A/N: Here we go with more angst, more explanation and more hurt and comfort. You all know that I do not own Transformers. Thank you for all the reviews, and especially to an anonymous one who pointed out I had Starscream's optics as blue, not red in the last chapter. Here we go again!
Turning Point – Chapter 5
Blaster looked at the ten upturned faces, waiting for him to explain. They had rearranged their positions so that Blaster was on the couch and all the cassettes were on the floor. That way it could be easier to gauge their reactions to what he was going to say.
With a sombre look on his faceplates he began, "Ravage and my cassettes are going to know the first part of this explanation, so this is mainly for your benefit." He looked at Rumble, Frenzy, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw and Ratbat as he spoke. "It's going to basically tell you why Soundwave is going to be staying here as an Autobot. And here in my quarters."
He paused, quickly taking in the slightly suspicious expressions on Rumble and Frenzy's faces before he went on.
"Ya see…Soundwave and I…we used to be best friends. We even lived together and DJ'ed together," he said.
"What?" the twins cried out in unison, while the condor twins clicked their beaks in surprise and Ratbat squeaked in confusion.
"Shh," snapped Ravage, breaking his usual silence. "Let him explain."
"Thanks Ravage. Now…this was way before you all were created, way before the war…" He told the same thing he had told Optimus Prime, smiling slightly at the shocked looks Soundwave's cassettes shot at Ravage when they found out that Ravage had known Blaster, that his design had been contributed to by someone who had been an enemy. Ravage merely blinked his optics at his siblings, before turning attentively back to Blaster. He had no need to explain himself.
Blaster finished the tale, and was instantly asked by Frenzy, "Why didja give him the code? Ya had no way of knowing if he would ever defect."
Looking kindly on the red and black twin, Blaster answered, "I hoped. I knew Soundwave was a decent mech. So I took a chance. Ya are right, I had no idea, but I always thought to be better safe than sorry. "
"So why are we here? What happened to our dad? He feels…wrong…in here," said Ratbat softly, placing a hand over his chest.
The red and yellow mech almost melted at that, while pangs of sorrow filled his spark, as he knew the next part would not be easy, and would most likely get yells out of Frenzy and Rumble, and sympathetic looks from his own creations.
"Ratbat…have your interface systems come online yet?" Blaster asked softly.
He held up a hand to silence the likely protests of the cassette twins, watching as Ratbat shook his bat-like head and said, "No…dad told me another year and then I would stop reverting to youngling mode, and then another year before they would some online. Why?"
"Because what happened to your creator has to do with interface systems. You do know about-?" Blaster was relieved by Ratbat nodding. Good. It would have been beyond awkward to have to have the 'talk' with Soundwave's youngest before such horrifying news. Steeling himself for the inevitable and heaving another sigh, Blaster spoke again.
"Well, Soundwave is staying with me because I am to help him recover. You see, early last night, your creator was…assaulted..er…sexually, by…by Megatron," Blaster said, voice quieting toward the end as if that would soften the blow.
Laserbeak and Buzzsaw cawed in outrage, hissing, "How dare he!"
Ratbat seemed shell-shocked and terrified. Blaster knew it was because he realised he had been in Soundwave's chest compartment at the time of the assault.
As predicted, Rumble and Frenzy yelled, "What? That son of a glitch!" His cassettes were also giving him empathic looks, giving him some comfort over the bond. They knew how much he liked Soundwave. He gave his creations soft smiles, before turning his attention back to the ex-Decepticon cassettes.
They looked to him. The looks on their faces were spark-breaking.
Clearing his vocaliser, Blaster leant closer, offering his arms and comfort to anyone who needed it. After a moment of hesitation, Ratbat flew into his arms and snuggled in, small tears welling up in his optics. Rumble and Frenzy also climbed up, resting on his lap, still shell-shocked. The knowledge that their creator had been violated in such a way made their sparks ache in sympathetic agony for their father. Blaster gently comforted them, saying to them, "He came here to get better. And I'm the only one here on base who knows him well enough to take care of him. So I hope you guys don't mind it is all."
"Whatever it is to get the Boss up and running again," Rumble said, finality in his tone. It was echoed in the determined faces of the rest of Soundwave's creations.
"I'll try," Blaster promised.
