I'm a procrastinator and incredibly lazy, those are the only two excuses I have for not updating. But the wonderful people that you are, you're just excited for another chapter and see what's next. That's why I love you guys! I'll try and be more diligent in my updates though. Thanks as always guys! Enjoy……Lady LP
Our eyes met in an instant I saw all the things that I felt in his eyes. He loved me, cared about how I felt, wanted to protect me at all costs. Once again our food was forgotten and we hold each other close, each with our own thoughts. God knows I love this man and would be proud to give him babies. But I'm scared, so scared, I couldn't take losing another child. Doctors told me I had Post Partum Depression after having the twins, and the deaths made it worse. Would it happen again? I read that it could graduate to psychosis. Could I actually become that depressed? My mind was running in a thousand different directions. His hand rubbing circles on my back calmed me down.
Pulling away he kisses me gently. "We'll figure it out babe." Standing between his legs I circle patterns on his back, mimicking him. "Bri…do you want kids? I mean would you be ready?" I was unsure myself, but what could he be thinking? We just found each other again and every second I spend with him is precious to me. He took a deep breath and played with strands of my hair. "I've always wanted kids, even if it was just one. I want to be a good father, I don't remember mine, but I know he was a good man. Growing up I wished I could have known my dad like my mom knew him. She always smiled when she talked about him. That image is one I want my own kids to have. I imagined it happening years from now, but all the same I'll be happy." He rubs noses with me, the sweetness of an Eskimo kiss I can imagine him giving our own kids. Resting my chin on his chest, our eyes lock again and peace settles over me. No matter the outcome, the answer to everything is standing in front of me.
We finished our food in a comfortable silence, sneaking glances at the other. The news so fresh I was bouncing off the walls of my head. What if I was, what if I wasn't. Suki's face flashed in my mind and I grinned. Wouldn't that be great, the two queens pregnant and swollen together. Full and lazy we climb back in to bed and channel surf, time not an issue. His hands find ways to touch me, his body always in contact with mine. The giddiness of us still astonishing me as I turn to face him every ten minutes to steal a kiss. My phone rings somewhere in the house and I rush to answer it, the probability of it being Mia is very high. Mia's name flashes across the screen and I smile before answering. "Hey chica, whats up?"
She's obviously outside; I can hear the wind whipping across the mouthpiece. I hear a slam and there's quiet. "Mia? Chica you there?" I hear breathing again and then a shriek. On full alert I stand up and pace yelling her name. Brian comes out the bedroom and to me eyes on alert. "I'm pregnant!" I almost drop the phone as she screams, then laughs, and almost border line cries. Brian can hear her and pulls me down to the couch. I'm almost speechless, waiting for her to calm down and the stuck because I don't know what to say.
Mia is the one person I have always envisioned having children. She's always been nurturing and loving to anything and everything that's crossed her path. Children have always seemed likely for her. My mind flashes to Vince and I relax in Brian's arms. The ol' coyote is going to be a daddy. I can't imagine and it's likely he can't either. She starts to ramble again and I can hear the excitement in her voice. "I'm so excited Letty! I had to tell you first and I'm about to go to the shop and tell Vince! This is great, oh and I can't be huge in the wedding. Chris…I can't wait to get home and tell her too!" The excitement rolling off of her was contagious because I can't help but smile. "Congratulations Mami! You and V been pretty busy huh?" I can hear her blush through the phone and then a gasp. "Jesus Letty! Vince, how do you think he'll take it? He'll be quiet, won't say anything at first. Oh shit, I didn't even think about what he would think." She was becoming hysterical and I wish I was there in person with her. "Oh God Let, I'm so sorry I didn't even think, Jesus how stupid of me!" I sat up and bit my lip.
They have to stop stepping on eggshells around me, or the two years I was gone were for shit. "Listen to me Mia and listen well. I'm happy for you, so happy. You will be the best mother a kid could have. Vince will be shocked at first, speechless and probably won't be so graceful about it. But the moment he sees the look on your face and realizes that he's going to be a daddy, a father to some precious child, he'll be the happiest man on earth. And he'll be even happier because the mother is you." I could hear her sniffles in the background and I knew she wasn't far away from crying her eyes out. "Now you go get your man, and you tell him that he's going to be a daddy." She blew her nose and I smiled at her emotional state. It would only get worse and with Mia that could be a catastrophe in that house. "Thanks Letty. Does Brian know how good of a woman he has?" I glanced to my right and his eyes were fixated on me. "Yah chica I think he does." The car started and we said our goodbyes. Dropping the phone I push him down on the couch and follow resting my head on his chest, listening to the thumping of his heart. "I love you." He pulls me up until our faces touch and kisses me gently, so softly I wanted to cry. "I love you too."
We fell asleep like that, his arms wrapped around me. A knock at the door woke us both up and he rolled over so I could sleep. Cracking open my eyes I see Suki standing at the doorway with tears in her eyes. Immediately I sit up watching her as she falls into Brian's arms. She's sobbing hysterically and he rocks her not knowing what else to do. "Suk, baby girl what's wrong?" She's crying so hard that neither one of us can understand a thing she says. He picks her up and sits her down in the kitchen and I grab some tissue. Rubbing her back is all we could do for a minute until she calmed down. She shook for a while before calming down. "I told him. I told him Letty. He didn't say anything." Stroking her hair I wrap my arms around her before the tears start up again. Brian looked down at me with a frown. 'She's pregnant.' He reads my lips and shock is etched all over his face before he sits down next to her. She sniffles again as her tears start to subside before Brian pulls her into his lap.
"Look at me." Her eyes are red, her mascara running with tear streaks down her face. She's biting her lip and sniffing. Looking at her, it's a bad sight, but I know this is just a case of pregnancy hormones and fear. Tej isn't like that. Brian strokes her arms calming her. "He loves you, adores you. He loves your attitude, your smart ass mouth, and your ugly pink car." She laughs the tears at bay for a while. "He may have been shocked, blown away. It's not every day you're told you're going to be a dad. You're scared, he's scared. But don't cry okay. It's not that bad I promise you. We were talking about kids today and he was excited about having babies with you. The Tej I know, the Tej you know, would jump at the chance to get you pregnant, so don't give up hope yet." She sniffles some more and lays her head on his shoulder. Our eyes meet and I smile, knowing his speech was as much for me as it was her. Running footsteps catch our attention and we see Tej on the porch before he pulls open the door. She sits up and looks at him, tears already coming. The door slams and she jumps and runs into his arms. They're both muttering apologies to each other and kissing. I pull Brian up and we go in the bedroom to give them privacy.
We're both half dressed, so we put on clothes and I play in his hair waiting for them to kiss and make up. I can see him being stunned. Thinking about kids and actually being told you're going to be a parent are two different things. I remember that day vividly and it was the biggest shock of my life. I was scared, shocked, worried and a little excited. But with Suki and Tej, their love was amazing almost infectious. He would stop the earth from spinning just to make her happy. No one could fault him for his reaction, but her emotional state made it worse.
A knock on the door brought us out of our own thoughts to see the two of them standing in the doorway. They were hand in hand and besides the redness of her face, nothing was out of place. She came and kissed Brian and gave me a hug. There were smiles and laughter all around and I was genuinely happy. Now it'll be two weeks time before I know if we'll be raising kids together.