A/N: You all know my disclaimers. I'm glad you are all liking the development of the characters and the plot. This chapter will jump around a little bit, but hopefully it all makes sense. And another thanks to my wonderful reviewers.
Turning Point – Chapter 4
Skywarp onlined slowly. In the back of his mind, something told him that he'd been having fluxes, but they had been stopped from lingering. He felt something warm around his middle and air wash over his neck and upper cockpit. Cracking his optics open, he turned slightly and saw Thundercracker next to him on the berth in recharge, his helm on his shoulder. Skywarp felt slightly uncomfortable with the proximity.
He was also uncertain.
He didn't like the feeling.
He and TC had been going strong for a few years or so now, and it had been great. And now this…
With a sigh, Skywarp wondered if he would have the strength to kiss the blue Seeker again. The thought disgusted him. Megatron had used his mouth like a toy, just using him as a wet cavern as he thrust in and out before he overloaded. His tanks lurched as he remembered the spill of transfluid inside his mouth.
With a choking noise, he shifted and turned his helm over the side of the berth, losing what was remaining of his energon in his tanks. The only reason why he wasn't in stasis was the IV line slowly feeding energon into his lines. He was thankful for that at least. They had no such medical equipment on the Nemesis. Unfortunately, his actions jolted Thundercracker awake.
"Warp?" the older mech mumbled as he booted up, seeing the leftover energon from his lover's faceplates.
"TC-"
"Shh, I'll help you." Thundercracker's usually blunt and gruff voice was soft and gentle.
The teleporter whined. This was not how life was supposed to go! The beginning of his internal rant was stopped by the blue flier leaning over him with a warm cloth he had procured from a basin in the back of the room. He could only be still as tender fingers wiped away the putrid smelling energon from his mouth.
"There we go," mumbled Thundercracker soothingly, raising his other hand to pat his lover's helm in assurance. It was a good thing that Skywarp was not flinching away.
"Thanks, TC," Skywarp said quietly. His pride told him to be ashamed, but he and TC had been with each other through thick and thin. There was no need to hide away from the mech he trusted most. That trust had never been displaced.
Thundercracker gave him a little smile, subspacing the cloth for later, just in case.
Looking into those warm crimson optics, Skywarp whined again, but he said, "I want to kiss you, but…he…his essence…"
The other mech shook his helm. "On your terms. I don't want to do anything until you are ready. And besides, I am not thinking of that. Before you go into a sort of depression, let me tell you this: One, he has not tainted you. You are a victim, yes, but you are strong and will be able to put this behind you. And two, I love you. And loving means not only seeing the good things, it's about flaws and accepting them." The blue Seeker said this quickly. Just in case some Autobot came in and saw him being like this with Skywarp. He usually reserved this behaviour behind closed doors, and he wasn't sure what was acceptable to the Autobots in terms of public affection.
Skywarp's optics brightened and he smiled softly. "Took you all this time to say it and I've been saying it since we got together. I love you too, TC," Skywarp said with a teasing note in his voice.
Thundercracker was opening his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut when the Autobot medic entered the medbay.
"Oh, you are awake," Ratchet said tiredly to them. The amount of recharge that he got was as much as he dared with three highly volatile patients. A bit of energon and he'd be right. He had worked worse hours on Cybertron.
"Evidently," Skywarp said in a sing-song voice.
Ratchet saw the happy expression on the black Seeker's face and arched an optic ridge as he asked, "What's got you so happy?"
"Warp," TC warned.
"TC told me he loved me!" Skywarp giggled. Thundercracker stiffened and crossed his arms.
Ratchet ignored the aggressive response from the blue Seeker and smirked, "Well, it's good to see someone laughing. Your repairs are done, and Prime gave me a room for you both to go to until you both decide whether to defect or whether you wish to go back to the Nemesis."
"Really? Thought he'd just chuck us in the brig," rumbled Thundercracker, stepping forward to take the room card that the medic had pulled out and offered.
Ratchet's gaze turned hard. "Prime goes by his word. If you have amnesty, you have it. Or, if you are missing our dear brig, you are quite welcome to it."
