AN: HEY it's Maddy! Sorry for the UBER long wait for this chapter! I had major writer's block while writing this, so that has to do with the fact that this is pretty short. But it's better than nothing. And I think I may add the next chapter right after this one. Cause I lurve you guys. Anyway, a few things I'd like to share: 1. I wrote and posted a new Jily oneshot called Worth It, and I would LOVE it if you guys checked that one out and reviewed it too. 2. On the subject of oneshots, I will tell you that Robin is working on this long Jily oneshot as well. It's not finished, but so far...oh man. SO GOOD. 3. It's really funny reading your reviews, but I do want to address that the reasons James broke up with Lily will be revealed soon. How soon, I don't know. We'll just let you sit in agony for a little while longer. :D Okay, now I'll let you read. REVIEW!
The first day of classes are...okay, I suppose. We have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, like we have every year since I got here, who seems a little clueless to be honest. He talks a lot about mastering the theory of DADA before moving onto the actual practice of it. When he said this, Sirius and I shared a look along the lines of, What bullshit, before going back to listening. The Marauders actually paying attention in class is something that actually happens kind of rarely, but none of us really have the energy to goof off.
What has become of us recently?
But the worst part of my day is easily when Lily and I have to patrol together, walking through the hallways in an unbearable silence.
"So...what do you think of the new Defense teacher?" I ask her just as we start, trying to analyze her facial expression, which, I'm not going to lie, looks like she's in actual pain just walking next to me. I fucking hate it.
She sighs heavily, which also sends a stab of pain through my gut. "He seems alright, I guess. Better than Professor Armadill in second year, but also seems a little like he's too Ministry-friendly. I wonder why Dumbledore chose him for the job." As she talks, her voice is strained but polite, and I can see she's making an effort to have the conversation with me. After spending almost my whole summer with her, I've picked up on her small habits and quirks. The little things I still can't help but love about her.
"Maybe he didn't. Maybe someone else chose the guy for him, like they're interfering at Hogwarts..." I trail off.
"Like they purposely chose someone who wouldn't make everyone worried about what's going on outside of school," Lily says quietly, mimicking my exact thoughts. I turn to look at her and see her already gazing at me. The hazel eyes lock with the green and I quietly whisper, "My thoughts exactly." Even in the dark, I see a small blush creep up her face and she looks away quickly. I hold back a sigh as we start walking again.
"So, um...you're Quidditch captain again?" she asks awkwardly. Normally when someone would bring this up I'd get really excited, wanting to talk about it for ages and brag about my natural Quidditch skill. But this is Lily, and lately Quidditch hasn't made me as happy as it normally does. Not after I've had a taste of what makes the most happy.
"Yeah, I am. And Sirius and Alice are probably going to be on the team, also, but don't tell anyone I said that. I'm not allowed to play favorites." We both share a small grin before she replies.
"I understand. How's...how is Sirius? Is he okay?" she asks, looking at me with sincere concern in her expression. I shrug.
"He's alright, I guess. Still pretty upset about everything, but I think he'll move on eventually. It's just hard for him now, seeing her everyday and whatnot. Like a constant reminder that he can't have her and all..." I trail off, thinking to myself: am I talking about Sirius here, or just myself?
Lily freezes in her place and stares daggers at me. "Are you fucking kidding me, James Potter? 'A constant reminder that he can't have her?' Is this some sort of joke, some sort of...way you want to...to rub it in my face or something?" she exclaims loudly. I'm extremely taken aback by her statement, but I can't say it really surprises me. I want to cut in and say something, but I can tell she's not finished. So I do what I never do and stay quiet until I know she's finished. "I don't know if you really remember, but I told you that I loved you the night you bleeding broke up with me. That's not something a girl gets over quickly! I just...ugh, I can't believe you!
"Here's a bit of advice for you: next time you choose to go after a girl, make sure it's one that-"
"I'm sorry," I interrupt quietly. She stops ranting and looks me square in the eye, her chest heaving up and down as if she just ran a long distance.
"After everything you put me through," she murmurs. "After everything that I felt, and that I thought you felt...you're sorry?" I nod, sighing as I did so. Lily glares at me for a few seconds, but it looks more like she's trying to make up her mind. "Well, I regret to inform you that sorry just doesn't cut it." And with that, she turns on her heal and walks the rest of the way back to Gryffindor Tower. I have no choice but to follow her, hoping she doesn't turn around to see how much pain I'm really in.
