A/N: So i know you guys want for them to just get back together and I know you want an explanation and you will get both but with time. You weren't supposed to completely know why James broke up with her and when Lily gets an explanation, so will you! It's going to be a few more chapters before they even start really talking again, so please be patient. Thank you so much for all your reviews, I decided to surprise you all early with this update, I hope you like it. It's kinda unedited soo... yeah sorry for all the mistakes!
When I arrive at the platform, I can't help but glance around nervously.
"What if I see him before he sees me and I can't stop staring? What is he sees me before I see him and I'm not prepared? Or worse, what if we both look at each other at the same time and have to make eye contact? God Alice, I can't do this. I can't do it, I'm going home, no more magic for me. I think I'll just deal with my beast of a sister instead, maybe become a fast food worker, I don't know." I ramble on and on as we walk across the platform, my heart beating irregularly in my chest and my blinking being unnaturally too often.
Before I can go any further, she interrupts, saying, "Oi! Lily, calm down. Take a deep breath." I do what she says, yanking my luggage behind me as I'm doing so. "Now you are going to get on that train, and go into the prefects compartment. You are going to stand up there, and give the best bloody Head Girl speech ever, and blow them all away. And you are going to turn your back to James and make him wish his sorry arse had never been bonkers enough to break up with you. Do ya here me?"
Biting my lip, and contemplating for only a moment, I sigh and nod my head, accompanied with a confident, "Yeah!" We board the train, packing away our suitcases into a compartment in the back, that we reserved for the seventh year Gryffindor girls.
"Wow, this is really our last train ride here..." ponders Alice, and I cock my head at her.
"Yeah... yeah I guess you're right. Well, we'll just have to make the most of it," I say, and open the compartment door to make my way to the Heads Compartment. "Come on, Alice, the meeting is soon."
Shaking her head, she explains, "You're meeting starts at eleven in the heads compartment, when the train leaves. The prefects meeting starts at eleven fifteen." I widen my eyes at her as a lump forms in my throat and I can't help my feel the dizziness I felt before again.
"But you... you'll come with me early right?" I clarify, giving her my meanest, Lily-est look.
"Sorry, I can't. but I'll try to come early, claiming I though it was eleven ten," she plots, putting on her lying face.
Shrugging, knowing it's the best I will be able to get out of her, I reply, "Okay." I then set off by myself, my nerves building up with every footstep I take. Two weeks I haven't seen him, and I don't know my body's reaction when I finally see him. Though I try to pretend I am already over him, anyone with a brain can see I'm not. All those people who thought I hate him will be surprised when I can't even form coherent sentences around him, that bloody bastard.
So, the most probable thing to do in the situation would be to try to calm myself down, to think about good ways to handle it. But no, I'm Lily Evans which means I just have to think about all the horrible things that go wrong. By the time I'm sliding the Head's Compartment door open, I find that I have imagined at least five scenarios where I've either been eaten by snakes or had my head hexed off.
I sigh in relief, seeing as it is empty, and slide into the corner, pulling out a notebook and pen from my knapsack and doodling as I wait. It's actually only ten fifty five now, so I don't expect him to show up for another few minutes.
Dazing off, my hand and pen take a mind of their own, and when I'm snapped out of it by the sound of footsteps and an opening door, and when I glance down at my paper, am filled with nausea. Sitting there are stick figure versions of me and James, holding hands and smiling at each other. It's quite poorly drawn, seeing as I'm a quite awful artist, but never the less, you can tell it's us.
Shutting it quickly, and looking up to make sure he didn't see, I am greeted by his giant hazel eyes and half smile. Glasses are sitting crookedly as ever, and he's dressed in a pair of Muggle jeans, which I don't get to see often and the jersey that he bought when he was with me. Nostalgia fills me to the brim, but I shove it to the back of my mind, worried I will start crying in front of him. It's all so new for me, being so emotional, because usually I would be the last person in the world to cry over something so simple. It just goes to show how much people can be changed by others, for better or worse.
My face turns bright red as I realize I have just given him the 'once over' and quickly look down at my notebook, making my face look even brighter. He looks around nervously also, like he doesn't know what to do. James Potter being in an awkward situation- no scratch that, being the cause of an awkward situation would be funny, if it wasn't with me.
"Congratulations," he finally says after a few minutes of the silence, and I gulp, trying to swallow the butterflies.
"For what?" I reply, before wanting to smack myself over the head.
"Head Girl...?" he trails off, treating my like I'm some sort of idiot.
Turning my head to the side, I retort, "Right, whatever." He walks over, taking a seat only a few inches away, and I'm blasted by the smell of him. It's not that he is wearing an overwhelming amount of deodorant or cologne, but rather that I was so used to the smell before that it was familiar, that he smelled like home. I scoot away from him just an inch or two, trying to separate myself from the intoxicating scent.