Thundercracker smirked slightly. He had to give the medic credit. Both a miracle worker and carer, the white and red mech also had the biggest pair of ball bearings of anyone he had ever met. "Thanks," he accepted the card and turned back to his lover, who was gingerly getting off the berth. Footsteps followed him and he heard the medic say, "I believe your room is one where there is an energon dispenser. Feel free to consume as much as you need. You are not our enemies, but our guests. Whether that status remains is up to you both."
Both fliers nodded, twitching their wings in their version of a goodbye, before following the directions printed on the room card and going into their room.
Ratchet shook his chevroned helm as the flier's left. Thundercracker's actions indicated that him saying those things out loud were not a norm for those on the Nemesis. But propaganda did have a habit on doing that to bots, he mused.
He was curious to the Trine's motivations for joining, but it could wait. He wanted to check in on Starscream and Skyfire first.
The image of the damage to Starscream's valve haunted him.
It was not just violated. It had been ripped and bloody and raw, sensors cracked and fritzing with pain. It wasn't until he had replaced it that energon finally stopped leaking. It really shocked him, but what really sucker-punched him was how strong Starscream was. He was the most damaged of all of them, and had only collapsed when Skyfire had shown up. And that took some ball bearings. To ignore the pain – while it wasn't healthy – just displayed Starscream's character at its best. Too stubborn to die. He placed those thoughts out of him mind entered the room.
The medic almost 'aww'ed at the sight.
Starscream was still in recharge, but was laying on Skyfire, face snuggled into the shuttle's neck while his limbs lay spread-eagled and free. And Skyfire's large hand was placed protectively over the middle of the joint where the wings met in root mode. Ratchet had worked on Starscream, and then placed him back on Skyfire. If he woke up and panicked, at least the larger mech would be able to pacify him quickly enough, given the sudden attachment the two had formed. As there was no indication of either mech waking soon, he decided to see what had happened with Soundwave and Blaster.
He moved to the next room, and his spark melted. Blaster was sitting up, the navy mech curled up in his arms and stroking over his back. Soundwave was just barely online, like he had just come out of recharge. It was also spark breaking, to see such a proud mech reduced to this. He stepped in, keeping a professional facade on. He could wait until he was in his quarters to scream out his rage at Megatron.
"Morning," he greeted, running a scan over Soundwave's frame. Good. Plating was regenerating nicely, the valve had been accepted by the body – physically, Soundwave was impeccable.
Mentally was another thing.
Soundwave jerked, and made to get out of Blaster's arms, and Blaster let him wiggle free. He would not make the telepath feel trapped.
"Ease, Soundwave. I am just here to tell you that there is nothing more I can do for you in my bay. And because you have indicated your wish to defer, you are being permitted to stay under Blaster's care for now. Is this agreeable to you?" Ratchet asked kindly. Gentle, gentle, he kept in the forefront in his processor. He had to display the better side of his temperament, rather than the wrench-throwing one he reserved especially for the Lamborghini twins.
Soundwave nodded, visor betraying nothing, though his lips twitched.
Blaster smiled at the medic. "That's great! It'll be just like we were living in our apartment again, eh 'Wave?"
Soundwave inclined his helm at his counterpart, although his spark ached. He could remember those times clearly. It seemed like a time of clarity while the rest of his life up until now had been one great big storm until the storm turned into glass and shattered into fragile pieces. With a sigh, he wondered what his creations would say to him. He had kept the bond, both telepathic and spark, closed to them. They would not know his torment, his sorrow, his rage. He would not let them know that he was tainted and could not touch them, because they craved every bit of attention that he would bestow on them.
His musings were halted when an audial splitting shriek rent the quiet air.
"Starscream!" called Ratchet in apprehension, optics widening, rushing out of the room.
Soundwave jerked, making as if to go and see the commotion, but was stopped by a gentle arm holding him back.
"Ya don't wanna see whatever it is, 'Wave. Let Starscream heal a bit first before ya go to him, ya got some things to deal with yourself," Blaster said gently. He felt relieved as Soundwave rested back into his touch. He was glad. His best friend accepting his touch again felt like a big step forward already. He pressed behind him and held him loosely, letting the telepath have full control.
Soundwave shuddered slightly. Blaster was right. He didn't want to see another broken mech.
