Murdoc woke up with a throbbing headache like he generally did after a long night of drinking followed by passing out. He got out of bed and managed to pull on his jeans from yesterday before stumbling out into the lot then into the house. He knew that most likely everybody was still asleep, he hoped so anyways. He didn't think he could handle hearing the little girl ramble on in Japanese this early in the morning. When he came to 2D's door he stopped and peeked inside; the singer was curled up with the little kid against him. They looked happy, he hated admitted the small girl was kind of…adorable; he also hated admitting he felt something for the singer for a moment there. He closed the door and quickly made his way to the kitchen. He needed more alcohol and more cigarettes; he hated those feelings of caring and kindness. He used to crave them when they would come, especially towards 2D, but that was back in England in another time. As far as he knew Russel didn't know about those times and if the singer had told him about them then Murdoc was pretty sure he'd break the singer's neck.

"Hey Muds" The drummer said trying his best to sound happy.

The Satanist only growled back in reply as he grabbed a fresh bottle of whiskey from the cabinet then flopped down in a wooden chair kicking his feet up on the table just a few inches away from the plate the drummer was eating from.

"How many hours do you spend sober?"

"None"

"So you think D is gonna stay in the band?"

Murdoc looked at the bigger man for a second then back to the bottle he held tightly in his hand like somebody would take it from him.

"Of course he is, idiot wouldn't last two seconds away from here."

"You really need to stop beating on him so much; even Del thinks you're going to run him off."

He glared at the drummer, he was angry at the statement mostly because it was one he knew held truth to it.

"I don't beat on him tat fuckin' hard, not like he's smart enough ta care anyways." He said smirking to himself as he took another long drink.

"That's what I'm talking about, man I don't even know why he's nice to you in the first place."

"He's stupid, tat's why." Murdoc mumbled hoping to drop the topic.

He heard walking near by and knew that one or both of them were awake. A minute later the small girl came into the kitchen and hopped up on the counter grabbing a couple of strips of bacon shoving them into her mouth. 2D came in and sat down across from Murdoc, but never looked at the older man.

"Hey D I was thinking about taking Noodle out shopping today and finding some stuff so she can have a room of her own, you wanna come with us?"

Murdoc knew what he was doing, why did he act like if they were left alone for just one second the singer would end up crying. It was pathetic, he could be alone with 2D and not hurt him, it was something that rarely happened, but it could happen….Actually he kind of did want to have a real talk to him for the first time in ages, but by the time he would be half way through his bottle the feeling would be gone.

"He ain't goin anywhere, I need 'im here wit me today."

"What for?" Russel asked sounding annoyed.

"Vocal tracking, I also need ya to hurry wit yer decorating and girly shit so te kid over t'ere can do some guitar for our record."

"Do you want to hang around here?" Russel asked looking at the blue haired man.

2D smiled sadly and nodded.

"Sure, I'll stay, don't worry I'll be al'ight here with Mu'doc."

He wasn't sure which of the two he wanted to hit more. The bassist looked back over to the counter to see Noodle now eating pancakes; he wondered when the last time she ate was. He kind of felt bad thinking about how long she had been inside of that box going from planes and ships and vehicles. He hated the idea of somebody doing that to a kid, it made him think of his childhood, and all of the neglect. If they ever found the girl's parents he had the feeling he would punch them for thinking it's okay to ship their daughter off to a strange country so she could join a band, live with some older men….It really was disgusting when he let himself think about it long enough. Enough thinking, he needed to drink more, he was still feeling things. He looked over at 2D realizing he'd spent most of the time at the table with his head bowed. He looked pretty when he was this sad, but not the usual kind….He just seemed extremely broken, all because of Murdoc and his lack of self control….He wanted to punch him just for making him feel guilty. He hated guilt; it was an emotion for those that were weak. The younger man had made him feel it more times than he was willing to count.

"I think we're going to get going, I'll try to get back by lunch. Come on baby girl let's go get you some stuff for your new room." Russel said as he helped the girl off of the counter and onto his back.

She wrapped her arms around his neck holding on tightly, Murdoc watched as the two left. The moment the door shut behind them everything felt too quiet, too tense, and too strange. He got up from the table and made his way to the recording room, he really didn't give a shit if the singer followed him there or not. He needed away from him; it was strange how before he wanted to see him, but now he just wanted him to fuck off.

Murdoc picked his bass up off of the ground and began playing different notes on it. He played through songs they had recorded and ones that he was still in the process of making. Some of them were harsh and then others sounded rather depressing. He could feel the vocalist staring at him, he wondered if he was just staring because he was scared to do anything else, or if he was actually interested in the older man's playing.

"So yew stayin' in te band now cause of the kid or are ya still leaving?" Murdoc asked never looking up from what he was doing.

"I-I'm stayin, but only cause t'is is wot I wanna do and I really like Russ and Noodle is real adorable, I'm real good wit kids so yew don't gotta worry about her or nofink."

"You don't even got kids dullard, wot te hell do yew know about em?"

"More t'an you do."

He looked up at the bitter remark; the singer shrunk back and hung his head.

"Ya still pissed off at me about….Erm…Y'know" He said trying to avoid saying it.

There was silence for awhile and he wondered if the blue haired man was even in the room anymore.

"No….I…I was neva really angry at yew anyways….Just…I feel, I still feel hurt y'know…Yew were supposed ta be my mate and t'en you….Wit her…Just it hurt y'know, thinkin' yew could do tat to me hurt more than her doin' wot she did…"

"You said you hate me, can't say wot you don't mean kid." Murdoc replied ignoring everything 2D had said.

He heard it, but he didn't really want to. He didn't want to acknowledge how much pain he caused him. He didn't like thinking about those hurt looks he gave him constantly, he really had hoped the younger man was so stupid that he'd just forget all about it.

"I really did wanna 'ate yew, but I couldn' do it….I care about yew too much ta hate you, but t'en I started hatin' myself cause I couldn't…..I couldn' do it Muds, but I really want to….Yer always hurtin' me and tat really hurt me and I still couldn't hate you….I just wanted ta know why yew did it."

Murdoc took a deep breath and shook his head letting more of his hair fall over his eyes.

"I don't know….She kept touchin' on me all ta time and….I was gonna tell you, ever since te hospital that girl of yers just kept on lookin' at me and comin' onto me sayin stuff to me…I was gonna tell ya, but figured you'd be too fuckin' stupid to get it…So I just went fer it, I don't know why….Not like I wanted her, gross bird….It didn't mean anything D." He said trying to dismiss the whole thing.

"I woulda believed yew, yer my best mate, yew should have told me instead of doin' wot yew did." He said still sounding hurt.

Murdoc stopped playing and sat the bass down on the floor. He looked at the singer wondering if there was anything else that he wanted to say to him. He took another long drink from his bottle and decided that he was done feeling things, especially guilt, and the constant urge to kiss him.

"Come on dullard time fer vocal tracks." He said turning away from the taller man.

2D didn't try to say anything else he only did what he was told. They went over a few of the songs they had already mostly completed then worked on a few new ones they had been working on for the past few months. He loved listening to the sound of the younger man's voice how broken or angry it could sound; he loved how intense he was when he was singing. He wondered just how long he could drown out his feelings towards the younger man, they weren't exactly romantic….That was something he would never be capable of, but he did like the thought of getting back to where they had started before going to Kong.