Chapter 2 - Raven's POV

"He's looking at you again. He looks pissed about something." I sighed and continued to eat as I shrugged and looked over at my best friend and fellow initiate Astrid. How a former erudite and amity became the best of friends from day one has stumped most everyone we know.

What they aren't aware of is that we were already friends before coming here. By pure accident we were using the same room that was pretty much forgotten at the school with extra gym equipment. Five years ago I started training in what I could for my transfer even more than I had before that. I also worked out in Erudite but I liked to be away from the compound as much as possible.

Astrid smiled at me and she whispered since he was sitting close enough to hear when we talked normal. "How can you not freak out when he looks at you like that? He scares the fuck out of me Raven."

I give her my small smile "Have you seen our rankings? Where do you think we would be if he weren't such a dick about things and forcing us to do our best?"

She frowns "You think he does it on purpose to help us?" She says the last part a little incredulously.

I shake my head "I can't even begin to tell you what the fuck his motivations might be; only the results of his actions. He is a dick and it gets me all pissed off and I end up doing more than I thought I could. I mean you know I don't show it and I basically shut everything out, but whenever he starts in on me I push myself harder. We knew that I was going to be pretty good at certain things because of our previous training. But I can't say that I haven't learned anything during our training at all, and there is something that just kicks me into overdrive when he gets near." Yeah like my hormones and my mind in trying to figure him fucking out.

I take another bite of the portions I have allowed myself of the grilled chicken, steamed veggies and rice. I have been pretty strict on myself since the fights started and I knew I needed to be in top performance. Our friend Lex slides in next to me and kisses me on the cheek and hugs me.

"Hey guys, how is your day so far? Ready for our days off?" He asked all while with his arm still around me. I rolled my eyes, grabbed his arm and moved it off of me.

"Hello Lex. I am fine and yes because I can get more work on my tattoo done. Please keep your hands to yourself you still have the bad habit of letting them roam." I say in the most level and cold voice I can since I am not in my detached state right now.

He jerks his arm back and gives me an apologetic look and Astrid breaks out laughing "She has you so fucking jumpy from when you got drunk and tried to feel her up."

I shrugged "He picked a bad fucking spot to surprise me and try to practically attack me."

Lex nods "No shit, note to self don't try and do anything that is considered a surprise attack on anyone on the bridge of the chasm. I seriously thought she was going to let go."

Astrid looked down the table and grinned "Raven, seriously he is getting worse." She leaned and whispered to me.

I frowned and looked down the table at one of our instructors and a leader who was sitting with the other leaders not terribly far from us and could hear us I think. He did really look pissed off but not at me he was glaring daggers at Lex. I shrug "I am tired of trying to figure anything about him out." I said without thinking.

Astrid's eyes went wide smiling "You have been trying to figure him out?"

I sigh and start to gather my things "Yeah not talking about any of that shit. Not right now at least, I have to keep my mind on the fights."

She reaches across the table "Sorry Raven I understand, just finish your lunch. You are already on small as fuck portions and it worries me."

I lower myself back down and allow a smile "My portions are actually exactly measured for the rate of calories my body type and weight burn in the activities I take part in. I do a protein increase with a bit of decrease in my carbs and sugars are out. Once fights stop I will go back to eating…" I stop and shake my head. "No not going to lie about this. I am going to be like this Astrid it is a part of me now. I have been like this for what, four years. I can't just un-program myself in an instant."

She flinches slightly and I put my hand on hers "Tell you what, the instant fights are over we can have a full on cheat day; including me drinking if you just seriously need to see me drunk again, the one time I did manage to get drunk anyways."

Lex and her smile wide and I laugh "We are so going to take you to Shauna and Zeke's party then. They ask about you and why you don't come out anymore." Lex said pointedly and I nod.

I see out of the corner of my eye Eric try and slide down the bench closer. I don't think anyone else would notice but I do because I notice him all the time.

I sigh and answer "Shit got real around here after Dee jumped when the pressure got to her. It was a reminder to me why I am here. It's two months in, almost three months and we are coming down to the end of training guys. They may not be cutting anymore but you can still get shit jobs for not doing well. I am not even talking about rankings because that doesn't dictate jobs anymore. It's everything about you, your attitude, and your work ethic, how well you can work with others. They are always watching and I can't afford to waste all my years of hard work to not give it everything I have. I know it makes me miss out on parties and hanging out with you guys, but in just under two months I will have the rest of my life to do that. Here and now I give it my all or I might as well have not even been here." I shrug and eat some more.

Lex lets out a breath "You know you can be really fucking intense Raven." Then he laughs and we all smile and I eat some more lunch, then drink my readymade protein shake and swallow my handful of vitamins.

Lex looks at me "Hey, at the party want me to bring the guitars and we can sing. Shauna loves it when you sing and she swears the baby moves every time he hears your voice." Astrid ears perk up as she nods and I sigh.