It would only remind him of himself.
Skyfire jolted awake, his audials ringing with the echo of a scream. Before his processor could even fully boot up, he subconsciously held the trembling body tighter to him. He looked down, optics calibrating, and saw that Starscream's optics were open, but they were so pale that they were almost white as he trashed about, letting another scream escape his vocaliser. Skyfire's tank roiled in dread.
Starscream was having an 'awake' memory flux.
"Starscream!" the shuttle called out, gently shaking the writhing flier.
"NO! AAAHHHHHH! PLEASE NO, NOT THERE!"
The shrieked words made Skyfire's expression grimmer and his spark sink. He could estimate what Starscream's flux was about.
"Starscream, please, wake up, please, I'm here, you're safe. Like you said last night, you're safe with me," Skyfire leaned down to murmur in his audial, rocking the body back and forth, trying to control the wriggling body. He hummed, trying to pull Starscream's focus to something other than the flux so he could snap out of it.
The words and the humming seemed to do the trick, as the tri-coloured jet's optics darkened back to their usual scarlet red and his wild thrashing stopped. However, he was still trembling as he mumbled, "Skyfire? Is this real or is this the dream?"
"No, this is real," confirmed the shuttle, stroking slowly over the repaired wings.
Starscream sighed, resting his helm over warm chestplates, shivering with the aftershocks of his memory flux. It had seemed so real. He was glad that Skyfire was being so unselfish, not bringing up any of the past betrayals and hurts…just accepting him. That in itself made him feel secure.
Skyfire looked up, finally noticing Ratchet, who had come in armed with another sedative just in case. The medic lowered it, moving forward and saying softly, "Starscream, could you please turn to face me?"
Starscream did, a little bit of his usual fire returning to his optics as he replied, "What?"
Ratchet said, "If you feel comfortable with Skyfire, you can go with him into his quarters until your welds and nannites finish healing. There is nothing more I can do for you here. And then you can make a decision whether you will return to the Nemesis or not pending your recovery." He said it succinctly, professionally, belying the fact that he would do his best to prevent Starscream and his trine from going back into the clutches of the insane warlord.
Starscream nodded stiffly, before saying in a voice almost too low to hear, "You have my thanks for repairing me."
"Welcome. Now Skyfire, get some energon into him, he needs it," Ratchet replied, internally pleased at the admission of gratitude.
Soundwave leant heavily on Blaster as they made their slow trek to his companion's quarters. He had his mask over his face, but he wanted to sob out to his friend, "Don't touch me, his touch will violate you too." But he didn't. Blasters arm around his shoulders was comforting and he was loath to let that security leave him in the midst of his internal chaos.
Clearing his throat to break the awkward silence, Blaster said, "I didn't really explain everything to your cassettes, only that ya were really hurt and to be really…uh…careful around you and to let you have your space. They had energon, but huddled in one of the corners of the room. I invited them to one of the smaller berths, but Ravage was the only one who wanted to, so I gave them blankets instead. I'm glad he still remembers me from our days on Cybertron."
Soundwave made a non-committal noise at that. Only Ravage out of his creations knew of his past with the mech next to him, and it was likely the others would be suspicious of why they were staying with the other split-spark.
They made it to the door of Blaster's quarters, and Blaster typed the code and palmed the door sensor open. They stepped through, and were instantly cheerfully greeted by Blaster's symbionts.
"Hey Boss, hey Soundwave!" called Rewind, looking up from his morning energon. His greetings were echoed by Steeljaw, Ramhorn and Eject.
Soundwave's cassettes, however, were much more subdued, coming out of their corner and slowly approaching. Soundwave's spark twisted in guilt as he saw the lost expression on Ratbat's face. Steeling himself for contact, he cautiously held out his arm to his youngest. His spark then lightened slightly as the little purple flier chattered excitedly and flew towards him, hooking onto his chestplates and snuggling in, continuing to chatter and squeak in happiness.
Blaster smiled, slowly moving away and letting Soundwave greet his creations.
Ravage stayed wisely back, instead telepathically greeting his creator while his siblings moved forward. Buzzsaw and Laserbeak flew up to Soundwave's shoulders, one on each, while Frenzy and Rumble stood at the base of each leg, looking up at him with small smirks.