"So should we plan something our or...?" He trails off again, and I sigh, wishing he would just finish a goddamn sentence.
"Look, I'll go over the prefect schedules, which I have already mapped out, and you go over the rules. It's simple, even you can't screw it up," I spit, yet feel bad when his face grows to a look of hurt. My mood changes though, once his expression hardens again.
"Are you really going to make this that difficult, Lily? Are we going to pretend nothing has happened between us? Is it going back to us hating each other?" The cold, hard words cut me like knives, and I can't even believe what he was saying.
"In case you don't remember, James, you are the one who broke up with me. Don't put this on me, it is all you. What do you expect me to do, when I find out you are Head Boy? Jump for joy? Throw you a fucking party? Or did you expect us to become friends or something? I may be a bitch sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't have a heart. One which is, by the way, breaking all over again now that I see you. So am I going to pretend like nothing happened, and that I'm not hurt, and that I hate you, because it's easier then pining away for you, for being hurt again and again."
And I want to say that, I want to say all of it, but it's just to goddamn hard. Biting the inside of my cheek, my hands wring themselves as I figure out what to say.
In the end, I shake my head, saying, "I don't know what you're talking about."
He opens his mouth, ready to say something else, when luckily, Alice walks in. She glances at her watch, smilingly sweetly and saying, "Oh hey Lily, I'm not early am I?"
"Well," I respond, grinning back at her, "The meeting doesn't start for another five minutes, but you can hang out here."
By the time the meeting is over, I'm so relieved it's not even funny. If I had to sit for even one more minute in the most horrible situation of my life, I think I would have just Avada Kadavra-ed myself right there. Once Alice and I arrive back at our compartment, we greet Mary and Marlene with big smiles and hugs.
"Marly! Mary!" I cry, astonished I hadn't even seen them once over the summer. I had corresponded a bit, but not too thoroughly. Enveloping them both, along with Alice, into a four-way hug, we totter to the side, before all falling back onto the benches, me sitting by Mary and across from Alice.
"So, girls, how was Quidditch camp?" asks Mary excitedly. The thought of it makes me sick, but I swallow the bile building in my throat, and force a shaky grin.
"It was great," I say truthfully, because most of it really was. "I learned how to fly."
Clasping her hand over her mouth, Marlene bounces in her seat, giddily replying, "Oh Lily, that's wonderful." For the trip, we discuss our summers, going around and describing what had happened. Alice and I made a silent pact between the two of us to keep our relationships with the Marauders secret, simply stating they coached their too, but nothing more.
Finally, just as the train was pulling to a halt, Alice reached into her pocket, closing her eyes and taking a gulp, before pulling out the shiny ring. Widening my eyes at her, I try to warn her not to do it. She just shakes her head, and slides it onto her ring finger.
"Aliceeee," sing-songs Mary, "What is that?"
"Is that what I think it is?"
Nodding her head, she squeals, "I'm engaged!" I have to cover my ears because of the high pitched screams that come from my two dormmates. From there on out, all the way from the train to the feast and to our dorms is hand clapping and wedding plans. I can't help but notice though, how insincere Alice seems, like she's faking the whole thing. Most people wouldn't notice, but I see the ways her eyes shift to the floor, and the nervous wringing of her hands.
Everything that happened over the summer is starting to become a distant memory, and it's already the first day back. But I can't forget one thing, and that is the heartbroken look on Sirius's face when I told him the news. She broke his heart, just as James broke mine. And who could forget something like that?
Being back at Hogwarts is indescribable. It's more bittersweet then anything really. Part of it feels like home, like I'm back where I really belong. Seeing everyone again is just amazing, but also knowing it's the very last year, that after this, we are all venturing into the real world, terrifies me.
The feast is nothing special, and I sit as far away from the Marauders as possible. It' not too hard, seeing as James and Sirius are avoiding us too. Part way through, I make eye contact with Remus, and give a small wave. He smiles, and waves back. James's head snaps up at Remus, and follows his eyes to me, before he looks down again. A blush hotter than the sun races to my face, and I look away.
Finally, it's over, and I'm ready to collapse into bed, but then I remember what I have after the feast. In my Head's letter, it discussed a meeting after dinner in the headmaster's office. Sighing heavily, I explain to the girls what i have to do, and make my way to his office.
When I approach the door, I see James is already waiting outside, actually talking to Professor Dumbledore.
"Good-evening, Lily," greets Dumbledore, flashing me a smile as his eyes light up under his half-moon shaped lenses.
"Good-evening, Professor, how was your holiday?" I ask, genuinely wondering what he does over break.
"Quite fascinating, actually," he explains, before ushering us along down the hall.