"Yeah go ahead and bring them and we will see that night how I feel. Sound good?" They both smile and nod then high-five each other. I chuckle "You act like it is that much of a treat to hear me trying to screech."

Astrid frowns "Hey I love your voice and I love when we do that one song from that movie you love watching. What was it called? You talk about the fucking books all the time since they are apparently your favorite." She asks frustrated.

I smile and drink my protein shake some more "The Hobbit. But that is a separate book from The Lord of The Rings trilogy. And it isn't my favorite but is one of many. Books are like music Astrid my favorites are based on what kind of mood I am in and what my emotions are. Say for instance right now I am concentrating on preparing for my match so it would be The Anatomy of Martial Arts or even Mind power. One is something about fighting and the other is something about getting your mind right for performing in those fights. And I will take your word on the enjoyment factor of my voice." I wink and smile at her.

I look at my watch and see we still have about twenty minutes. "Alright guys I am going to go and do my warm ups and a few other exercises. Then it will be time to pay the piper." I say cleaning up my area and then getting up.

I look down at my friends and they look worried "Look it's fine. I am fine I promise."

Astrid rose and cleaned up her area still talking to me as she did so "How can you be fine? You were with him for two years and he just fucking threw that away and cheated on you. He could have just told you but he was a complete dick."

I shrugged "I can't change any of it but it is over now and I am going to move forward. I won't hold on to bitterness Astrid, you saw what it did to my brother. I won't be like him or our father."

She nods and stops to grab herself a muffin, how she is able to eat all of that and not gain weight is beyond me, I wouldn't be so lucky I am sure.

I passed by Eric and his gaze tracked me like it always does. I seriously don't understand it, but I think it has to do with my father and brother. I sigh internally and shake my head. I need to keep my head in the game.

Astrid walks with me after she catches up and we move on to a different subject. One that is a little more exciting, we are getting three days off before the next stage starts. We don't know exactly what the next stage is because they had started to rotate them add things to them. I mean I know but the others don't. What they don't know is that after the three days off we have a week of extra classes and then we go into the official part of the stage.

We walk into the training room and wave to two other of our instructors and friends as well. I walk over to my normal warm up area and take off my workout jacket. I wear my tank top but can't wait for my tattoo to be finished and at least some of it will show. I catch my reflection in the mirror that is on the wall to help with seeing your forms in fighting.

My hair which my mother and I loved but my father hated is an unusual mixture of deep red and black. The combination makes it look like the feathers of the Raven I renamed myself after. It is normally heavily wavy when it is down. But I keep it up in braids that are tight around my head during training and my fights especially. My brother had taken after my father in stature and height. I didn't get any of my father there. Another strike against me it would seem. I was no more than 5'8 but I was trim muscle and curves. My dad being the asshole and analytical he is would like to point out that because I had no tits I wasn't going to be worth anything to a man worth keeping. They weren't bad all things considered. I fit into a C cup at least. We both got my dad's emerald eyes. My real womanly feature was my waist and how it curved into my hips and butt. My mother had a small waist and would have had this shape had she worked out. It was just all about tightening. She did what my father told her though and we had grown apart years ago. I still had my Aunt though, and without her I don't think I would have survived being under my father's control. I had to see her in secret because no one knows she is my aunt and my Father cut all ties with her. I had a room at her house and I knew I could always go there. Those last years I had pretty much lived with her.

I didn't look it but I could be a powerhouse in fighting. So far I had done really well and hadn't lost any fights. Today would be my last and it just happened to be against my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend as of last night. Not that he knows that since he didn't come back to the dorm last night and I didn't see him this morning. We had the morning off and I had spent it working on my knife and accuracy skill and then on moving targets with firearms. Four and Tris had helped me with that.

Four came over to me and crouched down since I was doing my floor warm ups. "Hey Raven, your fight can be last if you want it to be. You don't have to go right out of the gate." He said worriedly.

I shook my head. "No better to get it out of the way. I don't want to have to have him around me for the whole day. I will just go to my void and focus on the fight. I won't give in to the urge to destroy him but I won't hold back if I need to hurt him."

He sighed but gave a small smile. "Remember to change it up from what he had seen you do before, his biggest and only advantage is that he knows you so well and you had those matches before." His face turned hard.

I had known Four before he transferred since our dads are both faction leaders and his dad would bring him along on some occasions. I found him in the Erudite library and we hit it off, as much as anyone can with Four. But he saw the signs in me that I knew firsthand how he felt and our friendship had grown from there. I became a sister to him and he is my brother.

When he got settled here he had reached out to my email so we could still keep in touch. He saw me on visiting days or we would sneak out to meet elsewhere. I got to meet Tris almost two years ago when she came into his life and I loved her instantly. I had to tell him about me being in the hospital, so I had to reach out and told him about my sparring match with Shane that got out of control and we both ended up in the hospital. I sigh since I hate lying to someone I love but Four doesn't need to know those details.