"Ya look nice and shiny, Boss," Rumble grinned up at the navy mech.
"Never seen you look so good," Frenzy chimed in with his own grin.
Blaster watched Soundwave's minute body language for any expression of panic or discomfort. At the first sign, he would take his friend to the next room to a berth and let him rest. So far, Soundwave looked like he was doing fine, although a little tense, but at least he was allowing some contact. The red mech wondered how long the other mech would allow the contact. The longer, the better.
"Autobot medic: superb," Soundwave acknowledged the comments, although he internally doubted the truth of the words. He had merely been restored to his normal, blocky self. Maybe his plating shone brighter, but there was nothing special.
"When are we goin' home?" asked the purple coloured cassette twin.
"Autobot base: now home," Soundwave answered Rumble with no particular inflection in his voice. Both Rumble and Frenzy looked about to protest when Laserbeak interjected quietly, "Wherever my creator goes, so do I. You are home."
That statement almost broke the telepath. The thought echoed into his mind from all of his creations, also with trickles of affection and – dare he admit it – love through their creator-creation bond. His vocaliser stuttered and he began to tremble. He tried to keep his body still, but the tremors crept into his limbs. His visor flashed in alarm as dark emotions roiled through him. He was undeserving of this trust, of love, why couldn't he just tell them that he was no longer fit for purpose, that he infected them? He was too weak to say it.
"Dad, what's wrong?" Frenzy asked in alarm, taken aback by his creator's demeanour. He knew something terrible had happened to Soundwave, but Blaster had been tight lipped about what. What could make their creator cry, like he did last night, and shake like a leaf tossed on the wind? And he was not the only one concerned. All of his siblings were.
"Sorry guys, I have to let Soundwave rest now," broke in Blaster, moving hurriedly towards the shaking mech, mentioning for the cassetticons to move. They did, and Blaster took Soundwave's arm and steered him towards the spare berthroom he had, shutting and bolting the door closed.
"What the frag?" Rumble swore, slightly angry. Who was this Autobot to simply take charge of his creator? And what was with this slag about staying here with the Autobots? They had been Decepticons all their lives and the concept was foreign.
"Do not worry, he is in capable hands," Ravage spoke, slinking back towards their corner.
"Rav, c'mon, until last night, Blaster was our enemy, and you go, 'he's in capable hands?' Are ya missing a few bolts?" Frenzy chimed in incredulously, standing cross-armed by his twin.
Ravage growled, "It is not my place to explain. It is Blaster's."
"You know, you don't have to go in that corner. The couch is just fine. In fact, Softa Chairs Co is one of the best manufacturers of couches in America, while the blankets you are using are from a dummy company in China and are not that high a quality," Rewind said from the large couch.
Ratbat moved forward like he was going to go, but then looked uncertainly towards his co-creations.
"What's it to ya?" Frenzy asked defensively. Buzzsaw and Laserbeak had perched atop a bookshelf filled with knickknacks and music files and watched serenely, seemingly content.
Rewind shrugged. "We have nothing against you. In battles we fight against you because it is battle. But if Soundwave is defecting, then come on up here. We are about to watch one of our morning shows. The A-Team. Did you know that it's about these men on the run from authorities who go around and solve crimes while on the run? It's fascinating, human entertainment. Have you guys ever seen it?" he babbled happily, not noticing the dour looks on the other cassettes faces.
"Rewind here is trying to score some brownie points. Come here and watch. We won't hit you with a bat or give you a foul ball or anythin'," said Eject, getting the remote and turning the large TV on.
The ex-Decepticon cassettes exchanged wary looks. They came to a simultaneous agreement. Ratbat flew to the couch first, closely followed by the condor twins, while Rumble and Frenzy scrambled up the ladder at the side of the couch. Ravage followed at a more sedate pace, gracefully leaping up and letting Ratbat snuggle into him.
Steeljaw and Ramhorn nodded at them, but mostly ignored them as the show began.
"You're right, this is more comfy. You guys have bigger quarters than we did," muttered Rumble half-consciously.
"Really? Was space that deficient on the Nemesis?" Rewind asked curiously.
