Kim walked up into her bedroom to find a box sitting on the foot of her bed. Dropping her backpack by her desk, she spotted the black lipstick kiss on the lid of the box by the Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes logo and smiled. The box contained the more sensible variety collection and picked out a vanilla with white chocolate to take back to her desk before she got started on her homework. She didn't want to spoil dinner... maybe she'd take the box downstairs to share for dessert.
Books out of the bag and onto the desk, the teenager opened a drawer to find a pencil sharpener. Instead she found more cupcakes.
And in the other drawer, too.
Kim twisted around in her seat and looked around the room with a more observant eye. The first thing she noticed was Pandaroo, leaning against her pillow. It was holding a vanilla butterscotch with liqourice toppings... and someone had taken several small bites out of it, too. Nice touch, the redhead admitted before noticing the angle of the pillow. Investigating, she found another box of cupcakes underneath.
Under the bed? More boxes of cupcakes. The cabinet at the foot of the bed? Every cuddle buddy in there was holding a cupcake; Shego had bothered to colour coordinate them. Chest of drawers? Cupcakes... the sweetest were sharing space with her underwear. Stacked boxes of cupcakes hid in every corner of her dressing screen. The clothes in her wardrobe had been shoved to one side of the rack to make room for more boxes of cupcakes, stacked floor to ceiling. Half a dozen boxes of each flavour.
There had to be hundreds, altogether.
She'd take one of each variety box downstairs, and save a box of the mocha for Wade. She'd ask Ron and Monique for their favourites tomorrow. And a variety box or two for the squad. The boxes on her bed and in her underwear drawer would be just for her. But what to do with the rest?
"I see you've been generous with the cupcakes."
Kim tried not to jump in surprise at the sound of Shego's voice. The concepts of cheerleading practice and her nemesis were as foreign to each other as night and day. Instead she managed to spin on her heel and give the villainess a chiding look before sitting next to a pair of empty cupcake boxes.
"Your plan to fatten me up isn't going to work, Shego," the teenager joked, trying to ignore how the green girl was eyeing her in her skimpy uniform.
"With your metabolism, the thought never crossed my mind. What did you do with the rest?"
"Donations. Children's ward in the hospital, homeless shelters in Lowerton... why'd you give me so many?"
"Trust me, it's a fraction of what's left. The wide open space of the lair is now a maze of cardboard corridors. When Dr. D seemed intent on trying to eat them all before they spoiled, something had to be done."
Kim giggled at the notion, then raised an eyebrow at the older girl. "You didn't fight me when you had the chance."
"Drakken told me not to. He wanted to see how the henchmen would do when they were actually motivated."
"Motivated by what?"
"The usual corporate crap. Teamwork and trust, people skills, yadda yadda. They did give you a better run for your money than usual, didn't they."
"I thought we were going to fight. They're supposed to be the warm-up act. And then you just took off..."
Kim was warming up a pout, Shego could hear it in her voice. "We got what we came for. I have a job to do, y'know. And it was up to me to keep things on track. Would you believe Drakken was considering dropping world domination for the sake of the cupcakes? If you hadn't intruded, I might have torn him a new one."
"Glad to know being captured - through no effort of your own - improved your mood," the redhead responded sarcastically. "You were smiling while we were dangling over the ganashe. Did you know I didn't have a plan?"
"Oh, I was sure your actual sidekick would show up in the nick of time. It's what they do. And yes, before you ask, knocking him around improved my mood, too."
No qualms about ending up in the batter, then?"
The villainess shrugged. "Like Wade said, there are worse ways to go."
Kim's mouth went slack until she managed to voice her surprise. "You called him Wade!"
From the look on Shego's face, that hadn't been her intention, but she rolled with it. "He's a fat little geek, but I gotta give the kid credit for his brains. If it wasn't for him, you'd have been paste long ago. You really shouldn't take him on missions, though."
"That was a one time deal. Ron had locked himself in a panic room."
"Came on too strong, huh?" Shego asked slyly.
"No! It's... his father had just won the Actuary of the Year award, and he got obsessed with statistics. At first he was worried about me doing the hero thing-"
The green girl interrupted with a snort. "He should've worried about himself... oh. That's exactly what he did, isn't it. So why'd he even show up?"
"He learned that some things are worth the risk," Kim told her, then simply stared for a moment, as if making a point about something else. When Shego rolled her eyes, the redhead continued in a quieter tone, "Y'know, it's a shame you left mom's office so soon. You missed me dryhumping her leg. Well, not that dry..."
Shego's eyes widened. "Really?"
"You left me alone with my own thoughts, and you know what I was thinking about."
"Huh."
"And the best part? She was into it."
"...She was?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well... fuck."
Kim drank in Shego's flustered regret before growing thoughtful. "It's funny, though. Cheating on Ron with you would be wrong, but I didn't even give it a thought with mom."
"That's the thing about incest, Kimmie. It's like Vegas. What happens in the family, stays in the family."
"You've never really told me how it became a fetish for you. I can't imagine you with any of your brothers... but..." Suddenly the teenager wished she'd thought this question through.
"But?" the villainess prompted.
"You've never said much about your parents, other than when they died. But you were still just a kid, so..."
Shego sighed. After Kim's sexual meltdown in Ann's office - something the green girl pegged as the result of sexual frustration - she could guess where the redhead's mind was going. "I wasn't sexually abused, Kimmie. Nothing like that happened between any of us. I just... wish it had, sometimes."
"Why?"