Prowl and Jazz entered their CO's office, having been called there as soon as they had finished their morning energon. They stood to attention, waiting for Optimus to finish with a datapad he had been reading.
Optimus placed Starscream's medical report down on the desk, looking up and saying, "At ease."
Both black and white's relaxed, Jazz more than Prowl.
"What's up Boss-bot?" Jazz asked, trademark grin on his face.
Folding his hands over each other and adopting a sombre tone, Optimus decided to be blunt with his officers. "As of last night, we have been joined by Soundwave in the ranks and we have also granted asylum to Starscream and his trine. They have all undergone trauma of the worst kind, having been assaulted by Megatron."
"Assaulted?" Prowl asked steadily.
"Raped," Optimus supplied.
Jazz's grin dropped and Prowl's doorwings stiffened. Optimus looked sympathetically at his SIC and said, "I know this may be hard for you to see, Prowl, but I need you to read Ratchet's med reports on each. Jazz, I need you to tell the crew, get them used to the fact and read between the social lines."
Jazz looked worriedly at his mate. This event hit a little too close to home in one respect.
The Praxian caught the look and said, "I will be efficient as always. The Cloudstrike debacle is long past."
"But if you are having trouble, please let someone know," Optimus said pointedly at Prowl, who nodded in reply.
"Who're the mechs stayin' with?" asked Jazz.
"Soundwave with Blaster, while Skyfire has set himself to the task or helping Starscream. Skywarp and Thundercracker are in their own room, I think they can be trusted for the next few days," replied Optimus.
"I wish them luck," Prowl said softly, doorwings still held still.
"As do I. Dismissed."
The tactician and the saboteur exited. They walked a few steps before Prowl stumbled slightly, glad when Jazz caught him.
"Ya sure ya're gonna be ok, babe?" Jazz asked, steadying his mate.
Prowl nodded. "What the Decepticons have gone through is worse than I have ever gone through," he replied quietly.
"Abuse is abuse," Jazz said cryptically, leaning into the Praxian and offering his comfort. Wrapping his arms around the visored mech, Prowl sighed and said, "I know. It's why I am glad I have you."
Starscream sat on Skyfire's huge berth, sipping his energon slowly. His body shook every now and then, but that was fine. It was better than all out bawling. The Seeker could feel the gaze of his oldest friend on him, and almost shied away from the non-judgmental tone of it. Everything that the shuttle had done for him so far had been so giving, so unselfish, and it made the jet feel like the biggest slagger because of his past actions. Not to mentions the shame and disgust from Skyfire knowing the dreadful secret he had been hiding.
To break the awkward silence, he mumbled, "Energon's good."
Skyfire, who was sitting in a chair opposite Starscream, smirked and said, "Always is."
Starscream shifted a little uncomfortably.
With a sigh, and knowing this was going to be awkward and uncomfortable either way, Skyfire leaned forward, optics imploring, and asked, "Please Starscream. Tell me when this started. Tell me why you stay when you get hurt like this."
Starscream glowered at him at that last part, but he placed his energon cube own and hugged his knees to himself. The gesture made Skyfire's optics sadden.
"I stayed…to plot, to deceive, to protect my trines. Only last night did he try and hurt my trine. I stay to ruin his plans. I stayed there, knowing every beating and every…every rape…would be protecting my fliers. So I did not stay because I liked Megatron in any way. I did not stay because of any grandiose visions that we are going to win this war. I stayed to be a fool and protect all that I thought mattered," Starscream whispered, coolant tears welling up again in his optics and trickling down his grey faceplates.
"Oh Star," Skyfire said sadly, feeling like he had been punched in the gut. Starscream really was the good mech he had been all those millennia ago.
"And for your information…the…a-abuse began before we left Cybertron…not long after I became the Decepticon second in command," Starscream said heatedly, revulsion of his weakness boiling inside of him like black tar, clogging him.
Skyfire winced, getting off his chair and kneeling before the crying, trembling flier, holding his arms out once more, offering his wordless comfort.
"I'm sorry, Starscream," the larger mech whispered.
"I'm sorry too…for hurting you when I should have just-"
"Shh," Skyfire shushed him gently. "None of that. It's in the past. It's all about you and healing now."
