Author's Note: Finally. Chapter Nineteen is here. Took me only forever and a day, but its here. I hope everyone enjoys it. Let me know what you think. As always Read/Enoy/Review!

Chapter Nineteen: What A Wonderful Life

" I will never understand the workings of a man's mind. Or heart for that matter. Because nine times out of ten their minds are in their pants, and their hearts are nowhere to be found."-Anonymous.

XXXX

Quiet.

It's so damn quiet as I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. I've been home a grand total of thirteen days, and other than the first night back, I haven't spoken to Tyson. Or Chase for that matter. Not that I mind the latter so much, but the fact that Tyson has been all but avoiding me has me just a little on edge.

I should be in a much better mood than I am. Especially considering that tomorrow is Christmas. Nothing will cheer me up though. I've tried. Everything.

Drinking hot cocoa. Didn't work.

Eating candy canes. Didn't work.

Retail therapy under the guise of Christmas shopping. Didn't work.

Nothing is working. Not the pretty Christmas twinkle lights I've strung up in my room, or the tree Evy and Jared helped me decorate. The shiny ribbons and wrapping paper do nothing to lift my mood.

It's A Wonderful Life plays on the television and the fire place crackles, and instead of soaking up the spirit of the season, I'm staring at my phone as if I can will Tyson to answer the millions of text messages I've sent him.

I know. Stupid.

I nearly jump out of my skin when my door bell rings, and slightly apprehensively I set my phone down and pulling my sweater tight around me I pull it open.

" Mark?" I say questioningly, surprised by the fact that he's standing on the other side of the door.

" Merry Christmas Eve," Mark says, his voice booming loudly, and I pull him in out of the cold rain, and he shakes his hair, laughing when I duck out of the way of the droplets he shakes off.

" What in the world are you doing here?" I ask, but instead of answering me he just pulls me into his arms, holding me close.

" We hated the idea of you being alone on Christmas," he murmurs, and I pull away looking at him confused.

" We?"

" Hey, are you going to let us in or what? Its freezing out here," Tate's voice comes from the other side of the front door, and I pull it open, only to find Tate and Carson standing, arms weighed down by brightly wrapped packages, each wearing Santa hats, and I can't help but laugh, even though I'm crying.

" What did I do to earn The Porter for Christmas?" I ask, handing out mugs of hot chocolate, smiling when they laugh collectively.

" Not that you did anything per say. More of what Chase did. We all feel terrible, for our brothers douchey behavior," Carson says, and I choke on my coco, surprised by his words. Of all the Porter Boys, Carson is the most reserved of them all, hardly talking. He's more of a watcher. He watches everything that goes on around him, taking it all in.

" So we went on strike," Tate says, lifting his mug in the air towards me.

" Strike?"

" That's right. The Great Porter Boy's Strike of Twenty-Twelve."

" Listen, I appreciate the thought, really I do. I was afraid, afraid that I wouldn't see any of you again, since things, well since things are just bad. But, Chase is your brother. And what about your Mom?"

" We sent her to Europe for the holiday," Mark says, " Besides, she's not on our good side either."

" What? Why?" I ask, surprised. Granted, I'm not Emily's biggest fan, but still, from all that I can tell The Porter Boys love their Mother, and she them, and fiercely.

" Uhm. Well. It seems that our Mom knew about Chase being married. And about our nephew," Mark says, and I stare in confusion trying to understand what he just said, because I don't understand. Not at all.

" She knew? She knew, and she didn't tell any of you. She didn't tell me?" I ask, and the three men nod their heads sadly, and I feel it then. The breaking point has been reached and the tears come. A flood of them, pouring down my face as I try to wrap my head around the revelation, " I just, I don't understand. I don't understand." Then they descend, arms circling me, and I'm held, in love and understanding.

XXXX

It's strange. To wake up with three men in your bed. I stare into Carson's chest, as I assess the situation. A tangle of limbs surround me, and I feel almost as if I'm in a cocoon. A warm, safe, happy cocoon.

" Well, I leave you alone for a few days and you end up with three men in your bed," Evy's voice rings through my room and I smile, slowly sitting up, " Merry Christmas beautiful."

" Merry Christmas beautiful," I echo back, and I manage to untangle myself and wake the slumbering Porter Boys as I go, and I throw my arms around my best friend and laugh.

I feel like a kid again, as I lay in a pile of wrapping paper, my head under the Christmas Tree, staring at the shining lights, listening to the chattering voices of the people closest to me. It actually turned out to be a beautiful Christmas. Much to my surprise.

" Hey Brae, how long are you planning on laying under the tree, and in your pajama's?" Evy asks, tapping my leg with her foot, and I laugh.

" I love my pajamas, they are oh so very comfy," I laugh, letting out a joyful scream when someone grabs my ankles and starts tugging me out from underneath the tree, " Aren't they just so me? They are pink, and fuzzy, and they have little penguins all over them."

" Adorable," Evy says sarcastically and I throw a ball of wrapping paper at her, giggling when Jared grabs her, positioning her on his lap.

" You were the one who bought her the pajamas Babe," Jared says, and I laugh when she rolls her eyes.

" Exactly, you bought the pajamas. So it will be all your fault if I never, ever take them off," I say giggling madly.

" Okay, who gave Brae the spiked eggnog?" she asks, and I fall back laughing hysterically. Okay, so I'm a little tipsy. Who cares? It's Christmas, and Christmas is so much prettier when things are a little spinny.