A shrug. "Why does anyone want to fuck their dead parents? Maybe it's because I never got to know them as a fellow adult, and sex is an adult thing. It doesn't help that the reason they're dead is the same reason I have this," she held up a hand, palm upward, and ignited the glow, "And everything that comes with it. Hego had to give it meaning. Destiny. In his head, our parents died for a reason, to maintain some kind of balance for the 'gift' we'd been given. But if I'd had the choice, I never would have sacrificed my parents' lives for this." She closed her hand, snuffing out the glow in the process.
"But you do enjoy your powers," Kim pointed out.
"As much as I can. Wishing doesn't change a damn thing. They're dead, I'm superpowered, I may as well take what I can get. Literally, sometimes," the thief added with a smirk before giving way to a frown. "But it wasn't destiny, it was pure fucking chance. Chaos."
"What about magic, and aliens? You know they exist."
"Magic is just science we haven't worked out yet. We only really know a few per cent of real science. The rest is scientific theory, based on evidence. Even gravity's still 'just' a theory, but we all accept it as the truth. And alien life isn't nearly as improbable as interstellar travel." The villainess crossed her arms and glared at nothing in particular, except perhaps a memory. "With Hego it was practically divine intervention. I went the other way. That's part of the reason why I went evil. I want to see this civilisation end. World domination, world war three, hypersonic rocket cars; it doesn't matter as long as people are forced to realise how much bullshit they've been wasting their time with."
"What kind of bullshit?" Kim prompted gently, eager to keep Shego talking. The moments she opened up like this were few and far between.
"Social bullshit, for a start. Look at you. You can do anything... except not give a damn about the opinions of your peers. You're an extraordinary girl that's desperate to fit into an ordinary life. The bullshit you go through in school is a good example. Most teenagers, their biggest worry is getting laid. You save the world. Which do you think really matters in the end?"
"I save the world so they can keep worrying about getting laid instead of freaking over doomsday weapons or killer robots," Kim told the green girl with as much conviction as Shego was displaying.
"And when you're done, you come back to this." Shego gestured at the hall in which they stood. "Flashing your panties at football fans, worrying about boyfriends and bitches and social status and all kinds of crap that wouldn't matter if everyone wasn't so bored they'd fill their lives with meaningless-"
Perhaps Shego's rant had some sort of summoning power, because the epitome of what she was talking about chose that moment to interupt. "Kim, are you still in here? We should... uh."
Hero and villain both looked to the doors, where Bonnie Rockwaller had just walked in after showering and changing. She was staring at Shego. "Isn't she, like, a criminal or something? Working with the blue guy?"
"Supervillain, actually, but yes," Kim admitted without a care in the world.
"So... shouldn't you be doing your kung fu thing and arresting her?"
The pair eyed each other dubiously before the redhead huffed. "I'm already tired and sweaty."
"Again, through no effort of my own," Shego added.
"Behave, Shego."
"I thought you wanted to fight."
"So do you. We're both off the clock now though, aren't we?"
"Have it your way." Shego turned back to the newcomer. "So, which one of miss snooty's friends are you?"
The brunette eyed the villainess warily, but given what she'd just called Kim, she chose to indulge the woman. "Bonnie. And I wouldn't call us friends."
"Oh-ho," Shego crowed, "The Bonnie-bitch, huh?"
"Excuse me?" Bonnie almost yelled, then looked to Kim. "Is that what you call me?"
"Not me, that one's totally hers," the redhead assured her.
"You've been talking about me? With her? What have you been telling her?"
"That you are in high school what she is in the lair."
"Huh?"
"Congratulations, hot stuff," Shego explained with hands on hips and a grin that was fast becoming a leer, "We're Kim's nemesese. You make her school life hell while I do the same when she's being all heroic and stuff. I've heard all about the rivaly between you two. You really should just fuck each other and get it over with. I could watch!"
Bonnie's face was an image Kim hoped she would remember forever. The moment was all too brief as the brunette turned and left the way she came without another word. In the end though, Kim did feel a twinge of guilt.
"Okay, that was ferociously awesome, but go easier on her if there's a next time, 'kay?"
"Why?"
"Something else you have in common: you both hate your siblings. I only met her sisters briefly, but they were putting her down the whole time. It explained a few things, and actually made me feel sorry for her."
"Hm. So maybe you would fuck her?"
"No!" Kim denied a little too quickly.
"Why not? Opposites seem to be your thing..." Shego almost continued by suggesting Bonnie be the high school girlfriend while she could be the hardcore girlfriend. "Or maybe I'll have her. Give you nightmares about your two worst enemies teaming up, one way or another."
The teen hero was not impressed. "Being captured by the two of you, a nightmare?"
"It certainly won't be a wet dream. We'll do each other, and you'll be forced to watch. You'll be so chained up you won't even be able to touch yourself."
"Okay, that is evil."
"I am what I am." Kim fell silent at that statement, rousing Shego's curiousity. "What?"
"I don't think you're that evil."
"What do you mean?" the villainess growled in a tone that made Kim wary.
"I just... well, you're a bad girl, there's no denying that. But after what you've been telling me, you come across more as an anarchist than anything else."
"So?"
"You're not a monster, Shego. You're not cruel." The teenager fidgeted a moment, looking away before adding. "Anyone who can truly love... can't be that bad."
Shego stared impassively at the cheerleader for a long moment. Then she walked over, pulled Kim up to her feet, and wrapped her arms around her in a tight embrace.
"I'm all sweaty," Kim mumbled even as she returned the hug.
"Like I give a damn," Shego muttered back.