A/N: Oh hullo, how are you all? A few things to say, as always. 1) Please don't completely kill me after this chapter. I realize some of you saw this coming but.. yeah. This was like the original idea for the story, the one I based it on so.. yeah. Okay this is making no sense, but after you read the chapter it will. 2) So, I'm thinking about making a playlist for the story for you all, any opinions on that? Would you like to hear it? Okay leave your response in the reviews please, along with your reaction. I'll love you forever 3
Flying camp is almost over. It's strange, thinking that. The beginning of the summer, I was adamant against even touching a broom, or James Potter for that matter. I didn't suspect a thing of Alice, and we were the best of friends. I hadn't thought Sirius has feelings, and even then, ones that could get hurt so horribly. At the beginning of the summer, I didn't think I would ever fall in love, not so quickly or so hard or with him.
Quidditch camp is coming to an end, with just two more classes. After that, it's two weeks of stress and shopping and preparations for school, before I get on that Hogwarts Express, and go home. There, I will face everyone, Marly and Mary, Snape and the Slytherins, and everyone else.
No one could have known that over the summer I would change so much. No one would know that I could now fly fast and furious through the air on a broom, hundreds of feet above the ground. They would scoff if I said that James and I had anything other then a hostile relationship. Now, I know of Sirius being more then this goofy, girl-loving guy, and I know of the Marauders bravery and willingness to help a friend, no matter what extent they have to go to. After the two months had summer had flown by, I was in love. I was desperately and inexplicably in love and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
It is the evening, just after practice, as I walk hand and hand up my front lawn with James. His hand is shaking in mine, and I guess it is for the same reason I'm nervous. Today is the day, the day I will finally build up the nerve and tell him how I really feel. I am going to do it, I am going to tell him that I love him.
Just last night, I talked to my parents, and asked if James could come over Friday night to meet them officially. Though my Dad had been stubborn, the plans were set, as long as it worked for James.
"So... I have something to tell you..." says James uneasily as we reach the front porch. Biting my lip, I nod.
"I do to, but I get to go first," I tease, squeezing his hand and leading him over to the porch swing, where I sit down, and pat the seat next to me. Still in the strange state, he awkwardly sits down, and nods his head.
"James, these past few months have been... they've been like out of a fairytale. Princes and princesses, and fate and fairytales have always been just myths to me before, but being with you makes me forget all of that. James, I never thought I'd say this," I say, pausing for effect, "but, I love you." His face morphs into an expression I never expected: panic.
At first, I can't hear him mumbling and stumbling over the words. "James, I can't hear you," I say, on the edge of tears. Oh mother of fucking God, did I really misjudge our relationship this badly?
"Lily," he says, now calmer then before, and his voice smooth and put together, "This... thing we have between us isn't going to work out." I feel as though I still misheard him and respond quickly.
"Do you mean about the coach/student thing? Because James, we can just put it off, pretend like we got together at school! James, this doesn't have to effect out relat-"
He cuts me off and says, "No, Lily, that isn't it. It was amazing being with you, it really was. But," he pauses, takes a deep breath, and continues, "It was just a summer fling." My hands are shaking, and I'm blinking back tears.
"But James, after all those years and-and meeting your parents," I stutter, grabbing his hands and forcing him to look into my eyes.
"I'm sorry," he says, his eyes flickering back and forth. This crushing feeling grows inside me as he walks away, not saying another word. At first, I'm just numb. Things are spinning, and I think it must be a dream. What else could it be?
The clouds gather thick and dark over the small little house, and rain starts pounding down. Instead of running inside though, I walk out from under my cover. Spreading my arms, and tilting my head back, I let the rain wash it all away. I let it wash away the heartbreak and memories and the numb feeling. I let it wash away him entirely.
And when it's over, and it's done, and I walk back inside, I feel different. Better then before, but still empty. Still very, very empty. I want to scream and run and pound on his door. I want to tell him the huge mistake he made, how he won't get another chance. But don't I know what a lie that is. After spending all these time enforcing the barriers of my walls, I let him in. I didn't take precaution like I knew I should, and I crumbled down.
When I get inside, I don't dry myself off. I lay in my bed, and I think. I think about my relationship with James, and the way we got to it. Through all the bumps and the potholes, we made it to this relationship that seemed... it seemed rather perfect. No fights, no yelling or mistakes. The summer had wiped away all the worries I had, and I now realize what happened.
All this time, he thought I was some amazing person. Someone who was smart and funny and entertaining, but once he had spent more time around me, he knew I was a fraud. The pain hit me again, harder then it did outside. The rain had taken it away, but only for a short while.
Thought speed through my head, turning every which way. One stood out from the rest though, I'm in love with James Potter... and he doesn't love me back.
The next day, I wake up later then usual, and realize I overslept. I hop out of bed, throw on a minimum amount of makeup, brush my teeth, pull my hair up, change, and run out the door with only a breakfast bar.
When I get to class, I'm only five minutes late, but still walk up with embarrassment. Seeing James standing up there talking to them pulled at my heartstrings, making me want to curl up into a ball. But I put on a brave face, and stride up there with as much dignity as I can muster.
"Look, Lily's here!" cries Oliver, pointing to me. I flash him a fake smile, and wave.
