A/N: As promised, a quick update. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders or the song It is what it is.

I was only trying to bury the pain but I made you cry and I can't stop the crying. Was only trying to save me but I lost you again. Now there's only lying, wish I could say it's only me.

She had her hands in the pockets of her dress. Everyone was gossiping in desks behind me, talking about the next football game and Frankie Manny falling off the pyramid and breaking Heather Lewis' nose. There was blood everywhere.

Mrs. Blankly kept talking though, not bothering to call every one's eyes back up to her. She was just happy to be there.

"Ms. Curtis," she called. "Maybe you can show Ms. Parker around. In fact, you two can work on the assignment together since you don't have a partner."

She rubbed the girl's back as she tried to smile at the people who couldn't give a shit about her standing up there. New students are like dog food around here. No one really cares. They come and go like colds.

"K," I told her.

Sarah Parker. Mrs. Blankly told us all about her. She moved here from Missouri and she is now living with her grandmother. She made good grades at her old school so she should fit in well here. Everyone is to be nice and welcome her with open arms.

She slid into the desk beside me, grabbing a pencil out of her pink book bag and smiling big. "I'm Sarah."

"Danni."

"You have any pets?" she asked, readjusting her bag on her back again.

I rubbed my head and watched her movements. "We used to have a cat but he ran away."

"Oh."

She had long hair, really long. It was semi-curled and there was a beret holding her bangs back. Her dress was homemade by her grandmother and her shoes she got at a retail place down the street.

I kicked a rock the rest of the way. "Why'd you move here?"

"Oh," she said with a grin. "I forgot about that. My mom got sick so she sent me here with my grandma."

I looked up at her. "She okay?"

She quickly took back her words and nodded. "Oh yeah! She's not like really sick. She'll be fine and everything."

"Oh."

She watched me as I kicked the rock. She smelled like apples. I think it was her hair. It was long enough so anyone can smell it a mile away. She just got it cut...she told me.

"So where do you live?" She picked her head up.

I pointed ahead. "Few blocks down on the right."

Her body tilts to the right and she was on the heavy side, mainly in her chest and butt but her clothes wouldn't give it away that easily. She hid herself pretty well and put herself together better than most of the kids at our school, even the Socs.

"Where you live?" I asked.

She grinned to herself again and twirled around, pointing behind her. "Down Dawson road over there. You see that yellow house with the blue roof?"

I did.

"That's my grandma's. My room's the very top. It's pretty boss...you know, getting the whole floor to yourself." She paused for a minute, thinking. "You should come over sometime. I just painted it. It's yellow."

I nodded and smiled a smile one like she flashed me, her teeth white.

"You have your own room?" She picked a leaf off a bush as we passed and played with it.

"Yeah," I said. "I got all brothers so I guess that's a given."

She looked up and raised her eyebrows. "All brothers?"

"Yeah. It's just us."

She was quiet again. I kept staring at her and watching her watch me kick the stupid rock. We were going to go back to my place and work on our What I Think an American Is, project.

"So," I coughed, clearing my throat, "you're from Missouri?"

"No," she said. "Well I moved here from there. My mom and I moved around a lot. I've been to California. It's so pretty down there. We have adventures there a lot. That's what she calls them anyway."

I looked up at her. "Adventures?"

Her brown eyes gazed over. "I wouldn't call them that." Her stance changed and she took in some air. "That's just what she did."

Johnny was on the floor, intently watching the muted T.V. and listening to Pony read off the movies from the newspaper. Darry was in the kitchen, getting ready to put in a few more hours back at work.

"Dar, I'm home!"

Johnny looked up, and slightly waved.

Sarah's mouth opened a little and she stepped forward. "Johnny Cade?"

He looked at her for a minute, recognizing her. He turned back down to the ground. "Um, hey, Sarah."

"You two know each other?" I asked.

Sarah chuckled and held onto her bag tighter. "Johnny comes by sometimes to talk to my grandma. Ain't that right?"