"PRONGS! WAKE UP, PRONGS! THE SUN IS SHINING, THE BIRDS ARE SINGING-" I throw my pillow at Sirius as hard as I can in the hopes of shutting him up, and thankfully his yells are muffled for a moment before he chucks the pillow back, just as hard. "Uh oh, boys. Someone's in a sour mood this morning!" he sings, only irking me even more.
"Shut up, Padfoot," I grumble. "I don't understand how you can be so damn cheerful at...what time is it, anyway?"
"Too early," Peter groans, flipping over in his bed onto his stomach.
"Eight-oh-three, to be exact," states Remus, heaving himself out of his bed with a stretch. "Breakfast started half an hour ago."
"Precisely why we need to get up!" Sirius exclaims. "If we don't hurry, all the crispy bacon will be gone and I'll be forced to eat the disgusting chewy kind. And you know how much I don't like chewy bacon." Unfortunately, he is right. Sirius always starts his day with about ten pieces of crispy bacon, never chewy. One time in fourth year we overslept and got to breakfast fifteen minutes before it ended. Sirius was forced to stick with chewy bacon and was in an extremely grumpy mood for the rest of the day. And that is not something I particularly want to relive.
I sigh. "Fine, I'm getting up." I throw my feet over the side of the bed to the cold floor, standing as I do so. "But I call first dibs on the shower." My three roommates immediately start arguing with me, but before they can do anything I sprint to the bathroom, filled with a sudden need to take a shower before the rest of them.
As I stand under the hot, relaxing water just minutes later, a random image crowds my brain for a moment: Lily, lying on her back on my bed, red hair streaming behind her, laughing at something I said or did. It's gone as soon as it came, but the effects of it take a while longer to wear off. I freeze in the act of shampooing my hair and take a shaky breath, telling myself It's in the past It's in the past It's in the past. And I'm right. That particular memory is in the past. Only problem is, my feelings aren't. There the exact same as they were.
We finally make our way down to breakfast half an hour later, and Sirius thankfully gets his ten pieces of crispy bacon (along with much other food). But when we walk in, my eyes immediately go to where Lily sits with her roommates laughing happily. She doesn't need you to be happy, I think to myself, fighting the urge to stroll up to her and beg forgiveness. She's better off without you.
She leaves with Alice soon after we sit down, and my eyes follow her out of the Great Hall-but I can't help notice that Sirius's eyes travel in the same direction, most definitely watching Alice with the same longing that I watch Lily. Nice to know I'm not alone in my misery.
Suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me and a coy voice say, "James Potter. Back at Hogwarts and just as good-looking as ever." I turn around and see none other than the blond, bold, and beautiful Amanda Hartridge. My ex-girlfriend.
"Isn't the Ravenclaw table over there, Hartridge?" Sirius asks, pointing to the table at the other end of the Great Hall. "And shouldn't you be sitting at it and...not here?"
Sirius, Remus, and Peter never really liked Amanda, each for their own reasons. For example, Sirius: "Sure, she's hot, but...that's about it." Or Remus: "I've never met anyone as superficial, shallow, and unoriginal as her." And Peter: "Everyone knows she's slept with half the guys at this school. And she's kind of intimidating in a weird way."
As for me, well...I thought I liked her. Maybe I even did. But any feelings I had for her were nothing compared to those I've felt for a certain redhead Gryffindor seventh year.
Amanda laughs loudly at Sirius's comment-a loud, obnoxious, and empty laugh. "Oh Sirius, you're funny!" she exclaims, twirling her hair around her finger. "I just came over here to say hi to James. And to tell him that I missed him over the summer." She trails her fingers across my shoulder and leans in close, her breath tickling my ear. "And I would love to get to...catch up, sometime."
She grins flirtatiously at me and turns away, swaying her hips noticeably as she saunters to her own house table.
"I liked Evans better," Sirius says to Remus, not bothering with the fact that I can hear him fine. "At least she knew how to give a great comeback." I liked Evans better, too, but not just for that reason.
AN: REVIEW! WE LOVE YOU! IT WILL GET BETTER BETWEEN THE LOVELY COUPLE...well, not next chapter. But soon. Come on, we all know that they end up together eventually. And if you want them together sooner than eventually? Submit a review and we might take your wishes into consideration. Farewell, lovely readers.