And with gratitude glowing in his deep scarlet optics, Starscream leaned into Skyfire's chest, feeling those warm arms embrace him and making him safe and secure once more. A crawling feeling made itself known, of being unworthy of Skyfire's care, of being disgusting and tainted with the dark essence of the Decepticon warlord, but the tricoloured flier ignored it. If he was to heal, it was not allowed to get the best of him. But nor could he bury it. He continued to sob into the warm chestplates, crying for his lost innocence, for Skywarp, for Soundwave, and for the possible torture of the conehead trine back on the Nemesis.
With a low growl, Megatron asked, "Where is Starscream and his fragged trine?" He directed this at Hook and at Ramjet, whom he called before him.
"He did not come to the medbay last night, my lord, and I have seen nor hide or thrusters of him or his trine since yesterday afternoon," Hook answered calmly in the raging storm of his leader's anger.
With a nervous tilt in his voice, Ramjet said, "He did not come to our quarters like he usually does in the morning to give us our duties. And I checked the trines quarters, and it seems to have been cleared of possessions. Sir," he added hastily.
Megatron growled again.
"Soundwave does not appear to be on board either, sir. And his cassettes have disappeared as well," Hook spoke up again, still calm.
"Well then, FIND THEM!" Megatron bellowed. With his SIC and TIC currently missing, these two held the highest authority. The two mechs bowed and left the throne room swiftly, but not before the warlord gave the Seeker's retreating backside a leer. The doors shut, and he yelled out in fury again. How dare they leave! He was merciful to them, not killing them when he should have. They all should have been in the medbay and ready for duty once more.
Red optics glowing fiendishly bright, Megatron realised why Starscream had not simply come back to work like usual. He had involved his trine and Soundwave as well.
"Pfft...prude," grumbled the grey gunformer. Soundwave was probably the main piece in this missing jigsaw puzzle. He had thought the telepath was loyal. To find out he was wrong irked him.
"When they get back, no mercy shall be shown!" Megatron cried out furiously to the room, and inside his spark he made it a promise.
Soundwave twitched and booted up. He was met with a light grey ceiling and a soft berth.
One thing he was thankful for was that he had no fluxes in his brief recharge. All he could remember was blackness and panting. And that in itself was not as terrifying as the actual memory. Sitting up, he gingerly parted his legs slightly and opened his new interface panel. There was something he wanted to see. The panel glided back effortlessly, revealing his components. His spike was in its housing, and his valve was dry in its normal, unaroused state. With slightly trembling fingers, he reached down and felt along the opening.
It was new. Brand new and replaced.
Conflicting emotions assailed him.
He felt relief and joy. Although the feeling of being violated was still prominent, he felt so relieved that no evidence in his valve remained of the torture he had gone through. However, he still felt dirty and defiled. Megatron had used his hands on him, his body on him, his spike within, valve replacement or no. And he wasn't sure if that feeling would ever go.
With a sudden stab of revulsion at himself, Soundwave took his digits away and closed his panel again. The dirty feeling was overtaking him again. He would never be worthy to take a lover again.
"Wave?" Blaster's voice came behind the closed door, "Can I come in?"
Soundwave was silent for a few moments to compose himself before he croaked, "Yes."
Blaster peeked his helm around the door, seeing Soundwave's state and closing it firmly before immediately going over to the trembling mech. "Wave?" he questioned again.
"Cassettes…sufficiently informed?" the telepath asked of his friend. That was of more importance right now.
Blaster gave him a tiny smile and said, "Yeah. They took it like true troopers. They're willing to help and do anything – and let me do anything to help ya. They are less suspicious now. My little guys are also helping them to settle in."
That news made him relax slightly, but he hugged himself, insecurity washing over him. Could he explain to Blaster? He wasn't sure. But the navy tapedeck didn't realise that his fingers were scratching at his plating as if to rid himself of all stains, of all bad memories. Being as emotionally perceptive as he was, Blaster grimaced at the actions and reached over to gently take Soundwave's hands.
"Would ya like to go to the washracks? Might relax ya…make ya feel better," suggested Blaster. And when he saw Soundwave perk up with interest, he knew he had hit it right on the money.