I nod to him. "I have been focusing on the things we talked about and I haven't used that in any fights before now. I think we have a good plan and now I have a good motivation."

He smiles and pats my shoulder before I get back to my warm up. Fifteen minutes later I am ready to do my martial arts pre fight warms ups and Astrid calls me over to tape up my hands and put on the thin gloves we are allowed and required to wear for the fights. They are only lightly padded but they do help some and anything to limit injuries I am sure helps the budget and the infirmary.

I am drinking some water when Shane comes strolling in. He smiles at me and starts to come over to give me what would be his normal hug and kiss on the cheek but I turn away from him and move off before he can even get within feet of me. He looks like he drank hard last night and that just fuels my anger even more, that he is treating this so fucking casually.

I walk up to where Tris and Four are, and Eric just happens to be there to but I don't care. I am never anything but calm because I go to my detachment but I can't right now if I am in such a rage. I need the calming presence of Tris and Four right now to help.

Tris frowns and looks to see Shane across the training room then puts her hand on my arm as it is tense right now. "Don't tense up, stay loose until time. Are you ok, we can still move it to the end or the middle."

My nostrils flare and I shake my head my chest heaving. "How fucked up is it that I am more pissed that he was out fucking drinking all night and treating our training like a joke, than I am that he has been fucking someone else? I pretty much don't even care about that! That should have been a fucking clue to me I should have ended this from the start when I saw his damn attitude. Maybe even well before we transferred but whatever I can't change that now. It's all just one big fucking party to him Tris. How long have I spent preparing for this? From day one it has been nothing but fun times and parties and he says I am too cold to really appreciate the 'finer'" I use quotation marks for that. "aspects of being Dauntless. I can't even see straight right now Four. I can't calm down and I will fucking kill him." I look to him and he frowns.

"Take a beat and stay over here to calm down, then you can go into your void. We aren't even due to start for a few minutes." He crosses his arms over his chest after he pats my shoulder and I can see him glaring at Shane. "And you have more spirit of Dauntless in your fucking pinky than he will ever have." He growls.

I had been so upset I didn't see Eric's body tense. But he turned to me with that fucking look and I don't know what the fuck is about. I don't try to understand the look right now. I just turn to Tris who is smiling at me "You being more upset about his disrespect of our faction and the training just means you are ranked number one for a reason. We all see how dedicated you are to this so of course you are going to be upset at anyone that lessens that for all of us. Have you been able to talk to him at all?"

I give a smile that I admit is a bit feral. I make no apologies for how I am the good or bad, but I do try to limit who sees it. "Nope, but we are about to have one hell of a conversation."

I hear a sound that comes out of nowhere. Four, Tris and I are all a bit shocked when we figure out it is Eric and he is laughing with his head tilted towards me "Then I guess you better loosen up and get ready Raven because you go first. No changing it to later. You face him now. Keep to your words and show him this isn't a joke and neither are you." His eyes held mine for a moment and I still had no clue how to decode him. But it isn't the first time I get lost in them. I found myself smiling at him and to my surprise again he returned it.

Four clears his throat and the moment is broken. I shake my head to clear it and I nod to him "Yes Sir."

He looks at Four and rolls his eyes after whatever looks they exchange but Tris comes behind me and helps me pull my arms and legs in my stretches that we added for my new fighting style. As we do she talks to me.

"So tonight we finish your ink?" She smirks at me and I smile.

"How can I say no to get getting double teamed by two gorgeous ass women all while sipping on whiskey and getting ink injected into my skin. Sounds like a hell of a way to start off my off days." I say cheekily.

Four coughs and turns red but Tris is laughing and has to stop and hold her stomach. Eric's eyes darken and he looks at me. I feel like his eyes are undressing me. I blush and he smirks before he looks away.

"I have to tell Bud that, or better yet have Tori tell him that. He is such a perv but she loves fucking with and teasing him. They are such a strange couple. Are you going to go ahead with your piercings tonight too?" Tris laughs and I smile.

"Hell yeah, I have waited long enough for all of it. The tongue piercing was just the start but I am not going to go crazy. I will keep to the dermals on my spine for right now." I laugh at Fours frown and shake my head.

I wink at Tris. "Oh yeah, I am sure that will fuel Bud's dirty little fantasies for about the next century. If he can even handle it. You know Tori asked me if I had ever experimented before. You know with girls because most Erudite have their whole experimentation periods. It was at Zeke's party, Well the one before Dee happened and I stopped going to any parties or anything. You should have seen his face as he waited for me to answer. Also remind me since we will be doing a party tomorrow, tequila equals truth serum for me." I laughed and Tris quirked an eyebrow. I sighed and shook my head and blushed.