Johnny nodded and then turned his body back to his position and started watching T.V. again. Sarah's attention moved to the kitchen where Darry was clanging his tools around.

"Dar," I called, "this is Sarah."

Darry picked up his tool box and hurried into the living room. He sighed. "Hey."

"We're gonna work on a project for school up in my room. That okay?"

He looked Sarah up and down as she smiled at him. Her face looked so innocent. Her whole body and stature did. The smile she showed showed sweetness, kindness, she wouldn't hurt a fly.

Darry wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Yeah, sure." He smiled at her. "You stayin' for dinner?"

She looked at me. "If you want to," I said.

She grinned. "Sure!"

He nodded, his head turning to Ponyboy, still sprawled out on the coach unaware and uncaring of what was going on. He'd been like this for a while. He's just slowly running through the motions.

"Pone, you mind straightening up while I'm gone?" he asked. "State called. They said someone's coming by to check..."

I grabbed Sarah's hand leading her up the stairs and into my room. She didn't need to hear about this.

"You can just take a seat on the bed," I told her, running to the closet for supplies.

She threw her bag down and took a seat, looking around the room. "I like your room. It's nice."

I couldn't see her but I could tell she was smiling. Sarah seems like the person to always smile. It's all she's done for the past three hours that I've known her.

"Thanks." I tossed a few tee-shirts out and an old shoe that didn't have a mate.

"Thanks for inviting me for dinner," she said. "You didn't have to."

I found one marker. It was blue. "It's cool."

She sighed. "My grandma will incest on me inviting you over for dinner too some time."

Stuffed against the wall was a loose piece of white paper. I went through a drawing faze for a few weeks over the summer. The therapist suggested it so I could 'cope'. Actually, she suggested a lot of things. Drawing was one of the few I followed up with.

I drew his hair dark brown and pushed back more than the way he'd wear it so I could draw his face. He looked better that way. I drew him tall and smoking. I also drew a sun because that's when his eyes are the prettiest. That's when they glow and they're bluer than ever.

"Find anything?" she asked.

I folded it up and stuck it in my pocket. "Uh, a marker?" She laughed as I joined her on the bed. "How does your grandma know Johnny?"

She kicked her feet a little as they dangled off the bed. "She used to be a nurse before she retired. She said one time Johnny was in the hospital and he was real bad off. She said she felt bad for him 'cause his mom and dad would never come. She used to read to him. Some book called-"

"Gone with the Wind."

She snapped her fingers. "Yeah that. How'd you know?"

I sighed. "Just a guess."

It was quiet for a while. I went back to hunting for loose markers and glue and Sarah started flipping through old comics and magazines. Occasionally she'd giggle at something but for the most part, it was silent.

"Danni?"

"Yeah."

"That guy downstairs...Darry," she paused, "he's your brother, right?"

I threw a dried up market into the trash. "Yupp."

"And he's like your guardian right?"

I turned to her this time. She was looking at her feet and swinging them back and forth. "Sarah, what are you getting at?"

"Well, um," she bit her lip. "I don't wanna sound mean or anything or upset you."

I crossed my arms over my chest. Her making me mad? I don't think I'd see the day. "Go ahead. I won't get mad."

She looked up. Her eyes were glazed over. "What...what happened to your parents?"

I wanted to laugh, bit I thought that'd upset her. I hadn't thought of how long it'd been since someone asked me that. Everyone in Tulsa knew about my parent's death. It was all over the papers after Ponyboy saved those kids.

"Oh." I took a seat beside her again. "They died about two years ago. Car accident."

Her face dropped a little. It was that sympathetic look people give you every time something like this is mentioned. I've gotten so sick of that fucking look. "I'm so sorry."

I shrugged and went to find more stuff. "It's fine. I mean it's been a while."

"If it makes you feel better I don't have a dad." She said it like it was nothing. It didn't mean anything.

I turned back around to her. "Why?"