"I would like that very much…if…you would come with me?" Soundwave asked tentatively. It had been an old habit on Cybertron when they had lived together, as every now and then they would need help to get their back plating and would have the occasional shower with each other to get those hard to reach spots. But now he was uncertain. He had been more uncertain in one day than he had ever been in his lifecycle. Hope filled him as Blaster grinned.
"Ya know, I'd be happy to," Blaster replied.
Soundwave nodded, slowly rising from the berth and allowing Blaster to lead him.
"You know, the best thing about having these quarters is not the extra room," Blaster said as they walked out of the room, "It's having a private washrack."
And then the third door in the hall, which Soundwave had taken to be a storage closet, was actually the entrance to a large washrack. Blaster opened it, and watched as Soundwave slowly walked into the room. The visored mech was slightly speechless. There was a tub big enough to fit he, Blaster and all their cassettes easily, and a large shower space with two showerheads. One was about normal mech height while the other was unmistakably the height for the cassettes. Hanging off to the side was a large shower curtain, comically printed with the Autobot symbol.
"Cool, huh?" Blaster asked. Hopefully it would distract Soundwave somewhat for a little while.
Soundwave turned and looked in the mirror and nearly started in shock. No wonder Frenzy and Rumble had said he looked good. Never had he been so polished! But the look in his visor was sad and a little agonised. On the flipside, no wonder Blaster was being so careful with him.
"You know, if ya wanna start alone, it's cool. You can just let me know when you need me," Blaster offered.
Soundwave exvented in gratitude. Good. The uncomfortable prickly feeling had begun to come back. He could hide it if Blaster wasn't right next to him. He nodded, and Blaster went over to the showerhead, adjusting the temperature on the panel next to it before turning to the blue tapedeck and saying, "I think that's how ya like your temperature, if I'm not wrong."
Walking closer, Soundwave looked and was surprised that Blaster had remembered that he liked his showers on the cooler side compared to most bots. He looked to Blaster and said, "I cannot believe you remembered. Thank you."
"Aw, it's nothing. I just have a good memory bank is all," replied Blaster lightly. He stepped back, and pulled the shower curtain closed, giving Soundwave some privacy.
Soundwave sighed, turning on the tap for the water. Contrary to popular belief, Cybertronian's could wash with water, as long as they weren't left in water for too long a period of time. Only then would they rust. The initial rush was cold, but then warmed to the temperature that Blaster had set it to. He sighed again, this time in contentment. The touch of the water on his metal skin felt good, soothing. He leant into the stream, letting it flow down his helm and neck, across his back and chest, and down to the drains on the floor. The warmth enveloped him like Blaster's arms had last night when he had held him as he cried.
He grabbed a tube of solvent from the holder in the wall, noting that it was the same compound that Blaster had liked to use when they had shared their apartment. The familiarity of it made him smirk slightly. Lathering it up in his hands, he methodically worked his way from his neck to his arms, before sliding his palms over his chest and over the special hardened glass of his cassette compartment.
With a frown, his hands passed over the Decepticon symbol. Soundwave vowed that as soon as he could, he was going to get rid of the sign. It held no meaning for him anymore. He continued to lather up green bubbles over his chest, rubbing away some of the tenseness that had settled there.
He was doing fine until he got to his lower abdomen.
'The touches, imitating a sick rendition of foreplay…a hand, brutally ripping off his codpiece…'
Soundwave gasped, a phantom ache exploding from that point. He shook his helm, trying to concentrate at the task at hand, but his hands were shaking again. A bolt of frustration consumed him. Would this ever end? But then emotional anguish took over from the frustration, and he scrubbed at the buttons on his hips, on his new panel furiously in an attempt to wash the remembrance of Megatron's hands on him.
He let out a sob unwillingly, throwing down the rag he's been using then to scrub the solvent in and plunking himself on the floor, curling in on himself. Without a doubt, he knew that Blaster would come and see him like this again.
He was proven right when Blaster opened up the curtain upon hearing his sob, and gazed down at the huddled form. The mostly red mech said nothing, but frowned, and gently climbed in, sitting alongside the other mech and sliding an arm around him.
Soundwave unconsiously leaned in.
"You'll be ok, Wave. It might feel like forever, but I'm sure of it. You're gonna be even better than before, Wave," Blaster soothed.
Soundwave only nodded. They should have been empty words.
But from Blaster, they weren't.
