Chapter 19:
A/N: Apologies, I thought I had uploaded this chapter a few days ago, so there will be two updates coming in now!
Bebe PoV
Why did she crash the car? Was the question toying on everyone's minds. I could tell by the confused looks that were aimed at me as I walk down the corridor. That was a question which I now could answer, but wasn't going to. I wouldn't dare, at least until I believed it myself.
I was still in denial, despite throwing my guts up the last two mornings. I didn't understand how, because I had been surviving on water whilst I had been in hospital. Eating was the last thing I wanted to do right now. Especially as I would be putting on weight soon, whether I liked it or not... Unless I got rid of it. That would be the simple option. But I would have to talk to Kenny first, if I could bring myself to do it.
There were so many thoughts spinning round my mind, I don't notice Wendy, beckoning me over from the toilet door.
"Bebe?" She hisses as I finally snap back to Earth. I follow her into the toilets and await the lecture. "You'll never guess what."
"What?" I reply, bluntly.
"Lola and Bridon have broken up." She grins and I check her once over to see if she was serious. A week ago, this would have been big news in my boring little life, but did she really think I cared at this moment in time?
"...Believe it or not Wendy." I address her. "I have bigger concerns right now than Bridon Gueermo's love life."
"Yeah well, that's not all." She shushes me. "Yesterday, Lola went to science club."
"Science club?" I blurt out without thinking.
"...Oh wait, I don't care."
"Course you do!" She exclaims. "Science club! That one run by Kevin Stoley? It's like the biggest news ever!"
"And you are going to have the biggest slap ever if you don't shut up." I retort. "What am I supposed to do?"
"About what?" She frowns, as if she had forgotten over the course of two days.
"This..." I point to my stomach and a look of recognition appears in her eyes. Ding ding, ten points to Testaburger.
"Oh..." She trails off. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I um... I don't know, what do you want to do?"
"You haven't told anyone have you?" I ask and she shakes her head quickly.
"No one." She replies. "I wouldn't tell anyone that, I am just the messenger for shitty news like Lola and Bridon."
"...I thought that was the 'biggest news ever'!" I imitate and she gives me a look.
"Any thoughts on what you are going to do yet?" She changes the subject.
"Pretend it doesn't exist." I laugh. "Carry on as if everything is ok, or I can at least try."
"But it's not going to go away, is it?" She prompts. "You need to tell Kenny and Clyde at some point."
"Clyde?" I virtually spit. "I'm not telling Clyde anything."
"Well it might be his baby." She argues.
"I don't care." I yell, heading towards the door. "I don't want anything to do with Clyde, ever."
I storm out, collecting myself quickly before heading back down the corridor. I feel Wendy's grip on my arm after five seconds.
"You can pretend." She whispers and I don't bother turning around. "You can carry on as if everything is fine. But it's not. It's not going to be anymore. Ok? You need to accept that. The longer you deny it, the more time you are wasting and it's not going to be long before that baby starts to grow."
"Shut up." I shout at her and rip my arm away. A few freshmen turn to stare at us. "Just shut up and stop pretending you know everything."
"You're the one pretending." She raises her voice and I start walking again. "You can't stop the fingers from growing or heart from beating. No matter how hard you try."
I virtually run round the corner, shutting her words out until I collapse against the wall in an empty classroom. The tears begin to fall instantly and I roll the bottom of my shirt up to stuff in my mouth so that no one can hear me wail. I rock back and forth, one hand on my now naked stomach, as if rocking the life inside of me. It was living inside of me. I was its mother. It was completely dependent on me right now and I was either going to give it a chance or destroy it.
Cartman PoV
Lunchtime. The word that had been the answer to my prayers for the last sixteen years of my life. The word that I whispered whilst staring at the clock on the wall in Mr Garrison's room. The word which filled me with happiness... Did fill me with happiness.
I had spent the last few weeks hiding out in the toilets. Surprisingly, none of my friends had noticed I had stopped eating with them in the canteen. The teachers had of course, but no one else seemed to care. So I sat over the toilet bowl, staring into the glassy surface of the water. Curled up into a ball to stop the stomach cramps.
I couldn't do that again today though, I felt sick every time I entered the room; another hour of clenching my fist to make the cravings stop. Sometimes I would bang my head against the wall, punishing myself if I began to give in, knowing I could just walk in and order a plate of fries. Had people noticed the bruises? No. Not even my mother. But I suppose Stan's face was more of a priority right now.
I take a left when I get to the corner instead of waddling back into the boys toilets. I can feel the draft from the cold weather outside before I hit the double doors. It is refreshing, why didn't I do this every day? I just needed to find someone to hang out with so I wasn't a loner. My usual group and pretty much all of the seniors would be in the canteen eating and chatting right now, but a few of the cliches who were more... individual sat outside here. I look right to see the 'ugly kids' sat on the steps leading up the the gym, sucking on juice box's and staring aimlessly out into the distance. I could go and sit with them... But then again, I had standards; I wasn't Kyle.
On my left sat the goth kids, slumped at the bottom of another staircase. They had their heavy metal music booming out of some speakers and appeared to be reading some sort of poetry. I took a step towards them but immediately retreated. I had standards; I wasn't Stan.
The only other group I recognised was a squad of Raisin's girls, leaning up against a brick wall round the back of the building. They were taking slow puffs out of their cigarettes and trying to catch a tan from the small ray of sunlight that reflected off the snow. They didn't seem as bad as Bebe's group; they were more laid back and not as bitchy. It was them or nothing.