"I just don't have one," she explained. "I've never met him and my mom has never mentioned him so I guess he just doesn't exist."

The look on her face made me not want to correct her. In the few hours I've known her, this is only time I've ever seen her face fall. Scratch that, second. The first was when she mentioned her mother's adventures.

"Are those your old year books?" She pointed at them and walked over and picked one up. "Can I?"

I threw some paper on the bed. "Sure."

She sat back down and began flipping through the pages. I'd forgotten all about having those. Mom had this thing with yearbooks. She thought they were really special and every year we should have one. Since we started school she'd save up money every year to buy us one.

"Awe, this is you." She pointed at one of the pictures and squealed. "Awe, isn't that that girl from our English class?"

I crawled across the bed to her and looked. "Marilyn." It was the five of us. Marilyn, me, Sam, Michael, and Randy. Marilyn was on the yearbook team that year and had to have that picture in there.

"Why weren't you two partners?"

I got up off the bed. "We're not that close anymore."

She scanned the picture. We were all locking arms and smiling in front of the school. "You look like you were best friends."

"Were." I looked back at the picture and sighed. "We were, Sarah. Not anymore."

"Marilyn!"

The water splashed as her body landed into the freezing cold water. As she came up she slicked her hair back, and gasped for air. She looked like a model. One of those girls you always saw on the covers of swim-suit adds.

She opened her eyes and grinned. "Danni jump!"

"You're crazy."

Marilyn splashed some water on the concrete by my feet. "Chicken!"

I scooted back and laughed as the freezing water hit my toes. "If you think for one minute that I'm diving into that ice pit, then you're crazy."

Michael came out of the house, sunglasses on and a pitcher of lemonade. "You ladies thirsty?"

Following behind him, came Sam and Randy, each carrying their drinks and dressed the same way Michael was. They looked like brothers. Everyone thought they were. They were always together.

Marilyn jumped out of the pool and skipped over to where Michael sat the pitcher. Randy came over and helped me up, putting his arm around my waist as we joined them.

"We should go up to the cabin this weekend," Sam suggested. "I'll bring a case and I can score some grass too."

Marilyn picked up a cigarette. "You and that damn grass." She breathed out smoke and handed me one. "That stuff is going to rot your brain."

Michael laughed at her. "So who's going to be first?"

"Shut-up."

Randy took a sip of his drink. "Sounds like a plan. We can head on down there after school Friday."

He pulled on me a little more as I started to smoke. I was supposed to hang out with Angela on Friday. It's not the first time I've had to ditch her. She'll understand. She always does.

"Hey," Marilyn began to smile one of her famous smiles as she dug around a bush. "Look what I scored from the pantry."

She pulled out a small glass bottle of Jack Daniels. They were always lying around her house. Most of the time empty. Her father had a fetish with them. He just couldn't resist. Apparently that gene was dominant.

Michael snatched it from her and took a strong sip. "This stuff isn't for babies, sis." He took another sip.

She grabbed it from him and chugged back. "Think I can handle it, bro."

Sam sneered at them and took control of the bottle. He offered Randy some before pouring it into two glasses. Randy declined and Sam handed me one with a smile.

"Drink up, Danni," he said.

I took the glass and followed everyone as they slowly began to slur and laugh uncontrollable. When they turned their backs to me, I poured the liquid out.

Marilyn hugged onto me and laughed as she poured out the last bit. She whispered into my ear. "I love you, Danni." She squealed and took a sip.

"I love you too."

"We're best friends, right?" she asked.

I nodded and tightened my grip on her. "The best. Forever."

She called everyone's attention to her. "Here's to good friends," she held up her glass. We all followed. "Best friends forever. May God have pry us apart with his bare hands."

We shouted and clanked our glassed together.

Here's to forever.

Too long we've been denying, now we're both tired of trying. We hit a wall and we can't get over it. Nothing to relive. It's water under the bridge. You said it, I get it. I guess it is what it is.