Blaster whispered, "You want to stand up? I'll finish cleaning you up if you want, and then we can go and do whatever you want."
"Even go outside?" Soundwave asked. Fresh air sounded like a fantastic idea right now. Maybe he would feel better, maybe the sensation of violation would lessen if he was not in any confines.
"Sure thing." Inside,Blaster was so very glad that Soundwave had proved his own autonomy in making that decision.
Nodding again, he made to move up, Blaster helping him and settling under the stream of warm water once more. He expected himself to flinch, but was pleasantly surprised by the fact that Blaster's hands with the soft rag rubbing efficiently over his back and legs had virtually no negative effect at all. Of course, there was the slight feeling of being weak, but Blaster had offered, not demanded, meaning that Blaster had thought him competent enough to do it but was just doing it to ease his feelings. He relaxed a little, grabbing another washcloth and applying it to his front again, washing the solvent off. This felt…normal, he guessed.
Well, as normal as it could be when he had been raped and violated.
Blaster stood, looking at him to check how he was, before turning the taps off and saying with satisfaction, "There ya go. Nice and clean."
Soundwave gave his thanks, allowing a small quirking of his lips in gratitude. Blaster winked at him, stepping out and grabbing two large, Transformer sized towels. Soundwave dried himself, not lingering over the task – he now held a mounting excitement for getting out of the quarters and simply being free outside. He turned to Blaster, who had finished drying himself off, and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.
As Blaster looked at him, Soundwave intoned softly, "Blaster, I thank you. You have been incredibly giving and accepting of me in such a short time. I am not sure how I will ever repay you."
Something indescribable flashed in the boom box's optics, before his usual warm smile graced his face.
"I told you before, 'Wave. Friends until the end. And friends do what they can for each other," Blaster replied, spark warming at the expression of gratitude.
They looked at each other in the silence, their gazes containing more than what they could say.
"Well, you want to go outside? Let's go then!" Blaster said cheerfully, walking out of the room. Soundwave followed, feeling his spark heal just that little bit more.
Soundwave knew he had been right to pick this. Oh how he could forget that such atrocious actions could happen to him, especially when he was almost literally on top of the world. It felt like the violation had been some vivid dream in comparison to this. He and Blaster were on the top of the dormant volcano, looking out over the land and feeling a gentle breeze play along their plating.
Maybe it was the stark contrast from being so enclosed in the Nemesis, far below the ocean, but never had he felt so free.
"I love coming up here. Especially at sunrise and sunset. It's beautiful to watch the dawn and eve of the day. It really makes you think. Hey, remember old Windbag? The minibot that used to spout poetry? I bet he'd be inspired by this sort of thing. Mech, he was a lousy circuit board instructor," mused Blaster, looking briefly at Soundwave.
"He certainly lived up to his designation," Soundwave answered, although he remembered very vividly the droning voice and the small stature.
Blaster chuckled, "Main machine, that's an understatement."
With the little bit of his confidence that he had found, Soundwave offered, "I have never seen a sunrise or sunset personally while on Earth. That is, stopped to just admire it."
"Really?" Blaster asked. He really wanted to ask the question in more detail, but refrained himself. All in good time. Soundwave would be given the right to disclose whatever the heck he wanted.
"Mmm."
Silence lapsed between them. In that silence, Soundwave was very tempted to peek inside of Blaster's mind, to use his telepathy to see what he really thought of him, of the act committed on him. Although the navy mech trusted his friends words, there was only one way to know for certain.
'No, you fool!' he yelled at himself. The trust that was held between them was slowly starting to strengthen. If Blaster detected him searching inside his mind, he may kick them all out of his quarters and he would be alone. He cursed himself for even thinking about telepathically searching Blaster's mind. If something could be foolish, that was it. If Blaster said that he was strong, if Blaster said that he was going to be better, then he had to trust those statements. Because Blaster was one of the most truthful bots. Always had been from the time that they had met back in their Frequency Academy orns.
So they stayed in silence, watching as the daily events of the world played out like a play before them.
A/N: I hope you liked that. I know I did.
As usual, I would LOVE any reviews you give. Now, who would everyone like to see as the asshole/idiot? To our favourite Cons? I've already got Cliffjumper lined up, but anyone else?