"Seriously, what's so interesting about that? Fine it was a kiss or two and maybe some mutual exploration of the upper body. I realized I am just not made to be sexually attracted to women. Not that I don't appreciate them and can admire if they have a nice ass or whatever. The girl was upset but understood and I pointed her to Astrid who was all too fucking happy to oblige that. Amity parties are pretty wild you know that? Much less a combined Dauntless and Amity party." I smiled at the looks on Four and Tris' face.

Four breathed through his nose. "Sometimes I fucking forget you aren't the little brat I knew from before. I can't keep seeing you as the nine year old little girl that is my sister anymore. I mean you will always be my sister Raven, but when did you fucking grow up on me?"

Tris gave a slow clap and smirked at him. "Fucking finally he realizes he can't be the fun police for you. Wow that epiphany must have burst a few blood vessels there, Four."

We all chuckle even Eric. Four looked at me turns serious again. "You better win and don't get too hurt. Preferably not at all. Control the anger like you have done for all the others. Remember you don't have to be brutal to win. No matter what that dickhead of a father and half-brother" he snarled that last part "of yours said and did to you."

I grimace at the reminder "It's hard to re condition yourself but I am trying. I only knew the way they forced me to know."

Tris and stiffened at the mention of him and I smiled sadly at her then we hugged. She sighed and pulled back. "Speaking of him, we need to talk after. Depending on the outcome I may let you go early and have that conversation."

I close my eyes and do a count to calm myself and speak softly because I am building up to that pissed off. "I am always going to have to live in the shadow of what he did and what he is aren't I? It doesn't even matter that I don't share the same last name Fuck! What has he done now?"

Four shakes his head and side eyes Eric who is just looking at us all and soaking up every detail of this conversation. Fuck I forgot he was there for a second and doesn't know. Now he isn't going to stop until he finds out. I already see it in his eyes and he will not let it go.

"Interesting, I think I will be in on that conversation. Considering I am in charge of the security of Dauntless much less the well-being in all areas of the initiate's lives during training." He says coldly looking at each of us in turn.

Tris looks at me with an apology in her eyes so I shrug. "It was going to be found out sooner or later. I mean I used my mother's maiden name but they will pull our files and history from our former factions soon if it hasn't been done already. It's not common knowledge anyways since he is only my half-brother but I am sure it is there somewhere. Go ahead and tell him."

I look at my watch and walk towards the mat area where I take off my shoes and then start bouncing up and down in my ankle jumps then start to roll my shoulders and neck afterwards.

I don't look back or around. I just focus on my breathing. I had found something in a book once about a boy who was a skilled marksman and sword fighter. It was a fantasy book and I was intrigued by his method of concentration. I had started to experiment well before I had really started to prepare four years ago. When my brother started taking me to areas where I could fire off the weapons he was able to bring along when he visited me, in secret and always arranged by my father, I got to approach the ranged weapon aspect of it. It worked for me pretty damn well.

It was called the flame and void and you build a void that clears out everything in your mind. You do this by feeding everything into the flame you have visualized. Emotions, thoughts, fears of all kinds but especially about pain and death. They are all feed to the fire that is visualized. There is only the void and when you are in the void pain becomes distant. You have only the task ahead of you. I researched if it would be possible in real life to use it like the boy and characters in the book did. I found that it is basically a form of meditation and that has been proven useful in the real world.

My flame is an inferno as I start feeding it everything that I had been feeling or worried about this past week. I barely registered I was called to fight but made it up on the matt. In this state and with everything that has happened; Shane looked like a complete stranger to me. I think that I can finally see that I only saw what I needed to see in him during that time. That must have shown on my face because he blanched and said my name in a strangled whisper.

"Raven?"

I got in the ready position that I have always used but would switch to the new one once the fight started.

"Fight!" Eric commanded.

I needed no other signal. Shane hadn't even put his hands up.

I took off running towards him and he went to take a step forward. I leaped up using his knee to step up and catapult myself into the air where I did a midair roundhouse kick. This allowed my first of strikes to happen where one of my feet struck him under the jaw and throat as it came up to crash into him with all the force of my kick.

His jaw snapped closed and he started gagging and was disoriented, perfect for my next strike. I landed just in front of him dropping into a crouch and I immediately went into a low leg sweep.

As he was falling I struck out from my already crouched position and kicked the area above his groin, then stomach and finally another kick to the face in such a rapid succession all that could be heard were the three sounds of someone being hit hard and the cracks of something in his body.

He crashed to the floor and I leaped on him and instantly hit him twice in the face and was going for more until I was pulled away. I don't know how long it takes me to register anything else for a bit until I feel that tingle and warmth I have only ever gotten from Eric.

"He's out Raven. He was out before he hit the floor." Eric said looking at me with smugness I couldn't understand.