One of the second years whose name I forgot calls, "Oh, she's late! James! You said if anyone was late they'd have to do three laps around the field!" I give the hyper little squirt a glare as James runs a hand through his hair, unsure of what to do. He doesn't meet my eye, and he twiddles his thumbs
"That's okay, since she was only five minutes late," he concludes, brushing the girl off. I huff and cross my arms.
"I don't need special treatment," I snap, before taking off for a jog around the field. It's safe to say this would be a very long day.
Lunch passes with similar awkwardness, Alice and I sitting at one table, still a bit mad at each other, and Sirius and James sitting at another. The next day passes similarly, and it hits me suddenly... it was over. All this work, all these days, it was over. I can fly. James isn't my coach anymore, just another classmate, just another annoyance.
In a daze, I Apparate home and walk into my house, the sun slowly setting and the sky turning a brilliant pink. It reminds me of the time when we sat in his backyard and just laid there, watching the sun until suddenly the stars were out.
At this memory, my heart tugs painfully in my chest, and tears prickle in my eyes. I will not cry I promise my self, shaking it away. Whenever I have a spare moment, he pops into my mind, and it kills me a little bit more. The fact that no one knew, other then those close to us. The fact that I was in love with him, that I fell like I said I never would, and he broke me.
When I walk in the house, I see my father, and he gives me a light hug and kisses my head. The bridge of his glasses lightly brushes my hair and I'm hit suddenly by a wave. Not a wave, more like a tsunami.
"Hey, James," I ask, "Why are you glasses taped with Spello-tape?" He smiles down at me, as we walk hand in hand off the field after everyone has left. Even in the dusk, I can see a tinge rise to his cheeks, and I watch as he shrugs his broad shoulders.
"I like it that way," he mumbles, and I giggle, before pulling out my wand.
"Hand em over," I say, putting out my hand, "I'll fix them for you."
With a vicious shake of the head, he responds, "I like them like this. It makes me look tough." I can't help but burst out laughing as adjusts them on his face.
"You are about as tough as a teddy bear," I chuckle, and he gives me a quizzical look. "It's a Muggle stuffed animal." He gives me this look, one he always gives when he's about to something spontaneous.
"Come one Lily, admit it, I'm tough." He grabs me around the waist and starts tickling me, and I throw my head back and bellow out laughs. They aren't giggles or chuckles, but full out belly laughs.
After a minute, I can't take it any longer, and squeal, "Okay, okay, you're tough!" He lets me go now, and I clutch my sides. He pushes his hair from my eyes, and leans down.
"Good to know," he whispers, before capturing my lips, and I melt into him.
"Lily? Lily darling are you okay?" He asks, and I'm jerked out of my fantasy.
"Yeah.. yeah just tired," I reply, trying to cover up for my zone out. I still haven't had the heart to tell my parents about the breakup. It's strange but I just don't want to seem weak to them, I want them to see my strong and not broken.
He nods, "Well, why don't you go take a rest? Have you gotten your summer work done yet?" I shake my head, and I see his eyes flicker with disappointment. It's hard, trying to be perfect all the time. I do it for him, I want to make him proud.
"Why don't you do that tonight, since your sport camp is over. Then you can just relax for the last two weeks." Only two weeks until I go back to Hogwarts. Two weeks, and I have to see him everyday.
I turn to walk upstairs when I hear my mother's voice calling, "Oh Lily, dear, is that you? Is Lily home?" She sounds excited, and I see her come bustling in, apron on, and flour spilled all over it. Her white tipped fingers are clutching something, and she smiles as she hands a torn envelope. "I'm sorry I opened it... I couldn't help myself. Oh Lily, read it!"
Some of the flour that got stuck on the paper rubbed off on my hand as I pulled the letter out. As I did, something heavy fell out of the envelope with it, clinging onto the floor.
With a flash, my eyes scanned over the letter in a blur, a real smile growing on my face as I saw two words, standing out from the rest. Head Girl. I, Lily Evans, would be Head Girl!
"Lily, oh Lily, I'm so proud of you!" she gasped as she saw my face light up. She pulls me into a hug, but I'm still too shocked to hug her back. Why would Dumbledore pick me? There were so many other eligible and better candidates. "You and James will be great!"
"Huh?" I say, tilting my head to the side as I hear his name, trying to ignore the painful tug at my chest as I hear his name.
"Didn't you read the bottom? He's going to be a Head with you!"
And in that second, I feel as if she is suddenly far away. Her voice is distant, her figure blurry, and all I can see is just dizziness. The next year starts being mapped out, and I can see it all. Us being heads together, awkwardly moving around each other and trying not to clash heads. Every time I see him, it feels like a stab in the chest, all over again, my heart breaking. Because this year, it won't be James chasing after me. No, he caught me, finished the chase, and now is bored. No, the roles will be reversed, with me being the one pining away for someone so unattainable.
"That's... that's great," I'm finally able to spit out, before grabbing the letter. "Well I-I better st-start working on my... my... my homework," I stutter, not really able to concentrate at the moment. Before she has the time to answer, I'm bolting up to my room, just like I've done so many times this week.
A/N: What did you think? I'm really nervous about this! Okay please review and let us know, it would mean a ton! THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED THIS STORY I LOVE YOU MORE THEN ANYTHING! If you have any questions or just wanna talk, you can contact me on my tumblr, ofcatsandthings , which will ofcourse have the tumblr(.)com at the end. Thanks so much all of you! I might update again tomorrow, idk, but yeah..