"Um... Hi." I wave as I approach them hesitantly. Lexus, the leader of the group turns to look at me, throwing her cigarette on the floor and crushing it with her shoe.
"Ten for a kiss, forty for a hand job and sixty for a blow job." Mercedes walks over to me.
"We now do gift vouchers too!" Portia exclaims, holding up a pink strip of paper.
"...What?" I mumble, ok they were weirder than I thought.
"First time?" Mercedes smiles at me, taking my arm. "We can give you a newcomers deal then."
"Newcomers deal?" I frown.
"There's no need to be nervous!" She giggles. "We'll put you in the hands of Ferrari, she's the best with the new clients."
"I'm not here for... That." I hold my hands up and they all stare at me intently.
"Shit, he works for the cops." Portia covers her mouth with her hand and they all give a slight squeal.
"Guys, he doesn't work for the cops." Lexus finally pipes up, strolling over to me and eyeing me up and down. "Eric Cartman? What do you want?"
"I just... Wanted to chill with you guys for a bit." I stutter, already very intimidated by them.
"Chill?" Mercedes repeats, exchanging a look with Ferrari who has also joined in. "Why?"
"Because you guys seem cool." I shrug.
"...You don't have any friends?" Lexus raises an eyebrow.
"I do! I do!" I object. "I'm friends with Butters."
"So... You don't have any friends then." Mercedes drones. Well they had humour, I could give them that.
"Look, I just need somewhere to hang around at lunchtimes and I don't want to have to sit with the goths or ugly kids so I wondered if I could stand with you." I tell them and there is a long pause.
"Yeah, ok." Lexus ponders. "You can be our bodyguard."
"Yeah sure..." I respond, knowing it was because I was fat but I was going to take anything I could get.
"There is one thing you need to know though." She continues. "We are awesome at sucking cock and we don't eat anything. Ever. Just smoke cigarettes."
"...Sounds good to me." I mumble.
"You may have to be our tester for if we have any new techniques too." Portia chips in.
"...Even better." I beam, they actually seemed alright. They hand me a packet of cigarettes and I take one cautiously. I hadn't ever smoked in my life, but apparently it was good for weight loss, so, I was prepared to give it a go. They light the tip of it and I raise it to my lips carefully. Just like in the movies Cartman, just like in the movies. I take a long drag of the cigarette as casually as possible. Ok, this was pretty easy... "Yak, yak, ehem!" I start spluttering as the smoke hits the back of my throat.
"...You're a first timer at a lot of things aren't you?" Mercedes observes me.
"That is hell." I point at the cigarette when the coughing has died down.
"Ah, you get used to it after a while." Lexus puts her arm around me and leads me over to the wall. This was easier than I thought, minus the suffocation... I could get used to this.
Kyle PoV
"Stan, will you listen to me?" I whine, exasperatedly again. "No one is staring at you."
"Sure..." He mutters, looking self-consciously around him as we exit the school gates. I flip off a group of giggling sophomore girls who are staring his way. "You don't have to fight my corner Kyle. Don't ruin your dignity sticking up for me."
"You'll be home in a few minutes." I sigh. "Besides, I don't think I have any dignity left after the whole incident last week."
"People have forgotten about that now." He replies. "I told you they would."
"Yeah well I'm glad." I smile at him. "Although I'm obviously not glad of the other circumstances that are the reason for that being forgotten."
"Same here." He points to his face.
"You look fine." I laugh. "Perfect, in fact."
Wait what?
"...I mean, that sounded weird..." I blush, staring down at the floor. Why the fuck had I said that? Why couldn't I ever just stay cool? I kept saying or doing really weird things around him... He must think I was becoming really fucked up.
"...It's cool." He mumbles and I raise my head to see he is also staring at the floor, a look of confusion on his face. Score Kyle, you just made things fucking awkward again.
"So..." I attempt to change the subject. "You gonna go out and play ball tonight?"
"Do I look like I'm gonna play ball?" He snaps suddenly and I take a step back. He immediately looks apologetic. "Sorry, sorry."
"No, my fault, I... Didn't think." I stutter quietly and we walk in silence for a while, neither of us daring to say anything to the other. "...So what will you do tonight?"
"Probably just sit in my room." He drones. "It's the only thing I enjoy doing, except for football."
"What just sit in your room?" I question, treading on eggshells.
"Yeah, sometimes I play video games." He shrugs. "But then I just get bored of them so I just don't end up doing anything."
"Sounds fun..." I mutter. I appreciated he was pretty self-conscious right now and that he must be shaken up after the crash, but he had been in a bad mood for weeks. I grit my teeth and asked the question I hated to ask. "Are you going to see Wendy tonight?"
He just shrugs. "Probably not, she is most likely with Craig."
"Why would Wendy be with Craig Tucker?" I pull a face at the thought.
"Search me." He groans. "Some project or something..."
"Right..." I give up making conversation.
"She's probably just screwing him." He doesn't seem to care in the slightest.
"Stan, he's gay." I point out.
"Bisexual." He corrects me. "Tweek is gay."
"Ok well, he's with Tweek then." I swallow. "And you are with Wendy, she loves you."
Ouch. A sharp pain shoots down my chest.
"Yeah, suppose." We reach his house and he waves me off without making eye contact. Jesus he was in a bad way, maybe there was more to it than just a facial injury. Perhaps there was problems at home or something... Mind you, the Marsh's were the closest family, minus Shelly, I knew his parents loved him with everything they had. But they had spilt once, come to think of it, Stan had been in a very similar mood when they had divorced in fourth grade. Always pessimistic about everything, constantly down and isolated... No, I was sure everything was fine, he was probably just confused after the accident...