Rumble shrugged and answered the question a little reluctantly, "Don't know. But we only have one room with a berth and music player. Not a living room with two berth rooms."
"Oh. Well…if you are going to live here, don't worry. The berthrooms have more than enough room for you as well as Soundwave," informed Rewind politely, giving them all a small smile.
Meanwhile the above events were happening…
Quickly entering the room, Blaster sat Soundwave on the berth, kneeling in front of the navy mech so he was in full view.
"What happened there, 'Wave? Would you mind telling me?" Blaster asked gently, giving Soundwave an out if he didn't want to answer, not wanting to break the fragile trust between them.
Soundwave hugged himself, looking away from Blaster in shame. He knew he didn't have to answer, but…but maybe Blaster would have a viable solution or piece of advice. He retracted his mask, giving a few shaky intakes to steady himself. He willed himself not to cry. He had done enough of that last night.
"They sent their…love…through the bond. I do not understand that they can still look up to me after seeing me broken…last night," he said hesitantly. The words struggled to come out, but they eventually did. He had rarely talked so candidly about his feelings, but Blaster could be the only exception. His companion had proven himself well thus far, and so he would continue to disclose. He went on, "I feel dirty, Blaster. I am not sure if…if you can understand…but I feel undeserving and soiled. Their sparks are innocent, regardless of their…previous actions."
Blaster gave him a small, melancholy smile. "No, ya are right, I don't understand. But I will be here for ya. Friends until the end, right?"
Soundwave slowly turned his helm back to meet Blaster's gaze. There was openness and honesty. If Soundwave could say with surety one concrete thing about Blaster, it was that his optics never lied. They might hide the truth, but they never lied. He nodded in reply to that statement.
"Hey 'Wave? I know ya feel like…that ex-leader of yours has…uh…broken you, but you're wrong about that. If he had broken ya, ya would have not let me in at all. Ya wouldn't have protected ya family. Ya would have not let your creations touch ya. Ya wouldn't have had the courage to defect," Blaster murmured, listing off the reasons and injecting his tone with as much finality and encouragement as he could. The sooner Soundwave accepted this, the more further down he would be on the road to recovery.
Something in Blaster's words dawned on Soundwave. He felt a little better. Blaster was right. If Megatron had truly broken him, he could have been horribly inferior and would have been subservient to each whim of the grey mech after the…event. No, he had left. He had…done something about it.
He wasn't broken.
Perhaps a bit twisted and bent, but not broken.
And the fractured feeling he had carried with him closed and healed the smallest fraction. It was small, but it was a step forward nevertheless.
Something must have shown in the part of his face exposed, for Blaster hummed softly and said, "See? Find a positive in the negative, and we'll be right. And I think ya deserve each bit of love and devotion that ya little guys send your way."
Soundwave nodded again, and then a troubling thought crossed his processor. "They need to be told of the circumstances." Worry plagued him again, but now he was too tired by his tumultuous emotions to fully put energy into it.
Blaster sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, and said, "I'll do it. And that way I can tell them about our friendship at the same time while ya rest." He pulled a cube of energon out of subspace, handing it to the ex-Decepticon and standing up while giving another small smile. "Rest for a little bit. I'll be here when ya boot up again."
Soundwave nodded, downing the energon and letting the embrace of emotional exhaustion take him into deep recharge as the red and yellow frame walked out of his room.
Blaster sighed, closing the doors with a soft click and leaning his helm against it. Telling Soundwave's creations was going to be troublesome.
Striding down the short hallway and coming out into the living room, sunlight lit by a few windows, he followed his own advice and looked at a positive. He was lucky to have such quarters. For a moment, he looked upon the surprising tranquil scene of both his and Soundwave's creations watching the A-Team. There was a gap between their two groups, but the fact they were even on the same couch was a victory. He sighed again. Although he did not regret it, the newly given responsibilities were going to take their toll. He cleared his vocaliser to catch their attention, and said, "Guys…we need to talk.
A/N: Hope you liked that. I had to have Soundwave accept the fact that he's not broken, and that in some ways he is strong. PLEASE REVIEW! I want to see what you think of the behaviours exhibited.