"If I may ask, Professor, where are we going?" wonders James as we tag along beside his quick pace.
He chuckles, before replying, "Always very curious, aren't you James? You have a knack for mischief, correct?" With a grin, James nods happily, and I can't help but scowl at him. Here I have worked so hard for Head Girl spot, with top grades and behavior, and he just sweeps in and grabs the other place, with no work to be done. "Well, Mr. Potter, why don't you take a guess."
James ponders for a moment, before saying, "We're going to the Head's office."
"Very good," he compliments, "Why don't you lead the way?"
A strange sense of jealousy boils up in me as I see the friendly relationship they have. With adults, I always try to keep it straight forward and mature, while James openly admitted to breaking the rules.
"What is the Head's office?" I question the headmaster.
"It's a room for the Head's-more specifically Mr. Potter and yourself-to not only work on Head's work, like prefect scheduling and Hogsmeade trips, but also to relax and take off the stress of the day," he explains. I nod in understanding.
"Here we are," says James, as we reach a wooden door, a round door nob with a keyhole set on it. Professor Dumblefore reaches into his robes, searching for something. He let's out a triumphant grunt as he pulls out two small, brass keys, handing one to me and the other to James.
"Go on," Professor Dumbledore nudges, wanting me to unlock it. I slide the key in, fitting it to the right place, turning, and popping the lock. It's strange, really, using a Muggle method for unlocking the door, when most people could just use Alohamora. Honestly, I don't understand the point.
James sees my confusion, and pipes up, "The door is spell proof and the only way to get through are the keys."
I send daggers at him with my eyes, accompanying it with the biting remark, "Thanks Potter." We walk in the room, and I immediately fall in love with it. It's small, not much bigger then my bedroom at home, but it's cozy. It has a bookshelf pushed against one wall, with all the seventh years books stacked on it's shelves. In the far corner are two reclining chairs, with a table toward the side. Along the wall opposite to the bookshelf is a long, red sofa, with gold pillows, and I few armchairs off the the sides. Finally, there are too grand desks, which look to be stocked to the brim with supplies, such as parchment and quills.
"Please, please, come in and make yourselves at home, I only have a few things to say before you can both go back to your common rooms," Professor Dumbledore says. I meander around for a moment, before taking a seat on the edge of the couch. James takes a seat on the other side of it, as far away from me as possible. My heart breaks, just a bit more, before I shove it away, trying to remind myself I don't have feelings for him anymore. I'm back to hating him now.
It doesn't help though, that just the sight of him before made my heart pound and my cheeks flush. It doesn't help that right now, I get butterflies in my stomach from just being on the same piece of furniture as him. My head throbs from the confusion stampeding in my brain right now, and I take a moment to rub my temples at Dumbledore pulls out a chair to sit out in front of us.
Ten minutes passes as Dumbledore explains us our duties, telling us about the rounds we must make them every other night and the trips we must plan. Once he finished, he claps his hands together.
"Well, that seems to be it. Please remember that I picked you two for a reason and don't let anyone tell you that you are less worthy of the position." At that, I blush a but, now feeling embarrassed and guilty about my thoughts earlier about James being a Head.
"If that's all..." I trail off, giving him a questioning glance.
"Yes, yes," he replies, "Have a goodnight you two. Oh, and welcome back to Hogwarts."
The journey back to the Gryffindor tower is awkward, the silence hanging heavy in the air. Everything I knew about acting around him before has disappeared, leaving me completely devoid of my social skills with him. Once we reach the portrait hole to the Common Room, he stops me.
"Uh... Lily?" He asks, and I give him a sharp nod, telling him I'm listening. "Uh..."
And as he trails off, an idea grows in my head. It's crazy and insane, but I think what would happen if he apologized. If he apologized and explained what happened and said he loved me back. What if he said it was all some misunderstanding, something he didn't want to do. I'm filled with this thought of everything that I want it to be, and my hopes get the best of me.
"Nevermind," he finally says dejectedly.
"No, what?" I stop him, grabbing his arm. His warm skin on my calloused palms burns so hot I feel like it left a mark. Zaps shoot through me and a lump forms in my throat.
"Just... I'm sorry. For the way things happened, how they turned out." I look at him, prompting for more, when I realize that's it. That's all he has to say.
"I don't want to hear your bullshit," I spit, my temper growing, "I fell for enough of that this summer." With that, I snap out the password and storm through the portrait hole, and up to my dorm.
It's safe to say I didn't get much sleep that night.
A/N: REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES GET BACK TOGETHER QUICKER AND MAKES ME UPDATE FASTER! Be expecting the next update sometime this weekend (so Friday-Sunday). Again, updates will come faster and sooner when there are more reviews, because it motivates us! Thank you to every single review though, I love you all!