The door bell rings, interrupting my thoughts of how much prettier things are when under the influence, and I spring up like a jack in the box, scrambling for the door.

" I'll get it! It might Christmas carolers," I shout, truthfully excited by the idea that it could be a group of strangers standing on my porch ready to sing to me, " Oh please, oh please be carolers." I pull open the door, and in the second that it takes to do that all the happy, spinny, bubbly thoughts in my head fly away when on the other side of the door stands Tyson, and Chase.

" Merry Christmas," they say at the same time.

" Oh shit."

XXXX

I stare up at Evy as she stands concentrating on the make up in her hand, tapping the brush against her lips, and she's been quiet. Quiet the whole time that we've been in the bathroom. She was quiet when she held my hair while I threw up my Christmas cheer, quiet while I showered, quiet when I sat on the floor and bawled my eyes out.

Quiet.

Evy's most dangerous when she's quiet.

" Are you going to say anything?" I ask, obediently closing my eyes when she finally decides on a color.

" What is there to say?" Evy asks, finally breaking her silence, and I sigh.

" I don't know. How about, ' Geeze Brae, two men you love or loved at some point just showed up on your doorstep on Christmas, what are you going to do?'"

" Why, so you can ask me afterwards what I think you should do? Because seriously, Brae you wont like my answer."

" When have we ever let the fear of not liking what the other has to say stand in the way of anything?" I ask, taking her hand to make her stop and look at me.

" All right. I think you need to tell them both to leave. I think what Chase did is just, its too unforgivable. At least right now it is. I think if you give him even the slightest bit of a chance to explain things he'll be able to pull you back in. I think you should tell Ty to leave because, well, its been how many days since you left Florida and he hasn't had the decency to call you, or return the hundreds of texts you sent him, all this AFTER you helped nurse him back to health and pretty much wiped his slate clean."

" Then I'll be alone."

" What's wrong with that? Why are you so afraid of being alone Brae? Do you realize that before Ty came along, you managed to be okay alone. No, you were brilliant alone. You were outgoing, and had such a, a hunger to seek out anything new and embrace it. Why are you going to let the fact that you love him stand in the way of what you are?"

" I don't."

" You do. Brae, you dropped out of the nursing program as soon as you got back from Florida. You were excited by the idea of being a nurse, until you spent time with him."

" That isn't fair."

" The truth is always fair."

" Your blaming the wrong person for that. I dropped out of the nursing program because of Chase. Because I don't want to work in a hospital where I will be reminded every time that I see a cute guy in a white coat, that, that's who I had but wasn't good enough to keep."

" Shut up! Okay, just shut up! When are you going to stop blaming yourself for all the bullshit that those two have done to you? You did the same thing with Ty. ' Maybe if I was prettier, or skinnier, or smarter.' God, do you hear yourself. Brae, neither of those men, or any man you choose for that matter is going to love you, until you love you."

I sit back, staring at Evy, her eyes brimming with tears of anger and frustration, and for the first time in a long time, I think she's getting through. Even if it hurts to hear. Never mind that. It really hurts.

" Wow. I didn't realize that my problems were weighing on you so much Evangeline. I'm sorry for that. I'm just, I'm going to tell them to leave, maybe you should too."

" Don't start that with me Braelyn."

" I'm not starting anything. Your right, nobody is going to love me until I do first. So, I need to be alone. Figure myself out. I can't do that with a full house."

XXXX

I shut the door behind everyone, and turning slowly find that being alone is in fact a problem for me now. All the quiet that surrounds me is almost deafening, and I set to work to clear out the mess. Wrapping paper stuffed into large black bags, dishes stacked and waiting in the kitchen. Tinsel vacuumed from the floor.

Still, too damn quiet.

Hours pass, and just about every inch of the house is clean. Just about. Only I've run out of steam. Moving out of anger territory, and creeping my way into moping. Never a good sign. Yes, it sounds strange but its never fun to get a big heaping bowl full of " Wake the fuck up!" from your best friend. Not fun at all.

I sit on the couch, flipping through channels trying to decide on what to pass the hours with, when my phone buzzes on the table. I pick it up sighing when I see Evangeline's name flash on the screen.

' Hey….'

' Hey…..'

' I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that.'

' No your not, and neither am I. I needed to hear it, even if it hurt. Sorry that I made you leave.'

' It's okay. I get why you did. What are you doing?'

' Watching The Nightmare Before Christmas…'

' Want some company?'

' Absolutely….'

XXXX

" So, what are you going to do?" Evy asks, her legs kicked over mine as we watch Jack sing his lament, and I sigh laying my head back against the couch.

" I don't know I was kind of hoping that I could just go to sleep until New Years Day, and pretend it didn't happen," I say closing my eyes.

" If only it were that easy. Ty's staying at our place, and I love you Brae, but that boy wouldn't stop asking questions about you. If I have to deal with that for another week, I will most likely end up getting committed."

" I just don't get it. He doesn't talk to me for nearly two weeks, and the he just shows up on my doorstep. He is so confusing."

" He's a man."

" And Chase. We don't talk, I ignore every phone call and text message, what makes him think it's a good idea to just show up, on my doorstep?"

" He's a man."

" Yeah, well I'm pretty fed up with men at the moment. Speaking of men, isn't yours missing you right now?"

" He is, but he also has Ty to keep him company."

" Oh well. Shit Evy, what the hell am I going to do?"

" I don't know. Whatever you do though, better do it fast. Like tomorrow fast. You don't need to carry this baggage into a new year."

" You're right."

" I usually am."