my stats are pretty good since I have a woodcutting of twenty and a fire making of also about twenty and a cooking of thirty ('cause I spent one whole freakin' day just catching fish and cooking it and then buying more fish and cooking it and I got my cooking level up that high and now I can cook (although I can cook in real life and im a PRO at making jelly-o and smoothies 'cause all I have to do is mash the strawberries and bananas up and put them into a bowl and then put a lot of ice cream and cover the fruits and then put more fruits on top so mother doesn't see that im only eating ice cream and then I dump the whole thing into the blender, minus the bowl, 'cause its made of porecelain or something but im sure it's not eatable so im not going to try and besides it doesn't sound tasty anyway) so anyway my stats are pretty high but now im so LOW and depressed AND WHY DID THE GUY HAVE TO STEAL MY MONEY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? I want to go into a rage and destroy everything but I can't 'cause ill get in trouble with mother again because the last time I did that she yelled at me and didn't let me go to the bathroom for a whole week but that was okay because there's a window in my room (which is on the second floor) and I just open my window and pee out the window. I get a few really weird looks and once, I nailed an old lady in the eye with my pee and it was so funny because the old lady kept going, "Who did this? Who did this?" and then it wasn't so funny when I found out that the old lady's eyes were blind and worst of all, THAT OLD LADY WAS MY GRANDMA BETTY! I HATE grandma Betty. HATE HATE HATE HATE her with a passion, justlike I hate the ugly old hag that stole all my money!
RAGE!
I have made an important decision: I am going to quit Runescape, forever. GOODBYE.
~from the diary of the noob that lived. R.I.P.